Friday, October 31, 2008

yesh... the celebrations have officially started on wed when the students surprised me by singing a birthday song after LM and gave me a slice of raspberry cheese cake...(or was it blueberry? LOL) my best friend (with grin on face) came over and say, "you dont like right? can i have it?" was surprised she actually knows i dont like berries. n yesh we decided that spinellis cakes are not as nice as other coffee joints.

was actually caught unaware of wat i wanted... couldnt tell when asked. had to think abt it on the way back on mrt...
n now that i think i have a slightly better idea... i think they've gone n bought the pressies already.

anyway, i find birthdays can be such a self-centred time... haha... yesh me saying it. friends of antiquity would tell ya that i ve been blessed with profuse celebrations all thru the years and mostly cos i perpetuated it. demanded it. wished it. i would pout and sulk and declare one not a friend if any dare to make less of THE birthday, much less forget. a friend who cannot even remember her parents' , boyfriend's birthdays can religiously remember mine. so yeah, i used to, and think still do, take my birthday WAY too seriously... m trying to 'unserious-ify' it over these past years... but havent reach total oblivion to my hatchday just yet. 

so, i ve decided to find a cave and hide on my birthday and find God. not go to work and wonder, expect myself to be lavished upon. will crawl out to have dinner with family at a "restaurant" under a hdb block.
so there you have it, my official statement of how i'll be spending my birthday. so dun need to ask liao. haha

it's times such as my birthdays that i painfully realise how much i adore myself, and allow myself to be adored. way too much for the good of my ego. i love myself, worship myself more than i should God. 

john 3:30. i need to be unEVANful. 

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

it s only by grace i m sustained thus far... n grace will led me home. 

the earth shall soon dissolve like snow
the sun forbear to shine
the Lord who's called me here below 
will be forever mine

Saturday, October 18, 2008

"help us eradicate poverty" an email heading read. this is a noble cause. i was thinking aloud that if the millions that go into US presidential election campaign can just go the the 3rd world, we can do alot to eradicate poverty, improve healthcare, work on developing alternative fuel even in the US. 
having said that however, know that "the poor u'll always have with you." (matt 26:11, mk 14:7). there are more real causes to put ur attention to. why try to save the body when you really need to save the soul?

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i dun like dim sum. pls note. 
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what you can do about wall street. check out
http://www.ccci.org/ministries/priority-associates/pray-for-wall-street.aspx



Thursday, October 16, 2008

m i a workaholic? i wonder... 
slept less than 3 hours yesterday, having juz reached home, still in my working clothes, i turned on my laptop, read the news headlines n now checking my work mail. 
was abt to wonder who'd reply or send mails to me this late anyway, the last i checked my inbox was ard 8pm, and while stimulating some evangelism scenario... well well mail fr philippines n korea! haha. *types away*
yes i think i m a workaholic. i enjoy my work and i live for ministry. 
hmmm.... is this bad? yes if it takes the place of God in my life and leave Him standing by the sidelines, that my quiet time with Him suffers, my prayers and my meditation of Him dwindle.

ok u noe wat i gotta do now...since i've also replied my new mails. in mere minutes since i started typing this entry.... i sometimes scare myself at how fast i can work... n well, sometimes my speed can be superseded even by the snail... 

today (or rather yesterday) was pretty good. =) m thankful. 

oh oh, b4 i go off must note this down. today ter found me a "beloved". lol.

Monday, October 13, 2008

got this in the email again. dunno where to kip so thot i'd post it up...

 It is about a mission doctor serving in Africa: 
 
