wat i have learnt

yesterday finally succumbed to a trip to the Doc... i was kinda frustrated that it was taking this long for me to recover. besides not being able to get down to work, what i was frustrated at was not being able to think clearly n learn.

on my way back home from the clinic, i was mulling over my futile attempts to understand Soren Kierkegaard's Fear & Trembling. that philosopher's writings require my presence of mind to grasp his extensive and 'imaginative' arguments.

that's when i realised! i was more keen about learning about God and enmassing more knowledge about Him, the Bible, n Christian stuff than i am about knowing God. and this time of illness hampered my 'pursuit of knowledge of God', making me frustrated n feeling unproductive. i realised then the drastic difference n need for a pursuit of God, not the knowledge of Him...

this time of illness, was a time for me to have my 'perfect day'... n it's such a gr8 time to juz hang with God. it was kinda difficult for me cos i realised that in my work and all, i became very 'transactional' with Him. i go to Him with an agenda (nothing against agendas!)... in prayer for this this this... (ploughing thru my long list of requests n petitions). when reading the word is for getting sharing pointers to use in my teaching or sharing somewhere etc... BAD!!!!

well, it's not that i no longer wait to listen from Him... juz that i REALLY forgot the simple joy of "doing nothing with God" and enjoy His presence. (usually i m busy working)

so ironically... the perfect day was really kinda perfect! inbetween me gettting K.O by the meds, i eat(yah...), juz talk n think abt.. not getting things from Him, but Him... not about finding direction and guidance for this issue or that problem... but HIM

wat a reminder to seek His face n not seek from His hand (blessings, guidance etc)...wat a call to back "being" instead of "doing"...

don't wait till u r sick 2 do dat w God k?