i'm so glad i finally went n got a manicure n pedicure!!!!!!!! haha... was waiting for 51 after lunch in front of a "hair n nails bar"... wait n wait... then turn n haha! in i went for an express! this has been on my "to do" list for soooo long... n i've been rationalising it away - it's a waste of money, i could do it myself blah blah... well... must say it really is money well spent cos i dun get dat much satisfaction outta 20 buckaroos!

shucks... now i have to match my outfit for HK's wedding to my pink nails! (was supposed 2 b d other way round...!) watever... i ll rummage my wardrobe tmr... now my bed beckons... oh oh... HK's prayer requests!

S'pore goes to the polls! GE2006

this will b d 2nd time i'm voting... last time was on my b'day. i'm so glad i get the chance to. this is how i realised it is indeed precious to be able to have a choice, to take it n choose... no wonder God gave us free will. without it... our lives will be a 'walkover' constituency.

s'pore govt is superb! where will we b without them? have no doubt, i'm pro-govt

i think this year, the opposition has pulled tog. the most candidates fielded. the most coherent n proper bunch since 1988 when i began watching politics. con't to grow guys.

my view on politics can b summed up in the latin quote by Decimus Junius JuvenalisRoman poet & satirist (55 AD - 127 AD):

quis custodiet ipsos custodes? - who will guard the guards??

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.” - Frank Outlaw

i think we r all on path to destruction. we kinda self-destruct... seriously.

look at yourself... dun u have times wenu look at yourself n have to admit dat not juz life sux, u yourself sux too? we love to be in control... but seriously... we have to admit we are more often outta control than we'd ve liked. man! wat's d hella wrong wif us??!

we make more mistakes than we've liked. n we tot we'd get it right this time... this time... imean, we keep at it long enuf we wld've driven off the bridge! n we tot being adults we've gotten it together... now we wish dat one day we would... get it all together, dat is... would we?? now, would we?

n we insist that no one should tell us how we should live our lives! like we noe better... do we? if we dun, y is it dat we resist on not hearing out d very One who can show us wat IS better?

Jesus says, "I am the way, the truth and the life..." and "my peace i leave with you... i do not give you peace like the world gives..."

listen 2 the song again... click on the "Who is Jesus?" n find out what else He's said... u really dun have anything to lose...

if u r a Christian n life still sux... u really need get outta driver's seat... n noe dis: http://www.greatcom.org/english/spirit.htm

may day! may day!

today i'm insisting on staying at home! yay!

sorry SL... gotta turn down ur invite 4 shopping @ metro. dun take it personally... as e classic 'break-up' line goes: "it's juz me, not u..."

weighed myself 2day. gained 2 kg! no wonder i cant fit in2 so many clothes anymore! church pp will notice sooner or later dat i wear d same pants 2 lead worship! cos it's d ONLY dress pants i can fit into! i cant go on like dis! must watch or else i'll really need 2 go shopping! (whoa... n u tot i'd jump at d slightest opportunity to shop! haha! actually no money lah...)

so... today's been TV, guit, edit essay (man! was tough! kudos to teachers out there!) DVD - Dark Angel! man... i din noe Jessica Alba is Dark Angel! haha... watched it like in 2000, din noe who she was! shall ve 2 plunge into 2 Tim soon... need it 4 my T-net! jere shouldn't have told me "u can take a few more days if u need..." i'm so de cun jin chi...!

mom made this bitter gourd soup... it's wat i call a sad soup! it's so sad drinking it! hey i love eating bitter gourd.. but that was "bitterest bitter"! n soup's supposed to b nice n 'comforty'... haiz... cant really eat juz dat n rice so i made my own dinner... n still drank the soup nonetheless...

"y do i keep doing dis 2 my nerves...?!"

dat s wat i ask myself every music pract n worship i lead! i get so spooked singing up in front even if the congregation dun get spooked by my singing! really... n u think it'll get better after so many times! ha!

abi tot she'll take a break n not come 4 music pract... n it was a disaster! i usu look 2 her 4 voice coaching... n then i din noe how 2 help d keyboardist wif the songs... i noe a little of wat i wan wif the guit n drums n can help in dat but.. keyboard?!?! yep i noe where all the notes r (as opposed to guit!) but i cant put a piece of music tog! so i juz basically hear the keyboard, i noe wat i wan... but i dunno how to help her play wat i want! so much for trying a hand at music direction! thankfully yesterday, DQ was there so he could help wif guit n drums better than me...

was good nevertheless... quite liked how we handled e music! today vince n abi din come (thankfully she told me earlier so i din panic) but i dunno how 2 wire my amp! so couldnt hear myself. think i went off for "The Offering", n "Give us clean hands" was a key too low 4 me... but e "How great is our God" acapella was simply wonderful! barry backed-up, DQ harmonised... so glad we went ahead n sang it despite me telling e band so last min, n pastor coming up. i nearly juz gave d mic 2 him! immediately after, kimi took my hand n whispered "it was so beautiful...!"(during benediction!)

D said my singing improved. really think u get better (at anything) wif pract..so maybe i shd lift up my dusty piano cover! n oh...K box any1?

really love my sis, bro n mom lor... so supportive! my bro always gives feedback at home - where i went off, wat was gd/bad etc. n these 2 times he tells me i was good right outside d worship hall. he rox!

eternal flame OD

for s sake of my mental health, doc prescribed listening to "Eternal Flame" only once a year, no more, definitely can do with less... i ODed... think it's at least 7 times since fri! 5 times in CBTL on fri's DG... i held up well... but it was d song wen the credits rolled out for "the Sweetest Thing" on Ch 5 tonight... i'm getting fits... wat's wrong wif the world?!

fri a 4-star day!

yesterday was a 4 star day! haha..DG was nearly 5 hours!!! was so shocked it lasted so long!! haha... i wasn't leading... joanne was. n it was a v well prepared, well led one! she asked gr8 questions, gave us verses to ponder upon etc... a healthy discussion...

i feel so happy juz hearing the answers JT, joanne, charlene n Blanche gave... there's understanding! it's right theology! Praise God! it's so cool 2 c faith grow! i could ve done a little dance there n then! n JT kinda got alot of things sorted out... how she's grown! yay yay!

n next week we gonna crash at joanne's pl, haf DG n watch movies! yay!

downed some food finally at 4 plus, reach J's pl at 530. had a hard time going thru essay outlines wif her... was lying flat out on her floor b4 long... tired... was tempted 2 go home instead of e art gallery. glad i went despite.

i was surprisingly in the "zone"! did up the sky n it was lovely! yay! it was like i juz knew wat to do... got the right mix, got the right strokes! even wen i plopped too much oil onto the canvas n did a little shriek, i knew how to rectify! wendy wasnt there so used J's palette knife... my sea became more calm... but still dun quite like e effect tho. i was running out of time so gotta leave it 2 next week...

went 4 supper after. was updating them re last fri how God used J to encourage me thru sms last week... J was telling PH how li hai i was wif her theses... PH asked me if thesis-writing was hard 4 me... it sure isn't... think i enjoy doing such stuff! hmmm.. is dis a sign to do my post-graduate??

n there at Mos, PH shared how her mom came to Christ... so miraculous! n encouraged J re her masters! man... it was so fun listening to her! grinning so wide she kept asking me "y?" haha... wanted to quote her unforgettable quote here... but i forgot wat it was...! was a really cool expression of faith n standing on the victory n authority of Christ. cant believe i forgot!

so fri was a whole wonderful day of listening to faith being articulated! thank You, God!

my mom juz scarred my hp 4 life! she hit something dat hit my hp n it fell fr my table! now my beautiful hot pink hp has a scar!!! SIANZ..........

movies: inside man & take the lead

wat got me outta the silent thingy was this - a movie marathon! met L on mon n she said "2 movies call marathon?!" well... dats how low my standards r these dayz... 2 movies n yes it's a marathon... n not juz dat... it made me REALLY happy! i felt like i got out of a rut n can get on moving! =)

22nd sat... 2 peeps i ve been trying to mit up wif asked me wat i was up to dat day... n i was free! yay! so after church meeting, i went down 2 orchard (in my sloppy 1999 FOC t-shirt, mismatching flip flops n specs. i felt terrible being seen in orchard in those but wat2do? confirmed meeting only after i left my house! ), grabbed dinner n caught INSIDE MAN wif Bu @ 7pm, went NYDC for dessert... dissected d movie (was so good to discuss abt a movie- plot, cinematography, intricacies woven in2 script, directing etc... cant really do dat wif some pp... verdict: we loved it! but juz cant understand d choice of song in the beginning n end of movie... bollywood?!?! so disjointed wif movie! other than dat.. it was a smart movie. cant stand brainless ones), talked abt fan fiction - she writes!!! - n (surprise surprise!) Dark Angel!! i din noe any1 who's watched d series much less loved it like she did! haha... so excited! n was inspired 2 draw Max sitting on d Space Needle! cant wait 4 d DVDs. din noe frivolous (d word bu used) talk was so rejuvenating! felt so so good!! talked till 11.15 then rushed back 2 tampines 2 catch TAKE THE LEAD @ 12.20am wif MZ... on the way back i could feel "me" coming back! yay!

