WATCH THIS SPACE... changes akan datang...

evan will blog again

sorry i havent blogged for a week!
been too lazy, n busy.

how m i?
could be better.
felt dat my brain cannot think! sigh... need to go sharpen my brain... perhaps chill it or something. there's too much min stuff that needs sharp thinking n i felt i wasnt up to it this week.

wat is a wise person?
i think after fumbling for an answer on tues, and hearing the speaker (YK) during LM, i think a wise person is someone who takes God at His word.

last sun was v interesting. after blogging abt not feeling anxious n wondering if i should start getting anxious. it things didnt change. i spent the whole afternoon waiting, then prep as best as i could then prepared to go out for dinner with art gals. it was when i was walking from my room to the bathroom that i got INSPIRATION! that i got my message. i felt the message being deposited into my heart, that i needed to address this, this n that, n so on. but i didnt have time to put it on paper or on my comp cos i needed to go out. grabbed a piece of paper so i could scribble message on. on the trained i called my bro to help me buy some art paper think A2, A1 size. he wasnt planning to step out of the house, but he went anyway despite initial reluctance. n after getting something not wat i wanted, n i kinda begged him to go back to get the colour i wanted, he went down again. n 4 3x too. m touched. by the time i reached home, i was v tired. n felt i couldnt really put what i needed onto the ppt. felt i couldnt press on even tho most times i would have stayed up n pia it thru. decided to go sleep 1st n then wake up ard 3 to do it esp since i still wasnt gan cheong at all. then in toilet, it occurred to me that i should ask God if He wants me to sleep or to press on. n if He wanted me to press on He needed to give me energy cos i was really WAY tired. after coming out of the toilet, i felt totally refreshed n energised. then i plopped myself at my comp n worked on. [if i m messenger, then i need to ask my Boss if i m done working or work on, n get strength fr Him to work on] was a simpler message n yet i felt i spoke wat i needed. it came right up to the time i m given. no more, no less. amazing.

God really grew me thru these weeks in learning my role as His messenger. wait for His message. He is never late. He will speak. n speaking at churches felt like "all in a day's work" for me. like doing DGs. when pp asked me how it went, my answer was "ok" n they thought it wasnt good. but it was. i dun get "high" or overly excited or anxious or worried abt it anymore. i felt i did what God wanted me to, n i learnt not to look to the audience for affirmation on dat like i used to. like after DG, i dun get ask "how was it? was it good?" i felt more like, i said wat i felt needed n left it to God, n moved onto my next work thingy. i was kinda surprised i felt this way. well well... all i can say is, i began to understand the move of God better in messages as i have begun to know His ways in the diff DGs.

tmr leading worship. my throat's working up. coughing right now as i type this. it hurts as well as irritates. Lord, help. need my voice tmr. heal me.

had a good time at the beach with lb. learnt not a few things. haha.. biblical application.
take the Gospills. 3 times a day, after meals. or preferably as often as you can, whenever is necessary. if it doesnt help, come back n we'll put you on a course of anti-deceptives. haha.

