letter to 2005

dear 2005,

i shan't pretend i'd miss you. on the contrary, i'm glad u r gonna b over. well, i m not looking forward to 2006 either. it's kinda terrifying actually... lots of things in store dat i'd need lots of faith, grace, everything for.

well, let's juz tok abt you. you have been so tough. the toughest so far for me. i've never rapped so hard, got so poor, walked so far, ate n slept so little.

but you've not been all bad. i do give thanks for you. because u've been so challenging, i found myself stretched n grown in ways i've never thot i could. my capacity increased. i never thot i could take this much crap. i've changed so much. understood better who i m, wat i m made of, wat i made for...

the chance to travel to Maldives, Aceh, US. and c n experience so many different things, met and made precious new friends, maintaining n deepening of relationships.n e reconciliation of relationships:2 dat seemed lost, but restored. i m more than thankful.

i m amazed at how close God is to me... how He knew wat i need and have been so faithful. how He renewed my vision n calling, how He gave me strength dat kept me going, faith that kept me from doubting, love dat kept me tender.

i look at you, and say with all joy and gratitude that God has made it all good.

thank you 2005.

love, evan

back fr Meta

i juz came back fr a gr8 camp! Metamorphosis Students' Conference 2005. man, i ve been really blessed! it has been such a refreshing time. wat really did it for me in this conf is the worship and being with students who are hungry for God, who are willing to share their faith, who have a vision for their campus. it's juz so gr8 to be with hungry pp. my community group esp... they are all so open in sharing.it was a privilege to b able to c how God is working in their lives.amazing! it was such a marvellous time seeing God at work... so uplifting... so fun being with them.

thank you, Hui En, Gabriel, Joshua, Samuel, Wenxian, Andrew, Stephanie, Manting, Carys, Christine, Tingyi!!

aiyah... i m rambling as usual... a bit stone... din sleep much. but was so energized by these peeps. anyway need to work... 2006 is juz 2 days away!!! AAHHHH!!!!!

b4 d camp i was so desperate for a break... needful of leave in my already packed 2006... i was wondering how... but then ... Meta really helped top up my tank...! PTL!

anyway, it was so uplifting and so heartbreaking at the same time... my heart aches for med. how i desire 2 c such faith, zeal n fire for God, for evangelism, for people in them. God...............

came back n read the newspaper... sad... another soldier drown in an exercise. the bizzare thing was that he drowned juz within 10m of 4 instructors!!! man!!! 4 pairs of supposedly watchful eyes missed spotting dat guy going under! it's so tragic!

and makes me wonder... n of course shudder... i dun wanna lose anyone given to my charge... will i b watchful n alert enuf 2 sense any1 going under? i wouldn't wan 2 b found neglectful of my duty.

u noe wat God showed me during Meta dat was so releasing? He showed me dat i ve grown 2 leave striving in min on my own strength! it was so good to noe dat i ve been growing in Him in this aspect.

oh... let me ramble back on regarding Meta...God juz met up wif me n satisfied my hunger for Him. i mean... it's like a starving man being let loose at a state banquet. i juz stuffed myself so much during the wonderful worship led by humble, gifted students.

God is so good!

into Your hands i commit again
with all i am for You, Lord
You hold my world in the palm of Your hand
and I am Yours forever

Jesus i believe in You
Jesus i belong to You
You're the reason that i live
You're the reason that i sing
with all i am

I'll walk with You wherever You'll go
through tears and joy I'll trust in You
and i will live in all of Your ways
and Your promises forever

i will worship
and i will worship You

had a gr8 time carolling yesterday at SGH, TTSH, SLH and Ren Ci... was on my feet from 730-8... never been to so many wards in a day. feet ache so bad! was surprised cos i thot i was used to it... well well... dat's called aging i guess! haha...

anyway, was fun seeing the students singing... dey were not bad considering 2 days of practise... was with them on tues while dey practised... dey actually sang fr 10-6pm...! man... such dedication...!

n, we all looked so cute in our santa caps... really helped make us look e part. was glad we went to get e caps fr concourse after tues pract.

i'll never b able to sing "Christmas isn't Christmas" d same way again... i m so used to performing in shopping centres, churches n streets during christmas... first time going to hospitals (tho technically i did not perform). the response is different... cos we were not performing in the midst of 'festivity' but pain n suffering... seeing the patients bursting into tears as dey sang was kinda disconcerting. christmas isn't christmas for so so many... we can easily "pretend" dat d people in shopping centres, n on streets are... but it's so much harder to do so in the wards.

had a good time interacting with the patients. shan't tok much on dis... must b careful wat we blog these days...

Jesus brings warmth like a winter fire

a light like a candle's glow

He's waiting now to come inside as He did so long ago

Jesue brings gifts of truth and life

and makes them bloom and grow

so welcome Him with a song of joy

and when He comes you'll know

that

Christmas isn't christmas
till it happens in your heart
somewhere deep inside you
is where christmas really starts

so give your heart to Jesus
you'll discover when you do
that christmas's really christmas for you

my fav christmas carol

Mariah Carey - All I Want For Christmas
Written by Mariah Carey and Walter Afanasieff

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true...
All I want for Christmas
Is you...

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you...
You baby I won't ask for much this Christmas
I won't even wish for snow
I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeer click
'Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Baby all I want for Christmas is you
You...

All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of children's
Laughter fills the air
And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need
-won't you please bring my baby to me...

Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking forI just want to see baby
Standing right outside my door
Oh I just want him for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas isYou...

juz watched NARNIA

juz came back from watching NARNIA. it'll open on the 22nd... tonight's the gala premier... knew abt it when i bumped into my pri sch classmate who was also going for the same event. she told us it was gala premier... i was kinda shocked cos i was wearing a black baseball shirt n jeans...! but anyway, ain matter... cos we juz went str into the 'darkness' after collecting free pop corn combo n other freebies... the tics were great! right smack in the middle.

the movie was GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! was funny, sad, solemn, regal at the right places. Aslan was well done. prof kirk was great! peter, susan, edmund n lucy were believably kids- siblings rivalry, bossing ard etc... well carved characters. i love it! the white witch was not as icy n fearsome as i hoped she was. but check out her martial skills! she wields swords real well! but santa... was missing his red suit... was a wonder how Lucy recognised him as santa.... well, got to hand it off to the kid. only a kid could c santa in an old bearded man with a sleigh...

the movie was as the producers claimed to be (told u sometime back i met them in US) - as faithful to the book as they could make it to be. the stone table scene... the battle... wow... good sweeping scenes... good graphics...
man... juz watching it brings back how moved i was when i read the book. the stone table scene had me in tears. i had to put the book down n get on my knees. cant do dat in the cinema... the movie juz went on... so no time to get overwhelmed. but it had me sobbing nonetheless...

watching the movie made me want to re-read the whole chronicles!

PLS GO READ THE BOOK! n if u dunno how much of the gospel was alluded to in the chronicles of Narnia, call me... i'll be glad to share.

thanks Ah Li for the tic! blessed time tog.

faith. y i do wat i do.

it's incredible! seeing youths having real faith in God. yesterday, Poiema had a time of thanksgiving. Lynette, Sarah n Sheryl shared how God worked in their lives in 2005. questioning: "Do i believe in this God that my parents believe in?" and hearing "I believe", seeing how God crack 'tough nuts' and bringing them to salvation, hearing how God shows another how deep is His love and asking her to let go... it was amazing. i sat there, tear-stained, i realised yet again that this is the very reason why i m so "thick-skinnedly" hanging out with the youths, so doggedly doing min.

it was impossible to sing after that. i was crying so hard. i was so moved and so thankful to God. there was nothing i did, yet, my reward is to c faith in these young people, 2 c how God spoke and worked so unmistakably marvellously in them.

this is why i do wat i do. i live and labour to see faith; to see people come to faith in Him and grow in faith; to see young people sorting thru life, encountering God and believing in Him and get transformed. JUZ to c faith. this is why i do wat i do.

restless until find rest in You

when you hear, "now it came to pass," settle down for a good story. when God asserts, "I Am," trust his self revelation. when He promises "I will," bank on it. When He tells you, "You shall... you shall not..." do what He says.

Lord,
my heart is not proud,
and my eyes are not haughty,
and i do not go after things too great
and too difficult for me.
Surely i have composed and quieted my soul.
like a weaned child on his mother,
like a weaned child on me is my soul.
Israel, hope in the Lord forever.
(author's translation of Psalm 131)

this person is quiet on the inside becanse he has learned the only true and lasting composure. He describes what the peace that passes understanding is like (Phil 4:7)
amazingly, this man isn't noisy inside. He isn't busy-busy-busy. not obsessed or no edge. pressure to achieve doesn't consume him. Failure and despair don't haunt him. anxiety isn't spinning him into free fall. regrets don't corrode his inner experience. he's not stumbling through the minefield of blind longings and fears.
He's quiet.
are you quiet inside? if your answer is 'No', what is the 'noise' going on inside you? where does it comes from?

taken from David Powlinson, Seeing with New Eyes (New Jersey: P&R Publishing) p76
--------
You have made us for Yourself, O God,
And our hearts are restless until they find their rest in You. - Augustine

It still remains that some will enter that rest, and those who formerly had the gospel preached to them did not go in, because of their disobedience. Therefore God again set a certain day, calling it Today, when a long time later he spoke through David, as was said before:
"Today, if you hear his voice,
do not harden your hearts."
There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God's rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following their example of disobedience. - Heb 4:6,7, 9,10

should i take leave in Jan??

yesterday a M5 received Christ at Josh McDowell's Bold Truth Rally! Praise the Lord! i was nearly dancing when i spoke to him! i was praying for him since he was M3! the best part was he was invited by sci's SC who is a leader of the cell d M5 guy visited juz once... n it was an invitation in the every last min. despite knowing that the tics r sold out, d SC called the staff n asked if can scramble juz 1 more tic... thot he'll juz give it a shot. turned out that 'against the odds' invite n buying of tic paid off HUGE. c... juz by extending a mere invitation... who knows? u can help change the destiny of someone...