4 d 1st time in her life she was early! man... 15 mins early! *applause*

take the lead was e typical sacrificial mentor -"u can do it", "i believe in u", underdog-steals-e-show... was reminded of how much i LUUURRFF dancing!!! i recalled saying "i miss dancing" countless times these past weeks!! then it hit me - i really DO miss dancing! ( i noe i noe, i'm slow...) friday evenings used 2 b 4 ballet... hmmm...

liked d movie all the way until the end where the competition was... then it felt like crap. diehard ballroom dancing fans really start dying hard here... man! e stuff they do... it's crap ballroom lah...! if i were e judge, i would ve thrown them out! creativity my foot! it was like orgy on the dance floor... totally degraded, defiled (!!) ballroom dancing! arrggghhh!!! irritated...! n the end everyone, even the judges, was doing "street"! man! crap!

there's a reason y ballroom dun mix wif street... juz like classical music dun mix wif funk! imagine jazz mixed with techno... jazz fans will flip! u lose the sophistication, u lose the structure, u lose the movement, u lose the grace!

reminds me of d gal in SO U THINK U CAN DANCE? she wore pointe shoes n did wat really were 'horse stance' n squats on pointe... n said her style was her own kind of ballet... too bad she wasnt sexy or anything. else they'd probably get her do movie sequel of TAKE THE LEAD --"GET THE POINTE?"

playing music vid: I wanna dance with somebody - whitney houston

sunday afternoon @ short peter

c wat c?!?!

super slacker-poser! love dis pic tho!




sarah studying...! jia youz! ..............n lydia shooting me!

speak to the hand!

i m more reclusive than u think i m. in fact, i'm more reclusive than i think i am! (dat s y i like those tests write-ups by the side bar. kinda accurate!) i used 2 think i suffer fr a "terminal" case of verbal diarrhoea... but i juz realised that now when i'm sad, angry, frustrated, more goes inside than out... n i need time (long time!) 2 process. i wish i could juz 'vomit it n get it outta my syst! BUT i cant juz blab like i used to... now i cant tell ya wat's wrong over msn or sms juz like dat... but thanks for asking anyway! appreciate d concern. i need 'down time' and prefer 'face time'. so...

so yeah... i shall end my blog silence... those who ve been faithfully looking out 4 new posts... sorry 2 disappoint! but here's some assurance, i'm back!

ya noe, i went 4 massage... n d masseusse (or therapist, as they r called nowadays) told me dat i m v v heaty! n if i dun get rid of d heat, my heart will burn! guess dats y it's been 'heartburn' time for me d past few weeks!

n wat s more disturbing was re my mother's day present... i m painting a pic (hope it'll be done by then!). my teacher n the gallery owner r art therapists... (how 'conincidental!') n they both saw my painting... their pupils dilated... in alarm. n they took long hard looks at it. i could c their brains churning pages n pages of psychoanalysis. haiz... i oso noe... c'mon, we study d same fraud... opps i mean freud! haha!

my teacher only said, "u look so calm on the outside... but there's alot of unsettledness..." the gallery owner, who crooned "oh... it's gonna b beautiful! i can't wait 4 it 2 b finished!" 2 weeks back, was deep in thought... n wen pressed by me 4 answers, she gave professional uncommitant yadda yadda(which is actually right of her). n said, " i noe this is not finished n i'm sure u'll add details... it's surprising dat the sky is so calm... yet the sea is so rough..."

now i get a taste of my own med!! all those times of psychoanalyzing pp, unnerving n giving them e feeling dat i noe something abt them dat they dunno... well well... how d tables r turned! now i m d 1 getting unnerved!

n my darling teacher who is my faithful prayer warrior sms-ed me later dat night saying she was reading the bible n came across this:

but when u ask him, be sure that you really expect him to tell you, for a doubtful mind will be as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven n tossed by the wind. - James 1:6

hmm... wonderful huh... so i've been spending sat n sun meditating n reflecting on chap 1... it's so right, so right!

i ve been silent on my blog for 1 week! quite a record! if i ever commit blog AWOL, it s either:
1) i'm swamped wif work. BUSY!!!
2)too messed up to write

this time cos no.2...

haiz... shake head... words arent enuf... they arent suffice... they cant even begin to grasp wat is! haiz...

I know You had me on your mind
When You climbed up on that hill
For You saw me with eternal eyes
While I was yet in sin
Redeemer Savior Friend

Every stripe upon Your battered back
Every thorn that pierced Your brow
Every nail drove deep through guiltless hands
Said that Your love knows no end
Redeemer Savior Friend

Redeemer, redeem my heart again
Savior, shelter me from sin
You're familiar with my weaknesses
Devoted to the end
Redeemer Savior Friend

So the grace you poured out on my life
Will return to You in praise
I'll gladly lay down all my crowns
For the name of which I'm saved
Redeemer Savior Friend

"If Jesus Christ is God and died for me, then no sacrifice can be too great for me to make for Him." - C.T Studd

Love so amazing, so divine
demands my soul, my life, my all....

haha... dis was wat kept me occupied 2nite!

inspired by a comic artist... a comment by her went something like: "u can do it too"... so decided 2 gif it a shot at copying her piece. wanted to do in graphic pens... but dun have... they so x! last time draw comics burned hole in pocket! must save up!wanted to do it in pencil... but wanted some colours to perk me up. n her original was done in colour pencils... so today 2 1sts!

1) 1st time drawing animae. never really fancied animae... so this kinda kicked start me.

2) dun like colour pencils since it is the medium i am worst at! i prefer softer mediums like pastels, charcoal... but after today... i wanna get a proper set of colour pencils! wat i used today r remnants of my bro's childhood!

thank you Sakura! n... was drawing to d cd joanne W gave me... animae songs... haha... got me soo in the mood! so thanks joanne! n thanks krys for shrinking this for me!

books i m reading concurrently:
- The ultimate make-over:becoming spiritually beautiful in Christ by Sharon Jaynes
- Under the Duvet (hilarious movel by Marian Keyes)
- Broken Children,Grown-up pain (understanding e effects of your wounded past)
- Psychiatry for Doctors. (cant believe i ve been reading this like 4 e longest time! juz dun ve d motivation despite all dat has happened!)
- the Runners Book of Training Secrets

i should be able to finish the top 2 books by tonight!

writing paper on:
- Develop a thesis on why you think society needs to be concerned for the development of mental illness. your paper is to be entitled "My philosophical belief in the causes of mental illness in modern society." just began my readings on it... so not a piece of cake!
- thinking abt doing one on grief since juz did course n i have ample real life cases at hand! too good to let up tracing their progress.

it's kinda uncannily "coincidental" (it's in inverted commas cos i dun believe in coincidents... i believe in... well read my previous posts!) dat it's gonna b like the 3rd psychiatric TB i'm reading, my recent developments in extended family, n current (f n y) situation dat this thesis actually even lands in my lap! hmm...

a word on grief:
tonight's episode of Grey's was on pain. the emotional pain? grief. and a patient asked Izzie how to deal with her grief... she answered "i wish i'd know". well, i hope all my docs-to-be and docs KNOW how to answer dat question.

so totally pissed!!!

arrrgghhhh!!!

highlight of my day

XL bought me a book! she s one of those (actually my only fren) who meticulously wraps books. she presented me a nicely wrapped "Going the Distance: How to stay fit for a lifetime of ministry". i was so excited! if i were to go into a bookstore to pick a book, this is the book i'd pick! n of course in her usual clinical, succint, pointedness, her note reads: "For you. continue to go the distance for the Lord." means so much... not juz cos she s so terribly dear to me... know me for more than half my life! but also the pertinent message of d book (dun get me started on dat! i got lots to say!)

the write-up behind says: "the Christian ministry is not a sprint; it s a marathon, a long term race, requiring noy just inital enthusiasm and ability, but staying power."

haha... i always say my min is a marathon... coming to med got me started liking long distance running... (sprinting dun work here). when i was younger, i hated running... i'd run my 2.4 in sprints n walks... which really doesnt work dat well. sure i get my "A" (now was it A or gold? cant rem!) but by yr2 in JC... XL always overtakes me ard 1.4... she starts slow... runs consistently n picks up her pace as she goes... n i m left eating her dust.

well well, as it turns out... this evening's weather is great. juz woke fr my usual sunday recharging nap... n was feeling to lazy to run... n was doling out excuses... now dat i ve blogged this... think i should be changing into my running gear... ifnot, i wont be ready for my half m at the end of d yr... need to keep my end in mind! so ciao for now.

eclectic

krys juz asked y i havent blog abt dis yet. so i might as well do it now...

Rachel said yesterday at DG @Millenia TCC: "you are an eclectic mix"
"of...?" i enquired
"of.............. emotions." n adds, "dat's d best word i can come up wif now"
fair enuf assessment. blog worthy.

e·clec·tic ( P ) Pronunciation Key (-klktk)adj.

-Selecting or employing individual elements from a variety of sources, systems, or styles
- Made up of or combining elements from a variety of sources
Source: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth EditionCopyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company.

adj : selecting what seems best of various styles or ideas
Source: WordNet ® 2.0, © 2003 Princeton University

faith

LOST 4 8 15 16 23 42
in today's episode:
Lorke: why is it so hard for you to believe?!
Jack: why it is so easy for you?
Lorke: it's never been easy!!

belief aka. faith is never easy...
we human beings, left on our own, like to take the path of least resistance... like water dat finds the path of least resistance n goes down into the ocean... we go down... we degenerate instead of grow.

taking faith steps is likened to "taking the plunge" cos it's never easy.
no one likes the idea of free fall (without the bungee attached, dat is!). people usually ends up in a gross "splat!" (trust me i noe!)

