comp somehow got comp... maybe some prog got corrupted. sigh...
m glad my sis updated our Norton subscription, bro borrowed a HD n backed-up and reinstalled progs... thank you guys!

had a very good church leaders' retreat on sun n mon at SAF Yacht Club. it's so beautiful... can stare out at sea the whole day cos our meeting room and bedrooms face the sea. n, it's beauitful at changi... was at sembawang yacht club... not as nice. so glad!

learnt alot from the speaker on the book of Joshua. a book no unfamiliar to us.

(Jos 1:6)

"YOU will lead" - you, not another. specific. a call.

"you WILL lead" - command, certainty, time specific (there is a kairos moment taht God has ordained u to)

"you will LEAD" - what you are called to do. (not inspire, stand-in, facilitate, cajole, but LEAD)

we often claim the "be strong n courageous" part... but have we realised that we too are called to lead?

carry the ark and stand in the river jordan at flood state? march ard jericho with the levities in front instead of the fighting soldiers? how is this going to bring abt wat we are supposed to get accomplished? Juz obey. "How" is God's specialty.

definition of success: Success is doing what God wants u to. 100% guaranteed. doing what God wants u to today, tmr...

"i never take on more than i can do without a calm spirit" - John Wesley. need to ponder abt dat... the leaders' retreat made me realise once again that indeed i m supposed to be in the ministries i am in right now. juz dat i feel so terribly stretched n flustered. how? pray for a calm spirit then! (n a bigger capacity n wisdom n strength!) since i m more sure now than before this wed that i m taking on wat God wants me to.

boo hoo~ Melinda is gone! i didnt manage to catch the results show (no surprise abt dat). i juz checked online for it... sigh... why? sianz... she is the best of the 3!! man... cant they hear?
anyway. nvm... if anything i believe she left wif a better understanding of the gift God has given her. she is a star... dat she shines real bright.

anyway... today's my sis's birthday!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HUI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
muacks

now ch5 is showing american idol. so glad to be home now to chill after working LONG hours these past weeks! on mon, worked too late dat i had to stay overnight in GC! lol. was good tho... less 3 hours of travelling actually did me some good. was refreshed n ready to pia till 1030pm on tues.
back to AM...
i predict... *looks into crystal ball* melinda doolittle n jordin sparks!
juz realised melinda's face is HUGE! when she stood beside the host... now wats his name?? haha... d size of her face was 2.5x his! shocker.
n jordin is juz huge! anyway... way to go gals!

What we can learn from the geese

Fact no.1:
as each bird flaps its wings, it creats an uplift draft for the bird following. by flying in a "V" formation, the while flock adds a greater flying range than if one bird flew alone.
Lesson no.1:
People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they're going quicker and more easily because they are travelling on the strength of one another.

Fact no. 2:
Whenever a goose falls out of formation, it suddnely feels the drag and resistance of trying to fly alone and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the uplifting power of the bird immediately in fornt.
Lesson no.2:
If we have as much sense as geese, we will stay in formation and be wiling to accept help when we need it and give help when it is needed.

Fact no.3:
When the lead goose gets tired, it rotates back into the formation, and another goose flies in the point position.
Lesson no. 3:
Geese instinctively share the task of leadership and do not resent the leader.

Fact no.4:
The geese in formation honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed.
Lesson no.4:
We need to make sure our honking from behind is encouraging and not something else.

Fact no.5:
When a goose gets sick, is wounded or is shot down, two geese drop out of formation and follow it down to earth to ehlp and protect it. they stay with their disabled companion until it is able to fly again or dies. they then lauch out on their own or with another formation or catch up with the flock.
Lesson no.5:
If we have as much sense as geese, we, too, will stand by one another in difficult times and help the one who has dropped out to regain his place in the formation.

