Friday, August 31, 2007

the half day leave i took was so refreshing. cos since it was half day, meant i had to work. n working fr home n lb's pl proved so productive n freeing. having now to lock in my time on campus, i missed such flexible work venues n times (wen i was in community). i realised today that i was n still m a very free spirit. n inflexibility crushes n frustrates me. i felt so good really!

it was raining so heavily all over the island the whole day. really thankful to God for withholding the rain when we were returning the flags. cant imagine the trouble we ll have if the stands, poles n flgs were wet. thank You God!

stumbled upon this unique artist in yahoo while clearing mail. Phil Hansen specialises in pointillism and uses internet to bring his art to pp. his projects are amazing!
http://potw.news.yahoo.com/s/potw/23115/strokes-of-genius

http://philinthecircle.com/

juz makes me rem my own dabbling in art. n how drawing, painting n taking pics used to bring so much joy and refreshment to my heart and soul. maybe i really should make time for this. i rem that i was a happy gal during the time wen i did spend alot of my free time on such.

prayed with joanne n a line hit home- make our hearts feel the ache of how much we need You. n i recalled that there was a time wen i more keenly yearned for God than i m now. n, i remembered how my heart ached for God then. n then, i felt my heart ache. not in a similar way, but in the way like when something hard cracks up. i ached for how my heart no longer ache for God. Joanne's prayer was answered almost immediately. now, the ball's in my court. wat do i do when i feel this ache? carry on my work n distractions? put them down to satisfy the ache of my soul?

yes... i'll go off now.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

LONGER, DADDY…LONGER
(Gary Smalley and John Trent, from Leaving The Light On)

Recently, a woman grabbed my arm at a conference after I had finished speaking on the enormous need we all have for affirmation.

‘Dr Trent, may I tell you my story?” she asked. “Actually, it’s a story of something my son did with my granddaughter that illustrates what you’ve been talking about – the importance of affirmation.

“My son has 2 daughters, one who’s five and one who is in the ‘terrible twos,” believe me, she is!

“For several years, my son has taken the oldest girl out for a ‘date’ time, but he had never taken the 2-year-old until recently. On his 1st ‘date’ with the younger one, he took her out to breakfast at a local fast-food restaurant.

“They had just gotten their pancakes and my son decided it would be a good time to tell this child how much he loved and appreciated her.”

‘Jenny,” her son has said, “I want you to know how much I love you, and how special you are to Mom and me. We prayed for you for years, and now that you’re here and growing up to be such a wonderful girl, we couldn’t be more proud of you.”

Once he had said all this, he stopped talking and reached over for his fork to begin eating…but he never got the fork to his mouth.

His daughter reached out her little hand and laid it on her father’s hand. His eyes went to hers, and in a soft, pleading voice she said, “ Longer, Daddy…longer
He put down his fork and proceeded to tell her some more reasons and ways they loved and appreciated her, and then he again reached for his fork. A 2nd time…and a 3rd…and a 4th time he heard the words, “Longer, Daddy…longer.”

The father never did get much to eat that morning, but his daughter got the emotional nourishment that she needed so much. In fact, a few days later, she spontaneously ran up to her mother and said “I’m a really special daughter, Mommy. Daddy told me so.”
----

juz like the litle girl of two, we need to know how we are special, and how much we are loved. often the sad tragedy is not that we are unloved, but that we are not told by those who love us so. while we can lament at that, know this:instead of you needing to say "Longer Daddy, longer", your heavenly Daddy is saying to you "longer, child, longer" so that He can tell you all that you long so much to hear. only, will u go? only, will u stay?

again, as in the previous post, quiet time is spending time with Someone who infinitely loves you.
turns out, cloudy sky over singapore blocked our view of tue's eclipse! oh well, it wasnt as if i was sitting ard looking into the sky at that time anyway. was busy with DG and nursing Survivor, then to LM at that time (tues 4-7pm). so the ecilpse slipped my mind!

well, the tan from sat is here to stay. m too lazy to post the pic of how tanned my arm is. so juz take it from me la ah.