Christian life is a life of faith. "for without faith it is impossible to please God.." Heb 11:6

grab every situation that presents an opportunity to act in faith. faith is like a muscle, u dun use it, u ll get muscle atrophy. every opportunity to shrink away from acting in faith weakens you. dat's y it seems easy for some people to exercise faith and others struggle. it takes practice!

from my colleague's newsletter who is serving in Japan now:
"When you have to decided between 2 paths- always choose the one that requires FAITH, that requires you to CARRY THE CROSS. Then you know you are on the right path. Becos that path is one where you know you can ONLY DEPEND ON HIM. You CANNOT NOT DEPEND on Him."

Grey's Anatomy

http://abc.go.com/primetime/greysanatomy/

i defected from watching CSI to Grey's! man... rem i blogged abt how excited i was abt CSI Las Vegas coming back on Ch5? i havent even watched a single episode cos i moved my TV day fr tues to mon! LOVE this series! any1 got the DVD? pls pls lend!!

realise how TV drama has become more didactic these days? they have strong storyline revolving ard theme that is introduced in the first minutes by narrator. they teach u abt life, n they tell u dat (esp in their conclusions). they ve turned philosophical!

i like that, except sometimes while we sit there agreeing with wat the narrator is saying, we need to know that the wisdom is dat of the world nonetheless and we need to sift thru it wif values and principles in the Word. i'm not saying that u need 2 disagree with wat s said in. wat i m saying is that we need 2 b clear of wat we r taking in... cos if not, we Christians are quoting, and living out the wisdom dat really is fr the world instead.

always been left "Huh?"-ing re the cases n watching last episode, i resolved to know those things that flew past my head... so tonight i checked out the medical cases in Grey's.

Kalpana's illness: Munchausen's Syndrome. another PSY!

• It's a type of psychiatric disorder or mental illness. Those who suffer from it either fake or embellish disease symptoms and seek treatment for those diseases.
• Most people with Munchausen's fake physical ailments - but, some pretend they have psychiatric disorders - like schizophrenia or OCD.
• It's named after Baron von Munhausen, an 18thC German officer who spun tall tales about his life n accomplishments. In other words the disease was named after a notorious liar.
• Those afflicted will lie about symptoms, or make them up, in order to get doctors' attention. They'll also create symptoms by harming themselves (Kalpana took pills to produce heart arrhythmias) or falsifying test results (i.e. - adding things to urine samples).
• No one knows why some develop Munchausen's.

Doctor's suspect Munchausen's when their patients:

• Recite textbook definitions of symptoms and know an unusual amount of medical terminology (Kalpana regurgitated her symptoms to Stevens in textbook style, to which a surprised Stevens asks, "i thought your Ph.D's is in ____pharm. how is it that you are so familiar with ____ pharm?")
• Get better - then decline inexplicably
• Have multiple surgical scars
• Suffer fr stronger symptoms when no1 is present to observe
• Are almost eager to have invasive testing and procedures
• Tell a dramatic medical history with inconsistent details
• Won't allow Dr 2 speak with their family or previous Drs

The great irony of Munchausen's… those afflicted with it are willing to undergo extremely invasive procedures and tests to treat or diagnose their fictitious ailments. HOWEVER they refuse to acknowledge or be treated for the ONE condition they ACTUALLY HAVE - Munchausen's syndrome.

God-incidences. thank u Za!

mon night(technically tues 4th april cos it's 1.45am) after blogging, did QT. somehow by some God-incidence, i did Psalm 40... felt God speak to me thru it. said it as my prayer to God, claimed it for my circumstance...

still kinda sad in the day... hence the previous blog entry. was msn-ing Za in the middle of it... her empathy helped me release the pent up sadness... a simple "i understand" n "hugs". finally could bawl. (i always prided myself for being able 2 shed tears on demand... hey i got A for theatre of course lah but wen it comes to real thing... it takes a bit longer n much more sadness 2 cause the dam 2 break.)

then today, she sms-ed me to say *scrambles for hp*: "i was reading Ps 40 and prayed that for u!" wah...! m amazed! THANK YOU GOD!! so God-incidence! (u noe how many verses there r? wat r the odds?!) felt so encouraged...

told her... then got this in reply: "God is amazing eh. why dun u ask God for a verse to encourage me!"

hmm... i'll do dat... but God may not use the same method to encourage u as He did me... nonetheless He'll amaze us by doing beyond wat we can ask or ever imagine. thank you, darling, for how u always seem to understand; how u knew i needed a hug so desperately; how u allow God 2 use u to uplift n encourage the downcast. i love u

for Psalm 40 and other verses fr the bible, u can go to: http://www.blueletterbible.org/

how sucky can it get?!!!!!!!!! i m now sitting in my office drenched! i juz wiped myself dry with my jeans lest i catch a cold. man.. of all the days i carry my umbrella wif me... today i didn't!

sadsadsadsadsadsadsadsadsadsadsadsadsadsad

well, it could ve been worse. i could have struggled to bring back 100+ lose magzines myself in the pouring rain... i got a ride fr Josh. i m wet cos the rain's juz too torrential! the response of the distribution of the DVC mags could ve been worse... it was better than the M4 distri... frieda came to help wen i said i may not have enuf pp to give out... today's staff meeting... was a closure for AN... m reminded n m grateful for how i ve been blessed by their friendships. c so many things to give thanks for despite all the suckiness. for that i m thankful.

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
-Blessed be Your name (Matt Redman - Where Angels Fear to Tread 2002)

i cant believe it but i m still grieving. y m i so surprised? i studied it as a undergrad... n i juz did a continuous professional education course on "Understanding & Attending to grief & loss"! i'm supposed 2 b competent at grief counselling for goodness' sake! y m i so surprised? maybe cos i'd prefer 2 neatly fold it away after taking a long hard look... but alas... it's staying. staying longer than i would ve liked.

so... counsellor, counsel thyself.

Denial is not a river in Eygpt. it's an ocean! u could drown in it

nope... i need the Wonderful Counsellor Himself.

"And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you." John 14:16-17

of poems, apples n bananas

slept only 90min b4 going 2 church this morning... thot i d die... din!

D showed me e poem her darling wrote her titled 'Cognitive Dissonance'. wah... was so impressed! so moved! asked 2 publish poem or part of it on my blog. she paiseh... pending Yuppie reply... y cant i find a guy who writes poetry?! y they cant sing, cant write, cant dance?!?!?! n people ask me y i m still single?!?! *sulks* (no lah... dat's not my criteria. i m not dat shallow! er.... yah!i'm not dat shallow) D told me no need guy write, i write for my muse lor...

write? i refuse
no longer enthuse
wat's d use?
lost my muse
now a recluse

haha... had such a gr8 time after youth! juz dunno y we were in such a K song mood... sang Deng Li Jun's songs, "i don't wanna close my eyes...", weilun started singing "dang ni gu dan"... me took guit fr yanquan n played... then played "tong Hua" (e song he kept singing during announcements) d others joined in... so fun!

went swensons' cos yanquan wanna treat... he going 2 serve God n our country dis sat! i noe i said it alot of times juz now... but... THANKS Yan Quan! b assured of our con't prayers! go in the courage, strength, wisdom and favour of our Lord.

shared food wif charmaine, shared apple crumble wif An Ee... playing wif spoons, getting all psyched up abt dessert. here the story unfolds...

[comes by with the hot plate]
waitress: apple crumble?
[evan n An Ee signal to her. waitress places hot plate on the table n then pours bananas in, then the syrup. evan n An Ee look shocked]
An Ee: er.. apple crumble?
waitress: yah, apple crumble. [notices it's NOT apples but bananas on the plate] EH!!!!

i can still remember e look on An ee's face (which i think mirrored mine). he looked incredulous. we laughed n laughed. hey guy, (who insists, n i concur, dat we both ve e same gr8 taste!), if u cant stand having same msg ringtone... u change lah! haha... =p

some delightful mouthfuls later...

Charmaine: [takes spoon fr evan's hand, scoops apple crumble, feeds evan. says in a serious tone] you were the apple of my eye...
[evan's eyes wide with alarm, eats the crumble. Charmaine, scoops crumble n continues] you are the apple of my eye... you will always be e apple of my eye... until the end of time...

errr... next time, i'll juz go for the banana crumble.

usually i'll walk home from d outside bus stop or fr interchange. but when i got off the bus, i felt led 2 take the 2nd bus which stops beside my blk. my bus had barely moved 10m fr the bus stop when it poured! tho i had umbrella i would still be soaked 2 d skin if i had walked! i reached home wif umbrella unopened in my hand cos got sheltered walkway to my blk.. thank God. guidance comes in small ways, 4 small things too!

got alot 2 say... yet... nothing to write... words fall short... haiz...
times like this... i... need... a... hug...


n hey... my counter's been jumping... u, who s been reading my blog... tell me who u r k? got a scary blog reader recently... scared me...(haha... yes redundant, but it's THE adjective 2 use) so pls dun stay silent k?

juz uploaded this onto another of my site...

entitled "a Jog to remember"

my write-up on dat site: this is wat i do when i jog long dist... take pics during sunset! taken right at the end of Pasir Ris beach...secluded, scenic spot. i apologise for quality cos... its taken using my mobile phone. (hey i was jogging... cant expect me to bring proper cam right?! love the low sun n how long my shadow is... love the effect n composition... n of course the nice sand bar on which i ran on...