an amazing group of people - The Recabites
Jeremiah 35
5 Then I set bowls full of wine and some cups before the men of the Recabite family and said to them, "Drink some wine."
6 But they replied, "We do not drink wine, because our forefather Jonadab son of Recab gave us this command: 'Neither you nor your descendants must ever drink wine. 7 Also you must never build houses, sow seed or plant vineyards; you must never have any of these things, but must always live in tents. Then you will live a long time in the land where you are nomads.' 8 We have obeyed everything our forefather Jonadab son of Recab commanded us. Neither we nor our wives nor our sons and daughters have ever drunk wine 9 or built houses to live in or had vineyards, fields or crops. 10 We have lived in tents and have fully obeyed everything our forefather Jonadab commanded us.
12 Then the word of the LORD came to Jeremiah, saying: 13 "This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: Go and tell the men of Judah and the people of Jerusalem, 'Will you not learn a lesson and obey my words?' declares the LORD. 14 'Jonadab son of Recab ordered his sons not to drink wine and this command has been kept. To this day they do not drink wine, because they obey their forefather's command. But I have spoken to you again and again, yet you have not obeyed me. 15 Again and again I sent all my servants the prophets to you. They said, "Each of you must turn from your wicked ways and reform your actions; do not follow other gods to serve them. Then you will live in the land I have given to you and your fathers." But you have not paid attention or listened to me. 16 The descendants of Jonadab son of Recab have carried out the command their forefather gave them, but these people have not obeyed me.'

if a people can obey a mere man so totally,
how can it be that God's pp - who have been saved by His grace from death and bondage, tasted His goodness, claim they love Him and live for Him - not obey Him ? n i m not even talking abt the Israelites. i'm talking abt u & i.

was on the bus to NUS, reflecting abt something when this hit me: be careful what you open your heart to. dont fall for the line "what is there to lose?" cos, u really never know. your heart's pretty easily conquered by all the wrong things. alot more is at stake.

"your heart must grow in tandem to your vision" - KH at famiy night (tonight)
lessons from the geese... akan datang.

got this fr agnes thru email. (note to kids-who-dunno-beta: these are not real words. pls dun use these in ur essays, n compositions! LOL)

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested site could not be located.

OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an email by mistake).

MOUSE POTATO : The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

wen to c the doc today. i havent stepped into a polyclinic in ages! was kinda lost for 10 secs! was suprised dat they have a touch screen number dispenser. n didnt know where to go to pay up. haha. took x-ray. well, i have a mild lumbar spondylosis on L4. osteophyte. well, doc not doing anything until it totally degenerates n warrants an operation. i feel like a sitting duck.

so yeah... shall trust for complete healing, for restoraion, for regeneration.

excerpts from Anointed for Business by Ed Silvoso

p162
we have no problem believing that Satan was able to defile the entire creation by introducing sin into the lives of adam and eve. this is sound doctrine and every Christian wil agree with it. However, we do not accept the idea that that grace introduced into our lives by jesus can redeem the same creation...
---

p160
Gideon was neither valiant nor a warrior. He was gathering grain and preparing to flee. Nevertheless the angel of God called him a mighty warrior. Why? Because God always has a higher opinion of us than the one we have of ourselves. he is able to see us, not through the grim grid of past failures, but through the pristine prism of future victories He has in store for us.

yet "The LORD turned to him and said, "Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian's hand. Am I not sending you?" (Judges 6:14)

how much strength did Gideon have? practically none, but God was not interested in his strength; rather, he was concerned about his obedience. Even though Gideon was full of doubts, he did everything the Lord asked him to do. he tore down the altars in his father's house. he did it at night for fear of his neighbours - but he did it. He put a fleece before God, asking for a sign; and when he got the sign, he asked for confirmation because he was still buffeted by doubts. when the Lord told him to go to the enemy's camp and to take his servant with him if he was afraid, he took his servant. so we can see that he was afraid; nonetheless, he went. Obedience in spite of fear is what made Gideon such a hero. he was not by nature a brave man, but he was obedient by choice, and as a result a nation was delivered.

p163
when Gideon and his servant arrived at the enemy's camp, they heard enemy soldiers talk about a dream where a mighty deed brought down the camp of the Midianites. The person who had been given the dream asked for an explanation and was unequivocally told that the interpretation was that they had been delivered into the hands of Gideon and his sword. Gideon was not holding a sword at the moment, nor was he ready to strike. But God had already convinced his enemies that the victory had been awarded to him. God not only had a higher opinion of Gideon than he had of himself, but God spoke better of him than Gideon spoke of himself.

