2 Hs represent v much of how i felt for the past few months - harassed and helpless.
haha.. i blogged abt this sometime ago abt sharing on dat passage. but oh well, related or not, some pressing, repeated smses yesterday made me realise i've been feeling v harassed n hence helpless. and K helped me work thru some of those which insightful questions.

r these goals what i want? is this where i want to be going? m i motivated to obtain this goal?
is this something i m convicted to do? something God is telling me to do it? if yes, n if i m not ready, what needs to happen 1st ?
if i've got enough ___________ would i b able to do it? (if i think there is something that i lack)

i'm not helpless. i need not react. i can act.i have options. more importantly, i can say "no"... which evidently didnt really make it into my dictionary or vocab.
my overblown sense of obligation can be thrown to the wind!

realised i really should take the Sabbath year thingy seriously. shall use my leave, n take no pay leave if i need. which i do. desperately.
pls dont ask me to take care of my body, that i need to rest. do u really think i m not trying to do that?! that i have this secret death wish to burn out?! (pls keep your yes-es to yourself! i might bite.)

another realisation today: to me, it is luxury to be able to have a workless meal. i would love to eat by myself, not at some meeting table/ study bench.
today, as like many others, i rushed from staff meeting to an evaluation, closure meeting that included lunch. it lasted the whole afternoon. then when it ended at 515, i went over to another part of the "sprawling" campus to have another "fellowship" that catered dinner. that event lasted till 930. so yeah,i actually have 12 hour days with really NO free time inbetween. n if u think the meals were free, rest assured that my double-digit bank account shows that the most of these times the meals cost more than if i would dine on my own lunch breaks.

oh, cheers to Spore for winning the bid to host the 1st ever Youth Olympics in 2010. and yes NUS will be the the lodging place. wow. i dun noe if i wanna b ard then. but i guess it'll be fun. but... in 2010.... it'll be a stretch to call me a "youth".

---
the way of trust is a movement into obscurity, into the undefined, into ambiguity, not into predestined, clearly delineated plan of the future... all these challenges require a willingness to risk a journey into the unknown and a readiness to trust God even in darkness. - Brennan Manning

love, generally, is that principle which leads one moral being to desire and delight in anther, and reaches its highest form in that personal fellowship in which each lives in the life of the other, and finds his joy in imparting himself to the other, and in receiving back the outflow of that other's affection into himself.
James Orr (Hastings Dictionary of the Bible, III, 153)

Non-believers take an average of 7.6 times before they receive the gospel.


75 to 90% of new believers come to Christ through a friend who explained the gospel in a one to one basis to them. Only 17% of conversions are the result of a rally or church service.

Only 5 to 10% of an average church shares their faith in one year. But Jesus showed us in John 4:39 that when we seize opportunities to share our faith fully, they can grow into chain reactions.

1 Peter 3:15 says Christians should not just throw hints abut their faith but need to share enough information about their faith to allow the Holy Spirit to effect a change of heart.


We must be prepared to share the whole gospel. Every presentation is a seed that may eventually breed fruit.
----
taken from some brochure in my email...
juz when i m mulling over evangelism tactics, n struggling over "pre-evangelistic" means.

----
i think i need to deal with my overly sensitive sense of obligation. i can say no.

i wanna go home n sleep it all off like it's a bad dream

i ve been wanting to blog...! finally, rebelling at my "office" in NUS... cant seem to focus on the huge workpile waiting for me. sigh...

i think i got prob. i have gained ALOT of weight. n i have been eating ALOT. yes i think u n i see the correlation. haha. seriously, i have become a stress eater! n have been wanting to eat so much esp when i m working. today, i m turning to food like every hour! help help.

i ve watched alot of movies over the past 3 weeks!
CJ7, Ah Long Pte Ltd, Kite Runner, The Notebook, PS I Love You, Jumper. actually 6 movies in 10 days.

let me tell u wat i didnt enjoy n share about those i enjoyed anoter time.
Ah long i give half star for the attempt to touch the conscience of the real ah longs out there.
Jumper was a disappointing show from the directors of Bourne Identity. nice effects n gr8 idea tho. would love to b a jumper. ahaha.

net to watch, another local production - feb 29!

i had so much to blog throughout this week!

so here's the whole of it (or watever's left):

i was SOOOOOOOOOOO looking forward to valentine's day. it's my 2nd most fav day of the year! no prizes for guessing which is my fav day. but if u do not yet know, u'd better find out!

n the 3 days preceeding it were the worst days of this year... i hope! (keeping my fingers crossed tightly!) but... it's fat chance cos i already know one 3-day period dat will top this one - FOC which i m IC of. (loud sigh). mon-wed were really drop dead days for me. i discovered yet a deeper pit of tiredness! i really never knew i could be this tired! sun was frantic wif calls n checking emails abt the distribution. then when mon came by, i realised i entered the week with my fuel indicator needle at "E". so dead by the end of the day i was delirious. no kidding. SW was laughing at how i was "high" n sprouting nonsense. was so anxious n stressed i couldnt sleep on tues, woke up feeling nervous. my M2s could c i was still quite delirious on thurs am when i had back-to-back DGs.

