super jetlagged!!!!!!!

oh man...!!! remmeber i told u i was in the right time zone when i was in the US? well, well, well...! welcome me back to my insomniac life once again!!! totally cant sleep at night...! it's been yet another wide-awake night! sigh... n now... another day!

Nocturnal no more

i had always suspected that i was born in the wrong time zone. since young i had so much trouble trying to sleep. it s a 'normal' thing to hear the first of the alarm clocks go off n not having slept a wink!

yet, here i suffer no jetlag, i feel sleepy by midnight n wake up at daybreak! wat a wonderful feeling! instead of saying "Good night God" n then go to bed at the break of dawn, i finally say "Good morning, God!" it's more than a week since we've been here... n for the first time in my life i have to say i m a morning person!

man, i should consider moving to the US to stay huh? =)

Campus Ministry Days

People of Mission
Captivated by God | Called to the World

the above is the theme of the campus conference which just ended today.
the campus ministry days had been nothing short of inspiring.

we were reminded by John Piper the need to be captivated by God, to teach the whole counsel of God, to understand the lostness of Man and the role and importance of teaching.

tomorrow we will see the commencement of the main conference. i m looking forward to the county fair after the opening ceremony. well, we sure know how to mix work with pleasure!

leaving everything

Peter said to him (Jesus), "We have left everything to follow you!" Mark 10:28

it's not a one-time act leaving of 'everything'. we may think "we have left everything", i dun have anymore stuff to surrender or leave...

it's more of a continual leaving and surrendering of our "things". often we start the christian life or service leaving everything to follow Christ. yet, along the way we tend to pick up things and form attachments that we find hard to give up (and thus hinder us) when Jesus calls us to a deeper level of commitment; a deeper walk with Him. and it becomes hard to give up 'everything' (whatever little or seemingly insignificant; whatever important or dear).

for me, it's giving up of material comforts i will not b able to afford for myself or my family. it's not a choice i made and forget the moment i started on my first step. it's a continued choice that has a continued price.

what are some "things" that are hard to give up or leave in order to grow in your walk with God? time? money? possessions? someone?

yet listen to what Jesus says to Peter -
"I tell you the truth, no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me ad the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields - and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life." Mark 10:29, 30

celebrated 4 years on staff...!

met up with our International President twice today. once when he came over to our fraternity house to speak to us and another later the afternoon.

it was such a gr8 time of hearing fr him how God revealed the vision for the organisation and allowing my own vision for the ministry be refreshed and sharpened. and he is someone really humble and Spirit-filled. i m so surprised that in a conversation with someone who was seeking God re whether to come on full time ministry, he did not challenge her the way most eager leaders would to join us. rather he said he does not know God's plans for her but he will be praying for her and asked her to update him. he took the time to talk and find out about her. couold c the genuine concern for her... n it could have been that se was asking him about exploring another organisation and that wouldn't have made any difference.

besides that, meeting other global leaders up close and personal was inspiring.

what a "wow!" way to celebrate my 4th anniversary!!! haha...

i thank God for His wonderful way of allowing me to b a part of this huge conference;

2 remind me of the call of God in my life, the vision and work specifically in this organisation. such needed fuel for the journey ahead.

pls hear what i m NOT saying

PLEASE HEAR WHAT I'M NOT SAYING
[by by Charles C. Finn September, 1966]

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the mask I wear!
For I wear a mask.
I wear a thousand masks.
Masks that I'm afraid to take off
and none of them are me.

Pretending is second nature with me,
but I beg you, don't be fooled.
I give the impression that I'm secure,
that all is sunny, unruffled,
that confidence is my name
and coolness is my game
and I need no one.

But don't believe, please don't!
My surface is my mask.
Beneath is the real me,
in my confusion,
in my fear,
in loneliness.
But I hide this,
I don't want anybody to know it.

I panic at the thought of my weakness
and of being rejected.
That's why I frantically create
a mask to hide behind.
To help me pretend,
to shield from the glance that knows!
If that glance is followed by acceptance,
if it is followed by love, it will save me.

It's the only thing that will assure me
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this, I don't dare, I'm afraid to!
I'm afraid your glance will not
be followed by love and acceptance.