---
p169
Sin is never acceptable. daniel and joseph understood this. Joseph went to jail rather than succumb to sexual immorality. daniel and his companions turned down the king's food on one occasion and faced the fiery furnace on another rather than compromise their convictions. How much God can entrust in you is determined by how much sin you refuse to take from the devil and the flesh. the reverse of this is also true: Yielding to sin drives you away from God, His love and His provision.

sat afternoon... taking the chill pill, enjoying my time home alone. it's been quite awhile... since i've spent sometime on my own. and i miss it. blogging now cos now i have the comp to myself. otherwise, it's gonna be the guit, the journal, the Bible and the book i'm currently reading - The Leadership Challenge. somehow feel guilty not blogging as often as i used to. well, it's not that i dun like blogging anymore, just that i don't have as much time as i like for retrospection, introspection, to think abt min, life, pp, time for myself, to be by myself. added onto that is that i've been coming home real late and either someone's on the comp or my bro's gotta sleep. my time on the comp is 4 responding to emails and do work. so yeah... here i m now... trying to pay my penance! haha.

got up, flipped thru the papers. found out today's got 3 movies on Ch5. juz finished watching "A Time of Dancing" (2000, Shiri Appleby). watched it 1.5 times. think i stumbled upon it at the tail end the previous time so i m glad 2 ve been able 2 catch it this time. was a really good movie abt 2 high sch bestfriends. both dancers. how each pursued wat was written in their souls.one kena terminal cancer n died. i cried bad. maybe cos there's a few pp close to my heart dat's got relapse recently. it's a painful thing seeing a loved one this frail, this eaten up. on the brighter side, the show made me feel like taking out my ballet shoes and dance again. i miss dancing. love the songs in there too... shall go get it fr the stores... itunes somehow dun haf!

tonight got "Confessions of a teenage drama queen"(Lindsay Lohan) and "Good girl" (Jennifer Aniston). shall try to catch. n shall try to go for a jog. shant let the nerve thing stop me fr runnin. will b careful not to strain myself tho. will try see doc soon. tho it wasnt on purpose that i've yet to do so.

Juz checked out the trailer of Confessions of a teenage drama queen and one quote hit me - "Life can be so randomly beautiful!" Yep to dat!

The Leadersip Challenge - Kouzes & Posner
i bought this 400+ pages book cos of ELT's reading assignment where we were given $20 reimbursement. i decided on it since this is like one of the best books on leadership, and since it is one book i'll never buy on my own cos it's S$38.80, i decided to use the $20 "grant" on this. turned out, my boss decided to fully reimburse me! haha... i "tan tiok"! some pp say i "siao" cos i chose sucha thick n "heavy" book to review on. well... since i m gonna spend time to do it, might as well spend my time on a really good book and challenge myself with it. no kick if it's a thin, easy to read book. dat i can knock it down anytime. so... ve been learning alot fr it. n wat i like most abt this book is the numerous research and studies quoted. wat a wealth of insight and information. i dun like reading books that say something n yet dun back their claims nor give credit to the source.

here, lemme quote u John Robbins, founder of EarthSave Int'l and chairman of Youth for Environment Sanity, and on board of directors of many nonprofit orgs. was heir to Baskin-Robbins the ice cream company. but he opted out of the company's succesion, refused inheritance and trust fund :
"do you understand, that for me, sensing these things as deeply as i do, inventing a thirty-second flavour just is not an adequate response."
"make a statement with your life that's consistent with your heart, that gives voice to what you really feel is important. we don't have alot of opportunities, most of us, to take stands - that are seen, anyway, that are visible. But my feeling is that you take it, whether it's seen or not, whether it's recognised or not, whether it's cheered or jeered. You do it because it's in you to do it, and because by doing it you're being true to who you are."
"in order to find your voice and find the song that's within your heart and sing it with your life, you need some daily things that you do regularly, whether you feel like it or not, that's nurturing your soul, a time of prayer, a time of contemplation..."