LM(tues) was good. good time of reminding all of us wat the one priority, the one thing that is needful - ENJOY GOD (theological sanctification!). quiet time is not learning more about God, knowing more about wht the Bible says, but quiet time is spending time with Someone who loves you infinitely. priority is abt "arranging your life’s activities, so that by doing what I can do TODAY, I can move closer to what I want to be in THE FUTURE"

finally... the Taleban released 12 of the 19 south korean hostages yesterday. they didnt keep up their side of the bargain, holding still 2 more. how long Lord? it's been 6 long weeks, 2 deaths. Your will is indeed a mystery, Your thoughts are not ours, Your ways are higher.

Iran's poised to "fill the power vaccum in iraq" so says Iran's president Ahmadinejad. well well... watch out... Revelations is playing out right before our eyes people! Persia will rise.

Blessed Theresa of Kolkata, or more commonly known as Mother Thersea's private journals and letters will be published next month (Mother Theresa: Come Be My Light) revealing that the saint suffered decades of "dark nights of the soul" where she questioned even her faith. will this "delight her detractors and confuse her admirers. or is it the other way around?" (ST p 37 30th August 2007) well, MOther Theresa concluded that her dark night could help her identify not only with the abandonment that Jesus felt during the crucifixion, but also with the abandonment faced by the poor.

well, all in line with the topic i m studying for this period. teaching "How Can A Loving And Powerful God Allow Evil and Suffering?" at School of Leadership and Development. taught it last year too. but this time's different. gotta revise the student notes n instructors' guide so that others can teach it too need alot of time to do it! read a few books in prep for it. but still not much headway. need to really sit down and set aside enough time to wrestle with the comp!

these2 months will be quite tight with a few church speaking engagements on the workshop i did last dec. m a little apprehensive cos it's like alot of speaking engagements coming together - 5 sessions in 6 weeks. a little daunting. need to pace myself n set aside time to prepare!

took half day leave to settle mis conf stuff. cos returning stuff to Trinity needs to be within office hours... so yeah while i m waiting for my uncle n his pick-up, i finally sat down to blog! i m not pleased with how lazy n tired i m that blogging gets shelved once too many.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

ah... a change! from forever friends bear to Tatty! well... i'm the sort who likes changes. and sometimes i make a change juz for the heck of it. so yeah...

i had wanted to blog many times throughout this week. but was juz so tired n occupied to do so. well, not so super woman after all eh? i had vacillate from feeling whiny to being hopeful, feeling grumpy and frustrated to getting on top of things. so my busy-ness kinda spared u from taking a roller coaster ride with me!

ytd had fellowship day at labrador park. was there the whole day. got pretty charred... now red like a lobster!

anyway, will be spending today recharging... reading books, listen 2 online sermon and getting into the Word. in prep for more cheong-ing the coming weeks. perhaps more later. ciao

Sunday, August 19, 2007

i would consider myself a superwoman if not for my aching body n fatigue! but i'm glad the missions conf is over! phew! i m actually quite amazed at how crazy these past week weeks have been... n how i was riding it. sometimes i can almost feel the exhilaration of adrenaline rush. but well, shant attempt such feats too much.

(BTW, i think my pastors are supermen! it's been a very tiring week for them cos of the wake n prep for some big conference etc. way to go pastors! praying for you! haha... as if they read my blog. well... u never noe... lol)

took 2 days leave to settle missions conference but much of the 1st day was taken at TH's deathbed n family after he is gone. and the 2 days were such a mad rush, both emotionally n physically tiring. (was surprised dat after sharing wif my team, a colleague can pray thanking God for a refreshing break! i looked up in surprise with a "huh? where did that come fr?" look. my other colleagues try to stiffle a laugh.) by sat when the youth track of missions conference started, my whole body ached n i was so so tired! but after a good rest on sat night, woke up today feeling fresh n ready to take on the new day - missions conf day!