1122 hits... nice number...i like it

useless bits of info on inventions - toothbrushes n toilet paper

Toothbrush

Natural bristle brushes were invented by the ancient Chinese who made toothbrushes with bristles from the necks of cold climate pigs. French dentists were the first Europeans to promote the use of toothbrushes in the seventeenth and early eighteenth centuries. William Addis of Clerkenwald, England, created the first mass-produced toothbrush. The first American to patent a toothbrush was H. N. Wadsworth and many American Companies began to mass-produce toothbrushes after 1885. The Pro-phy-lac-tic brush made by the Florence Manufacturing Company of Massachusetts is one example of an early American made toothbrush. The Florence Manufacturing Company was also the first to sell toothbrushes packaged in boxes. In 1938, DuPont manufactured the first nylon bristle toothbrushes.
Hard to believe, but most Americans did not brush their teeth until Army soldiers brought their enforced habits of tooth brushing back home after World War II. The first real electric toothbrush was produced in 1939, and developed in Switzerland. In 1960, Squibb marketed the first American electrical toothbrush in the United States called the Broxodent. General Electric introduced a rechargeable cordless toothbrush in 1961. Introduced in 1987, Interplak was the first rotary action electrical toothbrush for home use
source:http://inventors.about.com/library/inventors/bldental.htm


Toilet Paper

The following may not be accurate information, the leads found indicated this: We might owe the 1857 invention of toilet-paper to American, Joseph Coyetty. We do know that in 1880, the British Perforated Paper Company created the first paper to be used for wiping after using the toilet. This paper did not come in roll form, it came in boxes of small pre-cut squares. Toilet-paper in roll form became common in America by 1907.
source:http://inventors.about.com/library/inventors/blplumbing.htm


*this is wat i do wen it's lunchtime n i m not hungry... search the web boliao-ly

1101 hits yay!

stand chart run

ok... i need to ramble... shall tok abt my stand chart run.

was so looking forward to it until it was really right round d corner! totally forgot i needed to collect my marathon pack etc... i lost track of time sometime round end of nov n beginning of dec n the run was dec4. anyway, suddenly felt flustered n unprepared for it.

well, the day came n went. lemme jolt my memory.
tok i'd sleep early but as usual i did not until 4am. slept like 2 hrs, woke up, missed d first train i was supposed 2 catch. but made no diff cos in the end, the staff were waiting for students. doesn't matter. there were so many runners in the category everyone was walking instead at the starting pt. d DJ kept saying "RUn people RUN!" so pathetic!!
so we waited till it kinda cleared.

but the run was frustrating despite the blessing of great weather n nice route. alot of pp were walking. most dun have running ethics. if u r walking or S....l....o........w.... , for goodness' sake, get out of the way! man... block n jam up the 4 lane road n swing arms dangerously some more! shucks man. was squeezing my way past hundreds n my arms n thighs kena "bua" by people's sweat! i keep my arms v close 2 my body in a tight 45 degrees with min swing . so it's not me who 'asked' for it. i mean really... i cant imagine how pp can swing arms n legs wildly when they run or juz ridiculously veer off course n bump me n bua me wif sweat!! yucks
n couldn't run at the right pace... it was like stepping on the accelerator one sec n then the brake the next. so sian.

then i too greedy for free drinks given out along the run... so i over drank!! haha... drank ice mountain... then realised... oh... 100plus! so i grabbed a cup too... so by d time i cleared the drinking stations... i was too bloated to run! haha... i asked for it.

well, finished it nevertheless. was pissed n was telling myself i'll run the half marathon next year cos everyone there was running. but then... judging fr my time... *shake head* i'll need lots of training! ok set. onz.

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever - 1 Cor 9:24, 25

movies movies

it's movies galore dis month!!!
wat i wanna watch:
CHICKEN LITTLE (d super duper cutey pie who break dances... dunno if he does dat in the movie tho...) i like guys who dances... haha... but not act cute ones...! watever... hmmm... wanted to go wif my youths... but mom oso wan to watch... told mom to watch tog wif me n youths... she ok... but now i sian. dun really wan to go thru the hassle of organising... so mayb i'll juz go watch wif mom... dunno lah... c mom's mood oso... she dunno wen wanna watch. heehee.

SAW II
man... i was waiting for this the very second the credits ran for SAW I. genius writer... really psycho. blows my mind. i love to dive into psyche of psychos...
[Main Entry: psy·chePronunciation: 'sI-(")kEFunction: noun: the specialized cognitive, conative, and affective aspects of a psychosomatic unity : MIND; specifically : the totality of the id, ego, and superego including both conscious and unconscious components
Source: Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary, © 2002 Merriam-Webster, Inc. ] haha added dat for fun.... isn't this educational? haha
love to dissect a mind (pun intended) it's like med students getting really excited about seeing a really gross case... psy peeps r nuts abt seeing really screwed up ones.

PRIDE & PREJUDICE
yay... Jane Austen brought to screen once again! watched the BBC serial i think... but dat was so long ago... dun rem reading d classic... did it?? well, will do so anyway b4 the month ends. must catch this... i m a HUGE literature fan... love classics being brought to screen - like jane eyre, sense n sensibility, Shakespearean plays: Hamlet, R&J, Midsummer's (hmm... i think dat's all so far in my lifetime huh) n more recently, oliver twist... but then again...this is a more modern rendition. the Straits Times review says this is "trying for a contemporary sensibility... Knightley's beauty and aggression worked against her. Lizzie, although smart and outspoken in Austen's book, is not supposed to be dazzling pretty nor brashly forthright.... This Pride is strictly for the non-Austen fan." hmmm... feels like cool water on my enthusiasm! well... i'll find some gals to watch it wif n form my own opinion on it...

KING KONG
dunno y d original was so hot. shall try to catch this new one. must b something between the gargantuan gorilla n pretty damsel. no idea man n ape haf d same taste!

NARNIA
how can i miss this gr8 E movie?? haha... C.S Lewis is THE master... go read the chronicles b4 watching it. (i blogged abt it in june i think... go read dat entry. shan't repeat). ya noe... the recommendation dat goes "if you have time for only one___" well, if you have only time n money to watch one movie, THIS IS IT!!!!!! U MUST BRING A FREN WATCH DIS!!! a prebelieving fren esp. DIE DIE must watch the Lion DIE! the movie makers worked closely with C.S. Lewis society (yes there is such!) n tried their utmost to b faithful to the novel. esp the Stone Table scene which is SO significant! how i noe?? i was in US in Jul, n they came over to our conference n let us watch the trailer b4 it was released. n told us themselves! btw, Tolkien was his roomie!

how how??! so many to watch, so little time n money...! haha... anyone wanna watch wif me?? any kind soul sponsor?? =p

dear blog,

i'm sorry for committing blog neglect d 2nd time. been busy n tired... stressed. c d outbreak on my face?! empty tank; drained n really demoralised as well. there's lots going on... happening stuff like stand chart, conference... n learnt alot! like y i get drained so easily, physiology, theology of disease n healing... will blog. another time. need to get back to preparing for LM message. bye.

1001 hits!

yay!! 1001 hits since jul 6. dunno dat's good or bad...but nice number... i'll celebrate!

poems in "In Her Shoes"

it's too good not to blog it...! the poems speak to me on such a personal level!

One Art

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster,

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three beloved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

-- Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) a disaster.
- Elizabeth Bishop (1911-1979)

apparently an infamous poem. some essays 2 gif u a handle on it:
http://www.english.uiuc.edu/maps/poets/a_f/bishop/oneart.htm

"lit lect" in the book:
Lit Prof: is the love lost already , or does the poet place that loss, out of all the others, in the realm of the theoretical? is she talking about this loss as a possibility? a probability?"
Maggie: a probability
Lit Prof: Why?
Maggie: well, at the beginning of the poem, she's talking about real things, stuff that every body loses... it shifts from the tangible to the intangible... and then the poet starts getting... Grandiose. Like, she lost a house... a whole ocntinent...
Lit Prof: Which we can assume, would not be hers to lose...
Maggie: right.. and the way she writes about it, like it doesn't even matter that much...
Lit Prof: you're talking about Bishop's tone. would you call it ironic? detached?
Maggie: i think she wans to sound detached. like it doesn't matter to her, right? like the words she's using. Fluster....
[in fact the tone reminded Maggie of the way her sister talked about herself.]
Lit Prof: let's consider the structure again... A B A. A B A. Stanzas of three lines, until we reach the end, the final quatrain, and what happens?
Maggie: well, it's 4 lines, not three... and there's that interruption - 'write it!' - it's like she wants to be distant, she wants to be apart from it, but she's thinking of what's going to happen when she loses..
Lit Prof: loses what? who is the 'you' in this poem?
Maggie: [bites her lip. her sister she thought.] a friend maybe
Lit Prof: very good. very good.
then she turned back to the board, back to the class, back to the rhyme scheme and the formal demands of a villanelle. Maggie barely heard a word of it. she was still blushing. she, who never blushed.. had turned the rich ripe red of a Jersey tomato.
that night... thinking abt her sister, wondering if Rose had taken that particular poetry class and had read that particular poem, and whether Rose would ever believe that it was Maggie... who'd understood the poem best. she wondered.. whtat she'd have to do to get Rose to forgive her.

dis gotta b in d movie... it's kinda pivotal in Maggie's tranformation n poignant re relationship with her sister. will be upset if they dun include it!
makes me miss my lit lects n tuts juz so v badly... even tho i really din enjoy my lit lessons in NUS.
who is the "you"? it's XG...