but i surprised myself at how i could still trudge on despite really hitting an all-time low on strength. i surprised MH wif a b'day bouquet on mon night, making my way down to pasir ris, wed going down to XL's after midnight 2 print stuff n staying up all night 2 get it done. or how i become eloquent, awake n spirited when i talk abt the Word.

i really thank God for how He really is so faithful. that despite me letting ministry get between me n Him, He is always there, holding me thru it all. i was really stressed out n anxious n maxed out. He has proven yet again that He is sufficient.

but yes, need 2 rest. so i had taken leave on fri in foresight. had a gr8 rest at home. then out to wendy's 21st party. she tried to give a testimony abt God. she actually cried when she "thanked a very important person in my life."

next few weeks would be a mini step down from the hectic chaos. frankly, my mind's reeling from the pace n the amt of things i need 2 do. i had refused to work today... so shall have to plow thru the mountain of emails containing more work! i started on some already n realised they really do need brains to work on. so... shall leave tackling them to when i've seated myself comfortably in starbucks, energized by a shot of caffeine, sugar n milk tmr. so much for taking leave. for now, i shall go to bed, and end this post with thanks for those pp who have given me stuff on valentine's day. it's nice to know u love me. know too that you are loved.

i have been resting. turned down all invites for home visitation, n rested at home ytd n today. so yeah.
stil not enuf however, n so i m wondering if it's the slacker in me that i m feeding or dat i juz really need more chilling out n dat s something healthy. hmm... shrugs.

the grueling 2 days passed with my eyes opened to how God provided my every bit of strength. i wake up feeling i cant go on, i wanna roll over in bed (which i did until i can no longer b4 being really late). but when i finally do get outta bed, i feel i got an ounce of strength, n i use it, n then when i thought i m finishing that ounce, i find i can go on. it's like a step at a time. i find i could do my impossible schedule, n get stuff done. God is amazing isnt He?

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When God has blessed others by using certain methods, we sometimes presume that we should use those same methods. we don’t realize that God blessed that way for others because that's the way he ordered them to do things. nowhere is this more common than in church programs. one church prays and receives an answer - a specific method of carrying out a certain order of God. they are richly blessed because God blesses what God orders. Then another church, seeing this blessing, copies the program – because they believe God is blessing the program itself. They fail to realize that what he is really blessing is obedience. And they never stop to ask him, “Father, what do you want us to do?”
- Peter Lord, Hearing God p58,59

Holy Spirit
think through me
till your ideas
are my ideas
- Amy Carmichael

thank You Lord.

blessed CNY peeps!

this begins yet another hectic week. the dreaded 2 days. n i shudder to think what lies after this week.
why do i feel so alone in battle?

2 Kings 6:16, 17
"Oh Lord open his eyes so he may see." and the Lord opened the servant's eyes and he saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.

1 Chron 14:14,15
"DO not go straight up, but circle around them and attack them in front of the balsam tress. As soon as you hear the sound of marching in the tops of the balsam trees, move out to battle, because that will mean God has gone out in front of you to strike the Philistine army."

Ps 127:1
unless the Lord builds the house, the labourers labour in vain.

we will seek Your face Almighty God
turn and pray for You to heal our land
let revival start in us
then every heart will know Your kingdom come

lifting up the name of the Lord
in power n in unity
we will see the nations turn
touching heaven changing earth

never looking back we ll run the race
giving You our lives we'll gain the prize
we will take the harvest given us
though we sow in tears we'll reap in joy

send revival send revival send revival to us

feel like i m on a train heading full speed towards plunging into depths, no brakes whatsoever...
argh.




A little boy of thirteen
was on his way to school
He heard a crowd of people laughing
and he went to take a look

Thousands were listening
to the stories of one man
He spoke with such wisdom,
even the kids could understand

The hours passed so quickly
the day turned to night
Everyone was hungry
but there was no food in sight

The boy looked in his lunchbox
at the little that he had
He wasn't sure what good it'd do
there were thousands to be fed

But he saw the twinkling eyes of Jesus
the kindness in His smile
and the boy cried out
with the trust of a child
he said:"

Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you willI surrender
Take my fears and inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
to feed them all"

I often think about that boy
when I'm feeling smal
land I worry that the work I do
means nothing at all

But every single tear I cry
is a diamond in His hands
and every door that slams in my face
I will offer up in prayer

So I'll give you every breath that I have
Oh Lord, you can work miracles
All that you need is my "Amen"

Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you willI surrender
Take my fears and inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
I hope it's not too small
I trust in you I trust in you

Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you willI surrender
Take my fears and inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
no gift is too small

juz in case u ve been wondering. yes. been resting.

"we have heard this holy Whisper at times. only at times have we submitted to His holy guidance. we have not counted this Holy THng within us to be the most precious thing in the world. we have not surrendered all else, to attend to it alone. - Thomas Kelly, A Testament of Devotion, p159