1.58am
the moment i saw "the Kite Runner" sneak previewing in the cinemas i knew it's time to make a trip down to kino...
got the book after a long day at work, barely making the purchase at closing time. i decided i shall not visit bookstores anymore. being in kino proved too much for the senses. my tired state of mind nearly breaking down...! i have one addiction... bbbbbboooooookkkkkkkssssss!
i could give myself a pat on the back for pulling myself successfully through without further damage to my wallet.
my purchase has been a source of comfort yet of sorrow bringing on torrents from my eyes. it's such a sad book la... i wept n wept. not jus the "hassan", but, i suspect, also for a myriad of reasons unrelated to the story.
one being me sorry for my own "harassed n helpless" state. (remind me next time when i give a message to watch wat i say! sigh.. oh on a side track, i really learn from my messages... it's like my mouth saying things my heart n mind need to hear... so funny.. i thought they belonged to the same body... apparently, there's not much shared info.... hmmm... parallels parallels!)
two disappointed at how i make disappointing n hurting my loved ones a habit, an almost daily routine.
so yeah... i was, in my own eyes, a down n out (did i even mention broke?) loser. (who bought an award winning book... errr.. who says i m coherent?!?!)
so yeah... now that i ve established my need for s shrink, let's move on.
health leger's death was a surprise to me. surprised that it surprised me. perturbed. probably cos he is the same age as me... n despite him acting in a few controversal roles (he is best remembered in his brokeback mountain role... oops... most of u darlings reading this r not 21 yet so wouldnt have caught his fabulous, yet traumatising acting), i kinda liked him for how he takes (took) his craft seriously. so yeah... here's my pathetic few lines... i'm sad u didnt know God. really.
sylvia passed on last week.... as i typed those words i wondered why i m only blogging this now... guess the lines above brought me to this. i went down to her wake after my meeting which ended at 9pm. reached at 1030 but everyone had left... so i was the only person in the room. i felt almost scared to see her lying there. as if she would open her eyes there n then. which was werid cos i had slept beside coffins before... occupied ones... n even once near a body awaiting its coffin to be delivered... but this time, i was... afraid? read thru the messages people wrote. she had been a blessing. i wondered wat pp would say at my passing. n thanked God for calling her home... said my g'byes with a heart unsure of its feelings n trudged back home.
i think my writing n grammar sucks. i m a disgrace to my english n lit teachers who... errr... n i say this to their shame n mine... used to praise me to the skies for doing real well in their subjects! dat sounded like eons ago.
today's staff meeting was good. showed a message by steve douglass. was good. was reminded by it to walk humbly, walk continually, walk passionately. who is your Lord? what fills your tank? who do we love more passionately? what are some warning lights? i'm exhausted.
tonight, i m disappointed. somehow at God too... for HR, for min. i'm sorry. i juz am. more words that will sound juz as bizarre. so shall stop.
---
12.17pm
at uni hall spinellis
they r playing michael buble.
i m exhausted. totally.
coffee doesnt work.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
... we are who and where and what we are for now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about...
steven curtis chapman "miracle of a moment"
dont miss the miracle of the moment. this is YOUR moment.
---
this has been the most impossible week. i start my work ard 9.. meaning i need to leave at 730 if i were to be on time... n end at 9 on wed n thurs, 10 plus (on tues). and with back to back meetings all the way.
really thank God for the things He gave me strength to do. it was really impossible. but i felt the peace, the joy in doing them. tho i m say some was really not easy. got me really frustrated n down... but on the whole... His grace n peace was upon me. thank You Lord!
i was wondering... i need to live n work out of victory, from victory... not hoping for it.
i had begun to feel so very "harassed n helpless"!
n tonight, tammy sms me this sermon by Nick Vujicic (the limbless guy) on "Victory in Christ's grace and perfection".
alot of good stuff. he is really a v good communicator... the hand of God upon his life is so apparent.
check out http://chattered.blogspot.com/
---
really enjoy my time with XL.. on her invite delivery rounds. last week was SL, today heaven, tmr CL, XW, XF. kinda looking forward to it cos i cant imagine d dynamics or wat's gonna come out of it. haha. it's nice to have someone who shared so much of my past, who knows me and someone to squabble with. such chemistry, such fun. my tank gets refilled. so so needed esp this crazy period. thank you darling!
come to think of it, i m really thankful to God for my close friends! LB, LL, YT, Mong.
friends who show they care even tho sometimes i'll get sms-es like "how r u darling?" preceding "of course i miss u.... wat d f*&^ r u so busy with?" sigh...