To Say Before Going to Sleep
I would like to sing someone to sleep,
have someone to sit by and be with.
I would like to cradle you and softly sing,
be your companion while you sleep or wake.
I would like to be the only person
in the house who knew: the night outside was cold.
And would like to listen to you
and outside to the world and to the woods.
The clocks are striking, calling to eachother,
and one can see right to the edge of time.
Outside the house a strange man is afoot
and a strange dog barks, wakened from his sleep.
Beyond that there is silence.
My eyes rest upon your face wide-open;
and they hold you gently, letting you go
when something in the dark begins to move.

by Rainer Maria Rilke, Translated by Albert Ernest Flemming


i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
- E E Cummings, in 1958

heard of post-purchase dissonance?? learnt it from my fren last sun. XL, got over it yet??

In Her shoes

In her shoes… (check out my "now reading" channel in the moving screen in the side bar below)the book into movie thingy… Cameron Diaz as Maggie feller… good casting on dat one I say…! It’s juz so fun reading n guessing about which parts will make it into the movie… thinking also how I would do it. I miss directing… not particularly writing but directing. Sigh…I used to be good at writing… note USED. Until my grammar left me… lost my command of the language… guess I was too bossy… sigh… din work out… miss acting too…! Rather badly tho… but rehearsal timings never fit my work schedules… so… re theatre, it’s solely playing the audience for me. hmm…. A thot… I’d make a good Rose Feller…! Haha…

Anywayz… back to In Her Shoes. Bu thinks Little Earthquakes is Weiner’s best book. Little Earthquakes was masterful but I really didn’t appreciate the O&G tutorials…

I guess wat endears In Her shoes to me is the conflict between sisters (something not alien to me!) and the finding of oneself… it’s a wee bit late for the 30-year-old n 28 year-old 2 figure out… but well.. one’s gotta do wat one’s gotta do no matter how old… better late than never… n so… here’s a toast to “discovering who u are”. Cheers! (side note: bought 2 copies of a teens novel titled becoming me. sounds cool huh? Btw, Michael, I’ve completed my Christmas shopping at Mass Media liao. So u need to wait k?)

and of course, my one great love- poetry!! there's poems and lit lects in the book!! loved the discourse! will blog abt the poems inside soon..

Another plus: the DOGS in the novel! Yeah yeah… schnauzers, pugs, greyhounds… blah… blah…
love dogs… D n I divided dogs into 2 categories… the smart-looking n the stupid-looking ones… she likes the latter… me?? hahaha…
my fav- The Siberian Husky!! Not in S’pore’s weather tho… but spoke to some experts n husky owners… they do fine here nevertheless…

nearly owned a dog… mom brought a dog into our flat on my 21st birthday… wasn’t exactly thrilled being awoken by the shrill yelpings of a terrified i-dunno-wat-breed. Thot it impractical to keep it… dun have time for it… (same excuse I used to give people who ask me re BFs! effectively “commodity-fying” the male species! i dun do dat now... trust me) Drove it back to my uncle… got into a car accident…! On my 21st birthday…! -( been dog-less hence.

It’s official… it’s here…! Christmas carols played everywhere, decos were long up. Somehow… I feel like the Grinch! Hope I don’t fully morph into one… yep… odds are whatever grinch-like characteristics I have will flake off like irksome dandruff. Hope it’ll b soon… I guess a healthy dose of “All I want for Christmas is you” will do the job…! I feel the corners of my mouth curling into a smile already! =) but no “yay Christmas!” juz yet.

flint

this is wat would have been yesterday's blog. was so tired, went str to bed when i got back at 9pm.

some things juz feel so much like a relationship turned sour... u wanna out... but juz cant juz walk away...! gives you so much heartahe, feels like u r wasting ur life, ur time, ur energy... i would've got out if it is a relationship! sigh... how much more of this can i really take?

from my journal which i scribbled yesterday afternoon: "Unbelievable!!! i must be superglued here... Lord, what is it You want me to learn?" meeting a x staff in e sci canteen juz so totally not help! said it was better after she left... more money, more control over her time... more fruitful ministry... man... really... hearing this after wat happened. haha... i muz b masochistic to actually go meet her.

FLINT. as flint. my spirit is as flint. immovable. resolved. unshakened. i m amazed. unbelievably confounded. not walking away. inexplicably horrified! haha... (sorry... shan't explain).

-----

viv, was gr8 bumping into you... finally... good short catch-up!

lament over my ignorance

refer to my 19 nov entry where i asked wat's anal...

from dictionary.com:
a·nal (nl)adj.
Of, relating to, or near the anus.
Of or relating to the second stage of psychosexual development in psychoanalytic theory from ages 2-3, during which gratification is derived from sensations associated with the anus.
Relating to or being personality traits(as parsimony, meticulousness, and ill humor) that originated during toilet training and are distinguished as anal-expulsive or anal-retentive.

man... this i studied in my very first module in NUS - "1101: human development over the lifespan"... 7 years ago! n i can actually not know how to define "anal"! sigh... makes me reflect and lament over the following:
- given back all my freud, jung, piaget, erikson n alot lot of them back to my profs! (some docs n med students marvel at my ease in conversing with med profs... well, dat's juz b'cos they r not my profs! u should c how i tiptoe or siam my profs!)
- i took vietnamese... lost most of my vocab n sentence structure! recently went to holland V... cant really make out wat "Cho Lon" mean. big place, big market? wat a huge shock!
- cant speak malay any more too! can barely make out conversations in bahasa Malayu let alone Bahasa Indonesia! need to berdoa for good memory!!!
- cant even explain "semiotics"!! sorry Loonie! u were a gr8 teacher... juz cannot remember theatre... i mean really... i cant even throw out any names (like who came up with "de-construction", "environmental", "deadly" theatre, "poor theatre" - some G----ski guy, "no" theatre) aiyah...!
- not really competent in my SW n counselling skills! looking thru e CPE stuff... i headache... there are modules offered to BSWs (Beginning Social workers)... i m less than on par with them...! they have a fresher idea of theories n policies... need to re-read my TBs n notes... forgot alot of my theories and case recording n etc etc...?? recently caught a glimpse of med students' Family Med notes... really cannot draw a genogram liao!! n that's supposed 2 b THE basics of basics! man!
- if i were to write a "paper" on something (which SWers like to do all the time...) i really dunno how to...!!

it's scary how my whole education comes down really to almost nothing... except 2 perfect my smoking skills! sigh...

hence this lament over my ignorance. there's so much i dunno... but i dun even noe the things i should noe?!?! man... makes me really wonder... wat do i really noe? haha...

n yes... another night has gone by without sleep...

Happy Birthday, Da!

especially DEdicatEd 2 my sweet, COOL, Sensible, GODLY, toTally Awesome BROTHER!!!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to U...!!!

i thank God for a bro like u...! i'm so proud of you! of you juz being you!
I LOVE U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the days are draped with such thick melancholy...! the overcast sky, the ceaseless drip or the relentless pour, the greyness overhead that makes all else juz as grey...! sigh... everything looks so dreary... everything feels so weary...

Has it ever occurred to you that one hundred pianos all tuned to the same fork are automatically tuned to each other? They are of one accord by being tuned, not to each other, but to another standard to which each one must individually bow. So one hundred worshipers [meeting] together, each one looking away to Christ, are in heart nearer to each other than they could possibly be, were they to become 'unity' conscious and turn their eyes away from God to strive for closer fellowship.~ A.W. Tozer ~

foiled by rain

so irritating!! wat i dislike abt dis time of d year is RAIN!!!! argghhh!!! foil my running plans!

let's c... 4 d past 2 weeks... if i come home n d sun's still up (which is gr8 2 do some running rite?)... it has to rain... then i try to run b4 i go work... n i wake 2 run at 7... i see cats n dogs falling outside my window! man! n today???!?!?! put on all the works (sports watch, MP3, pedometer all checked), stretched, got out... to meet droplets of rain...!!!! n.. dat's not all... i had to turn back cos running 1 hour in the rain is not fun... came home... n in 5 mins... the rain stopped... bet i go out it'll pour...!! argghhh!!!!

man...! n so many pp have been asking me... have i been training for stand chart?? well... wat do ya think?!?!? well, race aside... it sucks when it rains...

rain, rain go away
come again another day
little evan wants to play...