today, alot of things went wrong. at the children's track, d laptop, projector failed. but later we managed to get it tog n the prog wen well. was so tiring. sweat as if i ran 5k! log s was a crazy thing. DLee shouldnt gotten a group of guys 2 run instead of juz one person. not easy putting this conf tog but it was worth it. the number of pp going for the workshops was up. glad we tried to put it on sun. n even the pledging was up for the chinese side. let's hope next week ours will be too.

heart sank last night wen i got an email saying that payday will be pushed back 1 day due to new acc syst. u have no idea how much i was looking forward to this particular payday! n then a short but not helpful memo saying that sept's payday will be affected as well... they never say when or wat... sigh... hope deferred makes the heart sick! was juz recalling after vision tea wen SE commented that money is "sheng wai wu" n SW n i juz almost flipped n say "wat?" haha... it's not dat we r money minded... but really...we are really living on "daily bread".

some company's sale tactics are really deplorable! use guilt/embarrassment/insult to sell. dun they have any morals? why take the moral low road? but sad to say, such antics do work on gullible, weak-conscience ones who bear the slime n condescension n willingly fork out hundreds n thousands. sigh... can i appeal to your better sense? dun give in to such unethical sales n marketing antics. u do deserve better treatment. dun pay them to further insult u.

"wat is the right thing to do?" (Yeep 2 hui on drums vs tutoring 4 PSLE)
hmm... gd question. need to learn to ask that more often.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

"Sorry" and "Thank you" can sometimes be the cheapest words!
feeling taken for granted and unsupported at the moment.
(by LB n P/chu)

----

i mourn for the lost of dear uncle TH.
remembering that Jesus wept as He saw Lazarus' friends weeping gave me comfort as i wept at his deathbed; wept at the lifeless form on that hospital bed. grieving for the wife, kids and loved ones He had left behind, grieving for the lost of a wonderful man, husband, father, brother in Christ, "Why?" became too weighty a question to ask. i don't ask "Why?" not out of faith, but out of fear. i dare not tread down that path of asking my Whys knowing i cannot bear to have the weight of "non-answers" crush my soul. cos really... only God knows "why". the answers we can come up with just fall short of convincing. so don't you dare offer glib answers. it rubs bad on gaping wounds. in such times like this, one might ask, "what then is faith good for?" "faith", my friend is the only good thing one can hold onto in times like this. faith is knowing that he is in somewhere better than the best we have on earth. that he is in good hands. that we will meet him again. that there is resurrection thru Jesus Christ. faith is strength and hope. faith is praising God despite our disappointments and our tears. faith is wat keeps us going.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

today i found myself at a wedding rehearsal, wondering how on earth i got to be worship leader cum master of ceremony yet again. thankfully it's not being wedding organiser. but oh well, it's not dat i'm doing this unwillingly. but m surprised how i so gamely said "yes" yet again.

well, walking up to church for the rehearsal, thanking God for the cool of the evening, i realised that i m totally content with my life right now. glad. fulfilled. it was almost as if every bit of me heaved an "aahhhhhh". i like my life. not dat there's nothing to improve on... i especially would've liked 2 up my bank acc.. but yeah right now even with dat, i m content. wont mind a boyfriend/ husband or a rock on my ring finger, but right now, i m so content being single. boyfriend or no, rock or no rock, i'm perfectly fine. (not dat there was anytime it wasnt! mind you) this contentment s so overwhelmingly sedative, peaceful. aahhhh........

it's so fun watching the to-be-marrieds run thru the prog. they're such a cute couple. despite not knowing them as well as the many couples whose weddings i organised or emceed, i still find myself rejoicing with them so much.

so this weekend's all packed with wedding prep, wedding, worship pract, worship.
made it official that i stepped down from Youth. was sad. but needful move. i felt me spreading myself in so many min made me so ineffective. n disruptive to the youth min leadership. n i need to watch it b4 i crash n burn. been really a challenging few months for me... n all i can expect is more thrills. but having been with them for... errr... 1 n 3/4 year? n taking 2 cells so far has made me rather attached to them... this special bred of "humans" hahha... n so touched esp by en for showing such "yi yi bu se". thanks darling en... yes will come back one...

