it occurred to me in the shower that 2010/2011 or BSSM 2nd year has been a year where i spoke the least! and i laughed the most! (listened way more than i used too!) incredible.

now in Pasadena attending Che Ahn's HRock Prophetic conference.

"Take a step back and view your life through the perspective of eternity. Each decision that you make etches a lasting inscription in the walls of history. Choices that are made will become the fruit of the following generations. this is the beautiful part of being alive - the blood that was shed on the battlefield of decisions now becomes the inheritance of authority in your family lineage.

There will come a day of justice when history will be revealed to each person. In that moment, the fruit of your life will be unveiled right before your eyes. On that day there will be a great celebration in the heavens for the man who has weathered the many storms of life while planting a harvest for a generation that he is now able to see. His reward will be everlasting. He will hear the father’s words, ‘well done good and faithful servant, the little that has been given you has been multiplied through your hands.’

There is a conviction that is meant to weigh heavy upon each person who calls himself a believer. We live within the awareness that life was meant to be sown into a destiny of people that we will not see. This conviction drives the mighty to pursue the impossible; the strong to brave many storms. There is no escaping the thundering storms of opposition, for we are the ones who have been commissioned to calm each of them. Each believer is called to take the test of life and turn it into a testimony. we have been launched into the darkest places of the earth transforming them into light of the world. We are the ones who see an army in the dry bones. It is us who can win the battle with the jar and the torch.

Who you are should not be decided by the economy, persuaded by popular opinion, or formed through the media’s bend. We are counter-culture by nature. We are predestined from the womb, set apart from the beginning. This life that we have chosen can only be navigated with the renewed mind. The old man screams too much when faced with the impossible and the flesh is a poor decision maker.

Have you decided who you will be? Do you know what you will leave behind? With your words you create worlds; with your prayers you release inheritance. the balance between life and death has been designed to rest in your hands. like many who have gone before you, we now have the opportunity to create change in the world around us. how you choose to live today is a choice for eternity." - Jason Vallotton

it's amazing how God's grace meets you right where you are.

was talking with RH 2 nights ago and things that i thought i had dwelt with thoroughly came back to me like ghosts 2 haunt me (well, not all bad memories, some were... blissful tho =p). i felt like there's still some hook on me. i spent the night talking 2 God about them and all my usual onslaught of questions to Him. got some answers, but more questions were unanswered. nonetheless, went to sleep with lots of peace. the very next day at sunday morning service i struggled to worship God (also cos it's so crowded in the sanctuary!)until the song that goes like this "there's power in the name of Jesus x3, to break chains x3" and suddenly i had a picture of me pulling out a huge sword from the sheath on my back (yes back, "Heman-style" not like the asian way of hanging your sword on the left hip) and in one swift and strong stroke broke the chain over me and i started breaking many chains over others. it was so good. i felt freer, lighter, more powerful. it's really God's grace. there wasnt anything i could do to get it other than in worship and waiting upon God.

God is good. i release the fullness of freedom in your life as you walk with God, courage to deal with the messes in your life as Holy Spirit reveals you to. (don't view your past apart from the blood of Christ and the victory He has given you).

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now at Simpson Lib. is so good that simpson reopened fully for school. i did enjoy Barnes and Noble, and redding library. but i had made a number of friends ("lonely souls" as they call themselves and errantly labeled me that too!) just trying to get things done there.

it's funny just thinking about it. i asked God for guy friends. and i keep meeting guys wanting to find someone to talk to! God, this is not funny! so while B&N is alot warmer (they heat up their place pretty well) and the libraries more chilly, i still think the libraries are better hideout places where i can get work done.

i really want to go skiing or something in the mountains. but first, let me conquer the mountain of homework! oh well, i sound like i have tons. but i am actually pretty much done. just got preachin to prepare for. which i m surprised that i m more stressed over it than i thought i would. oh com'on, evan. it's your thing. u live to preach! u come alive on stage remember?

went to twin view sun night service and got a prophetic word about me going to different churches to preach. God ALWAYS reminds me through ridiculous(!) number of prophecies that i will be speaking at conferences, schools, churches etc all over the world. nice way of helping me whenever i feel anxious. grace of God again! (look out for God's grace - or "graces" as the desert fathers call them in small and big things/events/circumstances in your life!)

and God keeps reminding me (again last night) as with every prophetic word i m getting these past weeks that i have been dreaming too small. this again is not funny. i need to rethink my dreams and jump off the cliff with them. ah....

2011 has been a rather unsettling year so far for me. i had thought i was in a very good place of super fast growth and revelations, visions etc. and now God is showing me alot of work, stretching etc. the challenge for me is to do all those without striving, not on my own strength but on His grace that is always sufficient. like how i was lamenting on my lack of strength of character, emotional strength etc. and God took me to those past memories and showed me how He has preserved (protected, shielded) me, kept me in such purity, made me to be who i m today, helping me see that it's all His grace. like Daniel V who testified in sch and at church about Apple calling him to order anything cos it's paid for, i need to know (know know) that it's a done deal. and it's "effortless fruitfulness". it sounds almost contradictory. but it really isnt. it's in coming into the fullness of God, not dwelling in fear, uncertainty and insecurity. evan, go boldly before the throne of grace. it's grace, grace, grace. evan, it's your name! heb 4:16... is it? let me check. yep. that's right.

where God gives a vision, He always gives pro-vision - Kris v