4 years ago when i was still in NUS, when i was struggling with coming on full time, my DGL who really didn't know the exact details of my tassle wif God, said, "Evan, God's will is good, pleasing and perfect." i got mad... haha... first time i got mad wif her, dat precious lady!

and really... after coming on staff n all... it really is... finding out n experiencing God's will in my life, i attest dat it is indeed good, pleasing n perfect. God's word - in Romans 12:2 proves true.

not dat it's all smooth sailing... quite the contrary in fact. but there's this queer (haha...!) sense of purpose n peace n sense dat this is where i m meant 2 b.

[i recounted dis like in so many times in so many places b4.. but really need to get it down here now AGAIN!]

now... new input:
it's amazing... staying where God wants me to b... not dat i love every sec n enjoy riding the wave all the time... but looking n questioning why i m still hanging on n doing wat i m doing is amazing enuf...!

u c... i m amazed at how i haf not thrown in the towel, n walked away... i could have, i would've. it's not as if i have gr8 staying power... not dat i die die love the job... n nope, i'm not d kinda dat stays put cos of fear of change or unknown. somehow... there's a force sustaining me... a purpose dat drives me, a glue dat sticks me to it no matter wat. something props me up n keeps me standing even tho i really can swear i would've stumbled, crumbled, crashed n burned. n ya noe... this really isn't fr me. i wake up n m amazed, i stay up at night n wonder... n i c... i c Him working in me... making His likeness in me... n it amazes me.

[i think the best thing about this is i get the front seat... the best seat in the house in this production He is staging in my life. i get firsthand experience of working with God. not so much to change others or grow ministries... or do those gr8 things pp expect or sometimes i even expect me to b doing... nope... i get the firsthand experience of knowing how it feels like and to witness wat happens when one's life is surrendered to Him... ya know like how it is to get the best view watching a concert or a magic show or something really cool? (haha... i sound like a kid!!) yep... ]

n so... re here... my job is not done... i'll go when it is. but since it is not yet done, i stay. no matter if circumstance n pp n logic n bank acc n wat-nots say otherwise. cos really, if God din say "GO", then He will provide the means, the strength... everything i need to do wat He has set for me to do. then alot of stuff is His pa kay not mine... He deals wif the impossible, not me... He specializes in miracles not me... no sir i cant! so i'll leave Him to do His job, n i do mine.

hunger

God, You put in us physical hunger so we know we need to food. put in us a hunger for You... 4 we dunno how to hunger for You. put in us an appetite 4 the Divine, for holiness, for goodness - for You. give us a hunger for You, Lord. give me, med min, give ASE.

fr LOST to LUST to "Am i good enough?"

not even a hint by Joshua Harris is a pretty good n easy read... (check out pic on the sidebar screen under the "now reading" channel)

a little bit from what i have read from"Not even a hint":
Lust: craving sexually what God has forbidden

To lust is to want what you don’t have and weren’t meant to have. Lust goes beyond attraction, an appreciation of beauty, or even a healthy desire for sex – it makes these desires more important than God. Lust wants to go outside God’s guidelines to find satisfaction.

John Piper, Future Grace
Lust is a sexual desire minus honour and holiness...
We must fight fire with fire. The fire of lust’s pleasures must be fought with the fire of God’s pleasures. If we try to fight the fire of lust with prohibitions and threats alone – even the terrible warnings of Jesus – we will fail. We must fight it with the massive promise of superior happiness. We must swallow up the little flicker of lust’s pleasure in the conflagration of holy satisfaction.

y i blog this?? cos reading the book now lor... n of course... saddened by my guys... hiaz... how to disciple them?!

juz finished a good evangelistic book called "am i good enough?" by Andy Stanley (c pic on book in side bar) good short, small handy size book. 4 busy christians who want to get some tips on sharing Christ (good info n line of thot to use) or for ur busy pre-believing frens... juz 2 hours... the author say so himself... u can do it in less. wat caught my attention was not juz the title n contents but dat this book has 2 covers...! one for the younger gen y peeps (cover pic is a cool blue elevator "up" button with tag phrase - 'preparing for life's final exam' n inside cool layout n print n inferences to younger stuff, e.g "The O.C"), the other for the more mature reader (black, cover pic of a stack of poker cards, n title - "since nobody's perfect... How good is good enough?" n inferences to golf, work etc...) cool huh? bought 1 each!! to give away!! can borrow if u want... God, pls help me give it to someone who is asking the same question n really needs 2 noe e right answer...! checked Amazon.. turns out Andy Stanley has written quite a number of books... quite good ones too... hmm... interesting.

stairway to heaven n LOST

ah... finally over! now i get the TV back! finally can watch my CSI again! (this week's was disappointing tho... dun like CSI Miami!)
woe was me when i turned to this show (Stairway to Heaven) when it was advert-time on channel 5 n got my mom hooked. so since 5 weeks back, mon n tues... it's this Korean series... i dun watch but hear it (wat can i do? the TV's on n my table is in the hall!)... n the ending hit me... think the guy was saying something like "with you here is heaven..." (direct translation) reminded me of the ending of a poem...n i must blog it to get it out of my system...!

"Even if it is just for a moment
To me, with you, anywhere is heaven."

---

never really got to watch this.. but wadever snippets i caught... i thot this a good show. every9one has issues, has a past... u get pulled out of your "life" to be haunted by your past, 2 deal wif your ghosts, 2 work things out within your soul n find resolution... kinda cool. we all need that dun we? to get LOST to FIND ourselves.

wat i really cannot stomach is the fact that the actors DUN get any thinner....!!! especially the ones who desperately need to shed some pounds! i like Tom Hanks who really lost weight acting some castaway in dunno wat movie... we all can see a few weeks on Survivor n the contestants become leaner... more desperate... these pp on LOST?? nope...! sigh...

anyway, Y this has found its way onto my blog entry was last week's quib

Kid: why are you folding clothes?
Girl: cos i'm anal?

juz got me laughing...! (i called them kid n girl cos i dunno their reel names!)

how would u define "anal"? thot abt it, asked ard.. dun seem to get a good answer...

Fragile

as i interact with people, i m reminded time n again of how fragile we all are... how easily the ego and esteem crumbles... we carry around a broken image of self; a nagging sense of falling short; a haunting shadow of our past, the still raw n gaping wounds inflicted by 'human friction' (that causes us to still jump in pain at the slightest touch); tons of ammunition and defence tactics to guard ourselves from hurt; a gnawing fear of failure and rejection; a desperate need to be liked, accepted and loved... each to different measure... yet each just as needy.

EVERYONE... as i look into their eyes, listen to them... there's more to the smile n cordiality; the cheerfulness masking insecurity.

FRAGILE! handle each one with love and TLC!
how can we not, if we have the love of Christ shed abroad in our hearts? how can not if we no longer regard any one in the worldly perspective? His love compels me.

26

i tot i'd not like being 26... it's kinda like slightly over the hill?? yah... like 25 is it... n 26.. over....
but really...actually hiting 26, i kinda like being 26! i surprised myself abt dat too! i feel good being 26!! in fact, i feel so good about life and being alive! there's so much to be thankful for!

n... being 26 means i've walked and lived n learnt this much n this long... (long enuf dat being called "jie Jie" is a stretch n being called "aunty" seems right!) ...know quite a bit, experienced quite a bit, got jaded, burnt, understood life better, dropped my childish dreams to exchange for adult ones yet renewed my vision n 're-believed' in miracles n fairy tales, hurt n got healed, hated n learnt forgiveness n love, gave up being 'tiao er lang dang' n learnt discipline...

yet, 26 is still young! there's so much more to look forward to, to grow, to love, to enjoy!

it's juz so cool to haf God in my life, to haf such purpose n hope n love n joy! i mean really.. without Him, i would have killed myself years ago... n even if i havent, would have ended up in so much of a mess i'd b a ghost of a human. no kidding.

at this point, standing on this "road of life" n looking down d road and looking back up, i can say... it's all good! thank You Jesus!


from my QT today:
Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely i have a delightful inheritance.
i will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me.
I have set the Lord always before me.
because he is at my right hand,
i will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your HOly One see decay.
You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
-PSALM 16:5-11

blanche's sms

A really cool sms prayer from Blanche at 1154pm… have to perserve it 4 blog posterity.

Father Lord, thank You for blessing me with such a great fren and dgl in evan. Father I pray on this special day that You bless her and her family throughout her days. Father, continuing to be faithful… Draw her close to You, and may Your grace and mercy flow through her like living waters. Father I pray tt You never cease to reveal Yourself to her - tt Your love is deeper than any ocean, wider than any sky, brighter than the sunshine and yet softer than a sigh…
Father may You fill her cup as You renew her every second and as she runs by faith, to be a child after Your heart so that all who see may know and hear Your Name… Watch over her, so that Your ministry may bear fruit, Father. In Jesus’ Name I pray, Amen.
Happy birthday midarling! (: may His presence continually dwell in your life, always! *hugs*

I called her while she was sms-ing me and she rejected my call… her response? nature’s call n she needed to send this b4 it is over…! Haha… dat’s Blanche 4 u!

Darling, u r such a delight; a wonderful encouragement to me! u never fail to cheer me up!

more celebration~

i m temporarily deaf...! haha... after the Ou De Yang's concert, i turned on my MP3... and was wondering how come it wasn't playing despite the green light s on... turned out that it was! i had to turn up the volume like 5 notches higher to even hear something!!! man..! here's 4 standing so near the stage n the speakers lor... now ears spolit!