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Evan Almighty on greatness.
haha... pardon the title... got it off this movie dats in the cinemas... fren juz watched it... well... maybe i shall... then again.. maybe not... i can always juz turn on the vid cam on myself eh?
okok back to the topic "Greatness".

we dream of being someone great. everything inside us yearns for that. yet we have huge trouble with really believing that we can be someone great. pride and all those fantasies aside, we cannot even dare to think it much less even begin to grapple with the promises in the Bible - "we are more than conquerors", "victorious", "rule over nations", "judge even angels".
we are too beset by our insecurities that we fail to lay hold of what we have in Christ! and not knowing wat we have, we go about our lives looking for attention, affection in the wrong places; looking to imperfect human beings to stroke us, to give us a sense of worth even when knowing that they too are struggling to feel good about themselves.

check out:
http://www.ficm.org/whoami.htm
http://myredeemer.org/foundation/identity/index.shtml

more thoughts next time... really tired... these past month was too eventful n tiring for me! n august promises to not let up! haha. ganbatte ne!

Monday, July 30, 2007

the past week has been a very tiring week (been oversleeping every single day!), rather amazing one filled with exciting events, and fresh experience of God.

was asking God for wisdom... more wisdom... n daniel 2 spoke to me in my situation.

Then Daniel praised the God of heaven 20 and said:
"Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever;
wisdom and power are his.
21 He changes times and seasons;

he sets up kings and deposes them.
He gives wisdom to the wise
and knowledge to the discerning.
22 He reveals deep and hidden things;

he knows what lies in darkness,
and light dwells with him.
23 I thank and praise you, O God of my fathers:

You have given me wisdom and power,
you have made known to me what we asked of you,
you have made known to us the dream of the king."

----
John Piper – Don’t Waste Your Life
God’ s purpose for my life was that I have a passion for God’s glory and that I have a passion for my joy in that glory, and that these two are one passion…. God created me – and you – to live with a single, all-embracing, all transforming passion – namely, a passion to glorify God by enjoying and displaying his supreme excellence in all the spheres of life. Enjoying and displaying are in it, we will display a shell of hypocrisy and create scorn or legalism. But if we claim to enjoy his excellence and do not display it for others to see and admire, we deceive ourselves, because the mark of God-enthralled joy is overflow and expand by extending itself into the hearts of others. The wasted life is the life without a passion for the supremacy of God in all things for the joy of all peoples.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

finally doodled on the 2 pairs of sneakers for my sis n i on sat. dun quite like it... but oh well... will do better next time =p

had a tough time on sun for worship. mic down. but band was good. felt misunderstood by yeep.

am still full of phlegm and v tired despite me sleeping enuf (7,8 hours!) sigh... still overslept for work on mon n tues...!

today's spiritual lesson: restoration of broken relationship with God - do we seek this restoration as desperately as we do a quarrel/misunderstanding with boyfriend or best friend?

had a good team mit. shared deeply with SW n WY.
had a (gr8)x10 time with LB.

fr MY's exhortational email:
Today as I made my way to campus, I was actually feeling mundane and dragging my feet when God reminded me of this vision He gave to me, and the reality of that 6000 un-reached campuses loomed at the back of my mind again. It made me realized that everything I do in __ counts and matters, even the most mundane things, and "normal" things like DG, because I must have faith in God that what I do here will contribute to a movement in ____that will somehow reach the 6000 out there!