what is an adequate response to what is written in your soul?

i think leadership is a tough thing. u need to make tough decisions that no one wants to make.
Dear Mr President - Pink

juz come across this vid from an artiste i do like alot. but i feel this is so unfair for the said "Mr President". the lines "let me tell me about hard work..." or "how do you sleep"... seriously... we cant imagine the pressure of being a leader... n a leader of the world at that. u think it is easy? u think ur life's harder than his? sigh. n u think u r "mizunderstood"! Pink, think again.

A L L T H A T I N E E D
Written by Corrinne May Ying Foo Copyright 2000,
Corrmay Gourmet Music (ASCAP)

I'm sorry that I hurt You
I took for granted all You gave so freely to me
I pray it's not too late
To save you from a broken heart
To promise you I'll make a brand new start
Believe me, when I say
You are all that I need
The only treasure I seek
You're the air that helps me breathe
through the darkest night when
I fall down on my knees
I was blind but now I see
You are all that I need
You know I'm far from perfect
Like a child that needs a guiding hand
Can you stay here with me?
I finally understand
You've always been the missing part
Complete the jigsaw puzzle of my heart
Please hear me, when I say
You are all that I need
The only treasure I seek
You're the air that helps me breathe
through the darkest night when
I fall down on my knees
I was blind but now I see
You are all that I need
Please, let me hear Your voice again
Let me hear You say your love will never end
That whatever it takes you'll be there
Believe me, when I say
You are all that I need
The only treasure I seek
You're the air that helps me breathe
through the darkest night when
I fall down on my knees
I was blind but now I see
You are all that I need
You are all that I need.


---
Jesus.

worship was good. thanks to those who asked. i m indeed surprised u guys read my blog this often!

had fun with the youths today. Charm took to smelling my fingers today... dat gal's really weird! n she told me she want me to come along, said "i love you" so many times to me... lol. enjoyed myelf coaching sarah and charm lit. i got so excited doin so cos it's one of my fav subj! really cant help but feel young with these guys!

lessons learnt:
fr yeep - celebrate victories and personal 1sts/breakthrus no matter how small. motivate, encourage, have back-up plan.

if the Holy Spirit prompt, juz obey. no "err....", no "but....", no "hmmm...." i hesitated 2x today! sigh... should've prayed for healing for the lady with her son and the blind vietnamese. Lord, forgive me.

ok... tmr ve exam blessings for the M1s... u have a great week too... rem to obey the Holy Spirit promptly! =)

it sucks being a liability to the team. 1st time playing in the band today. will be playing the guit n backing-up for worship tmr. m instrumentally the weakest. m glad i felt the stress of being the weakest. set me thinking abt how the many others must have felt. n it made me realise the need to help these weakest get out of the rut they r in. i'm sure they dun enjoy being there. so grace and a helping hand should be extended. remembered this saying "u r only as strong as the weakest in ur team"
hope tmr i can do well in it. cos it is v different playing in the band instead of leading. and hard singing in a "non back-up" way but yet not leading. if u noe wat i mean. n hard doing both tog without dropping any balls.