---
i m undecided abt signing up for the sundown marathon.... hmmm....
---
did quite a few things this afternoon. meeting wif steph, spoke 2 p steven, played my guit, prep 4 next sun's worship, jogged n watched australia open tennis championship men's finals. tsonga (france) vs djokovic (serbia). was a really good match. i enjoyed it pretty much! n now (1030) it's still on! sigh... how long will this end? sharapova won the women's on sat... which i didnt watch. was busy packing my corner! haha.. n yesh i actually watch tennis!!! i watch alot of sports.
---
the countdown 2 campaign... sigh....
juz thinking abt it reminds me i need to have more meetings than i have time for. so... Lord, which ones to not have? how shall i work?
And this is the only moment we can do anything about...
steven curtis chapman "miracle of a moment"
dont miss the miracle of the moment. this is YOUR moment.
---
this has been the most impossible week. i start my work ard 9.. meaning i need to leave at 730 if i were to be on time... n end at 9 on wed n thurs, 10 plus (on tues). and with back to back meetings all the way.
really thank God for the things He gave me strength to do. it was really impossible. but i felt the peace, the joy in doing them. tho i m say some was really not easy. got me really frustrated n down... but on the whole... His grace n peace was upon me. thank You Lord!
i was wondering... i need to live n work out of victory, from victory... not hoping for it.
i had begun to feel so very "harassed n helpless"!
n tonight, tammy sms me this sermon by Nick Vujicic (the limbless guy) on "Victory in Christ's grace and perfection".
alot of good stuff. he is really a v good communicator... the hand of God upon his life is so apparent.
check out http://chattered.blogspot.com/
---
really enjoy my time with XL.. on her invite delivery rounds. last week was SL, today heaven, tmr CL, XW, XF. kinda looking forward to it cos i cant imagine d dynamics or wat's gonna come out of it. haha. it's nice to have someone who shared so much of my past, who knows me and someone to squabble with. such chemistry, such fun. my tank gets refilled. so so needed esp this crazy period. thank you darling!
come to think of it, i m really thankful to God for my close friends! LB, LL, YT, Mong.
friends who show they care even tho sometimes i'll get sms-es like "how r u darling?" preceding "of course i miss u.... wat d f*&^ r u so busy with?" sigh...
---
i m undecided abt signing up for the sundown marathon.... hmmm....
---
did quite a few things this afternoon. meeting wif steph, spoke 2 p steven, played my guit, prep 4 next sun's worship, jogged n watched australia open tennis championship men's finals. tsonga (france) vs djokovic (serbia). was a really good match. i enjoyed it pretty much! n now (1030) it's still on! sigh... how long will this end? sharapova won the women's on sat... which i didnt watch. was busy packing my corner! haha.. n yesh i actually watch tennis!!! i watch alot of sports.
---
the countdown 2 campaign... sigh....
juz thinking abt it reminds me i need to have more meetings than i have time for. so... Lord, which ones to not have? how shall i work?
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
well, it was impossible... but wat God made possible was causing me to enjoy and be able to function, give, lead, minister in all the meetings. phew.
one thing to note tho... i cannot keep running on adrenaline. would eventually collapse! so... yeah... need REST. =) i plan to.
Hosanna - Hillsong Live (Saviour King) - Brooke Fraser
one thing to note tho... i cannot keep running on adrenaline. would eventually collapse! so... yeah... need REST. =) i plan to.
