guilt brought me here at 5 o clock in the morning!
after meta conference, i found myself leading worship on sun, then on monday night at watchnight service, doing the countdown as well.

i had practically dragged myself to worship pract on sat cos i woke up at 3pm! then after pract went over to LJ's pl for DG gathering. she cooked for us a 4 course meal.. made everything herself... eg. she didnt juz use any salad dressing, she made it. tangy salsa dip with chips, salad, fish fillet with pasta, cheesecake with fruits. before, when pp asked me if i cooked, i would reply in the affirmative... after dat, i didnt have guts to admit i did... beside LJ, no one else can cook! n of course... i overate... so.... i had indigestion! burping n passing out gas n being stuck long in the toilet while i should be travelling down to church, or when i was supposed to b upfront! limi came into the toilet, we exchanged smiles. not a second later her smile turned into a surprised "eh?" n i knew it. i ran from the sink (i washed my hnads la) right up 2 the mic.

came home after the music min area clean-up all dirty... i cant even rem now if i bathed! all i rem was sleeping for 4 hours! then waking up for family dinner n then to prep for mon meeting n worship n countdown. then it all began... i felt a tingle of excitement n energy. n then a curious hint of joy.

watchnight service was a rather meaningful one despite me being all so tired (wat's new?). i felt tired after the day of meeting. (did i ever mention i really hate meetings? no matter how fruitful by other standards. they kinda bore n drain me. somehow. n well, in the adult working world, u cant go by without meetings!) i resisted the temptation of turning to coffee n asked God to be my spiritual caffeine. it worked pretty well until....... nearly countdown time. sigh... i didnt rev up my 'engine' to my desired energy level. but of well... 10secs to midnight came all too soon. n before i knew it... the show went on. the congre was more solemn than i would liked.... but hey cant complain... was touched by their seriousness in ushering in the new year being in the house of the Lord. we started worshipping God, after popping wats dat called? n cheering "Jesus Reigns" instead of "happy new year". n they were all worshipping God! i mean the real kind. i couldnt, n dare not sneak in a moment of frivolous gaiety. i had wanted to lead them to praise God for how great He is, that there is none like our God. n i was blown over by the truth n honesty of their worship. n... the testimonies! so God-honouring! u n i know of testimony-giving that somehow were man-focuseed... not this one. n after the service when i spoke to some of them, they shared that they worked hard n scripting their testimony n werec careful not to make out their situation as if they were the ones who did it. i was blessed by their hearts n the word of their testimony. esp so when it wasnt easy sharing deep n intimate struggles in front of so many. so yes... more than 100 came. most of the youths did too. n i m so so proud (not dat i had any thing to do with it!) dat they turned up instead of going to some secular countdown parties at Vivo or sentosa or esplanade. n reading wat i wrote to God last new year's day n making another letter out to God at this watchnight service was such a highlight for me. this year, unlike last year, i wrote juz a few words. n i pray those few words will be answered. no eye has seen, no ear has heard what God has prepared for those who love Him.... amen.

n, believe it or not, i actually decided to journal the scantiest new year resolutions! yesh..... resolutions.... haha.... juz had the impetus to do so. so yeah... we'll c if i would keep to them.

one of which, of course, is to know God more. to think thoughts of HIm, after Him...

"… the proper study of a Christian is the Godhead. The highest science, the loftiest speculation, the mightiest philosophy, which can ever engage the attention of a child of God, is the name, the nature, the person, the work, the doings, and the existence of the great God who he calls his father.

There is something exceedingly improving to the mind in a contemplation of the Divinity. It is a subject so vast, that all our thoughts are lost in its immensity; so deep, that our pride is drowned in its infinity. Other subjects we can compass and grapple with; in them we feel a kind of self-content, and go our way with the thought, “behold I m wise’. Bur then we come to this master-science, finding that our plumb-line cannot sound its depth, and that our eagle eye cannot its height… no subject of contemplation will tend more to humble the mind, than thoughts of God…

But while the subject humbles the mind, it also expands it. He who often thinks of God will have a larger mind than the man who simply plods around this narrow globe… the most excellent study for the expanding soul, is the science of Christ, and Him crucified, and the knowledge of the Godhead in the glorious Trinity. Nothing will so enlarge the intellect, nothing so magnify the whole soul of man, as a devout, earnest, continued investigation of the great subject of the Deity.

And, whilst humbling and expanding, this subject is eminently consolatory. Oh, there is, in contemplating Christ, a balm for every wound; in musing on the Father, there is a quietus for every grief; balsam for every sore. Would you lose your sorrow? Would you drown your cares? Then go, plunge yourself in the Godhead’s deepest sea; be lost in His immensity; and you shall come forth as from a couch of rest, refreshed and invigorated. I know nothing which can so comfort the soul; so clam the swelling billows of sorrow and grief; so speak peace to the winds of trial, as a devout musing upon the subject of the Godhead. "

Charles H. Spurgeon when he was addressing his congregation of New Park Street Chapel, Southwark, January 7th, 1855. (he was 20 years old)