i havent gotten my tomorrow's message together. not even the bits. n i m wondering if i should be panicking. it's kinda worrying that i m not worried. maybe it's the pub hol mood at work, or the rainy, sleepy weather that's placed a spell, or just maybe i m just too tired after this trying week n my brain's desperately need a break. i'm glad i'm not panicking now cos it'll be so "no-no"... to ask God to give me His message and while waiting i worry my head off. but i must say there is still pricky pokey feeling around me somewhere trying to tempt me to get really desperate. especially when i dont have the night to work on it. well, God pls come thru for me. for Your people. i'm just Your messenger. shant run off without receiving the message. --- sat in wendy's DG yesterday. here's what went on in my head: what i say or do in my DG does have a multiplying effect. it does get passed down. whether good or bad.i was struck at the responsibility yet felt thrilled to see the multiplying effect at work. gotta watch what i do. i began to see the privilege and joy, besides the awesome responsibility of "imitiate me as i imitate Christ" the importance of tranferability is reinforced in my mind. whether what i say n do in discipling others can be learned and passed on well and effectively without a watering down or changing of meaning n message. was thankful that my gals are led and guided by my Lord. what they've learned fr me in DG + their own preparation n Lord's leading = wow! i wouldnt mind being in their DG! so cool huh. it's such a wonderful thing to be involved in God's work, in building into lives and seeing them do it too - disciple others, give messages etc. so proud of my disciples who are spiritual multipliers! what a joy, honour to know them! --- i finally can say i love C.S Lewis! God used his "The Problem of Pain" to minister to me in the area of "resident evil in man", issue of self-will n surrender, about the uniqueness and longings of each soul and heaven! it has been almost like a devotional. i would somehow ponder or talk about an issue, then almost God addressed it in the book! God taught me and brought me to greater depth of understanding. n this went on for about a week. plain amazing. here's my fav part: p150 - There have been times when I think we do not desire heaven; but more often I find myself wondering whether, in our heart of hearts, we have ever desired anything else. You may have noticed that the books you really love are bound together by a secret thread. You know very well what is the common quality that makes you love them, though you cannot put it into words: but most of your friends do not see it at all, and often wonder why, liking this, you should also like that. Again, you have stood before some landscape, which seems to embody what you have been looking for all your life; and then turned to the friend to your side who appears to be seeing what you saw – but at first words a gulf yawns between you, and you realize that this landscape means something totally different to him, that he is pursuing an alien vision and cares nothing for the ineffable suggestion by which you are transported. Even in your hobbies, has there not always been some secret attraction which the others are curiously ignorant of – something, not to be identified with, but always on the verge of breakthrough, the smell of cut wood in the workshop or the clap-clap of water against the boat’s side? Are not all lifelong friendships born at the moment when at last you meet another human being who has some inkling (but faint and uncertain even in the best) of that something which you were born desiring, and which, beneath the flux of other desires and in all the momentary silences between the louder passions, night and day, year by year, from childhood to old age, you are looking for, watching for, listening for? You have never had it. All the things that have ever deeply possessed your soul have been but hints of it – tantalizing glimpses, promises never quite fulfilled, echoes that died away just as they caught your ear….Beyond all possibility of doubt you would say, ‘Here at last is the thing I was made for.’ We cannot tell each other about it. It is the secret signature of each soul, the incommunicable and unappeasable want, the thing we desired before we met our wives or made our friends or chose our work, and which we shall still desire on our deathbeds, when the mind no longer knows wife or friend or work. While we are, this is. If we lose this, we lose all. [he just goes on n on without breaking for a new paragraph!!!!] …the ins and outs of your individuality are no mystery to Him; and one day they will no longer be a mystery to you… Your soul has a curious shape because it is hollow made to fit a particular swelling in the infinite contours of the Divine substance…Blessed and fortunate creature, our eyes shall behold Him and not another’s. All that you are, sins apart, is destined, if you will let God have His good way, to utter satisfaction… God will look to every soul like its first love because He is its first love. Your place in heaven will seem to be made for you and you alone, because you were made for it – made for it stitch by stitch as a glove is made for a hand. …All your life an unattainable ecstasy has hovered just beyond the grasp of your consciousness. The day is coming when you will wake to find, beyond all hope, that you have attained it, or else, that it was within your reach and you have lost it forever. …The thing I am speaking of is not an experience. You have experienced only the want of it. The thing itself has never actually been embodied in any thought, or image, or emotion. Always it has summoned you out of yourself.

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty. He asks one of his new students to stand and.....

Prof: So you believe in God?

Student: Absolutely, sir.

Prof: Is God good?

Student: Sure.

Prof: Is God all-powerful?

Student: Yes.

Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then?

(Student is silent.)

Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fellow.
Is God good?

Student: Yes.

Prof: Is Satan good?

Student: No.

Prof: Where does Satan come from?

Student: From...God...

Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student: Yes.

Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?

Student: Yes.

Prof: So who created evil?

(Student does not answer.)

Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?

Student: Yes, sir.

Prof: So, who created them?

(Student has no answer.)

Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?

Student: No, sir.

Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?

Student: No, sir.

Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?

Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.

Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student: Yes.

Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.

Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.

Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Prof: Yes.

Student: And is there such a thing as cold?

Prof: Yes.

Student: No sir. There isn't. (The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.) Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?

Student: You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something.
You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light....But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?

Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?

Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.

To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from monkeys?

Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)

Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?

(The class is in uproar.)

Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?

(The class breaks out into laughter.)

Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain,felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.

Student: That is it sir... The link between man & God is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive. .

WANT TO KNOW WHO THAT STUDENT WAS?

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The student was ...

Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam,
the current President of India and
this is a true story.