Hosanna - Hillsong Live (Saviour King) - Brooke Fraser
Monday, January 21, 2008
today... i witnessed the crowd being harassed and helpless! MRT disruption cos train broke down after tampines mrt. so the multitudes staying in tampines got stuck. rushed to bus n taxi queues. it's a town easy to get in, suddenly hard to get out.
i was trying to get to GC for worship pract. of course i was mighty late. even took cab from buona vista!
anyway, i was harassed n helpless during mornings. sigh... oh deliver me! LOL
tmr's gonna be crazy! 9-12 staff meeting in office, 12-2 campaign prog comm meeting in NUS (so rush down to NUS without lunch), 2-4 NUS team meeting in office (so travel back to office), 4-6 nursing DG (so rush back down to NUS!), this is only possible if 1. the meetings end on time 2. i dun take any time in travelling. no. 1 is no. 1 cos it is a greater impossibility than no.2! sigh...6-8 LM, 8-10 dinner fellowship. so yeah... if u dun know this is crazy, take it from me it is.
i was trying to get to GC for worship pract. of course i was mighty late. even took cab from buona vista!
anyway, i was harassed n helpless during mornings. sigh... oh deliver me! LOL
tmr's gonna be crazy! 9-12 staff meeting in office, 12-2 campaign prog comm meeting in NUS (so rush down to NUS without lunch), 2-4 NUS team meeting in office (so travel back to office), 4-6 nursing DG (so rush back down to NUS!), this is only possible if 1. the meetings end on time 2. i dun take any time in travelling. no. 1 is no. 1 cos it is a greater impossibility than no.2! sigh...6-8 LM, 8-10 dinner fellowship. so yeah... if u dun know this is crazy, take it from me it is.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Anima sana in corpore sano (ASICS)-
a sound mind in a sound body....
had a gr8 worship min retreat on fri n sat. sessions by P PHilip Huan on "the Work of Prayer", "the Levitical call" and "the pillars of an anointed worship team" was a good time of learning from the word. and then the team building time... was good in getting to know people better. otherwise, i thought i could do a better job in explaining the game having better games, and debriefing- drawing lessons on teamwork from the activities. made me realised that over the years, my social work, counselling and group dynamics training, plus working with groups of people and of course playing lots of games n debriefing them had given me considerable experience in this area. a team building consultant charges more than $1000 per afternoon... hmmm.... oh well, my job is not dat... so i shall take joy with getting $1000 a month instead of an afternoon LOL
i've learnt alot from the retreat. one such thing was a greater need for discipline. i have much to do. really. so all the more the need for rest, for seeking the Lord. and such times wont juz come by. i have to carve time out for them. i shall try to really observe my sabbath... shall really get to say no to people... more "yes-es" to God.
have been trying to get deeper into the Word. but realised that while i used to have way more time to dig n plow thru the chapters, now it's taing me forever cos i dun have such extended time.... i shall have to find this extended time! effort, gal!
God has deposited alot of things upon my heart over these past few months. i had at first wondered which of these i should act upon, implement, do. it was at the end of the retreat, while sittingin yeep's car that it hit me. i m to do ALL those things God has told me to! it is an impossible amount. the impossibility of it IS the very reason why i m to do ALL instead of asking (n thus been rather hesitant n confused) which ones i m to do. cos it's gonna be a show of God's power n glory, and it is in this impoosibility that it'll be evident to me that it really isnt my doing. so yeah... hence the greater need for discipline n obedience, rest n prayer.
in my servant team recently, somehow the bringing up of the need and priority for prayer, has turned into a rather frustrating debate on prayer vs work, as if these 2 r mutually exclusive (remember your Sets? - maths lah) need i say here that it is NOT? another errant thinking is that prayer and work are two ends of a spectrum and that we need to find some sort of balance, a fulcrum so that life would work. sigh...