wanting to go offline after doing my work... was telling someone dat i m too lazy to blog... but someone said this "blog lor... what you want to blog in this moment in time may not come back to you again.." whoa... so yeah... i'm here... typing

got a new hp on sunday!!! Sony Ericsson W850i! it's kinda expensive n i was feeling a HUGE pinch.. had so nearly tot it was a bad choice. looking back, think i had wat i call a bad case of "post-purchase anxiety". haha.well, it's a beautiful white slide phone. n i got a free bluetooth earpiece (something i stated as "a must" sometime back 4 my next hp cos was tired holding onto e hp. frees my hand 2 do everything else.) it has all the cool functions that i didnt think i need or want eg walkman. cos i have ishuffle, a PDA. but now i m totally hooked! my hp's so cool!!!!! i think i can do away wif my PDA liao... cos i got a chinese n english bible in my hp! n i can do everything i wan wif this hp. i'm so thrilled, now i wanna sell my PDA. any1 interested in iPAQ rx1950? comes along with a cool denim pouch !

there was a promo for free 1G SD card n bluetooth and only 20 sets per day per stall for the weekend hp promo. i missed it on sat... n so the last day for promo was sun. and i was a little anxious to get it and wanted my sis to miss church for an hour to get it for me in the morn (i cant miss cos i m leading worship!). sis wisely said no cos it is Easter n reminded me dat worship should come 1st. she is so right. so anyway, after church, after everything i popped by the stall and yep i still can get it! must put God 1st ah....

ok ok... sorry for the ramble... cos there's juz too much to say...n i have been too tired or dat someone's always using the only comp at home... so yeah... here's more...

i love my church, i love my life! i think i have a pretty cool life! there's so much happening... no dull moment... juz in constant threat of a burnout haha.
i'm very blessed to have people who love and care for me this deeply. was juz lamenting and how discontented i feel sometime back. thank God for restoring my joy and my perspective!

my disciples jus got a house! getting married next year!!! (my first disciples to get married!)beautiful couple. cool! so happy 4 them!
XL is house-shopping too! wow! yay...!!!
haha... my wedding fatigue has kinda gone huh? well, m still not organising weddings tho... u've been warned.

Joelle's 1st month party... my sec sweetheart stole my daughter's name for her daughter! haha... nope.. not les lah... we juz called each other "sweethearts" back in the old dayz. we didnt tell each other dat we like e name n want to call our daughters dat! so can u imagine my shock wen she popped by in church for a long over due catch-up when she was 8mth pregnant n told me her baby's gonna be "Joelle"? i was happy yet mad at the same time! sigh...

ok ok... i feel like i've overdone it... there's more to blog, but i shall stop now... feels like some sort of diarrhoea... it kinda dun feel too nice despite it being out... do i hear a "yeeks!" haha... ok ok i noe i'm weird. tata for now...

i typed an entry last night but it didnt get published! and somehow it has been totally obliterated!!!!! ahhh.... lemme try retype:

i'm BACK!!!! from a great trip! i didnt realise i was so terribly exhausted until i slept the whole day away on mon (slept in morn, afternoon, then went on a super long non-stop hibernation mode from 6pm-630am tues!) & continued sleeping in long bouts until today!

was a good one, seeing how God chose us to bless His little ones high up in e mountains. my goal of raising more labourers 4 the worldwide harvest field is met seeing how the students cried so heartbrokenly for the people there [a glimpse of wat happens when God answers our glib prayer: "God break our hearts for the things that break Yours"], how the doctors teared when they shared how God reminded them of how and why He has led them to study med.

leading this team of 15 proved to be very draining on me. needed so much wisdom and love in leading and discipling. my leadership skills were put to the test! was trying to balance btw being task and people oriented. this was a very inexperienced team but God led and guided us. i was impressed at our teamwork and efficiency when i saw how doggedly we pressed on and served with love- God's love. it was a 180 degrees turn around after a really shaky and awful surprise start to the 1st day in the mountains. in the end, we managed to do more than we had planned to. we all saw how much God loved us, loved those who have yet to know Him. and we were all amazed. no one... not even one is forgotten or out of reach from Him.