(i'm not sure how true... juz pasting the article sent me... let me know if source is inaccurate)

on MC today cos my left ear lobe is infected!!! its the same old prob 10 years ago... sigh... became bad. infection + stuck earring = painful, costly trouble. doc say thankfully i didnt wait a few more days cos it'll turn v bad. yep..came asap after an hour of futile tug-of-war on my own. so enlisted doc's help (with money of course) it was painful as Dr tugged at earring and then drained the pus and blood. when i got up, there was a little pool of blood on the pillow! n my ear's all bandaged up.

will go down to NUS later for prayer meeting nonetheless. had already miss WWDP already.

ytd was a wasted trip to NTU. they were out of the model i wanted. man... silly of me to have called to ask for everything except if they had stock! so ytd. i travelled from my home to NUS, NUS to NTU, from boon lay to Pasir Ris, then back home again. i spent more than 5 hours commuting! juz fr NUS to NTU took me 1 hour! hence,i had ample time to sleep n read "Teacher" the Henrietta Mears Story. was so good! finally, a woman role model! she influenced Billy Graham(dun tell me u dunno him), Bill Bright (founder of Campus Crusade for Christ - the largest Christian organisation in the world - as quoted in the book), Dawson Trotman (founder of Navigators), and 400 more into full time ministry, and much more in the marketplace. n thats not all. shant put all her credentials here. but yeah... AMAZING woman

finished the book in a day! v thin book lah... =p so with dat, i've read at least 33 books this year (got a few rereads which i dun really count or can recall... wonder if i can end this year with 45...

a little more on "Teacher" The Henrietta Mears Story :

"there is no magic in small plans. when i considermy ministry, i think of the world. anything less than that would not be worthy of Christ noe od His will for my life." (p19)

"teach the Word clearly and correctly to the end that people may come to know Christ as asviour and Lord and to grow spiritually, faithful in every good work." (P29)

"will you stop looking at your problems and wringing your hands in despaor?
faith and despair cannot remain in the same heart.
take you choice; trust God or worry. You cannot really have both." (p32)

"God has an answer. Jesus said that we must make disciples of all men. we are to take His Gospel to the ends of the earth. we must become evangelists even though evangelism is not recognised in our day as a valid program. and we must present the dull doctrine of Christian truth.
God is looking for men and women of total commitment . During the awr, men of special courage were called upon for difficult assignments; often those volunterrs did not return. they were called "expendables." We must be expendables for Christ." (p119)

3 foundational themes: accepting Christ as Saviour and Lord, growing in the faith and developing a vision for the world. (p112)

it's just wonderful to think that what we speak and do are translated some way, in amost mystical and marvelous way, to other individuals and they in turn spread it out and out and out until the circle is so uimmense that we haven't any idea... you dont have to be great. but you can pass on to another the Lord jesus Christ and he, in turn, will amke that man or woman whom He wishes them to be.
what has God told you to do today? would you go home and wite down some decision? dont write down ten decisions. wriet down one decision that you'll do. and ask god to give you courage to fulfill that decision.(p146)

isnt it strange how evil lurks in success as well as in failure, in health adn in sickness, in companionshop and in loneliness?... determine so to live in Christ that by your life you will compel man to think of Christ; God's wisdom to know His will; God's power to do His will - this is really living. (p150)

how do you plan for revival? start with impossibility. see need. throw in a climate ripe for change. then set it on fire. (p115)
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bill bright's books also are filled with big vision, hard work, dependence on God and much talk and mobilisation towards revival.

"REVIVAL" - a word that seemed so overused in the Church. yet so under-understood, under-experienced. many are afraid... no, cautious would be a better word... many more dare not ask, pray, seek for revival. reading books on great men like Smith Wigglesworth, Charles Swindol, Charles Spurgeon, John Wesley... they never shied away from the word, working towards it with all their energies. small wonder we the 21st century church dont see what the Church throughout centuries have seen. "you have not because you ask not..."

how do you deal with SNT?
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had a gr8 day yesterday... after speaking, FC dropped me at Park Mall where she was going. took the opportunity to walk ard. i forgot how i love park mall with its atas furniture and home furnishings. BBBbbeeeeaauuuutttttiiiiifffuuuuulllllllll!!!!
came back n further stoned and dreamt out my house and the design... i need a room for myself... so i designed a room for me as well as my po po (my old kitchen to be converted).
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i've grown much. m surprised how God changed me thru these 2 weeks of speaking. 2 down 2 more to go!
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getting my macbook today!!!
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going for BSF today!!!!