caught a little of the movie "gladiator" on channel 5. as usual bloodthirsty crowd chanting "kill kill kill" as they cheer on the deaths of the gladiators at the colosseum turned me off. but tonight, a startling recognition of similarity. the crowds in Jerusalem who hailed "Hosanna" also cried "crucify!" and in both instances, i see me. murderous and inhuman.

what are we apart from Christ?

we create our own problems. it's not someone else's fault. it's not our genes. it's not the weather. it's always cos of our own poor choices.

i know i have a loadful of those.

the silliest thing is to think it's someone's fault cos... then not only have you absolved your responsibility (if only), you have no hope to get out of your Sh#%. and alot of us dont ever cos we always think it's someone else's fault. the saddest thing is... it's your life you are messing up! and a whole lot more too!

wake up. own your life. the SH*@ in your life is not someone's else's responsibility!

stop letting your life go to waste cos "it's all their fault!"

sometimes this is like a cool refreshing drink in the parch desert,

sometimes this is like a tight slap right across the face.

1 Cor 13

yesterday i promised XL i would blog. i have been so slag in updating my blog and she told me she comes here periodically. sorry to those who check out this blog only to find cobwebs! sigh.

anyway, since coming back to SG for summer hols, i have been busy meeting up with people. sometimes i feel i m busier like that than when i was working! b4 returning, i had asked God if i should find a temp job for these 3 months. i had wanted to earn some money for school and living expenses. He told me, "No." i realised the wisdom of it now. being without a job, i was able to go speak and minister to different churches, church groups, small groups, my friends...

there are many that i have not been able to meet up. there are many whom i said "no" to. i hereby write: forgive me.

and add (tongue-in-cheek the cliche): it's not you, it's me.

i have said "no" to more than 10 persons so dont take it personally. and "no" to many who wants "second round." i really cannot afford to meet everyone. don t have enough time. not that i'm that popular. but sometimes being away for so long makes one seem more popular than when one is always around -"Oh, you're back! we must meet up!" i cant do one year's worth of meet ups in few months.

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i just read an email on "how do we keep our passion for Christ?" and it got me thinking.

some may think (like the sunday sch song) read your bible, pray every day. others throw in fasting and witnessing. while others may insist it is getting back to the heart of worship. one in that email, a professor is quoted as saying there are 2 keys - a repentant heart and suffering for Christ. he argues that we keep our passion for God by suffering for Him.

i totally disagree with him! i think he got it the wrong way round - we keep our willingness to suffer for Christ because of our passion for Him! suffering in itself is a result not a motivating factor.

we must not mistake "effect" for "cause", nor "cause" for "effect." Christ suffered (effect) because He loved us (cause). you cannot duplicate "cause" by producing "effect". it does not work itself backwards. an athlete doesnt suffer aches and pains, keeps to his tight and rigorous training schedule in order to keep his passion for his sport. it is his passion for his sport that he pushes himself day after day! likewise, spiritual disciplines are followed to strength oneself spiritually and it is only cos one has passion, not the other way round.

now, i m not against spiritual disciplines, repenting, worshipping, suffering, doing ministry. works are a natural outflow of love for someone. but the acts can never help restore a love-lost or keep love. only love can.

so how do we keep our passion for Christ? to be head over heels in love with Him? that the embers of our passion never die out?

passion and love begets passion and love. we love because He first loved us - 1 John 4:19

"I am my Beloved's and His desire is for me." -SOS 7:10

we keep our passion for Christ by knowing His love for us. what i mean by knowing is not merely cognitively. it's by encountering the Divine Lover. Christ pursues us. God romances us. we need to know the love of Christ - the depth, height, length and breadth of it. should we ever lose our passion for Christ? besides repenting, we need to get a fresh encounter with His love.

i suspect our answers betray how we see Christ, our depth of knowledge of Him. do you see Him as Lord? then serving Him makes sense. if you see Him as a suffering Saviour, suffering for Him is your way of "working out your salvation". if you see Him as a taskmaster, your do's and dont's must be kept. but remember, God is love. it's the essence of Him who came to die for us. Do you know Him and His unconditional, infinite love for you? have you truly experienced it? if not, ask Him to show you not just cognitively. He is so ready to blow you away. just ask those who are so so passionate about Him.