GOd reminded me (3X this week!) that i need to teach pp abt prayer! "when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do, for they think they will be heard for their many words." (Matt 6:8) but rather, "Do not be rash with your mouth, and let not your heart utter anything hastily before God. For God is in heaven and you on earth; therefore let your words be few." (Ecc 5:2)
we had a time of "repentance". and while the SC sounded out the call, we began pouring forth words so well rehearsed on repenting and turning back to God. i began crying so uncontrollably. where is the attitude and posture of repentance? my heart broke.the irony was that the SC used the passage in 2 Kings where Hezekiah put on sackcloth and spoke about the right attitude... "rend your heart, not your garments! (Joel 2:13)
what then would repentance show? the bible shows many many egs of real as well as skin-deep repentance. if we were to really see God, i believe our response will not be unlike Isaiah who said, "woe is me, for i m undone! i m an unclean man, and i live amongst people of unclean lips!" (Is 6) why? cos we would see God in His holiness, His glory, n us in our unworthiness, our nothingness. we are nothing apart from God! yet today, our repentance is uttering glib prayers. oh, that we would be silent! do away with our many vexing and tiresome words that crowds out God's voice, n be still... to see and hear God. He wants to reveal Himself to us!
may we, like the disciples ask of Jesus, "Lord teach us how to pray..."
a sound mind in a sound body....
had a gr8 worship min retreat on fri n sat. sessions by P PHilip Huan on "the Work of Prayer", "the Levitical call" and "the pillars of an anointed worship team" was a good time of learning from the word. and then the team building time... was good in getting to know people better. otherwise, i thought i could do a better job in explaining the game having better games, and debriefing- drawing lessons on teamwork from the activities. made me realised that over the years, my social work, counselling and group dynamics training, plus working with groups of people and of course playing lots of games n debriefing them had given me considerable experience in this area. a team building consultant charges more than $1000 per afternoon... hmmm.... oh well, my job is not dat... so i shall take joy with getting $1000 a month instead of an afternoon LOL
i've learnt alot from the retreat. one such thing was a greater need for discipline. i have much to do. really. so all the more the need for rest, for seeking the Lord. and such times wont juz come by. i have to carve time out for them. i shall try to really observe my sabbath... shall really get to say no to people... more "yes-es" to God.
have been trying to get deeper into the Word. but realised that while i used to have way more time to dig n plow thru the chapters, now it's taing me forever cos i dun have such extended time.... i shall have to find this extended time! effort, gal!
God has deposited alot of things upon my heart over these past few months. i had at first wondered which of these i should act upon, implement, do. it was at the end of the retreat, while sittingin yeep's car that it hit me. i m to do ALL those things God has told me to! it is an impossible amount. the impossibility of it IS the very reason why i m to do ALL instead of asking (n thus been rather hesitant n confused) which ones i m to do. cos it's gonna be a show of God's power n glory, and it is in this impoosibility that it'll be evident to me that it really isnt my doing. so yeah... hence the greater need for discipline n obedience, rest n prayer.
in my servant team recently, somehow the bringing up of the need and priority for prayer, has turned into a rather frustrating debate on prayer vs work, as if these 2 r mutually exclusive (remember your Sets? - maths lah) need i say here that it is NOT? another errant thinking is that prayer and work are two ends of a spectrum and that we need to find some sort of balance, a fulcrum so that life would work. sigh...
GOd reminded me (3X this week!) that i need to teach pp abt prayer! "when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do, for they think they will be heard for their many words." (Matt 6:8) but rather, "Do not be rash with your mouth, and let not your heart utter anything hastily before God. For God is in heaven and you on earth; therefore let your words be few." (Ecc 5:2)
we had a time of "repentance". and while the SC sounded out the call, we began pouring forth words so well rehearsed on repenting and turning back to God. i began crying so uncontrollably. where is the attitude and posture of repentance? my heart broke.the irony was that the SC used the passage in 2 Kings where Hezekiah put on sackcloth and spoke about the right attitude... "rend your heart, not your garments! (Joel 2:13)
what then would repentance show? the bible shows many many egs of real as well as skin-deep repentance. if we were to really see God, i believe our response will not be unlike Isaiah who said, "woe is me, for i m undone! i m an unclean man, and i live amongst people of unclean lips!" (Is 6) why? cos we would see God in His holiness, His glory, n us in our unworthiness, our nothingness. we are nothing apart from God! yet today, our repentance is uttering glib prayers. oh, that we would be silent! do away with our many vexing and tiresome words that crowds out God's voice, n be still... to see and hear God. He wants to reveal Himself to us!
may we, like the disciples ask of Jesus, "Lord teach us how to pray..."