Ocean was good... oso got to see n hear Joi (Cai Chunjia), superstar Weilian, other finalists: derek(weijian), xinhui. all under same label - Music Street, Play Music. was good!!! man... thot i can put Ocean away after the concert... but i guess i like him more now. He was a bit too nervous, had limited vocab (poor skills in answering questions)but he was real n vulnerable.

(look at the crowd! 8000 pp)
had a gr8 time today... was like a kid, grinning ear to ear...! i enjoyed myself doing all these silly and juvenile things- queuing like real "fen si"(fans!), lying on the poncho reading the book under the umbrella, standing right in front at the railings and trying to dodge photographers n the news cameras... (the primary sch kids i let stand in front of me were useless as body shields!) was so so fun!!! haha...

Thanks, Shirley 4 ur company n the heart-shaped necklace! thanks for coming wif me early to queue(thank goodness we came at 3 plus instead of my intended 130!!! i dunno wat i was thinking!!!) noe it was hot and tiring... sit in hot sun, then stand so long... n my screams! haha... n being pushed by pp... i'm sure u had regretted at some point in time... but thanks 4 going thru all this wif me!

my cake... n tea - a special concoction 4 me (in the background. think my aunty made it. i think.).

simple celebration at home... mom's cooking...!

yes yes... go ahead n count the candles...! 26! yeah!

Happy Birthday to me!

Selamat Hari Lahir (fr dad)
Maligayang Kaarawan (dun ask me wat language/dialect this is... LJ fr Philippines sms-ed me this!)
Chuc Mung Sinh Nhat Vui Ve

Happy Birthday to me!!!!

Psalm 90
Lord, You have been our dwelling place for generations...
from everlasting to everlasting You are God.
You have set our iniquities before You, our secret sins in the light of Your presence.
The length of our days is seventy years -
or eighty, if we have the strength; yet their span is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away.
Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain a heart of widsom.
Satisfy us in the morning with YOur unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
May Your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendour to their children.
may the favour of the Lord our God rest upon us;
establish the work of our hands for us -
yes, establish the work of our hands.

....
Prayer

Lord, i need You more than i know... show me
i love You less than i should... draw me
i revere You less than You deserve... bend me

party week: since monday...

thanks, Lily, despite me saying "dun tell them, dun do anything ah...!!!"
Mumei, was touched u remembered wat my fav cake was!


man... i had gone down 3 kgs for the past 3 months... now i m getting it all back in juz 3 days!!

Eileen, u were really sweet. enjoyed d time wif u! rem ur promise...

it's calories galore! n i'm not even uploading the food pics!

yeah... all d food! chicken n lots of chicken, seafood, tom yam, pasta, cheese, mee sua...

wat i realised: i got really buay pai seh frens who can really sing!!! thanks 4 singing "Happy Birthday" loudly n clapping in public hence subjecting me to embarrassment! it's sadistic to enjoy seeing me squirm n blush, ya noe! i applaud ur courage, be it singing tog in a group or alone... thanks 4 making this so special 4 me n showering me wif ur love!

Plum blossoms sweetie, ur act topped the embarrass-factor charts! man...! the lead singer juz totally put me in the spot lor... got me on stage! i would've died if he made me sing! haha... but thanks 4 being wif me. u noe i love u n dis is v v impt 2 me - i'll leave u to settle wif HIM... but pls... do talk ok?

YT n the "yap" sensitive gal... thank you for loving me...! yap! i had wanted more time... din manage to tell u some stuff...!! like abt u gals... haha...! shudder..! yap, next time dun give me so many lists of 3 things 2 share...! next time let's take more pics!! u gals bring out the poser in me! haha...! in months' time... yap! onz! (we need 2 put u thru systematic desensitization!)

sorry xueli, 4 d whole load of miscomms n "mis-guesses"... u haf been nothing but sweet. thanks! shd ve met u gals 4 lunch today... next time let's not depend on sms-es huh...

now some of d presents:

thanks hui! dat's realli sweet... u effectively made me look so juvenile... which... i m but have been trying my utmost best 2 hide!!!

shirong n ah li, i used ur prez liao... ran yesterday... timed my pick-ups and splits... good watch! thanks for meeting up... n hearing wat i haf to say! hope we'll commit 2 our growth...

yeah yeah...! got my easel!!! Cyn want ed 2 gif me last year... said 2 wait n c if this 'fad' lasts till next b'day... we both were shocked it's been a year! wow! time flies! thanks Cyn...!! next monday night ah...round 2!! ur turn, gal!

thanks Blanche, Charlene, Christelle, Jietong, Ivy, Joanne, Weizhen...! u r so precious...! love the moments we have had... n this is (using the same words i said when i opened ur present) so terrible!! haha...! yeah yeah!!! LOVE Y'ALL

everyone, thanks 4 all ur sms wishes... thanks for remembering!!! especially LJ n Glo in Philippines!!! so touched u guys remembered!! thanks!

ah... late!!! got to run! shirley n ocean's waiting...! haha... con't later....

back blogging...

man...! i think i m a blog addict!!! couldn't blog over the weekend n i got the withdrawal syndromes! feel weird, kept thinking abt blogging, fridgety....

so... now i m back blogging at least 3 entries!!! muahaha...

29 oct
despite having a good sleep, i woke up "today" (this is a back blog rem?) feeling i need more sleep...! this is cos
1. of my insomnia for the past month, this 8 hours felt like a drop in the bucket and my body was groaning for more... (i can go for more... my record was straight 18 hrs after i came back fr US!)
2. old liao...! cant do chalet over 2 consecutive weekends...! (man...! i must say despite the 'fun', i really am too old for 'chalet-ing')

this 2 days at sea view chalet... mum's birhday celebration. the SAF chalet is not as clean as the changi aloha one... now got a few pimples to deal wif... (they'd better go b4 e 3rd!)

watched Animae... not really a fan... but cousin was going thru the "Prince of Tennis" series like the umpteenth time, i sat n watch anyway. wat i learnt:

1. it really is a waste of time (sorry to Animae fans!). i can use my time more productively. dat's y i dun really watch TV serials... not willing 2 gif much commitment.(thankfully my cousin hadn't had enuf time to go thru SEED)

2. usually story revolves ard something that the characters are totally passionate about; totally sold out for. and in this case was tennis... . n that's kinda lacking in real life. kinda invigorating 2 c how given the characters r

3. unusually reminded of what mentoring is all about. the captain saw e need 2 train protagonist n he did it at a high cost - aggravating his injury dat might cost him his own career in tennis. when asked why he did dat, he replied "there is no point in following a famous player of the old generation. it is better to shape e player of the new generation." he saw the time ripe to train Ryoma and help shape his playing style. and in grabbing this opportune time, he ignited a passion in Ryoma. what a precious lesson in investing in a life! he knew the cost, he knew what it took and he paid it. Lord, help me to ignite a fire of passion in someone's life so dat he will b ablaze 4 You. Help me know how, when and what it takes to do it and give me the courage to pay the price.

30 oct
... Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training, they do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. therefore i do not run like a man running aimlessly: i do not fight like a man beating the air. No, i beat my body and make it my slave so that after i have preached to others, i myself will not be disqualified for the prize. 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

31 Oct monday
the view from the chalet is gr8. can c the sea fr the bedroom, from the hall... all day long can see the boats pass by, airplanes landing... so nice to juz sit n look out, with a book in hand. reminds me of 2 years ago when i spent my birthday at penang w Shin doing the same thing ...

man... i thot it was boring to stay over but now i changed my mind... in fact, i would ve loved 2 b able to spend the day like dat... but... need to go down to NUS. somehow someone'll arrange something on your off day...! no complaints. =)

i bemuse myself reading Jennifer Weiner's book, "Little Earthquakes". haha... wat on earth m i doin wif a book on 3 v pregnant women, n their journey into motherhood anyway?! make myself wan 1 all d more? but it's recommended (by Bu) n a good read anyway. oh...!! CONGRATS KIM!!!!! WELCOME to the world, ASHLEY!!! my only complaint is dat u should ve waited 4 more days... then i'll really dote on u 4eva!! i was hoping n hoping u would!

had a wonderful P comm mit! no regrets rushing down by cab juz 4 an hour b4 rushing to a dinner gathering. wonderful comm. fruitful meet. alot of things i wanted 2 c in the first (oct) P mit which didn't happen was suggested for this nov one. man so glad 2 hear dat fr e freshies! this is exciting 2 c pp excited abt prayer, abt taking our land.

lots of regrets 4 e dinner tho... an ungrateful bunch of gals complaining abt me being late. man... after all the (as one of them put it) "sai kang" of arranging a meet-up i almost kicked myself 4 doing it! P comm 515 mit was arranged late sun nite lor... way after i arranged 630 mit at paragon. work wat. i of course go lah. hearing their complaints abt everyone else being late blah blah, an all-so-familiar sense of regret came over me. it's not the first time. y do i keep putting myself thru all this trouble?! then i recalled d purpose. nearly got thrown off my track. yes. keep ur goal in mind, gal.
still wif goal in mind... rather unfruitful. missed the goal.but... will by faith leave it in God's hands. God, pls help.

start my celebrations liao... woo-hoo! man... 2 pub hols! so blessed!

Happy Birthday Mummy!

yeah yeah!!!!