I pray that this will drive us to our knees to ask of the Lord for the nations, starting with our own campus! Let's also pray that we will not only be concern with small things like how many people come for our LM etc, and for our students if they do well for their exams but pray that God will help them be a different "breed" of students, who will be a powerful force for His kingdom on your campuses. Please pray because warfare is real.
I know something is going to happen because God is working

from The Biblical Guide to Alternative Medicine by Dr Neil Anderson & Dr Michael Jacobsen, p87:

Gucci, Rolex, Stradivarius – just the mention of these names and one thinks of quality. These brands represent the best in their fields, and their products are so expensive that only the wealthy can afford them. And since ownership communicates a message of prosperity, many people in the world desire to own these products. The problem is that the price is so high that most will not pay it. As a result, there exists a black market of brand-name look-alikes. While these illegal products look like the genuine articles, they are not. Even so, they derive their value from the real thing by how closely their appearance mimics that of the brand-name product.
So it is in the spiritual realm… The Scriptures teach us that there is but one God; all other would-be gods are imposters. The Bible also teaches us that we were designed by God to worship Him and to have a personal relationship with Him. Since we are incomplete without Christ, and were never designed to live independently of God, we have this spiritual vacuum inside, an inner longing to be complete. Only in Christ are we made complete. (Col 1:28, 2:10). Many have never had the opportunity to meet God (the genuine article). Others have been introduced to Him, but they have decided that the price of such a relationship with Him is too high (humbling oneself, acknowledging His sovereignty, confessing and forsaking sin). They prefer to live independently of God and not give up control of their own lives and destinies. Thus, a black-market spiritual realm appeals to many people because it operates independently of God and offers power (without humility), knowledge (without study), and a person doesn’t have to give up sinful habits, materialism and autonomy. However, all it costs is our soul.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Many Aspire but Few Attain

many call Jesus Lord... but few really make Him Lord

when you say you'll follow, you'll obey... whose terms are you working on? yours or the Lord's?

some young people, after coming out of some bible seminar given by some renown, proven bible teachers (doctorate, prof level), can criticise and think that they know better. (eg. teach spiritual gifts using OT verse?!) pls lah... that person has read the Bible more than you have crossed roads, taught more bible classes than all the classes you've ever attended put together! such arrogance! such unteachable, hardened hearts will cause u to miss what the Lord is trying to show you.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

my dad sms-ed me this 2 days ago...

you either lose your pride to your loved ones or lose your loved ones to your pride.
(17 july 7.56am)

dat s so so right.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Angie sms-ed me early today:
'Evan, praying for u this morning and Deut 28:12 came to mind. have a blessed day. angie."
this was exactly wat i needed! Praise God!
---

the book of Habakkuk opens with questions on why God allows evil n suffering, shows us how God answers the prophet's questions. we can from it find hope n faith for whatever situations we face and know that God answers us. "The righteous will live by faith"
read Habakkuk today!
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=42&chapter=1&version=31
---

sometimes our successes n answered prayers can be a hindrance. what do i mean?
sometimes we think how God has grown us or answered our prayers will be how God wants to work in a new situation. and when we think that or work towards that, we are boxing God up, and worse, we may miss understanding how God wants to work in this new situation. sometimes answered prayers for success in min or a particular project can cause pride to insiduously well up such that when we approach a new situation, we don't go in with "Lord show us how" but "this is how the Lord has work, so this is how we would......" beware.
----

"it's not the hours you put in that count... it's what you put into the hours"

"tough times don't last, tough people do"

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

went out to celebrate my 6th ann with Pat n Jerry. it's always a gr8 time learning from them.
lessons learnt:
God calls and He works. there's absolutely no way anyone can claim credit. wait n see the wonders wrought by God's mighty hand. He will establish His will. n no one can thwart His plans.
Do not touch the Lord's anointed.
Pray. Lord, have mercy upon us. People are so lost. They need Jesus.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

my 6th anniversary!

as i begin my 7th year in full time, pray that i will
know and love God more and more,
be a faithful and effective servant of His.


LORD, I have heard of your fame;
I stand in awe of your deeds, O LORD.
Renew them in our day,
in our time make them known!
- Habakkuk 3:2

Lord i want to see spiritual movements.

