was talking with family today and it dawned on me why i liked some people so much -
they are truthful.
and i can name some of such =) they make me happy. in a world where pp think they can hide, it's like fig leaves to God... n to some who know better... n it is sianz. simply sianz. idk liars. n the worst thing is that many people dont think they are lying when they are! somehow the level of truth gets so low it hits dirt.

ok i did not come on here to gripe. i came on here to talk about my dreams of a world that can be known truly. that communication goes more like telepathy and that people know what you think and what you are like. we can understand truly without the cumbersome masquerade and needing to decode "what did he mean by that?"

but it can be really scary for most cos where then would privacy be?
but the issue at hand is
1) we human beings utmost innate desire is to know and be known. is for connection. and words just dont cut it. if we could do away with the fear of being rejected when we are known, this fear and needing privacy would be done away with.
2) privacy is a modern construct. suddenly with more wealth, we are able to have our own rooms, close our doors, etc. just a few decades ago, even our parents had to sleep 10 pp tog. what privacy is there to talk about? and they didnt have issues like we would if we were to do a 10-er. we would die but they? they lived. cultures trace back to communal life that was so key. we attribute issues like needing therapy as knowing better, but seriously, maybe our problems are self-constructed. we give ourselves rooms and APART-ments and then complain about the loss of the "kampong spirit" and that the younger generation are disconnected and dont know how to "do life". ha.
3) furthering this, i would argue that the need for privacy is a FALLEN state - think Eden. what privacy were you talking about? n we humans are ever seeking to get back to paradise from which we fell from... yeah so hold onto your privacy, and refuse to be known. go hide from a God who knows you truly and loves you truly? we have been running from and not getting what we truly need since Adam...

this fear is producing so much problems... oh well... i have just loss interest in this thread of thought... i'll go off now... 

6 august
told D that i will seriously pray about it.

7 august
SA asked DEL

8 august
SA told me DEL said ok.

so we'll c.
cos i dont even know what to think about this. coincidence or God-incidence?
cos SY also came back on 6 August. n i have to meet sb on the bus to tell me within minutes of his coming back.
cos i dont want to be reading into non-signs if GOD is not pointing that way. just like how pp were telling mum n me about ET. i told SA and mum not to count the chicks b4 they hatch. an idiom that mum herself taught me when i was young.

so yeah. i m thankful to SA nonetheless. i know God is taking me on this journey of peeling away my fears n i will have to make some most difficult and important choices of my life.

but right now, i am at rest. i will not rejoice or worry either way. but i m thankful knowing that God is on my case and my life's unfolding His magnificent story and i am and will like every bit of it. =) so yeah, in simple cliche manner, what will be will be. so come what may =)

poem

I Learned to Swear

by Pam Vap

I learned to swear
twenty minutes before my first child was born.
Since then, it's been a handy habit
to have around, and I expect God
to turn his head. After all,
he owes me one. It's a trick
to make babies look so good.

The truth is they leak.
And of all horrors, they grow.

They only speak whine;
they cry and complain and wipe snot
on their sleeves. They spill dinner.
They stir pasta into their milk cups
and squish spinach between their teeth.
They eat crayons and toothpaste.

They call constantly. They call
constantly. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mo-om.

They inhale money, bang down stairs,
and store dirty socks and sandwich crusts
like hidden treasures in their closets.
They lipstick walls; they swallow marbles.
They break things.

Yet, God (no doubt in his wisdom) has ordained
that these crude creatures
should sleep incognito:
gentle
quiet
warm.

I am fooled easily.

Each night as I tuck covers around them
and bend to kiss their sweet, sleepy faces,
I don't care that they used
all the silverware in the garden.

Let's fill the house with angels,
I whisper to my husband
as I slip between the sheets.

- - - - - 
poetry has a nice way of saying "i wanna have s--/babies." or "let's f---."

poem - the weaver

My Life is but a weaving
between my Lord and me;
I cannot choose the colors
He worketh steadily.

Oft times He weaveth sorrow
And I, in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper,
And I the under side.

Not til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly,
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful
In the Weaver's skillful hand,
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.

He knows, He loves, He cares,
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives His very best to those
Who leave the choice with Him.

our greatest fear

Marianne Williamson in A Return to Love: A Reflection on a Course in Miracles,

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

i had embedded a video here but it turned out to be a nuisance, playing automatically everytime the page is opened. so i m changing to the link instead... CNA 4/2/13 on F&B, retail, education driving franchise activity

neurosurgeon went to heaven

Heaven is real, says neurosurgeon who claims to have visited the afterlife

By Eric Pfeiffer, Yahoo! News | The Sideshow – Wed, Oct 10, 2012

Dr. Eben Alexander claims to have visited the afterlife (Twitter)Dr. Eben Alexander has taught at Harvard Medical School and has earned a strong reputation as a neurosurgeon. And while Alexander says he's long called himself a Christian, he never held deeply religious beliefs or a pronounced faith in the afterlife.

