Monday, August 19, 2013

was talking with family today and it dawned on me why i liked some people so much -
they are truthful.
and i can name some of such =) they make me happy. in a world where pp think they can hide, it's like fig leaves to God... n to some who know better... n it is sianz. simply sianz. idk liars. n the worst thing is that many people dont think they are lying when they are! somehow the level of truth gets so low it hits dirt.

ok i did not come on here to gripe. i came on here to talk about my dreams of a world that can be known truly. that communication goes more like telepathy and that people know what you think and what you are like. we can understand truly without the cumbersome masquerade and needing to decode "what did he mean by that?"

but it can be really scary for most cos where then would privacy be?
but the issue at hand is
1) we human beings utmost innate desire is to know and be known. is for connection. and words just dont cut it. if we could do away with the fear of being rejected when we are known, this fear and needing privacy would be done away with.
2) privacy is a modern construct. suddenly with more wealth, we are able to have our own rooms, close our doors, etc. just a few decades ago, even our parents had to sleep 10 pp tog. what privacy is there to talk about? and they didnt have issues like we would if we were to do a 10-er. we would die but they? they lived. cultures trace back to communal life that was so key. we attribute issues like needing therapy as knowing better, but seriously, maybe our problems are self-constructed. we give ourselves rooms and APART-ments and then complain about the loss of the "kampong spirit" and that the younger generation are disconnected and dont know how to "do life". ha.
3) furthering this, i would argue that the need for privacy is a FALLEN state - think Eden. what privacy were you talking about? n we humans are ever seeking to get back to paradise from which we fell from... yeah so hold onto your privacy, and refuse to be known. go hide from a God who knows you truly and loves you truly? we have been running from and not getting what we truly need since Adam...

this fear is producing so much problems... oh well... i have just loss interest in this thread of thought... i'll go off now... 

Friday, August 09, 2013

6 august
told D that i will seriously pray about it.

7 august
SA asked DEL

8 august
SA told me DEL said ok.

so we'll c.
cos i dont even know what to think about this. coincidence or God-incidence?
cos SY also came back on 6 August. n i have to meet sb on the bus to tell me within minutes of his coming back.
cos i dont want to be reading into non-signs if GOD is not pointing that way. just like how pp were telling mum n me about ET. i told SA and mum not to count the chicks b4 they hatch. an idiom that mum herself taught me when i was young.

so yeah. i m thankful to SA nonetheless. i know God is taking me on this journey of peeling away my fears n i will have to make some most difficult and important choices of my life.

but right now, i am at rest. i will not rejoice or worry either way. but i m thankful knowing that God is on my case and my life's unfolding His magnificent story and i am and will like every bit of it. =) so yeah, in simple cliche manner, what will be will be. so come what may =)


Monday, August 05, 2013

poem


I Learned to Swear

by Pam Vap
I learned to swear
twenty minutes before my first child was born.
Since then, it's been a handy habit
to have around, and I expect God
to turn his head. After all,
he owes me one. It's a trick
to make babies look so good.

The truth is they leak.
And of all horrors, they grow.

They only speak whine;
they cry and complain and wipe snot
on their sleeves. They spill dinner.
They stir pasta into their milk cups
and squish spinach between their teeth.
They eat crayons and toothpaste.

They call constantly. They call
constantly. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mo-om.

They inhale money, bang down stairs,
and store dirty socks and sandwich crusts
like hidden treasures in their closets.
They lipstick walls; they swallow marbles.
They break things.

Yet, God (no doubt in his wisdom) has ordained
that these crude creatures
should sleep incognito:
gentle
quiet
warm.

I am fooled easily.

Each night as I tuck covers around them
and bend to kiss their sweet, sleepy faces,
I don't care that they used
all the silverware in the garden.

Let's fill the house with angels,
I whisper to my husband
as I slip between the sheets.

- - - - - 
poetry has a nice way of saying "i wanna have s--/babies." or "let's f---."