  One night, I had worked hard to help a mother in the labour ward; but in spite of all we could do, she died, leaving us with a tiny premature baby and a crying two-year-old daughter. We would have difficulty keeping the baby alive, as we had no incubator (there was no electricity to run an incubator) nor any special feeding facilities.
    Although we lived on the equator, nights were often chilly with treacherous drafts. One student midwife went for the box we had for such babies and thecotton wool the baby would be wrapped in. Another went to stoke up the fire and fill a hot water bottle.
    She came back shortly in distress to tell me that in filling the bottle, it had burst. Rubber perishes easily in tropical climates. "And it was our last hot water bottle!" she exclaimed.
    As in the West, it is no use crying over spilled milk, so in Central Africa, it might be considered no use crying over burst water bottles. They do not grow on trees, and there are no drug stores down forest pathways.
    "All right," I said. "Put the baby as near the fire as you safely can, and sleep between the baby and the door to keep it free from drafts. Your job is to keep the baby warm."
    The following noon, as I did most days, I went to have prayers with any of the orphanage children who chose to gather with me. I gave the youngsters various suggestions of things to pray about and told them about the tiny baby. I explained our problem about keeping the baby warm enough, mentioning the hot water bottle. The baby could easily die if it got the chills. I also told them about the two-year-old sister, crying because her mother had died.
    During the prayer time, one 10-year-old girl, Ruth, prayed with the usual blunt conciseness of our African children. "Please, God," she prayed, "send us a water bottle. It'll be no good tomorrow, God, as the baby will be dead, so please send it this afternoon."
    While I gasped inwardly at the audacity of the prayer, she added by way of a corollary, "And while You are about it, would You please send a dolly for the little girl so she'll know that You really love her?"
    As often with children's prayers, I was put n the spot. Could I honestly say, "Amen"? I just did not believe that Good could do this. Oh, yes, I know that He can do everything. The Bible says so.. But there are limits, aren't there? The only way God could answer this particular prayer would be by sending me a parcel from the homeland. I had been in Africa for almost four years at the time, and I had never ever received a parcel from home. Anyway, if anyone did send me a parcel, who would put in a hot water bottle? I lived on the equator!
    Halfway through the afternoon, while I was teaching in the nurses' training school, a message was sent that there was a car at my front door. By the time I reached home, the car had gone, but there, on the verandah, was a large 22-pound parcel. I felt tears pricking my eyes. I could not open the parcel alone, so I sent for the orphanage children. Together we pulled off the packaging strings, carefully undoing each knot.
    We unfolded the paper, taking care not to tear it unduly. Excitement was mounting. Some 40 pairs of eys were focused on the large cardboard box. From the top, I lifted out brightly coloured, knitted jerseys. Eyes sparkled as I gave them out. Then there were the knitted bandages for the leprosy patients, and the children looked a little bored. Then came a box of mixed raisins and sultanas - that would make a batch of buns for the weekend.
    Then, as I put my hand in again, I felt the... could it really be? I grasped it eagerly and pulled it out. Yes, a brand-new, rubber hot water bottle!
    I cried. I had not asked God to send it; I had not truly believed that He could. Ruth was in the front row of the children. She rushed forward, crying out, "If God has sent the bottle, He must have sent the dolly too!"
    Rummaging down to the bottom of the box, she pulled out the small, beautifully- dressed dolly. Her eyes shone! She had never doubted. Looking up at me, she asked, "Can I go over with you and give this dolly to that little girl, so she'll know that Jesus really loves her?"
    That parcel had been on the way for five whole months. Packed up by my former Sunday school class, whose leader had heard and obeyed God's prompting to send a hot water bottle, even to the equator. And one of the girls had put in a dolly for an African child - five months before - in answer to the believing prayer of a 10-year-old to bring it "that afternoon".

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Have you ever picked up a book and upon reading it realized that it speaks exactly to you, answers that every question you are asking at that time in your life? Well, last night I picked out a book for my bro’s friend and this morning, I started reading my pick… n the very 1st question was the question I asked God in tears the very night before. how uncanny…. 


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Blaise Pascal's Memorial was inscribed under a cross on a scrap of paper, which records Pascal's experience on one unforgettable night in 1654, was found in the lining of his coat after his death, for he carried this reminder about with him always.

French/Latin original

+

L'an de grâce 1654,

Lundi, 23 novembre, jour de saint Clément, pape et martyr, et autres au martyrologe.
Veille de saint Chrysogone, martyr, et autres,
Depuis environ dix heures et demie du soir jusques environ minuit et demi,

FEU.

« DIEU d'Abraham, DIEU d'Isaac, DIEU de Jacob »
non des philosophes et des savants.
Certitude. Certitude. Sentiment. Joie. Paix.
DIEU de Jésus-Christ.
Deum meum et Deum vestrum.
« Ton DIEU sera mon Dieu. »
Oubli du monde et de tout, hormis DIEU.
Il ne se trouve que par les voies enseignées dans l'Évangile.
Grandeur de l'âme humaine.
« Père juste, le monde ne t'a point connu, mais je t'ai connu. »
Joie, joie, joie, pleurs de joie.
Je m'en suis séparé:
Dereliquerunt me fontem aquae vivae.
« Mon Dieu, me quitterez-vous ? »
Que je n'en sois pas séparé éternellement.
« Cette est la vie éternelle, qu'ils te connaissent seul vrai Dieu, et celui que tu as envoyé, Jésus-Christ. »
Jésus-Christ.
Jésus-Christ.
Je m'en suis séparé; je l'ai fui, renoncé, crucifié.
Que je n'en sois jamais séparé.
Il ne se conserve que par les voies enseignées dans l'Évangile:
Renonciation totale et douce.
Soumission totale à Jésus-Christ et à mon directeur.
Éternellement en joie pour un jour d'exercice sur la terre.
Non obliviscar sermones tuos. Amen.

ENGLISH TRANSLATION

The year of grace 1654,

Monday, 23 November, feast of St. Clement, pope and martyr, and others in the martyrology.
Vigil of St. Chrysogonus, martyr, and others.
From about half past ten at night until about half past midnight,

FIRE.

GOD of Abraham, GOD of Isaac, GOD of Jacob
not of the philosophers and of the learned.
Certitude. Certitude. Feeling. Joy. Peace.
GOD of Jesus Christ.
My God and your God.
Your GOD will be my God.
Forgetfulness of the world and of everything, except GOD.
He is only found by the ways taught in the Gospel.
Grandeur of the human soul.
Righteous Father, the world has not known you, but I have known you.
Joy, joy, joy, tears of joy.
I have departed from him:
They have forsaken me, the fount of living water.
My God, will you leave me?
Let me not be separated from him forever.
This is eternal life, that they know you, the one true God, and the one that you sent, Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ.
I left him; I fled him, renounced, crucified.
Let me never be separated from him.
He is only kept securely by the ways taught in the Gospel:
Renunciation, total and sweet.
Complete submission to Jesus Christ and to my director.
Eternally in joy for a day's exercise on the earth.
May I not forget your words. Amen.


Monday, October 06, 2008

TRYING
i m trying to work on applying self-control and discipline in more areas in my life.
i'm trying to not let God slip from my mind. to let Him occupy my mind more than anything else.