got a new baby.... guit! yeep bought me one so dat i can play n lead tog. so now i got 3 guits: 1 classical, 2 acoustic... now dat i'll be practising more on this newbie, i hope my black beauty will not feel neglected. (brought my blackie on this mission trip... my guits get 2 see the world wif me... 3000+m above sea level... really picturesque and ccc---ooolllddd!! brr~! we have to tune blackie every time cos the steel strings contract n sound terrible together. was afraid the strings might break. but they held out nicely. and even playing on her was tough cos my fingers felt like freezing over and were not as agile in changing chords!
the last time i brought a classical on a mission trip, it didnt come back wif me... so now my prayer is for it to be travelling ard in hands of believers playing music and leading His people in exuberant praises unto the Lord.)

cut my hair cos felt the weather's too hot. i got used to the less than 10 degrees celsius for the past week and then Bam! back to the sweltering 30+ degrees... sigh... so now i'm back to my sch dayz hairdo... the bob! haha... looks nice with hints of copper blonde at the ends (whatever's left of my last colour job. the rest got cut off!)

------

"Knowing all that Christ promises to be for me now and forever, is the power to take whatever suffering love costs." - John Piper

"Transformation" by Bob Roberts Jr.: "as long as we try to make other things enough we will never be satisfied with the love Jesus lavishes on us. We are not going to get enough from friends, family... definitely not from this world....God has done it all for us- total acceptance and total empowerment. What more could God give us? He gave Himself. If we are not convinced that God has given enough, we will always look to people or things to make us feel significant instead of finding our identity in Christ. To be in a position to receive from God, we accept all He has done, just as we are."

lost my hp today!!!! sigh...

leaving tmr early morn... pls pray for me n team... pray for me to have wisdom and love to lead and disciple those in the team and the discernment to know GOd's will in the situations we will be facing. pray for protection against spiritual warfare. it is pretty shiong so far.

went to watch Phantom of the Opera today! finally!!! wen in sec most of my friends went, i didnt have money to... it's been more than 10 years! so glad dat my DG gals n i went for it... got a really good deal (cheap tics) n great seats too!

was ok lah.. good experience... but was thinking dat it really is expensive! wil think twice abt blowing more than 100 bucks in an afternoon like dat. hmm...

leaving for mission trip soon...! last team meet tmr... lots to settle. God grant us wisdom to prep effectively...

m so thankful to YimL for helping me get the advance fr HQ and coming to my house to pass me instead of me going all the way down. save me lots of energy which i m lacking now... still leaking from my arse actually... (haha... sorry if my crudeness gross u out.!) thanks liebe again for helping me collect cheque from prof

this is wat u do wen u r weak n trying to work but cant get started... so yeah.. doing this n clearing email n doing up the mission trip prayer calendar at the same time.

stumbled on this amazin gal- Bianca Ryan! such passion, soul in the singing! n wata voice! u wouldnt believe she's juz 11 years old!



Bianca Ryan did win the competition! watch the finals

check out wikipedia

bianca ryan's official website

the only puzzlement is dat she did the cover of "I believe i can fly". while i do agree that it is inspirational... i think only delusional people sing "i believe i can fly, i believe i can touch the sky, i think abt it night n day, SPREAD MY WINGS AND FLY AWAY..." n i think only the wright brothers can lay claim to this song rightfully... but then again..if i were alive during their time, i very well might've thot them nuts too...
hmm... think i m too cynical for my good... ok.. change time.

no prizes for guessing who i love best in AI this season! this gal - Jordin Sparks! wat a star name! lol. disclaimer: i havent really been watching much! but watever snippets i did catch, i love dis gal and 2 other ladies - Melinda Dolittle and Lakisha Jones. humble, broken gals.



seriously, we respect Simon Cowell cos of his sharp, targetted comments... i think he is someone who not juz knows the business, but also one who knows himself! (got a v heightened sense of self, which i havent seen in someone who is not a monk, a nun, a watever... someone "secular" if i put it dat way.

today on MC... fell really sick after taking frieda's meds. beware of TCM's detoxing properties! while western meds target the ailments n symptoms, TCM aims at improving the syst (a more long term view). so kinda like western meds plugs up the hole in the wall tp stop water from coming in with a a stopper, TCM repairs the wall and cement closes the gap. more work, takes longer time... but yields better long term results.