Happy Birthday to you....!!

Her children arise and call her blessed - Prov 31:28

I love you Mummy!

walked from fullerton to bedok interchange in 2 n a half hours. kinda nice. love walking.

was surprised so soon cos it took me 95 min walking from church home!

will u walk wif me?

when you open your heart and welcome someone into your life, somehow, you are changed by that very presence in your life. you give a piece of your heart to those you open your life to and you can hardly stay the same. and somehow you choose to believe you are all the better because of it.


CA, it was bad. i wanted u to leave. but really i do love you and still do. i'm sorry for the lost and sadness i see in your eyes. and i m deeply saddened too. but i believe it is for your growth and betterment that you go. do know dat i m praying for you - dat God'll show you His ways and His answers to your questions; this whole episode'll soon make sense. i wish u well. GOODBYE.




------

flashback.
L: i want us to be status quo.
[in this world, the only constant is change]

rewind. play.
L(tears streaming): how can you be so rational?!
[wat was really said - how can u be so heartless?!]

rewind. play.
L(teary): hot. must be the chilli.
[it wasn't. it was stupid of me then to believe u.]

flashback:
L: you are ashamed of me!
M: i'm not!
[yes u r]

flashback.
Clarke Quay. Night. clear weather. MAGIC.
i have everything i want in the world.

flashback.
jail cell.
M: can i give you a kiss?

flashback.
walking hand in hand. M eyes closed.
L(singing): close your eyes... gimme ur hand, darling... do you feel my heart beating... do you understand... do you feel the same... am i only dreaming...

flashback.
L(smiling, right hand extended): hi my name is ...

GOODBYE.

Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved. - Barbara Johnson

poem

I’d rather see a sermon
than hear one any day,
I’d rather one should walk with me
than merely show the way.
The eye’s a better pupil and
more willing than the ear;
Fine counsel is confusing,
but example’s always clear;
And the best of all the preachers are the men
who live their creeds,
For to see the good in action is what
everybody needs.
I can soon learn how to do it
if you’ll let me see it done.
I can watch your hand in action
but your tongue too fast may run.
And the lectures you deliver
may be very wise and true;
But I’d rather get my lesson
by observing what you do.
For I may misunderstand you
and the high advice you give,
But there’s no misunderstanding
how you act and how you live.

- Edgar A. Guest

sleepless in singapore

i have retaken the title yet again!!! yes i win hands down! i blogged juz now saying 3 weeks... went home n checked my calendar... nope... it's been slightly more than a month!!!!

man... i can go on n on... how long more b4 i drop?

sigh... sleep has been avoiding me... wat did i do to chase it away? Zhou Gong... come back! i wanna play chess with you! (those not acquainted with Chinese folk lore... check the net... too tired to explain)

stress stress!

my colleagues scared me today by saying that i look ghastly (pale, blood shot eyes etc...) n sick n should go home n sleep. in fact i was seeing stars after lunch. really blurred kaleidoscopic stuff...! n it was prolonged. kinda freaky...

anyway, have been to busy n stressed out. wanted to blog but really couldn't get round to doing it. sleep is a rarity now tho i m dead tired. 3 weeks of not meeting Zhou Gong!

stress lah... this is the longest ever i skipped blogging... shan't do it again. sorry 4 e blog neglect.

man... this is supposed to b the best 2 weeks of d year for me... SUPPOSED
mom's birthday coming... wat shall i gif her?? broke as broke can b!
after this month's mad rush, it's the traditional play time early nov... but i guess i may be so tired i might juz sleep thru the precious week (n the rare 2 pub hols of the week!!!!!) SHUDDER!!!!

i love my gals!

reading my gals' blogs is an uplifting experience! i'm so thankful to God for the privilege of having DG wif them. this is an honour and job i dun take lightly.

gals, thanks for opening ur hearts and sharing your life wif me. I'm so thankful to God for you. Your faith and love for Him encourages me so much!

Love y'all!


oops! time to go home!

I.N.A.H

it's one of those terrible days....!!!! arrrrgggghhh!!!!

I Need A Hug

my verse of the week

my prayer fr Prov 4:11, 12

Lord, guide me in the way of wisdom and lead me along straight paths. when i walk, let not my steps be hampered, when i run, let me not stumble. amen

i miss running

I have been put ‘out of action’ (still lots of phlegm still. Everything’s clogged. Somebody call the plumber!) i'm not fanatic enuf 2 run when i'm sick but 10 days later, I wanna run. frens cautioned me against running when i'm not fully recovered.

i miss running! frankly, I never thought I would..! I never thought I like running enough to miss not running. In fact, I never thought I would even like running EVER…!

it’s not about competing with others in a race. It’s about you. Not others, not time, not anything but you -

it’s about facing your weakness, and saying “no” to your own excuses… It’s about pushing your limits and seeing how far you can go… it’s about breaking barriers be it psychological or physical. it’s about facing your own demons. it’s about discipline. it's about overcoming you. It’s about knowing when to push and when to stop. It’s about setting your course and finding your pace. It’s about the journey, the sweat, the movement…

I wanna run.

I like the ad which carries the tagline – You are faster than you think. Now… which Label’s ad is dat?

I like the ad concept in “What Women Want” on women running - it’s just you and the road.

Well, I do enjoy other sports – cycling, blading, swimming, kayaking, team sports, blah blah… but when it comes to running, it’s just me and the road… no frills, no fuss…

i will run

wat i have learnt

yesterday finally succumbed to a trip to the Doc... i was kinda frustrated that it was taking this long for me to recover. besides not being able to get down to work, what i was frustrated at was not being able to think clearly n learn.

on my way back home from the clinic, i was mulling over my futile attempts to understand Soren Kierkegaard's Fear & Trembling. that philosopher's writings require my presence of mind to grasp his extensive and 'imaginative' arguments.

that's when i realised! i was more keen about learning about God and enmassing more knowledge about Him, the Bible, n Christian stuff than i am about knowing God. and this time of illness hampered my 'pursuit of knowledge of God', making me frustrated n feeling unproductive. i realised then the drastic difference n need for a pursuit of God, not the knowledge of Him...

this time of illness, was a time for me to have my 'perfect day'... n it's such a gr8 time to juz hang with God. it was kinda difficult for me cos i realised that in my work and all, i became very 'transactional' with Him. i go to Him with an agenda (nothing against agendas!)... in prayer for this this this... (ploughing thru my long list of requests n petitions). when reading the word is for getting sharing pointers to use in my teaching or sharing somewhere etc... BAD!!!!

well, it's not that i no longer wait to listen from Him... juz that i REALLY forgot the simple joy of "doing nothing with God" and enjoy His presence. (usually i m busy working)

so ironically... the perfect day was really kinda perfect! inbetween me gettting K.O by the meds, i eat(yah...), juz talk n think abt.. not getting things from Him, but Him... not about finding direction and guidance for this issue or that problem... but HIM

wat a reminder to seek His face n not seek from His hand (blessings, guidance etc)...wat a call to back "being" instead of "doing"...

don't wait till u r sick 2 do dat w God k?

yesterday's QUESTION OF THE DAY

yesterday i had aburning question... here's it n the answer...

how do you differentiate btw a viral and a bacterial infection?

virual infection is self-limiting...
time is e factor... if it is prolonged, not responding to symptomatic treatment... need anti-biotics.
antibiotics does not work for virual infection...

there's more... cant rem now... will add later...
hey docs... pls add....

haha!! i learnt this over n over again! i realised i asked this qn last year n the year b4... man...! no wonder i'm still stuck in Med fac!!

how do crows mourn?

right now outside my window the crows r going berserk crowing their lungs out. i was irritated and wanted somehow to stop them from continuing their racket. it s giving me such a bad headache. when i looked out, i saw a cat mauling a crow on the ground. man! if they were previously trying to warn their 'friend', they were 'screaming' at that tom cat now...

my irritation turned into sympathy. the cat's gone now... the crow's remains r on the grass below... the crows continue their din... i covered the window without shoo-ing at the crows perched just a few meters away. got no heart to ask them to shut up.

perfect day....?!

it came to mind that some time back, i was telling God how i wish i could spend one whole day at home. i had been busy that my off day for the past weeks were spent in NUS! no, i dun really mind or blame any1... juz dat i was really looking forward 2 a day juz being at home...

somehow somewhere along the past 4 weeks, my idea of "what a perfect day to me is" has become "a day at home doing what i need n like to do at home" (which does not include sleeping tho - i dun really like to sleep!)

well GOT IT... yesterday... skipped church, stayed home but cant do much... cos fever n all... tot it not nice to share my bug w sunday sch kids who r celebrating children's day. wat a pressent dat would b huh? sigh... missed children's day!!!! sigh...

today...?? sama sama.. planned to go into my office today but i d better not... diana told me last night a patient is called a patient cos she needs 2 b patient... er duh... shan't argue w u... my brain's concussed anyway... remember my bamboo-stick-hit-on-the-head? yah.. i'm going w dat excuse 4 now... btw, woo-hoo way-to-go 4 Yappie!! he scored big time last night! n i helped him on his second goal!!!! haha... diana, u gotta gif me credit 4 my perfect timing...! (btw, u din gif him my blog add did u? if u did... i bet u r regretting dis very minute!!! haha!)

