2 Hs represent v much of how i felt for the past few months - harassed and helpless.
haha.. i blogged abt this sometime ago abt sharing on dat passage. but oh well, related or not, some pressing, repeated smses yesterday made me realise i've been feeling v harassed n hence helpless. and K helped me work thru some of those which insightful questions.

r these goals what i want? is this where i want to be going? m i motivated to obtain this goal?
is this something i m convicted to do? something God is telling me to do it? if yes, n if i m not ready, what needs to happen 1st ?
if i've got enough ___________ would i b able to do it? (if i think there is something that i lack)

i'm not helpless. i need not react. i can act.i have options. more importantly, i can say "no"... which evidently didnt really make it into my dictionary or vocab.
my overblown sense of obligation can be thrown to the wind!

realised i really should take the Sabbath year thingy seriously. shall use my leave, n take no pay leave if i need. which i do. desperately.
pls dont ask me to take care of my body, that i need to rest. do u really think i m not trying to do that?! that i have this secret death wish to burn out?! (pls keep your yes-es to yourself! i might bite.)

another realisation today: to me, it is luxury to be able to have a workless meal. i would love to eat by myself, not at some meeting table/ study bench.
today, as like many others, i rushed from staff meeting to an evaluation, closure meeting that included lunch. it lasted the whole afternoon. then when it ended at 515, i went over to another part of the "sprawling" campus to have another "fellowship" that catered dinner. that event lasted till 930. so yeah,i actually have 12 hour days with really NO free time inbetween. n if u think the meals were free, rest assured that my double-digit bank account shows that the most of these times the meals cost more than if i would dine on my own lunch breaks.

oh, cheers to Spore for winning the bid to host the 1st ever Youth Olympics in 2010. and yes NUS will be the the lodging place. wow. i dun noe if i wanna b ard then. but i guess it'll be fun. but... in 2010.... it'll be a stretch to call me a "youth".

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the way of trust is a movement into obscurity, into the undefined, into ambiguity, not into predestined, clearly delineated plan of the future... all these challenges require a willingness to risk a journey into the unknown and a readiness to trust God even in darkness. - Brennan Manning

love, generally, is that principle which leads one moral being to desire and delight in anther, and reaches its highest form in that personal fellowship in which each lives in the life of the other, and finds his joy in imparting himself to the other, and in receiving back the outflow of that other's affection into himself.
James Orr (Hastings Dictionary of the Bible, III, 153)