1.58am

the moment i saw "the Kite Runner" sneak previewing in the cinemas i knew it's time to make a trip down to kino...
got the book after a long day at work, barely making the purchase at closing time. i decided i shall not visit bookstores anymore. being in kino proved too much for the senses. my tired state of mind nearly breaking down...! i have one addiction... bbbbbboooooookkkkkkkssssss!
i could give myself a pat on the back for pulling myself successfully through without further damage to my wallet.
my purchase has been a source of comfort yet of sorrow bringing on torrents from my eyes. it's such a sad book la... i wept n wept. not jus the "hassan", but, i suspect, also for a myriad of reasons unrelated to the story.
one being me sorry for my own "harassed n helpless" state. (remind me next time when i give a message to watch wat i say! sigh.. oh on a side track, i really learn from my messages... it's like my mouth saying things my heart n mind need to hear... so funny.. i thought they belonged to the same body... apparently, there's not much shared info.... hmmm... parallels parallels!)
two disappointed at how i make disappointing n hurting my loved ones a habit, an almost daily routine.
so yeah... i was, in my own eyes, a down n out (did i even mention broke?) loser. (who bought an award winning book... errr.. who says i m coherent?!?!)
so yeah... now that i ve established my need for s shrink, let's move on.

health leger's death was a surprise to me. surprised that it surprised me. perturbed. probably cos he is the same age as me... n despite him acting in a few controversal roles (he is best remembered in his brokeback mountain role... oops... most of u darlings reading this r not 21 yet so wouldnt have caught his fabulous, yet traumatising acting), i kinda liked him for how he takes (took) his craft seriously. so yeah... here's my pathetic few lines... i'm sad u didnt know God. really.

sylvia passed on last week.... as i typed those words i wondered why i m only blogging this now... guess the lines above brought me to this. i went down to her wake after my meeting which ended at 9pm. reached at 1030 but everyone had left... so i was the only person in the room. i felt almost scared to see her lying there. as if she would open her eyes there n then. which was werid cos i had slept beside coffins before... occupied ones... n even once near a body awaiting its coffin to be delivered... but this time, i was... afraid? read thru the messages people wrote. she had been a blessing. i wondered wat pp would say at my passing. n thanked God for calling her home... said my g'byes with a heart unsure of its feelings n trudged back home.

i think my writing n grammar sucks. i m a disgrace to my english n lit teachers who... errr... n i say this to their shame n mine... used to praise me to the skies for doing real well in their subjects! dat sounded like eons ago.

today's staff meeting was good. showed a message by steve douglass. was good. was reminded by it to walk humbly, walk continually, walk passionately. who is your Lord? what fills your tank? who do we love more passionately? what are some warning lights? i'm exhausted.

tonight, i m disappointed. somehow at God too... for HR, for min. i'm sorry. i juz am. more words that will sound juz as bizarre. so shall stop.

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12.17pm
at uni hall spinellis

they r playing michael buble.
i m exhausted. totally.
coffee doesnt work.