slept at 11 last night cos was totally beat from the pain and discomfort adn diarrhoea-ing all night, woke up, went n shit at 4am, slept woke up at 7am went to shit n it hurt like crazy, wen to sleep to wait for dr to open clinic at 830.. but only woke up at 1030, went see dr, got MC, slept till 330pm!
so yeah while today was supposedly a busy day, i felt being hauled over at a pit stop and denied further "cheong-ing". well, God knew better i needed such a rest.
thanks to liebe for getting the cheque fr prof. and i ve to go down now to HQ to settle money matters b4 i leave for mission trip!

the following blog entry is rated R(A). pls do not read if u r below 21.

A stabs B relentlessly and says tenderly to B as B's life hangs on a threat, "choose to live, to hope... dun die, dun give up..."
---
now now... own up wif u r below 21!


was really exhausted. emotionally drained. imagine wif me... me seeing my heart in my hands still thumping away as my very life ebbs... n wondering why it is still going strong wen it should have ceased beating... n waiting for the iminent moment where i drop dead onto the ground.

haha... sorry all blood n gore. juz to think i had wanted to catch hannibal rising this week! think i no need liao... i'm gross enuf.

last night n this am felt dat i m "not enough". there's some impossible standard i needed to measure up to... n on top of dat, i ve impossible amt of work to do... n it compounded my feeling of me being not enough to do it... all lies, lies lies.

Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. 2 Cor 3:4-6

m grateful i managed to get a number of stuff done today despite me feeling i'm in pieces, trying to hold up and not fall apart. the turning pt was tonight's swim. managed to do more than 30 laps. felt good after dat. n after dat came home to find mum had cooked my fave veg n nice pork, chicken n soup.

i can see how it's turning ard. need time... need time for myself... need time for myself with God...

s'pore biathlon!!!
went to support my bro.
man... was at 1st worried i would miss him cos everyone emerging from the sea looked alike. but then when he did come out i immediately knew it was him. muahaha. yep afterall, i knew him all his life! didnt manage to get good pics of him tho... i stupidly didnt noe how to turn on the multi-shot function.. if not will be pretty cool to catch him like 10x a sec. was dehydrated. had headache. nose totally blocked. sneezed n coughed etc etc. u noe the works la. sigh..

was thinking i'd like to try it 2 years fr now. if i ever get over the swimming in sea part that is. bro was encouraging. but i reminded him it took me 13 years to get over my phobia...

juz watched this darn long film... nearly 3 hours! director's cut.. so now wondering wat didnt the movie-goers see.
anyway here's the write-up on wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wolfgang_Amadeus_Mozart

Amadeus (1984)
Milos Forman’s 1984 motion picture Amadeus, based on the play by Peter Shaffer (itself based on the poetic short drama "Mozart and Salieri" by the Russian writer Alexander Pushkin), won eight Academy Awards and was one of the year’s most popular films. While the film did a great deal to popularize Mozart’s work with the general public, it has been criticized for its historical inaccuracies, and in particular for its portrayal of Antonio Salieri’s intrigues against Mozart, for which little historical evidence can be found. On the contrary, it is likely that Mozart and Salieri regarded each other as friends and colleagues: it is well documented, for instance, that Salieri frequently lent Mozart musical scores from the court library, that he often chose compositions by Mozart for performance at state occasions, and Salieri taught Mozart's son, Franz Xaver.
The idea that he never revised his compositions, dramatized in the film, is easily exploded by even a cursory examination of the autograph manuscripts, which contain many corrections. Mozart was a studiously hard worker, and by his own admission his extensive knowledge and keen abilities developed out of many years of close study of the European musical tradition. In fairness, Schaffer and Forman never claimed that Amadeus was intended to be an accurate biographical portrait of Mozart. Rather, as Shaffer reveals on the DVD release of the film, the dramatic narrative was inspired by the biblical story of Cain and Abel – one brother loved by God, and the other scorned.