"I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it." - John 14:12-14

send revival
establish spiritual movements
Glorify Your name

Friday, July 13, 2007

ok i'm back. it's really a blast! will update you soon... m on this crazy camps-dash... juz finished NUS FOC... now going for ST planning retreat. ciao for now

Friday, June 29, 2007

off to korea!

hahaha... now in T1 waiting to board my plane to korea!
will be there on a conference... haha... shall try to put the little korean that i noe to use... hopefully i wont b too shy to not try.

u take care yah... =)
you frens should have gotten my newsletter... if not, sms me wif ur email add!!




Monday, June 25, 2007

some of you expressed your concern after reading the last blog entry. thank you so much. =) i'm fine actually... juz was so piffed.

will really have to look into managing anger sometime. being angry is not wrong. but how one handles, expresses it... dat s where alot of us trip up. u cant deny it, suppress it, wish it away, pretend it isnt there... neither can u blow up, give it full expression, bring the inner havoc out. check out proverbs 14:29, 15:1, 16:32, 19:11, 22:24, 25;15 at http://www.biblegateway.com/

ok.. need to go... got meeting...

will leave u with writings (taken from a biography of him - A MAN WITHOUT COMPROMISE)of this amazing guy - John G. Lake (u do ur own search on him):

isn’t it marvelous, beautiful, wonderful to realise that mankind can receive into their nature and being the power and Spirit of the living Christ which contains the purging power to drive forth from the being every particle of evil, every sensuous thing in the thought and nature, so that the man becomes as Jesus is. that is what the blood of Jesus is calculated to do. that is what the Spirit of Christ is purposed to do in the soul of a man – the cleansing of the nature from the power and dominion of sin.

On the ground of what Jesus Christ did, the substitutionary sacrifice, God is able to redeem us from our sins. He is able to impart to us His very nature. He is able to give us eternal life, take us into His own family, so that we can call Him “Father”. Not by adoption only, but by an actual birth of our spirit, so we come into actual relationship and union with God and the age-old cry of universal man as been fulfilled.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

the reason why i had this drifty, floaty feeling is that i had ear infection! so yeah for the past few days i had to take loads of pills again... and my world spins periodically. had loads of trouble trying to lead worship last sun cos cant hear myself sing, my head felt like bursting when the band played, and the world whirls before my eyes when i looked at the congre. well... i was juz glad i didnt like fall down in the middle of it. so yeah. had taken leave for youth camp but turned out i couldnt stay with them. had to rest. so turned out the leave was taken so i can rest. m so disappointed i couldnt be wif them.

was very fed up the past few days cos i needed the comp very badly and i realised how reliant i m to the comp these days. sigh... cannot do work, cannot settle things.
n i m thankful for being able to e comp now... all thanks to liebe for lending me the laptop n inconveniencing herself.

today was a very productive day... back-to-back appts n rushing here n there.... tiring enuf... but i realised how i like to fill my days up so much to challenge n stretch myself n get many things done. i hate not being able to settle stuff.

but alas. i m v fed up now. pls dun mess wif my stuff... juz deal with ur mess. myob. it's so frustrating wen it's not ur mess u have 2 live with.

u ve no idea how much i was looking forward to shopping wif u tmr.
i ve blocked it out. cleared out my schedule. fine fine.
dun ask me the same questions over n over again. u dun rem my answer or u dun like my answer or u think i ll change my answer? i said i would do it means i would do it. i said yes. it is yes.

fed up. fat up. (oh btw, i m the fattest ever in my whole entire life. the weighing machine says so... so i m not making this up! no worries... i'm incorrigible. shant go on a diet.)

wish u wld hung ard even wen i was pissed.

wow... i've turned into one of those people who use blogs to tell pp off... tsk tsk. sigh...
i'm despicable! man, i suc

[transmission will resume once sanity has returned to the blogger. but dun bet on it. blogger does not condone gambling. blogger is now going to contact a higher power for help. the higher power being God- Jesus Christ.]