Thursday, January 17, 2008
something's gotta give
if i were to give God the utmost priority in my life - not anyone else, not even ministry, then, it would mean that i need to give Him unparalleled attention and time (eh...phrasing sounds a little weird... but oh well, i dun want to spend too long pondering over this now) then... that inevitably means that something's gotta give... i've got only 24 hours... it's a zero sum. it seems like not enough... but evidently He doesnt think so. i've grown to this much in Him cos of the time i've used to spend with HIm... but now, sorry to say, it's been cut down to real bad! to do that which i used to do, and i think i need to top my past "glorious standards" which i've long not done, something's gotta give.
Monday, January 14, 2008
this is one time i need my brains badly...
tmr's message.... God...........................
my mum's so cool! she s so v evangelistic! she tells me excited of how God brought pp into her path, n how she'll trust God to reach them for Him. no kidding! everyone who comes into her circle of contact! everyone! unless christian lah...of cos... cos she s like me, she works in a christian environment... but juz look at how she seizes opportunities like building friendship with women she meets on the bus journey to work, the cleaner that comes to our house, the seamstress that is near her lunch place.... man...!
tmr's message.... God...........................
my mum's so cool! she s so v evangelistic! she tells me excited of how God brought pp into her path, n how she'll trust God to reach them for Him. no kidding! everyone who comes into her circle of contact! everyone! unless christian lah...of cos... cos she s like me, she works in a christian environment... but juz look at how she seizes opportunities like building friendship with women she meets on the bus journey to work, the cleaner that comes to our house, the seamstress that is near her lunch place.... man...!
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
O God, give me grace today to recognize the stirrings of Thy Spirit within my soul and to listen most attentively to all that Thou hast to say to me. Let not the noises of the world ever so confuse me that I cannot hear Thee speak. – John Baillie, A Diary of Prayer (New York: Collier Books, 1977) p73
Saturday, January 05, 2008
guilt brought me here at 5 o clock in the morning!
after meta conference, i found myself leading worship on sun, then on monday night at watchnight service, doing the countdown as well.
i had practically dragged myself to worship pract on sat cos i woke up at 3pm! then after pract went over to LJ's pl for DG gathering. she cooked for us a 4 course meal.. made everything herself... eg. she didnt juz use any salad dressing, she made it. tangy salsa dip with chips, salad, fish fillet with pasta, cheesecake with fruits. before, when pp asked me if i cooked, i would reply in the affirmative... after dat, i didnt have guts to admit i did... beside LJ, no one else can cook! n of course... i overate... so.... i had indigestion! burping n passing out gas n being stuck long in the toilet while i should be travelling down to church, or when i was supposed to b upfront! limi came into the toilet, we exchanged smiles. not a second later her smile turned into a surprised "eh?" n i knew it. i ran from the sink (i washed my hnads la) right up 2 the mic.
came home after the music min area clean-up all dirty... i cant even rem now if i bathed! all i rem was sleeping for 4 hours! then waking up for family dinner n then to prep for mon meeting n worship n countdown. then it all began... i felt a tingle of excitement n energy. n then a curious hint of joy.