----

pic taken last June. amazing huh? bet ya din noe pasir ris got this corner! i got alot more g8 shots taken of sunset at pasir ris... wanted to 'stay with the moment' at dat time... but sun was setting fast... din wan 2 b there alone in the dark (no one near... notice no lamp posts too!)

haiz... i need to go jog! rain n rain today!

topsy turvy, sports n sorts

my day has turned into night, n night into day... this past week i have sleeping in the day n wide awake at night...haiz.... i really need to get it right.... like dat how to work?!?! =0

was awake watching sports last night... it then only occurred to me dat i do watch alot of sports. wanted so much to blog abt the winter olympics sometime back but i didn't... shant do it now...but juz one word - BEAUTIFUL!

watched the closing highlights of the commonwealth games... so glad we did well 5 gold, 6 silver, 7 bronze... n esp in racket games. tables tennis n badminton. made clean sweeps of mixed doubles. the triple spore flags being raised looked gr8! [applause]

disappointed in Li Jia Wei... lost 2 Zhang Xueling... 2 gold medals in this games, another 2 in... was it ASEAN games or ASIAN games? kinda 'flash in the pan' huh! dun get me wrong i really do like her... the ASEAN games endeared me 2 her... i like her personality n quiet demeanor... unlike the obnoxious Zhang and x table tennis heroine (Jing Jun Hong) who shouts and make weird noises during play... but fact of the matter is Jia Wei failed 2 deliver time n again! if Li got sportswoman of the year without a gold in her belt, Zhang should b more celebrated... realised i ve actually been following this sport quite alot! watched the Asian Cup Table tennis too. think i ve watched quite a number of No.1 Wang Nan's games.

n badminton! the m'sian Wong P.T & Chin E.H... informidable! they're classic case of 'do not judge the book by its cover'! i mean... Chin is oversized... doesnt look a bit athletic! yet... she s so fast on court!

i returned 2 playing badminton n finally gave up my resistance towards table tennis late last year... special thanks to my colleagues in community esp shirley n tin! hmmm... hope we can kip it up esp after the min reshuffle

n i watch golf alot too! gasps! nevermind dat i really cant explain e game 2 u... i really do follow the PGA tours! n last night, the Players Championship. 2 sports i gave up watching are basketball n soccer... dunno y... juz stopped watching NBA, n... 4 soccer... i'm sure the world cup will reinfect me wif soccer fever.

this song (one of my fav), "bring me to life" is dedicated

To you, Shushu, who has crossed over from death to real life. it's been hard on you. it's tragic. enjoyed d time wif u on 1st nov. i rem TONG HUA... said u'll teach me next time... i rem asking myself, "when?" i knew it'll b long... din think it'll b this LONG. 5th mar- y didn't u open the door? y didn't u reach out? i was SO close... i was there. i recall THE prayer 5 years back and it's the same prayer now. how accurate, how apt! may God answer my prayer. thru u i questioned n learnt much abt life - nature, nurture, consequence of others' n my sin, human deprivation; learnt much abt God - His love, mercy... till we meet again in heaven. finally. i cry...

To you, the living dead... may you know LIFE.

"Wake up, O Sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you"

after the wake

it's juz the restlessness in me... fed up wif e song, fed up wif how my blog looked... finally changed it. have been wanting 2 write my own blog skin but since i'll take a long time so settled 4 a simple blogger template for now.

came back home finally after living at the void deck since sunday... been one heck of a ride! slept n woke up at 8pm... been up n restless till now... (notice it's 4.50am!) man... i got training fr 9am-5pm... then another training fr 6.45 - 9pm! n it continues till sat... i think i m crazy. how m i gonna last?! how m i gonna concentrate?!

how's the wake? well... besides wat i've blogged earlier, it's really drama-mama... if u noe wat OTT means... it's OTT squared. (haha... theatre meets math) now i understood understood UNDERSTOOD my hereditary! performing is in my genes. *shake head*

big THANK YOU 2 those who prayed for me n my family during this time. was really a v emotionally n physically tiring time. was really bad. thanks for standing by me (esp 2 YT, Za...), sorry if i missed replying some of your sms-es... busy n stoned... dunno who i ve replied n who ive not.

thankful 4 d time wif relatives, n getting to noe them. thankful 4 the time we prayed together. it's the first ever! Praise God faith is found in the family. join me as i continue 2 pray for us for
a return to God,
a rekindling of genuine faith and fire for Jesus,
a release from anger, hate and pain, and
a renewal: deeper work of healing that comes only from the Spirit.

Dong-athon

hiaz... it s been very hard on every1, especially grandma. m really really really really dead tired. came back for a bath cos really cant bring myself 2 bathe there. slept a bit... now walking ard like zombie... headache since sat... shall have to DONG till wed afternoon...
will b making the void deck my "home". this is not the first time n i shudder to think this will not b the last. m so glad bro took leave to do "guard duty" wif me 4 this whole time. if not it'll juz b gals... had a gr8 time talking all night wif him. n found he can even sleep squating! impressive! hahaha... i can last better than him!
then i guess for the 1st time in my life i realised i got my "nocturnal" bit fr my dad.
since i was the person there most of the time, i had the chance to really talk deep one-on-one wif my relatives. m alone wif grandma most of the time... had a gr8 time wif her in the wee hours of this morning aft her sleep. finally was more conversant. n yes, i can really listen n talk like foreva... m amazed dat i can b so terribly awake anytime as long as there is someone who wants/needs to talk...
wakes do things to people. draw relatives closer, make people reflective, even feel remorseful or guilty for how they could have lived differently... things go beyond the superficial, beyond the taking for granted, beyond past faults and failures, beyond differences n grievances...
aiyah... i can go on and go... there's so much dat happened during last week n weekend i wanna blog down too... but headache...

"It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart." - Ecc 7:2

UNCLE PASSED AWAY yesterday.
..................

was so looking forward to CSI Las Vegas... my fav CSI series... cos i like the Las Vegas CSI team best... but wen it finally came back on TV last night, i was too tired... n chose to work dat one hour instead!! n then sleep at 11!! hiaz... n this is how i hav been spending my mon nights... not watching Grey's...! but infront of comp! shucks... i really wanna watch Grey's! y is it sooo late?

another sign of aging - change in choice of spending of time!

"hey, Boss!"

went down to Mass Media y'day after my follow-up visit 2 doc... was listening to my MP3 when i tot i heard, "Hey, Boss!" i turned ard 2 c Clarence. din believe my ears... pulling my earphones fr my ears, i asked, "wat did u say?" he replied wif a grin "i said, 'hey, boss!' "

wow! i was so happy! not dat i liked being called "boss" esp now since i m no longer his boss... but e v fact dat he called me dat (he used to call me dat last time n i told him not to) showed he din mind me being his "boss" then... n it wasn't a bad working relationship. and we still r on good terms! dis matters alot to me cos i m huge on relationships... n of course the whole work thing was always a little complex... so relieved cos i ve been too busy to 'followup' r/s since he changed dept...

other things dat made me happy these days:
1. number one definitely belongs to my hot PINK v3!! i SOOO love it!
2. catching up wif frens - Yiwei, Ning, WL... n yes, juz reminiscing old times n the fun n crazy things we did...! haha... last night i rem being at Chek Jawa all over again! sooo fun! was telling WL dis will b 1 of those i ll rem n grin over wen i m 80 years old!
3. seeing people interested in n seeking God! so much 2 write on dis! eg Da vinci mag give-outs, evangelistic thrusts... but dis makes all the battles, the struggles, the hard work, the tiredness, n of course the meagre pay worth it! hang in there, dear colleagues! let nothing move us, for we noe dat our labour in the Lord is not in vain! press on!! jia you jia you!!

PAPA prayer

Our great need today is not to do more for God, it’s to get more of God. Effective ministry does not begin with the search for opportunity. It begins with the longing for rest, for intimacy, for relationship. The more intimately we know God, the more powerfully we’ll serve Him – in little ways and big ways. The size of our service doesn’t matter. Whether we serve Him as we change diapers or lead crusades, what matters is how closely we’re relating to God.Is He our “first thing”? Or are we more interested in the blessings of life and the success of our ministry? Have “second things” taken over first place in our affections? Prayer is not about getting things from God. It’s about getting God. It’s our opportunity to fall in love with Him, to hear His voice, to feel His arms around us, to go for walks together, to chat with Him by the fireplace, to see the glory of God in the face of Christ when all else is dark.

