to be or not to be, that is the question...

to be a RSW or not to be?! it has been weighing on my heart n mind these past weeks. hiaz... i realise a huge part of the stress i m feeling is juz cos i m ding dong-ing between "yes, i'll go for it" n "no, i'll let it go". n the worse... it seems, i cant hear anything fr God. note: it seems. i think He spoke... but i m unmotivated to pursue to licence... hmm... aiyah.