watchnight service was a rather meaningful one despite me being all so tired (wat's new?). i felt tired after the day of meeting. (did i ever mention i really hate meetings? no matter how fruitful by other standards. they kinda bore n drain me. somehow. n well, in the adult working world, u cant go by without meetings!) i resisted the temptation of turning to coffee n asked God to be my spiritual caffeine. it worked pretty well until....... nearly countdown time. sigh... i didnt rev up my 'engine' to my desired energy level. but of well... 10secs to midnight came all too soon. n before i knew it... the show went on. the congre was more solemn than i would liked.... but hey cant complain... was touched by their seriousness in ushering in the new year being in the house of the Lord. we started worshipping God, after popping wats dat called? n cheering "Jesus Reigns" instead of "happy new year". n they were all worshipping God! i mean the real kind. i couldnt, n dare not sneak in a moment of frivolous gaiety. i had wanted to lead them to praise God for how great He is, that there is none like our God. n i was blown over by the truth n honesty of their worship. n... the testimonies! so God-honouring! u n i know of testimony-giving that somehow were man-focuseed... not this one. n after the service when i spoke to some of them, they shared that they worked hard n scripting their testimony n werec careful not to make out their situation as if they were the ones who did it. i was blessed by their hearts n the word of their testimony. esp so when it wasnt easy sharing deep n intimate struggles in front of so many. so yes... more than 100 came. most of the youths did too. n i m so so proud (not dat i had any thing to do with it!) dat they turned up instead of going to some secular countdown parties at Vivo or sentosa or esplanade. n reading wat i wrote to God last new year's day n making another letter out to God at this watchnight service was such a highlight for me. this year, unlike last year, i wrote juz a few words. n i pray those few words will be answered. no eye has seen, no ear has heard what God has prepared for those who love Him.... amen.
n, believe it or not, i actually decided to journal the scantiest new year resolutions! yesh..... resolutions.... haha.... juz had the impetus to do so. so yeah... we'll c if i would keep to them.
one of which, of course, is to know God more. to think thoughts of HIm, after Him...
"… the proper study of a Christian is the Godhead. The highest science, the loftiest speculation, the mightiest philosophy, which can ever engage the attention of a child of God, is the name, the nature, the person, the work, the doings, and the existence of the great God who he calls his father.
There is something exceedingly improving to the mind in a contemplation of the Divinity. It is a subject so vast, that all our thoughts are lost in its immensity; so deep, that our pride is drowned in its infinity. Other subjects we can compass and grapple with; in them we feel a kind of self-content, and go our way with the thought, “behold I m wise’. Bur then we come to this master-science, finding that our plumb-line cannot sound its depth, and that our eagle eye cannot its height… no subject of contemplation will tend more to humble the mind, than thoughts of God…
But while the subject humbles the mind, it also expands it. He who often thinks of God will have a larger mind than the man who simply plods around this narrow globe… the most excellent study for the expanding soul, is the science of Christ, and Him crucified, and the knowledge of the Godhead in the glorious Trinity. Nothing will so enlarge the intellect, nothing so magnify the whole soul of man, as a devout, earnest, continued investigation of the great subject of the Deity.
And, whilst humbling and expanding, this subject is eminently consolatory. Oh, there is, in contemplating Christ, a balm for every wound; in musing on the Father, there is a quietus for every grief; balsam for every sore. Would you lose your sorrow? Would you drown your cares? Then go, plunge yourself in the Godhead’s deepest sea; be lost in His immensity; and you shall come forth as from a couch of rest, refreshed and invigorated. I know nothing which can so comfort the soul; so clam the swelling billows of sorrow and grief; so speak peace to the winds of trial, as a devout musing upon the subject of the Godhead. "
Charles H. Spurgeon when he was addressing his congregation of New Park Street Chapel, Southwark, January 7th, 1855. (he was 20 years old)
after meta conference, i found myself leading worship on sun, then on monday night at watchnight service, doing the countdown as well.
i had practically dragged myself to worship pract on sat cos i woke up at 3pm! then after pract went over to LJ's pl for DG gathering. she cooked for us a 4 course meal.. made everything herself... eg. she didnt juz use any salad dressing, she made it. tangy salsa dip with chips, salad, fish fillet with pasta, cheesecake with fruits. before, when pp asked me if i cooked, i would reply in the affirmative... after dat, i didnt have guts to admit i did... beside LJ, no one else can cook! n of course... i overate... so.... i had indigestion! burping n passing out gas n being stuck long in the toilet while i should be travelling down to church, or when i was supposed to b upfront! limi came into the toilet, we exchanged smiles. not a second later her smile turned into a surprised "eh?" n i knew it. i ran from the sink (i washed my hnads la) right up 2 the mic.
