the following blog entry is rated R(A). pls do not read if u r below 21.

A stabs B relentlessly and says tenderly to B as B's life hangs on a threat, "choose to live, to hope... dun die, dun give up..."
---
now now... own up wif u r below 21!


was really exhausted. emotionally drained. imagine wif me... me seeing my heart in my hands still thumping away as my very life ebbs... n wondering why it is still going strong wen it should have ceased beating... n waiting for the iminent moment where i drop dead onto the ground.

haha... sorry all blood n gore. juz to think i had wanted to catch hannibal rising this week! think i no need liao... i'm gross enuf.

last night n this am felt dat i m "not enough". there's some impossible standard i needed to measure up to... n on top of dat, i ve impossible amt of work to do... n it compounded my feeling of me being not enough to do it... all lies, lies lies.

Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. 2 Cor 3:4-6

m grateful i managed to get a number of stuff done today despite me feeling i'm in pieces, trying to hold up and not fall apart. the turning pt was tonight's swim. managed to do more than 30 laps. felt good after dat. n after dat came home to find mum had cooked my fave veg n nice pork, chicken n soup.

i can see how it's turning ard. need time... need time for myself... need time for myself with God...