Learning to pray the PAPA Prayer:
Present Yourself to God
Attend to How You’re Thinking of God
Purge Yourself of Anything That Blocks Your Relationship with God
Approach God As the “First Thing” in Your Life

check out: www.ThePAPAPrayer.com

everything happens for a reason

"everything happens for a reason..." every1 seems to say n adhere to this... i for one do too... but only cos i believe in a higher power. not an impersonal power like Gaia... but a personal, intimately involved God - Jesus Christ.

old frens getting in contact after so long, me coming online to find 'breakthru conversations', me taking a certain route to bump into someone... everything happens for a reason...

having said dat, then, it seems only proper to ask, "what is the reason?"

is it a chance to b a blessing? to stretch out a hand to help or b helped... an opportunity to know for growth? a lesson in character building or is it gonna b a degeneration of sorts? an increase in understanding of who God is, who He has made me to be?

i m not proposing a fatalistic viewpoint where everything is set already... rather, i m saying, uncovering dat "reason" is like opening a bow-tied present, a wonderful surprise prepared by a loving God, not 'out to get you', but for you to discover His wonderful plan, His wonderful purposes... n in dat, lies a choice for you.

for me... i m still learning... dere's much to learn... there's so much i dun get n dun understand... Lord, help me.

it's 11/3/07! haha... or 03/11/07.... however u like to write it... same as my b'day! =p

watever... -/

went 2 benita's birthday party...! yay! rg8 party! had fun wif u gals!

was kinda stressed out in the day cos cant finish wat i set out to do. cancelled my other appt so i can go to the party, n come back 2 con't (instead of going 2 e other appt). stayed there till 10.30 anyway... so now pia-ing on my comp still...

took the bike instead of bus... had a gr8 time with my bike! been some time since i spent time wif it. my trusty companion for so many years, for so many miles... come 2 think of it, my bike is as old as some of you at poiema! wah....! it's been with me for about 13years! now, it's old n rusty, the lights, brakes, chains need replacing... it has aged wif me. i love it!!

juz cycling thru pasir ris park n connectors make me realise how dangerous and dimly-lit the whole place is! being an avid jogger, i m v familiar with these parts during the day... but in the night, it's really too secluded. (not a place to b alone after dark) it wouldn't have bothered me in the past. not dat i m afraid or something but dat i was concerned. n, yes aging sandpapers away the foolhardy impudence n non-chalence of youth... gals, take care travelling on these park connectors. i'm sure you've read abt stories in the news these past months...

slept at 11 plus last night... n woke up at 5.05am!! was shocked, n kinda didn't noe wat 2 do... past 2 nights have been sleeping 3 hours only so guess 6 hours at a go was 'too much' sleep already. walked ard a bit then forced myself to bed again.

overdosed on Augmentin. accidentally took 2 tablets instead of 1! argh. so blur! hmmm... wonder wat will happen... heehee

work mail change server... somehow my mailbox kena problems... cant email... it's been a week... got alot of things to settle but cant! poor HQ peeps serving us so hard troubleshooting... feel so bad keep calling them.

tristesse!!!!!!!!!!!!

i think technology is boycotting me!! my PDA, my desktop n the new mailbox syst are all not working for me! n the best of it, i dun have time to call HP!! back to back appt from 9-5 tmr! n there are urgent mails in my work mailbox i cant access! the HQ IT has been helping me today but to no avail. haiz... i need help!

lung flung... somebody call d plumber!

i felt so very tired these past few days. i tot i had recovered fr the trip to batam n all so i was puzzled. until this morning when i finally realised my breathing was "labourious". something was very clogged 9not juz my nose). it was like dat for a few days n i wld ve juz let it past except dat today was worse n i had a bad brush wif lung infection b4. dis felt like it so went to c doc after staff meeting. yep. i was breathing in deeply thru my mouth when doc was trying to listen 2 my lungs n he said, "breathe thru ur mouth". man i was! n he said it was too quiet. hiaz.... wat happened?!?!?! no wonder past few days i was so tired n dizzy. was put on e nebulizer again. felt better aft but doc said not as good as he had hoped. all i was thinking was, "wat happened again?!?!?.... like dat cannot run liao lor!"

i used to log in abt 20K a week but now, it's less than 20k since the year started! but now... it's no-no. hiaz.... tristesse! (french word in case u dunno)

the past week was really kinda good... so many things 2 b thankful 4! had a gr8 time wif my M4 guys on wed. finally had all 5 guys turn up. so happy! beginning of Lent, meet up wif a number of students, had good talks, finally wore the pjamas i sew in sec 1, old fren (JY) annual b'day meet-up, fri exam blessing was fun... tried effervescent vit c tablet in d mouth (with OY. had gd talk with him too). gives u dis tingling feeling dat makes u happy, n of course, burpy! then had a dental student (YX) tell me dat's not good for the teeth!! eeks!

sat 4 remedial lesson:
remember past mistakes, dun repeat it!
the past comes around to haunt (threaten 2 tear open the healing wound) n test u... rise 2 d occasion!
Key: discipline n obedience

well, well, it was all good. thank u God.

Moulin Rouge

the prodigal returns... sorry, lagged at blogging... not dat i din wanna... juz got other stuff 2 do

anyway, MOULIN ROUGE was on Ch5 tonight! missed most of it cos stayed at YT grandma's wake... tot i'd give it a miss... alas... the last mins were too good too miss. haha... n yes once again, 4 the umpteenth time, i wasted tears on the dying songstress as she gagged, coughed, cried, sang n dance away the last few moments of her life. man, i'm making something so terribly romantic sound almost... terrible! haha.

nonetheless, in my opinion, i think dat's d way to go. i dun wanna die peacefully in the bed. i'd rather b up, doing wat i was born 2 do n put up the best show of my life n go out in a blaze! reminds me of Dylan Thomas' poem we studied in JC "do not go gently into that good night. rage rage against the dying of light." scary i can remember so clearly wat i did 10 years ago!!!

.TRUTH.BEAUTY.FREEDOM.LOVE.
"the gr8est lesson u'll ever learn, is to love n be loved in return." - Moulin Rouge

We love because he first loved us. - 1 Jn 4:19

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." - Rom 5:8

The LORD appeared to us, saying:"I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness. - Jer 31:3

u r loved. now, will u love in return?

the way i was made...
was listening to this over n over last month wen Grace lend me d album. liked it but it finally "hit" me 2 frudays ago wen i was searching for a song to choreograph 4 d conf. nope, didn't use the song cos it s too fast. women... 20-60 years...
n, today of all days i think this song's really is wat i needed. usually i love the lines;
"I want to dance like no one's around.I want to sing like nobody's listening... I want to give like I have plenty.I want to love like I'm not afraid."
today, it was
"Caught in the half-light, I'm caught alone...
Feels like I'm tied up, what's holding me? Just praying today will be the day I go Free.
...I want to be the way I was made."

came back today feeling all so vulnerable and shaken. (wBMwJY)
m reminded of how i really do need 2 cover all aspects in prayer. so needed someone 2 pray 4 me... God knew n sent 3. met Wei on msn (was telling God how i miss her), called Kim (she made herself available), n Charmaine encouraged me wif Is 41:13 (i think! oops!). thank u God!

"That's how much you mean to me!
That's how much I love you!
I'd sell off the whole world to get you back,
trade the creation just for you.
"So don't be afraid: I'm with you.
I'll round up all your scattered children,
pull them in from east and west.
I'll send orders north and south:
'Send them back.Return my sons from distant lands,
my daughters from faraway places.
I want them back, every last one who bears my name,
every man, woman, and child
Whom I created for my glory,
yes, personally formed and made each one.'
"Is 43:4-7 (The Message)

Chris Tomlin actually wrote a book of the same title! some extracts:
"You were made for more than this world sells...We were created to shine the spotlight on God, to spread the fame of God everywhere we go."
"The Bible clearly shows us that you and I have been uniquely created for a purposeful life. But here's the unamerican part: It's not meant to be about us or our career or our fame, it's all about God and His glory."
sounds gr8 huh... will check it out when i get the time...

JOHARI WINDOW

hey go check out and do this k? http://kevan.org/johari?name=evan-essence
Johari is NOT a malay name... haha! i personally think they should've gotten a better name4 dis... *shake head* anywayz, go do k?
kinda cool...
n, for those out there wondering wat i studied in NUS, this was wat i studied in my 1st social work module.

power nap weekend

came back on fri late aft, DEAD TIRED. went home. put lugguage, wash up. power napped 20 min then hastily went out to host Americans. was very very tired but felt kinda bad if i dun "jin di zhu zhi yi". brought them to Lau Pat Sat, then Night Safari. was too late so didn't bring them for durians. was fun being with them. no regrets... except dat the weekend was a dragging of my body and pushing myself for events aft events. sat am at punggol sec, power napped 20 min than rushed out for worship pract. was rather unprepared n really didn't know how i wanted the songs 2 b played.

yearning for bed whole of fri n sat. planned to sleep at 930 on sat so can b fresh to lead worship. but somehow felt prompted to turn on hp at 10+. got a voicemail. was a rather urgent/desperate sounding one. returned call. talked till 12+. told God He gotta help since He got me picking up this call. He did. woke up on sun still dark n felt fresh n ready.

was blessed to finally have a drummer so tried the tough, "beaty" hillsongs. n abi wanted me to teach "Still". agreed cos it fit into my theme n felt God wanted to minister thru dat song even tho i wasn't familiar wif it. abi had to teach me. n it did turn out dat so many people were bawling while we sang "Still". i was kinda blown away myself juz seeing how powerful it was. wanted to follow up on "with all i m" after teaching it in January so turned out sun worship was very "hillsongy". have nothing against them but i m not particularly very "hillsongy".

n was kinda feeling anxious cos the songs were not easy... n i kept going off key during sat n sun pract! but God showed up at service. i did fine. i really had to hand it to Him. i really have stage fright re singing. emcee-ing, acting, dancing, preaching, no prob. but i freeze up badly when singing. i always freak. n was really wondering why on earth i subject my nerves to such torture.

hiaz. God calls n works in weird ways. He chose to call n use me in worship. i juz gotta obey. i always tot i'd ve 2 minister in my weakness but it turned out to b an area of gifting. if u hear me during pract u'll freak too. but it seems i sing ok during the real thing! n i look confident n all. tho really freaking out inside. so, i'm discovering gifts this feb - hospitality n worship. hmmm... juz keeping my fingers crossed dat the freaking out will eventually go away.

sunday was another full day with poiema then WL training. i was surprised i even lasted dis long. went home to power nap 30 min. then woke for dinner n do stuff.

so yay for power naps n power fr on high! PTL.

will b away at batam this week. pray for me, pray for us ok? i'm kinda tired.
Please pray for me as I am in-charge of and emceeing the opening programme, games n recreation, teaching all the ladies a dance and a response prayer time.