n YT, keep up dat indian accent! gal u r hilarious! too bad i really wasnt up to sparring w u last night... 10x 4 downloading ur crap. really. i really sounded bad huh? should hear me today...

anyway, today promises 2 b yet another perfect day... a day to spend it all at home... i shall try my best to enjoy it in the Lord. should be gr8 once i get used to the continual nose blowing, hard sneezing, n grogginess. reminds me of the movie "one perfect day"... the terribly-not-perfect-day can turn out to b a really perfect one. hmmm... my fever better stay down!

weekend weekend!

enjoyed myself w my GLs today... i love medical students....! (n Dental!!!!) haha... rather high today... manic....!>>>>>

was trying to eat my breakfast today n in the middle of it... kena hit by bamboo stick!! hahaha! right smack on my head! there was a second of silence (or two) and i broke out laughing... i thot it was kinda hilarious wat... like some coconut drop on head feeling. my poor mom thot i cried. she was so sim tia (heart pain)...!

m sick sick sick... or going to.... my throat hurts, nose runs... feverish.... sigh... ah Li... u spread ur germs to me!!! nvm... will rest.... was actually looking forward to a long run this weekend... now probably will go to bed after church tmr. VIT C... i'm counting on u! pls save me...

complimentary tics to the museum for the Vatican Collection... went there already 4 the curator's talk... they compensate me cos it was too crowded... now go again lor... going later... yeah yeah.
----
2 hours later... (5pm)
CMI CMI (cannot make it)!!!!!! sigh... classic case of too little too late (of vit c)... i...feel....terrible.... nid 2 go home rest... ran outta tissue liao... finished 2 pkts... cant go museum. i insist no panadol... tho... "i got a fever i'm hot i cant b stopped.... i got a......fever!" (Arts fac cheer) c... shao huai brain liao

ask, seek, knock

"ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matt 7:7

we are to ask with a begger's humility, to seek with a servant's carefulness, and to knock with the confidence of a friend. - unknown

let me show u

I can’t pretend I know what you are going through
And it would be so easy to be glib,
But I am sure you know I mean it
When I say I’m always thinking of you
I am here any time you need me
If you need a shoulder to cry on
Or someone to hug or to hold you close
Maybe just to run an errand or help in any other way
Whatever it may be, please don’t think no one cares –
Let me show you how much you mean to me .

fairy tale

Once upon a time, there was a princess who didn’t know or think or even want to be a princess. She thought dreaming of being a princess are for naïve little girls! She didn’t believe in fairy tales and “happily ever after” endings. She didn’t like looking into the mirror, definitely wasn’t the fairest of them all, didn’t have the smallest feet in the land, she didn’t like putting on skin whiting products like snow white, nor keep long hair n sing at her window like Rapunzel. She did like dancing like Cinderella though. But all in all, she’s more like Fiona in “Shrek” – independent, kick-ass gal minus the sleeping in the castle waiting for her prince charming part.

I guess she identifies with Fiona as she feels and sees more the ogre of herself and despises the helpless damsel in distress stereotype. What she didn’t realize is that she unwittingly rejected the feminine, demure, gentle, beautiful (perhaps vain?!) side of her.

Well, to cut the long story short, this princess found out she IS really a princess. She found out that princes and princesses, kingdoms and magic do exist. Oh, and witches, and dragons and dragon slaying for that matter. She knows cos she has had a few dragon slaying episodes and not a few brushes with magic!

She began to take on her new found identity as a princess and allow that title to change her (in a good way, not the spoilt brat persona!) The ogre in her seemed to appear less and less, become less and less dominant. And the girly, princessy side, which she never thought was in her, began to show. These took time, as there was no fairy godmother to wave her wand in this story (which is really fine cos the process of change, is magical in itself). Though when the metamorphosis is a struggle and it hurts, and it seemed better to get it over and done with at the snapping of fingers, the princess realized the value of the slow, arduous transformation; the value of the process. This, my friend, will last beyond the setting of the sun, the strike of 12 at midnight, and will remain untouched by every witch’s curse.

Anyway, the best part is that she now believes in her prince coming for her, not so much to rescue her because her Father, the King, has already done so and freed her ( unlike the rich old incompetent, cowardly kings who send knights off and stay safe in their own castle!) She awaits her prince and the ride into the sunset together on an adventure of their own. She now believes in “happily ever after”. Or more accurately put, “rejoicing ever after.”

The End

Pseudo-community

Pseudo-community
Its hallmark is the avoidance of conflict. In pseudo-community, we keep things safe; we speak in generalities, we say things that those around us will agree with. We tell little white lies to make sure no one’s feelings get hurt, no one gets tense. We keep relationships pleasant and well-oiled. Conversations are carefully filtered to make sure no one gets offended; if we feel hurt or irritated, we are careful to hide it. Pseudo-community is agreeable and polite and gentle and stagnant – and ultimately fatal. – Scott Peck, The Different Drum

Nothing can be more cruel than the leniency which abandons others to their sin. Nothing can be compassionate than the severe reprimand which calls another Christian in one’s community back from the path of sin. – Dietrich Bonhoeffer in “Life Together” p105

real community

We all need to make decisions about what values we want to honour, what spiritual practices we need to engage in, what kind of friends and neighbours and sons and daughters and husbands and wives we will be. But decisions alone are not enough.

We need accountability. We also need someone who will ask us, “how it going?” is your way of life working? Do some things need to change? What are you struggling with in regard to sin or temptation?

Anything that is subject to human limitation or error requires the collegial presence of another person to ensure responsibility. It is a fact of life. - David Watson (Covenant Discipleship p17)

In the movement associated with John Wesley, people met together in little communities to help hold each other accountable for their deepest values and most important decisions. Wesley had a beautiful phrase - “watching over one another in love”.

Before someone entered into this community, they would be asked a series of questions to see if they were serious about living in mutual accountability:
Does any sin, inward or outward, have dominion over you?
Do you desire to be told of your faults?
DO you desire to be told of all your faults – and that plain and clear?
Consider! Do you desire that we should tell you whatsoever we think, whatsoever we fear, whatsoever we hear concerning you?
Do you desire that in doing this we should come as close as possible, that we should cut to the quick, and search your heart to the bottom?
Is it your desire and design to be on this and all other occasions entirely open, so as to speak everything that is in your heart, without exception, without disguise, and without reserve?

Can u imagine people in your family or your circle of friends answering yes to such questions? In Wesley’s day they did – by the thousands. They did so simply because they knew they could never grow into the people they wanted to be without help.

Over time, however, the commitment to truth-telling got lost. When these small groups shifted their focus from mutual accountability to vague sharing, most of the power of these little communities was lost. Eventually they die out. People tend to drift away from truth-telling.

p173, 174 Everybody's Normal till You Get to Know Them John Ortberg

A life of total dedication to truth also means a life of willingness to be personally challenged… but the tendency to avoid challenge is so omnipresent in human beings that it can properly be considered a characteristic of human nature – Scott Peck (The Road Less Travelled p52,53)

real power

Moravian Prayer Movement
100 year prayer meeting established by Moravian believers in 1727. Prosecuted Christians from Bohemia and Moravia sought Zinzendorf, a devout nobleman living in Saxony (modern Germany). Zinzendorf had named the community Herrnhut, meaning “the watch of the Lord.”

Sadly during the first five years of Herrnhut’s existence the community scarcely resembled its name. By the beginning of 1727, Herrnhut, now numbering about three hundred, was racked with dissension. Any hope of revival was out of the question. In desperation, Count Zinzendorf and others convenanted to seek God for one of the most basic focuses of all intercessory prayers, spiritual awakening.

And then on May 12 it happened. An unusual visitation of God swept through Herrnhut. In days, all dissension disappeared, every unbeliever was converted. Of those days, Count would later say, “The whole place represented a truly visible habitation of God among men.”

The entire community was seized by a spirit of intercession. By August 27, 24 men and 24 women had covenanted to spend one hour each day in intercessory prayer, thus sustaining continuous prayer. Before long, many others made similar commitments. On and on the intercessions went, month after month, year after year, decade after decade. Quoted in Decision magazine, historian A.J. Lewis relates: “For over one hundred years, the members of the Moravian church all shared in the ‘hourly intercession’. At home and abroad, on and and sea, this prayer watch ascended to the Lord.”

The Moravians’ spirit of intercession took on tangible form as they started sending missionaries abroad. Within the first 2 years of beginning their intercession for the nations, 22 Moravian workers had died. Future Moravian missionaries would refer to that season as “the Great Dying”.