I'm afraid you will think less of me
that you will laugh at me
and your laugh will kill me.
I'm afraid deep down inside I'm nothing,
I'm just no good,
and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play games.
My desperate pretending games,
with assurances on the outside
and a trembling child within.
And so begins the parade of masks
and my life becomes a front.

I idly chatter with you
and tell you nothing of what hurts me inside.
Please listen carefully
and try to hear what I'm not saying.
Those things I need to say but cannot.
I dislike the hiding, honestly I do.
I dislike the superficial, phony games I'm playing.

I'd really like to be genuine, spontaneous and me
but I need your help.
You can help me by holding out your hand,
even when that's the last thing I seem to want or need.
For each time you are kind or gentle and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care about me,
my heart begins to grow wings!
Very feeble wings but wings!

With your sensitivity,
empathy and understanding I can make it.
You breathe life into me.
I want you to know how important you are to me.
Only you can wipe away from the eyes
the blank stares of the breathing dead.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I hide.

You alone can remove the mask.
You alone can release me
from my lonely prison of panic and uncertainty.

Please do not pass me by.
Please try to beat down my wall with firm hands,
but be gentle -- for inside
I am a very sensitive and frightened child.
Who am I... you may wonder?
I'm someone you know very well
For I am ...................
Every Man! Every Woman! Every Child!


wow...! wat a poem! it reminds me that we are not alone in our insecurities... and more so, that Jesus reaches out to us... n loves us as we are...

Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,"
says the LORD, who has compassion on you.
Isaiah 54:10

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. - Romans 5:8

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. - Romans 8:38, 39

gone to US

yo yo...!
not in Spore! gone to Colorado! till 29 july!
beauiful place, they say... will check out the sights!
m rather excited hearing all the hype re the conference i ll b attending and the place itself!

pray for me... that i'll be given a fresh vision, renewed strength and resolved conviction of the things God has placed on my heart - calling, ministry, personal questions...

thanks!

John Maxwell free seminar

John Maxwell will be speaking on "Raising & Equipping Leaders".

Date : this coming Sunday, 10th July 2005
Place: 4th floor, Worship hall at Faith Methodist Church
Time: 7.30 pm - 9.30 pm

Free Admission

Prayer II

Anne Morrow Lindbergh - "the Gift from the Sea"

I want 1st of all... to be of peace with myself. i want a singleness of eye, the purity of intention, a central core to my life that will enable me to carry out these obligations and activities so well as i can, i want, in fact - to borrow from the language of the saints - to live "in grace" as much of the time as possible. i am not using this term in a strictly theological sense. by grace i mean an inner harmony, essentially spiritual, which can be translated into outward harmony. i am seeking perhaps what Socrates asked for in prayer from the Phaedons when he said, "may the outward and inward man be one." i would like to achieve a state of inner spiritual grace from which i would function and give as i was meant to in the eyes of God.

Prayer

Dear Father in heaven,
only You know what's best for me. Only You are powerful enough, wise enough, to guide me in what is right and good. i can't see my own way, and i can't walk in the path of goodness unless You lead me.

Give me only what i need to do Your will. Give me as much or as little as You will. Supply my need whenever You choose, and not according to my demands... Because i know that You will lead me on the path that brings best profit to my soul - whether i am given the desires of my heart or that they are withheld.

I ask you to teach me and help me to push away the voices that call and distract me... demanding from me until i am empty and burned out... left without strength or passion.
Cause me to still my soul before You right now... to fix my inner being on the vision of You... passionate, holy, afire with love.

Father, i need you to help me face the truth about the hungers that lie in my heart. i've become so good at letting other people see i'm a "good person" that i no longer truly know what is in my heart.

For every want that's in me, show me Your way to fill it. Feed my soul, Father so i will not allow the evil one to tempt me with his sweet offerings that leave a terrible gnawing and bitter after-taste.

I know that the purpose of my life is to have Your light and peace of Your presence in me... giving me the strength to overcome satan, the world and my flesh... I want to live by the Spirit. Teach me, allow Your living waters to flow. Help me to live for Your glory and Your glory alone.

think abt it

if God created Man then there is someone outside of Man to whom he becomes responsible. He is not in and of himself the master of his own fate.; he is neither the final authority nor the only one to whom he must finally answer. - Charles C. Ryrie