116 staff ladies from S’pore, Japan, China, S. Korea will be attending. Pray for us to meet up with God individually as well as corporately.Pray for grace and favour, alertness in mind and for the ladies to enjoy, bond with one another and be ministered to.

Just let me say how much i love You
Let me speak of Your mercy and grace
Just let me live in the shadow of Your beauty
Let me see You face to face
and the earth will shake as Your word goes forth
and the heavens will tremble and fall
just let me say how much i love You
O my Saviour, my Lord and Friend

Just let me hear Your finest whisper
as You gently call my name
Just let me see Your power and Your glory
Let me feel Your Spirit's flame
Let me find You in the desert
till this sand is Your holy ground
till i m found completely surrendered
to You, my Lord and Friend

Just let me say how much i love You
with all my heart i long for You
for i am caught in this passion of knowing
this endless love i found in You
and the depth of grace, the forgiveness found
to be called a child of God
just makes me say how much i love You
O my Saviour, my Lord and Friend

valentine challenge

termed by Christelle for this thingy dat God spoke to me abt years back...

was d day after Vday. was so "walking in the clouds", head over heels, dreamy as can b after VD. juz thinking abt my valentine (note small v) brought a grin to my lips, a warm glow to my face, a sparkle to my eyes... my heart missed a beat juz thinking the face in my mind might come into view when i round the corner... when God asked me - how is it dat i don't desire Him as much? how is it that i don't yearn for the very next time i can turn my full attention to Him? why doesn't my heart leap at the th ought of Him? why is my mind never as occupied by thoughts of Him? God gently challenged me to rethink my love relationship with Him. I felt His tender, yet jealous heart for me.

n i shared to my M1 gals think 2 weeks back. told them to evaluate their relationship with the Lover of their soul and take time to renew their passion for the Him. Christelle said dat it's different- our relationship wif a person n wif God, but she got the gist of wat i was trying to say n told me she'll try my Valentine challenge.

well,i should take up this same "challenge" n spend time with the Lover of my soul... NOW. bye...

you are
3 words
SHORT

r cc

valentine poems

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach
~Sonnets from The Portuguese, Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Thou art my life, my love, my heart,
The every eyes of me,
And hast command of every part,
To live and die for thee
~From To Anthea who May Command Him Anything, Robert Herrick

Flesh of Flesh
Bone of my Bone thou art,
And from thy state
Mine never shall be parted,
Weal or woe
~From Paradise Lost, John Milton

Here is my hand, and with it let all hands be given, and be held in yours and mine.
~from Meeting With a Stranger, James Kirkup

pink pink pink!!!

bought the hot pink motorola Razr V3 on sat... i m so happy wif the buy! i love flip phones, i love pink, i love motorola!! gonna carry it in d hot pink pouch! got pink Gola sneakers juz b4 chinese new year (juz $20 bucks! thanx Eunice!), started carrying my hot pink 'plastic' bag (they got a more 'atas' name for it... but since it's like so out of fashion, i cant rem wat it was called... again, thanks Eunice!! so sorry din start using it wen u gave me... sigh... i'm such an last-last-season person huh) haha...! i m so gonna "pink out" on sunday! hey poiema gals... join me lah... wear pink!!

n, now my blog's pink!! haha... actually it's not really my doing!! the blame, i mean, the credit goes to d wonderful May-ann who kindly helped me change my template after my stupid goof-up. d blog juz couldn't update my new entries since 4 feb... tho i was blogging still. i felt so 'constipated' esp since the past week has been so evan-ful! i mean... eventful...

juz a quick run thru "highlights". WAS not the 'lose things' kinda person until last sun (5 feb). since then, i lost 2 water bottles (those throw-away mineral bottles. but ya noe how much i drink a day... so dat was a little crisis...), n my Easi-link card (n along wif it my precious moments card case!!!) n i guess dat's wen i messed up my blog's html too... hiaz...

my mom oso told me she could c i was stressed. hope i can get stuff all done up by next week's women staff conf!

anyway, i'm putting myself on pink therapy for an indefinite period of time!! pink power! haha.

to be or not to be, that is the question...

to be a RSW or not to be?! it has been weighing on my heart n mind these past weeks. hiaz... i realise a huge part of the stress i m feeling is juz cos i m ding dong-ing between "yes, i'll go for it" n "no, i'll let it go". n the worse... it seems, i cant hear anything fr God. note: it seems. i think He spoke... but i m unmotivated to pursue to licence... hmm... aiyah.

Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you help them become what they are capable of being.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

CPE

was so freaking out last night regarding CPE (Continuous Profession Education). my licence is expiring in mar 06! man.. how do i clock in my hours? i still need at least 80 hours... aka 80 CEUs (Continuous Education Units) by the end of Mar! ahhh....!!
not to mention the exhorbitant costs! i'll need at least 2k for courses to get 70 CEUs!
it is so tiring...! it's like juggling 2 jobs! it's so tough cos i m not in the practice. if i am working in a social service org, i would have the time, the allowance for it. but... as everything else, i have to raise this... n go for CPE on top of min.

why? why do i need to maintain my licence? well, for one, even obtaining it in the first place was God-arranged. i am not in the line... yet somehow, i qualified! graduates fr NUS since my time had to b in the practice for at least 3 months before they can start applying!! this itself is a miracle. n, esp last year, my licence came in so handy for the tsunami recovery efforts, for community min's strategy n LT plans... it made sense... but despite this, God i dun wanna work 2 keep dis licence 4 my own 'ambition'. really. the licence to me is not impt. i cant see y i need it. but if it is impt in my min, n U wan me to have it, U need to pull another miracle... it is impossible... i leave it in Your hands.

CNY

m surprised i m really enjoying my CNY! haha... i was surprised comments and questions like "wish u find ur Ru Yi Lang Jun soon!", "hey quick quick get married ah?", "still no boyfriend ah? not young leh..." didn't bother me and i took it in good humour and sincerely acknowledging n accepting their well wishes etc. even hearing Daniel Beddingfield's "If you're not the one" twice didn't bother me. haha... yes i was 'untouchable' yesterday!

the day started with me nearly hyperventilating... was so freaking out. wo de di yi ci... bro said can c i was nervous throughout. worship went well... despite keyboardist n guitarist not sync-ing at first, mic dying on me, so had to use back-up's mic, so no back-up etc... was still so 'traumatised' till late in the afternoon tho. was really encouraged by affirmation given by so many. i must say dat God showed up. (nb. ref to journal entry)

the weather was great! had a good time at grandma's. she din do her 'show' as i had expected. 3rd aunt n family there... then jiu kong po's family came in full force... was fun juz seeing 12 adults and 7 kids in a one-room flat n d havoc created.

then over at po po's... everyone was there relatively early.(usu late late aft) it's always so gr8 2 haf 4 generations tog. man... my cousins r so chio!! then went off to da gu's pl while the rest went 4 dinner.

gr8 time at Da Gu's. had a deep heart-to-heart talk. she really is such a fillial daughter. had a gr8 time wif sis wen we had the whole dinner table 2 ourselves... man! she can remember so many details of our childhood. eg. how i provoked her by taking her fav pink handkerchief n threatening to use "with my milk-breath" on it(she hates milk!) which led 2 her chasing and biting me on the back and how she refused to let go of her bite until i returned her the hankie!haha....! n yes... how she invented the game FRANKENSTEIN! so so fun!

joined our cousins later in the night at Fisherman's village. it's been so so long since we had "full" attendance... 2nd-5th aunts' kids i mean... we hanged out till 4am... so fun drinking, watching midnight movie, then supper, reminiscing good old times (man! we are like so old now!?!?! we needed to start with 'more than 20 years ago....') and e younger 1s listening 2 'old grandfather's stories'. haha... had so much fun! talking abt e silly n naughty things we did, e scary movies we watched dat made me so frightened, and playing MAD DOG!!! sigh... we really had so much fun!

so thankful to God for family. n thankful 2 know how some r growing in faith n trusting the others dat they too will soon return to Him.

in her shoes - the movie

caught it sometime back with Bu. only got time n space now to sit n blog it. check out my entries on IN HER SHOES in Nov 2005. all the poems r there too. all my "imaginings" were not too off afterall. was so relieved the movie did not disappoint! it was GOOD!!! Maggie wasn't such a dislikeable character. Cameron Diaz did a great job making her look real instead of plain bimbotic n devious. (her body...wow!) toni collete was exactly was i thot Rose should b. i was almost convinced her teeth was made up. (any1 can verify dat? toni collette doesn't have a gab in her teeth in real life but she did in the movie.) the director did a gr8 job in cutting the novel down into a 2 hours show. the parts that were crucial to the development of the plot and the integrity of the characters were there. Kudos to that!

what was in the novel that was not in the movie:
Maggie's princeton stint. i was a little shocked when she went to Palm Springs 2 look for grandma instead of Princeton. i thot the movie's gonna leave out the crucial intellectual growth and character change... and my fave literature lect where the significant reading of "The Art of Losing"... but no it didn't! it was wonderfully woven into her stint at the hospital which i thot made it alot more concise n meaningful. Stein is not dorky n pesty in the movie... which makes Rose settling for him a tad more sweet.

unforgetable lines:
"... you will want to eat with me for the rest of your life." the whole theatre went "AWWWWwww..."
"what completes you?" Stein asked Rose... she didn't know... she needed to find herself. nearing the end, she told him, "my sister completes me."

the two sisters who thot they couldn't be more different reminds me of my sis n i. wanted to watch the movie wif sis but she's not willing to spend on movies... will get the VCD n watch wif her...
wat the novel and movie did for me: uncovered my desire to have a deeper relationship wif sis... she is so dear... n yet... i dun tell her or show her dat.

well, the only appropriate ending to this entry would be:
Hui, i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart) from E E Cummings' poem of the same title read by Maggie to Rose in IN HER SHOES

Theodore Roosevelt quotes

“it is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of deed could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; who does actually try to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.

Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.”
– Theodore Roosevelt, Speech before the Hamilton Club, Chicago (April 10, 1899)

There is not a man of us who does not at times need a helping hand stretched out to him. and then shame upon him who will not stretch out the helping hand to his brother.

take a 10 sec silence to mourn the demise of my fav T-Shirt - "Now What?" it's been with me since dec 1995!!! finally tore at the shoulders while i was playing badminton yesterday! sob... sigh... i always knew *music playing* "I'm to sexy for my shirt... too sexy for my shirt..." hahha...! man... i'm bipolar. muahahaha

i'm so so tired this week!! something's wrong wif my syst... not falling sick... but my cycle's topsy turvy...! n i get so dead tired n can hardly do anywork at night after i reach home. can u imagine i actually slept at 9 on my sofa after my dinner on mon nite without watching Gray's Anat n Srcubs? i juz KO. n.. i dun usually 'fall' asleep. anyway the situation din not improve over the days. was barely awake on my way home... so so... dead tired!

oh... nearly signed off... but...

m reading The Divine Romance by Gene Edwards (one of my fav Christian authors). the book calls me back to a deeper love relationship with the Lover of my soul.. m kinda captivated by God's love and desire for His bride, the church. the unrelentless and unwavering affection... compels and draws me to reciprocate...

Love the Lord with all my heart, all my soul, all my mind, and strength...

everyone needs someone

i finish Memoirs last thurs... got alot of thots on dat... but will write more on dat after i;ve watched the movie... anyway, one thing dat hit me fr dat was the influence of a mentor...

Sayuri had Mameha... n she flourished under her. Pumpkin had Hatsumomo... n even though Pumpkin hated Hatsumomo... the latter's bitter spirit rubbed off unto Pumpkin who eventually bore hatred towards Sayuri dat resulted in her exacting 'revenge' instead of being able to receive love and rebuild the friendship between them.

everyone needs someone to mentor... and whether u know it or not, both come away from it changed. something abt the mentor, as well as something of the mentee gets rubbed off and onto the other...

was home last thurs evening. was trying to finish reading Memoirs when mom started talking to me. she shared how the lady she was mentoring was growing so much, was struggling with a big trial etc... i was glad dat she had my mom to journey wif her. she grew so much in such a short time and not just her... but it seems she helped my mom as well. it seemed mom's ministry calling n gifting is getting clearer from where God has been placing her and what God has been using her in.

then mom went on to share abt her own struggles etc etc... i was a little impatient to get on with my reading, yet, something nudged me. listen. be all here. i put my book down and listened. after her sharing, mom actually thanked me for being home, for listening to her! 2x!! i almost cried. she didn't have to thank me. she did cos it is sucha rarity! it just shows how often i m not home, how little i sit to listen! will try to be ard more often.

History of Dentistry and Dental Care

By Mary Bellis

Dental Fillings - Dental Amalgam
Cavities are holes in our teeth created by the wear, tear, and decay of tooth enamel. Dental cavities have been repaired or filled with a variety of materials including: stone chips, turpentine resin, gum, and metals. Arculanus (Giovanni d' Arcoli) was the first person to recommend gold-leaf fillings in 1848. History of the Debate about Mercury

"French dentists were the first to mix mercury with various other metals and plug the mixture into cavities in teeth. The first mixtures, developed in the early 1800s, had relatively little mercury in them and had to be heated to get the metals to bind. In 1819, a man named Bell in England developed an amalgam mix with much more mercury in it that bound the metals at room temperature. Taveau in France developed a similar mixture in 1826."

Dental Floss
is an ancient invention. Researchers have found dental floss and toothpick grooves in the teeth of prehistoric humans. Levi Spear Parmly (1790-1859), a New Orleans dentist is credited as being the inventor of modern dental floss (or maybe the term re-inventor would be more accurate). Parmly promoted teeth flossing with a piece of silk thread in 1815. In 1882, the Codman and Shurtleft Company of Randolph, Massachusetts started to mass-produce unwaxed silk floss for commercial home use. The Johnson and Johnson Company of New Brunswick, New Jersey were the first to patent dental floss in 1898. Dr. Charles C. Bass developed nylon floss as a replacement for silk floss during WW II. Dr. Bass was also responsible for making teeth flossing an important part of dental hygiene.

Dentist's Chair
In 1848, Waldo Hanchett patented the dental chair. Dentist's Drill On January 26, 1875, George Green patented the first electric dental drill.

False Teeth
date back as far as 700 BC. The Etruscans designed false teeth out of ivory and bone that were secured into the mouth by gold bridgework.

Novocain - Alfred Einhorn There is historical evidence that the ancient Chinese used acupuncture around 2700 BC to treat the pain associated with tooth decay. The first local anesthetic used in dentistry was Cocaine, introduced as an anesthetic by Carl Koller (1857-1944) in 1884. Researchers soon began working on a non-addictive substitute for Cocaine, and as a result German Chemist, Alfred Einkorn introduced Novocain in 1905. Alfred Einkorn was researching an easy-to-use and safe local anesthesia to use on soldiers during wartime. He refined the chemical procaine until it was more effective, and named the new product Novocain. Novocain never became popular for military use; however, it did become popular as an anesthetic among dentists. In 1846, Dr. William Morton, a Massachusetts dentist, was the first dentist to use anesthesia for tooth extraction.

Orthodontics
Although teeth straightening and extraction to improve alignment of remaining teeth has been practiced since early times, orthodontics as a science of its own did not really exits until the 1880s. The history of dental braces or the science of orthodontics is very complex. Many different inventors helped to create braces, as we know them today.

• Historians claim that two different men deserve the title of being called "The Father of Orthodontics." One man was Norman W. Kingsley, a dentist, writer, artist, and sculptor, who wrote his "Treatise on Oral Deformities" in 1880. What Kingsley wrote influenced the new dental science greatly. The second man who deserves credit was a dentist named J. N. Farrar who wrote two volumes entitled "A Treatise on the Irregularities of the Teeth and Their Corrections". Farrar was very good at designing brace appliances, and he was the first to suggest the use of mild force at timed intervals to move teeth.

• Edward H. Angle (1855-1930) devised the first simple classification system for malocclusions, which is still in use today. His classification system was a way for dentists to describe how crooked teeth are, what way teeth are pointing, and how teeth fit together. In 1901, Angle started the first school of orthodontics.

• In 1864, Dr. S.C. Barnum of New York invented the rubber dam.

• Eugene Solomon Talbot's (1847-1924) was the first person to use X-rays for orthodontic diagnosis.

• Calvin S. Case was the first person to use rubber elastics with braces.

Invisalign Braces
invented by Zia Chishti, are transparent, removable, and moldable braces. Instead of one pair of braces that are constantly adjusted, a series of braces are worn in succession each created by a computer. Unlike regular braces, Invisaligns can be removed for teeth cleaning. Zia Chishti, along with his business partner Kelsey Wirth, founded Align Technology in 1997 to develop and manufacture the braces. Invisalign braces were first made available to the public in May of 2000.

Toothpaste was used as long ago as 500 BC in both China and India; however, modern toothpastes were developed in the 1800s. In 1824, a dentist named Peabody was the first person to add soap to toothpaste. John Harris first added chalk as an ingredient to toothpaste in the 1850s. In 1873, Colgate mass-produced the first toothpaste in a jar. In 1892, Dr. Washington Sheffield of Connecticut manufactured toothpaste into a collapsible tube. Sheffield's toothpaste was called Dr. Sheffield's Creme Dentifrice. In 1896, Colgate Dental Cream was packaged in collapsible tubes imitating Sheffield. Advancements in synthetic detergents made after WW II allowed for the replacement of the soap used in toothpaste with emulsifying agents such as Sodium Lauryl Sulphate and Sodium Ricinoleate. A few years later, Colgate started to add fluoride to toothpaste.

source:http://inventors.about.com/library/inventors/bldental.htm

the energy for work, the mastery over self, the deliverance from fear, all spiritual results and graces are much advanced by prayer. the difference between the strength, the epxerience, the holiness of Christians is found in the contrast of their praying

- adapted from Edward Mckendree Bounds, 'Draper's Book of Quotation' 1992 Edition

yay! fri d 13th! i like fri n i like 13! haha... personal retreat today... was a much needed time...

woke up to c the sun! Yay yay!! nope... did not go out... went str 2 clear laundry...! while doing dat missed the Garang Guni man.... hope another one comes by... need to clear the papers... writing this now while waiting for my last batch of clothes in d machine. i'm always e"huang lian po"! haha... juz needed sun n leave (no work) to bring it out! yes the sun... n the prospect of retreat today cos me to be so cheerful...