But still they persisted, and still they prayed. Within 65 years the Moravians dispatched 300 missionaries throughout the world. Some of their victories, indeed, altered history. Just eleven years after the beginning of the continuing prayer watch, for instance, a young man troubled by deep spiritual doubts and apprehensions wandered into a Moravian prayer meeting in London. Years later he would say of that night that his heart was “strangely warmed” as he came to a personal knowledge of Jesus Christ. The man’s name was John Wesley.

from Love on its Knees by Dick Eastman

more on the Moravian Movement:

童话

http://www.lcbtv.com/flash/movie/tonghua.swf
光良 童话

忘了有多久 再没听到你
对我说你最爱的故事
我想了很久 我开始慌了
是不是我又做错了什么
你哭着对我说 童话里都是骗人的
我不可能是你的王子
也许你不会懂 从你说爱我以后
我的天空星星都亮了

我愿变成童话里 你爱的那个天使
张开双手 变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局

你哭着对我说 童话里都是骗人的
我不可能是你的王子
也许你不会懂 从你说爱我以后
我的天空星星都亮了
我愿变成童话里 你爱的那个天使
张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局 我要变成童话里
你爱的那个天使 张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局

我会变成童话里 你爱的那个天使
张开双手变成翅膀守护你 你要相信
相信我们会像童话故事里 幸福和快乐是结局
一起写我们的结局

23

i woke up on mon feeling EXTREMELY tired. my insides juz feel all wrong. i dunno if u know what i mean... getting old!!!! tired!! haha

anyway, tues night i was praying rather desperately re some stuff... n then i went to bed. the very first sms i read on wed morn was:

The Lord is my programmer, I shall not crash.
He installed His software on the hard disk of my heart
all His commands are user-friendly
his directory guides me to the right choices for His name sake
Even tho i scroll through the problems of life
i will fear no bugs for
His anti-virus n firewall, they comfort me!

what a cool way to start a day with! wonderful medicine this Psalm 23 is to the burdened soul!

here's the real version:

The LORD [is] my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul:
he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: for thou [art] with me;
thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:
thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever

problems problems

everywhere u turn they r everywhere. trying to overwhelm u, attempting to tempt u to worry n lose ur sanity if not ur patience.

seems like an uphill task? mission impossible? a mountain of immovable problemoS? fires that dun seem to be "put-out- able"? feel on the losing side?

it's almost too easy to forget that God is still in control; almost too easy to think that all's lost since WE lose control.

i dunno abt u... i never seem 2 b in control. this might come as a surprise to some... but not to those who know me better. i really m NOT in control. but i do have the tendency to wrestle 4 some control.

sometimes, wat's worse is that we r holding unto the reins yet deludedly thinking we have put God in control.

then it's time to go back to God and return to Him what's His. we have to admit He is better at the wheel than us.

i mean... come on... even the winds and waves obey Him and become silent. How more in control do u wanna get? it's better to be in His boat! (mark 4:35-41 *this is NOT an exposition of the passage...! but to give a context since i write abt winds n waves obeying Jesus*)

this world has no friends, juz strangers u never met?!?!?!?!?!

that was wat my fren said while we stood at the junction waiting to cross. i seriously pondered over the profundity of her statement. "so... we are strangers who have met?" i asked.

turned out what she actually meant 2 say was the cliche: this world has no strangers, juz frens u havent met.

well, come to think of it... she may be kinda right... if u see the harshness of this dog-eat-dog world where u gotta watch ur back n mind ur words. n even if u have met some pp n probably meet them a number of times... they might jolly well STILL b strangers... the bottom line: how well do u noe who u noe? r they actually strangers?

ok... weird, sombre thots aside, today has really been such gr8 fun! hadn't had so much fun in s'pore in a long while! (had a gr8 time in US juz last month!)

felt like a kid all over again exploring the National Library n playing on the escalators n lifts, squeezing all our bags in the little locker, sitting on the couches... that simple joy in being with frens n acting silly! hahaha!

n the va va voom cafe! haha! nice vietnamese food... gr8 conversation...! hearty laughs! HO HO HO! can u believe a seminar for teachers on how to instill humour in their lessons?!

man... to my frens who refuse to b identified other than by the pseudonym "HO-LY"... thank u 4 such a wonderful time! tis a pity we didn't have camera. but i ve got it down in my memory... well, LOW, hope u dun turn up in my dreams tonight! =) haha... love u gals! so... we gonna partner in setting up the LAO NUA Vietnamese restaurant? n... yep... next month come celebrate at my house by popping corn k?

this world has no strangers, juz friends u havent met

i really only love God as much as i love the person i love the least. - Dorothy Day

without friends no one would choose to live, even if they had all other good things in life. - Aristotle

there is a little volume called "The All the Better Book" in which elementary school children try to solve some of the world's knottiest problems. here's the toughest:
"With billions of people in the world, someone should be able to figure out a system where no one is lonely. what do you suggest?"

"People should find lonely people and ask their name and address. then ask people who weren't lonely their name and address. When you have an even amount of each, assign lonely and not lonely poeple together in the newspaper."-Kalani, 8 (obviously this is a girl with the gift of administration.)

"Make food that talks to you when you eat. For instance, it would say, "How are you doing?" and "What happened to you today?" - Max, 9

"We could get people a pet or a husband or a wife and take them places." - Matt, 8 (this makes you wonder about his understanding of marriage.)

"Sing a song. Stomp your feet. read a book. (Sometimes i tihnk no ones loves me, so i do one of these.) - Brian, 8

from John Ortberg's Everybody's Normal till You Get to Know Them p28

got someone u gotta meet!
Greater love has no one than thus, that he (Jesus) lay down his life for his friends. - Jn 15:13
"Never will i leave you, never will i forsake you" - Jesus

NO TAME FEAT

If we could but show the world that being a follower of Christ is no tame, humdrum, sheltered monotony but the most exciting experience the human spirit can know, then those who are standing outside the church looking askance at Christ would come crowding into our churches to pay Him allegiance and we might well see the greatest revival since Pentecost.
~Dr James Stewart

kids sharing Christ

yesterday was the beginning of my church's missions conference. the focus was on reaching our "Jerusalem". we demonstrated the sharing of the gospel using the wordless book. nearing the end of the service, i passed a wordless book to one of the kids who was at the back of the hall and i went thru the book with him (Caleb). He immediately turned to share with the boy (Ian) who was by this time drwan towards us. i was standing there listening to Caleb share and he really got it. i was so surprised. Caleb is 3 years old. n before long a group of pre schoolers gathered around and Ian was sharing with them what the wordless book was about!

man! talking about spiritual multiplers!

this is Jolyn's story. uneditted.
A few weeks ago, Evan gave me a booklet to share with my friend. It was about telling other people about Jesus.

She taught me how to share it and a few days later, during recess, I satdown with one of my best friend and read the booklet to her. When I asked her if she wanted to be a child of God, she agreed! After that, I prayed with her. That was when I knew that sharing the gospel with someone else was such an easy task. When I went home, I called Evan and told her the good news. She was elated and told me I had to invite her to church. Unfortunately, when I asked my friend if she had told her parents about it, she was afraid. I prayed with her again and told her to tell her parents. The following Sunday, I asked Evan for another booklet. The next day, I excitedly shared it with another friend. She too, agreed! I prayed with her the same prayer and after that I gave the booklet to her.

My next wish is that both of my friends would be able to come to church after our PSLE examinations.
- Jolyn, 12

in conversation with Hudson Taylor on...

bringing the gospel to others:
“How long have you had the Glad Tidings in your country?”
Some hundreds of years,” was the reluctant reply.
“What! Hundreds of years?”
“My father sought the Truth,” he continued sadly, “and died without finding it. Oh why did you not come sooner?”
---

And we do well to remember that this gracious God, who has condescended to place His almighty power at the command of believing prayer looks not lightly on the blood guiltiness of those who neglect to avail themselves of it for the benefit of the perishing…

relying on God's provision:

“a foolhardy business,” said those who saw only the difficulties.
“a superhuman task,” sighed others who wished them well. And many even of their friends could not but be anxious.

“You will be forgotten,” was the concern of some. “With no committee or organization before the public, you will be lost sight of in that distant land. Claims are many nowadays. Before long you may find yourselves without even the necessaries of life!”

“I am taking my children with me,” was the quiet answer, “and I notice it is not difficult to remember that they need breakfast in the morning, dinner at midday and super at night. Indeed, I could not forget them if I tried. And I find it impossible to think that our heavenly Father is less tender and mindful of His children than I, a poor earthly father am of mine. No, He will not forget us!”

---

.. it is a wonderful thing to be really one with a risen and exalted Saviour, to be a member of Christ! Think what it involves. Can Christ be rich and I poor? Can your right hand be rich and your left poor? Again, think of its bearing on prayer. Could a bank clerk say to a customer, “it was only your hand, not you that wrote that check”; or “I cannot pay this sum to your hand, but only to yourself”? no more can your prayers or mine be discredited if offered in the name of Jesus (i.e., not for the sake of Jesus merely, but on the ground that we are His, His members) so long as we keep within the limits of Christ’s credit – a tolerably wide limit! If we ask for anything unscriptural, or not in accordance with the will of God, Christ Himself could not do that. But “if we ask anything according to his will… we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.”

The sweetest part, if one may speak of one part being sweeter than another, is the rest which full identification with Christ brings. I am no longer anxious about anything, as I realize this; for He, I know, is able to carry out His will, and His will is mine. It makes no matter where He places me, or how. That is rather for Him to consider than for me; for in the easiest position He must give me grace, and in the most difficult His grace is sufficient. It little matters to my servant whether I send him to buy a few cash worth or things, or the most expensive articles. In either case he looks to me for the money and brings me his purchases. So, if God should place me in serious perplexity. Of great difficulty, much grace; in circumstances of great pressure and trial, much strength? No fear that His resources will prove unequal to the emergency! And His resources are mine, for He is mine, and is with me and dwells in me.

what a gr8 encouragement to those who are support raising! take heart! God will provide our daily bread.

Let us see that we keep God before our eyes; that we walk in His ways and seek to please and glorify Him in everything, great and small. Depend upon it, God’s work, done in God’s way will never lack God’s supplies.