But after a week in a coma during the fall of 2008, during which his neocortex ceased to function, Alexander claims he experienced a life-changing visit to the afterlife, specifically heaven.

"According to current medical understanding of the brain and mind, there is absolutely no way that I could have experienced even a dim and limited consciousness during my time in the coma, much less the hyper-vivid and completely coherent odyssey I underwent," Alexander writes in the cover story of this week's edition ofNewsweek.

So what exactly does heaven look like?

Alexander says he first found himself floating above clouds before witnessing, "transparent, shimmering beings arced across the sky, leaving long, streamer like lines behind them."

He claims to have been escorted by an unknown female companion and says he communicated with these beings through a method of correspondence that transcended language. Alexander says the messages he received from those beings loosely translated as:

"You are loved and cherished, dearly, forever."

"You have nothing to fear."

"There is nothing you can do wrong."

From there, Alexander claims to have traveled to "an immense void, completely dark, infinite in size, yet also infinitely comforting." He believes this void was the home of God.

After recovering from his meningitis-induced coma, Alexander says he was reluctant to share his experience with his colleagues but found comfort inside the walls of his church. He's chronicled his experience in a new book, "Proof of Heaven: A neurosurgeon's journey into the afterlife," which will be published in late October.

"I'm still a doctor, and still a man of science every bit as much as I was before I had my experience," Alexander writes. "But on a deep level I'm very different from the person I was before, because I've caught a glimpse of this emerging picture of reality. And you can believe me when I tell you that it will be worth every bit of the work it will take us, and those who come after us, to get it right."

teachings of warren buffet

What Warren Buffet says about basic investing, spending, savings are so true. Most of us know it, however too many of us do not live it.

If it does make a change in your life, thank HIM (I mean God) because this is common sense. WB said it once, I am just reproducing it.

1. On Earning:

Do not depend on a single income. Invest and create a second/ third source of income:

This means when you are young your first task should be saving and investing. By creating a second source of income you are quickly reducing your dependence on your job. This could help you to set out on your own one day. The quicker you can do it, the better.

2. On Spending:

If you buy things that you do not need, you may soon have to sell things you need: 

It kind of summarizes Gen X’s reaction towards ‘luxuries’. As a part of Gen X we were perhaps criticised for some of our expenses, so it could be a generational thing even for WB. However, having goals and knowing where you are going, and not spending just to ‘show off’ are important lessons for all generations.

3. On Savings:

Do not spend what is left after spending, instead spend after you save/invest:

Also called ‘Pay Yourself First’. If you realise that investing in a pension plan or for your kid’s education is just helping you to save more later on. It is not a sacrifice, it is just postponing consumption. So understand, invest and then spend.

4. On taking Risk:

Never test the depth of the river with both your feet: 

If you are doing something, do small. If you are a first gen investor, do not be carried away by equity lovers like me and put all your money in equity. Do a SIP with a small amount, and test the waters. Do a SIP of Rs. X (which could be 10% of your take home pay) for 5 years and then step up. And for heavens sake understand risk of inflation, and the concept of real returns

5. On Investing: 

Do not put all eggs in one basket:

Immaterial of who you are and how much you understand, create a portfolio. A full range lunch plate is always better than just one item. So create a portfolio with bonds, bond funds, PPF, NSC, equity, mutual funds, and on the risk side medical and term insurance.

6. On Expectation:

Honesty is expensive, do not expect it from cheap people:

Not everybody is honest, nor does everybody want to be honest. Honest advisers are difficult to find especially in Health and Wealth, be careful.

The author P V Subramanyam is a Chartered Accountant by qualification and a financial trainer by profession. Writing being a passion he also regularly pens his thought in his blog Subramoney.com

better b careful what you ask for...
"break my heart for what breaks yours..." (Hosanna)
i didnt realise that i've long begun living out the answers to my prayers.

imagine a world...

imagine a world where each of us is recognised as a special creation with unique qualities and capabilities.
imagine a world where everyone is truly appreciated and found valuable to society.
imagine a world where the special gifts of children are encouraged and nurtured by the adults who spend time with them.
imagine a world where the consciousness supports freedom of choice and awareness of responsibility.
imagine a world where everyone is encouraged to express their particular talents in an environment of creativity, enthusiasm, support, exploration, cooperation and safety.
imagine a world where we relate to one another with love, trust and acceptance of individual differences.
imagine a world where where it is openly acknowledged that "yes! we are all extra special" and deserve to treat ourselves and everyone with honour and respect.
- author unknown