came home after the music min area clean-up all dirty... i cant even rem now if i bathed! all i rem was sleeping for 4 hours! then waking up for family dinner n then to prep for mon meeting n worship n countdown. then it all began... i felt a tingle of excitement n energy. n then a curious hint of joy.
watchnight service was a rather meaningful one despite me being all so tired (wat's new?). i felt tired after the day of meeting. (did i ever mention i really hate meetings? no matter how fruitful by other standards. they kinda bore n drain me. somehow. n well, in the adult working world, u cant go by without meetings!) i resisted the temptation of turning to coffee n asked God to be my spiritual caffeine. it worked pretty well until....... nearly countdown time. sigh... i didnt rev up my 'engine' to my desired energy level. but of well... 10secs to midnight came all too soon. n before i knew it... the show went on. the congre was more solemn than i would liked.... but hey cant complain... was touched by their seriousness in ushering in the new year being in the house of the Lord. we started worshipping God, after popping wats dat called? n cheering "Jesus Reigns" instead of "happy new year". n they were all worshipping God! i mean the real kind. i couldnt, n dare not sneak in a moment of frivolous gaiety. i had wanted to lead them to praise God for how great He is, that there is none like our God. n i was blown over by the truth n honesty of their worship. n... the testimonies! so God-honouring! u n i know of testimony-giving that somehow were man-focuseed... not this one. n after the service when i spoke to some of them, they shared that they worked hard n scripting their testimony n werec careful not to make out their situation as if they were the ones who did it. i was blessed by their hearts n the word of their testimony. esp so when it wasnt easy sharing deep n intimate struggles in front of so many. so yes... more than 100 came. most of the youths did too. n i m so so proud (not dat i had any thing to do with it!) dat they turned up instead of going to some secular countdown parties at Vivo or sentosa or esplanade. n reading wat i wrote to God last new year's day n making another letter out to God at this watchnight service was such a highlight for me. this year, unlike last year, i wrote juz a few words. n i pray those few words will be answered. no eye has seen, no ear has heard what God has prepared for those who love Him.... amen.
n, believe it or not, i actually decided to journal the scantiest new year resolutions! yesh..... resolutions.... haha.... juz had the impetus to do so. so yeah... we'll c if i would keep to them.
one of which, of course, is to know God more. to think thoughts of HIm, after Him...
"… the proper study of a Christian is the Godhead. The highest science, the loftiest speculation, the mightiest philosophy, which can ever engage the attention of a child of God, is the name, the nature, the person, the work, the doings, and the existence of the great God who he calls his father.
There is something exceedingly improving to the mind in a contemplation of the Divinity. It is a subject so vast, that all our thoughts are lost in its immensity; so deep, that our pride is drowned in its infinity. Other subjects we can compass and grapple with; in them we feel a kind of self-content, and go our way with the thought, “behold I m wise’. Bur then we come to this master-science, finding that our plumb-line cannot sound its depth, and that our eagle eye cannot its height… no subject of contemplation will tend more to humble the mind, than thoughts of God…
But while the subject humbles the mind, it also expands it. He who often thinks of God will have a larger mind than the man who simply plods around this narrow globe… the most excellent study for the expanding soul, is the science of Christ, and Him crucified, and the knowledge of the Godhead in the glorious Trinity. Nothing will so enlarge the intellect, nothing so magnify the whole soul of man, as a devout, earnest, continued investigation of the great subject of the Deity.
And, whilst humbling and expanding, this subject is eminently consolatory. Oh, there is, in contemplating Christ, a balm for every wound; in musing on the Father, there is a quietus for every grief; balsam for every sore. Would you lose your sorrow? Would you drown your cares? Then go, plunge yourself in the Godhead’s deepest sea; be lost in His immensity; and you shall come forth as from a couch of rest, refreshed and invigorated. I know nothing which can so comfort the soul; so clam the swelling billows of sorrow and grief; so speak peace to the winds of trial, as a devout musing upon the subject of the Godhead. "
Charles H. Spurgeon when he was addressing his congregation of New Park Street Chapel, Southwark, January 7th, 1855. (he was 20 years old)
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