dis week has been good. on sunday night, i told God, "can YOU PLS encourage me?" it felt so hard to gather d min tog... was kinda discouraged tryng to get it moving tog - DGs n the whole. n He did...!

mon was pizza party... PL n some others i din expect came... raining, so no rooftop star-gazing, din get enuf food (kena cheated... the food was so little.... paid $21 4 pathetic, small portions of finger food) etc... but pp got come... was simply contented n thankful mopping floor at 10pm... went to overnight prayer meet in church... reached at 1am... funny how it takes forever to travel in s'pore despite its size! was surprised got quite a no. of pp. n parents even brought their kids! wow... n of course, besides praying i people-watched. n i saw, clearer than during svc, gr8 couple dynamics. i am thankfu 2 c the love between husband n wife, n how some complemented n served God tog so well (D & J, B & P, TH & MH C & E...) i m so thankful dat there r strong marriages in church. i'm so thankful dat pp were given to prayer for d church.

tue was Haji... rested. juz read n played my guit. was a good sabbath for me! mag asked me out... but sorry gal... juz needed to stay home. desperately wanted to 'hang out at home' since "home" has been a place i come back to at ard 12am n get out of at 8am during weekdays.

met up wif Jerry on wed. really appreciate the frenship. had a deep, honest talk. i was so paiseh in dec wen he asked me out, i gave him 90 min timeslots to choose fr! he was like "wat?!?! feels like making an appt wif doc/ dentist/ psychologist!" glad dis time was more leisurely n cld really enjoy dinner. this is another thanksgiving for 2005. thank God 4 giving me elderly male frens in 2005 who have encouraged me much n fr whom i ve gleen much insights. Jerry gave me till 2007 2 get out... we will c...

"we will see" has been my tagline since last aug. man d ride became way rough since then n really... haha... dat's all i can say to so many things. with a mixture of faith n resignation actually. God does work in mysterious ways.

thurs Med nite... haha... it had different names... was ok nevertheless... thankful dat more pp did finally commit to come... weeks before dis week it was PATHETIC n i was so frustrated. NYP health sci pp, grads, med, den students, JC students etc... not too big, yet a cosy comfortable number. i m contented. let's c how we move on fr here n build on dis.

n fren sms-ed me to give me OTG... small amt, yet encouraging enuf. m content.

"we will c" my tag phrase, contentment is the goal n reward of d day... really... how can one not b wen we c God at work... n man, He is wise. His ways... cool. we will see... see God reveal and work His ways... n thence can only b amazed n content. GOD IS GOOD.

wow... dis is a long entry...!

my baby!

Announcing the arrival of my baby on 5 Jan 12.12am!!! costing 2280... baht!!! 95 Sing. yeah yeah...!! thanks Tin 4 helping!!!! she sounds gr8! slim n sleek! i m so excited. have been playing with my baby everyday since. her arrival rekindled my love for playing guit. it's been so long...!

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it has been so long... since i lost my first guit, a classical... lost in EA. sad sad. really miss it. was given me by my aunt. she bought it when she co-founded Guitar Ensemble in TJ 30 years ago...! was of a good brand. sound was GREAT. had a "FAITH" sticker on it. uncle gave me a replacement... but it's not the same y'know... my prayer is dat the faith guit will find itself in hands of christians. i hope it'll travel to places i wont go n accompany people in worship unto Jesus. *sniff*

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i was in tingles everytime i thot abt it every since Tin told me she got it n i transferred the money... n i was to get it wen she touched down... i wondered: how does it look like? will i like it? i was trying to imagine but cant... so exciting... haha...

e day of it's arrival, i rushed down to the airport fr GC... was late... tin had arrived. ran to BK to look 4 her... with head turning frantically, eyes wide and searching, n a bladder full of piss (haha! OFP), i saw my baby! it kinda felt like how some people described the way they felt when they were adopting their kid... there she was, on the trolley... my heart skipped a beat!

Yeah yeah! cant wait to plug it in... right now, must polish up my playing b4 showing her off!

christening prayer:
May u inspire and ignite the desire to worship in spirit n in truth. May God draw His beloved to yearn for and sing unto Him.
"Sing to Him a new song; play skillfully, and shout for joy." Psalm 33:3

1st time in 14 years my name is not on the sunday sch roster! hui passed me the paper to haf a look in the wee hours of sunday n a sort of funny emotion came over me as that thot hit. it's a mixture of slight "yi yi bu she", n a split sec of wondering if i did right to come out of it 2 go to youth. i mean... 14 years! wow... i really do like all my kids (esp d pre-sch!) even tho my last class of p3 n 4s was plain disrespectful, boisterous n frustrating.

n 1st time my name will appear in the music min roster.

so many 1sts already! 2006 promises no short of stretching experiences n adventure. Yeep was reminding me after service dat pp like us who can do alot always tend kena 2 b over-stretched.

well, i dun have a big prob saying "no". juz rejected translating 4 svc... i hope dat counts. i guess the tacky part is discerning wat to say "yes" to. (said "yes" to anything to steven. "yes" n "no" to abi.) there needs to be a healthy balance of saying "yes" to God-ordained growing pains as opposed to man-imposed over-extension. need time to sit myself down to check my 06 commitments. as it is, it's too much already. well... i endeavor not to over-estimate myself this year (i like 2 b under-stated). n of course to observe my sabbaths.

i insist dat: dis. is. not. my. resolution. haha... i think "new year resolutions" are sure-fail.

of pride n prejudice

darcy reminds me of B. reading the exchanges between darcy n elizabeth made me miss conversing with B. i was kinda taken aback by dat very thot. really... B is so like Darcy on so many accounts except the physique. of course... a very marked characteristic similarity is his insolent pride... as thot of by so many. n me, haha... as biased against him as i could be.

anway, really do miss B. the intellectual discourses; the exchanges in pride; the critical word battles; the defending of personal prejudices... etc etc etc etc. hiaz. wat can u expect from a MCP n FCP both given to debating? dat opportuned our getting better acquainted... yet also proved to be our undoing.

wat happened? a long series of unfortunate events dat climaxed to a pathetic, miserly quarrel on the icq. last met unavoidably at a wedding dinner... whose icy hostility towards me was evident to all at the table i had to beat a hasty retreat from. n as if to confirm dat the episode was not a figment of my imagination, my fren who was wif me asked, "wat did you do? He HATES you!"

there's no situation necessitating an iron-out, or reconciliation for that matter. so in an ironic turn of tables, my pride is still hurt, n B, is still prejudiced.

my biggest thanksgiving in 2005

i JUZ realised... when i was replying an email... dat i have much to thank God for in 2005... the biggest thanksgiving is seeing my siblings walk so close with God. it's so gladening. to hear how my bro, in BMT, sought out Christians, gathered them to pray at 430, chose not to hang around the table filled wif porn mags, how he, having moved to a new camp, found Christians and initiated worship and prayer sessions tog. to see how my sis grew in faith in God; how she takes on min commitments dat she could say "no" to, but instead, "yes" in faith and out of a burden to meet a need she sees. and of course, the times they chose to extend forgiveness to me. m humbled n thankful. thank you God.

in "Finding Nemo", Dory said to Marlin, "When I look at you… I'm home."

Hwee ended her email update with that. it's Remi's and Yves' fav animation. reading news from her and from friends so far away juz makes them seem near. i can almost see her in my mind's eye, in that little, tugged away, scenic village.

her letter
reminded me to pray for her, n her family, for france n it's 47% divorce rate and families with members having 3,4 different last names and people going thru marriages "keeping their fingers crossed" dat it'll work out...
called me back to be mindful and thankful of the little pleasures of life, and to our God who is so faithful.

God bless n keep you all, Hwee.

T T Durai... hiaz...

The memory of the righteous will be a blessing, but the name of the wicked will rot. - Prov 10:7
A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold. - Prov 22:1
A good name is better than fine perfume - Ecc 7:1

wat happened??
he forgot who he was serving.

so it is wif us if we are not careful...

Charities exist for the needy
// Christians exist for God (to worship God n enjoy Him)

we were appalled n shocked dat only 10% raised went to the patients...
yet...
we who say we live for Christ, n unabashedly quote n say "amen" to Philippians 3:8 "I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ", we content to give God a mere 10%, not of our all, but juz our money?! mere 10% (nonwithstanding some WAY less!). some say, well... dat's wat the OT states wat... actually... the NT's standard is higher... since we live not by the letter of the Law but grace. shouldn't we re-look into wat we give to God juz as we query into charity exp?

give God wat's right, not wat's left

motto of d year

D.W.I.T

"If Jesus Christ is God and died for me, then no sacrifice can be too great for me to make for Him." - C.T Studd

my fav hymn
Love so amazing, so divine
Demands my soul, my life, my all
- Issac Watts

My Presence will go with you

His unfailing Presence

Another year i enter

it's history unknown,

oh, how my feet would tremble

to tread its path alone!

But i have heard a whisper

I know i shall be blest,

"My presence shall go with thee,

And i will give you rest"

What will tghe New Year bring me?

i may not, must not know,

will it be love and rapture,

or loneliness and woe?

Hush! Hush! i hear His whisper

I shall surely be blest,

"My presence shall go with thee,
and i will give thee rest."

(Walter B. Knight, Knight's Treasury of 2000 Illustration)

"You have been telling me, 'Lead these people,'

but You have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, 'I know you by name and you have found favour with me.' If You are pleased with me, teach me Your ways, so i may know You and continue to find favour with you. Remember that this nation is your people."

The Lord replied, "My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."

Ex 33:12, 13, 14