i cant believe it... i've found myself in a deeper "tired" pit!
well, i can take confort in what betsie ten boom said (when she was in concentration camp in WWII), "there is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still."

i dun really like living my life glad that things are over... but i m sure very glad meta is over! (if u rem, i was so glad christmas was over!) n seriously, i m so not looking forward to jan n feb! Naked i campaign kicks off... ~shudder... can u believe i slept till 3pm today? rushed downfor worship pract barely prepared for it... so very tired... really... juz looking for time to catch a breather. tmr onwards is another crazy race...

i had become a coffee addict the 3 days of the conference! walking over to koufu to take way coffee or, if i had no time, bought canned coffee from the vending machine. so... for the next few days, i shall (fingers crossed!) wean myself off coffee. (i'd much prefer 2b a social coffee drinker!)

i have to give thanks nonetheless, not out of duty as it is out of gratitude for how God has met us at the conference. really. (something not to take for granted cos there were times when elaborate, big conferences were... juz elaborate, big conferences.) the way God met us to minister to the leaders- calling us to give our best, working as a team, contending as one for the faith, opening address - to run tog, run light n run with the end in mind, dave parks' sessions to know who we are in Christ, forgive, and our calling... it was so touching seeing so many students go up in commitement to heed their call for full time, and dave park getting us to commit to dicipling and helping them, getting them to affirm their commitment, getting the rest of the conferees to support us as a body. so darn beautiful (if i may use...) and seeing how God has met so many of the gals and hearing their sharing... so exciting to see pp grow in Him.

right now, i m at pacific coffee club... inbetween my appointments. juz finished worship pract, going over to LJ's place... DG gathering... she is cooking for us!

ok... logging off now to journal... need to regroup b4 meeting the gals... cannot give out of my nothing....

actually my mind's a blank... dun really know wat to blog... or even feel like blogging. haha.. but yes Jia en, i shall blog.

Merry Christmas one n all!
so glad it's over. haha.. really... Christmas has always been v busy for me... for as long as i can rem, i m either incharge of the christmas event or else heavily involved.
so glad this year my bro agreed to chair the comm. he is SOOOOOOOOO good! a great leader n servant. seeing him today wokring so hard moving stuff juz made me so proud to be his sis. he is not a leader who is not willing to roll up his sleeves n get to work. he is"with the people!". my sis too! so consistently faithful. can u imagine running the children's church every sunday? so untiringly... i take my hat off her. to the both of them!

today' evangelistic event went way better than i had hoped. we more than doubled our attendance. n our pastors really can act! haha.

while christmas has always been something i wanna get over, i dun really look forward to d day after Christmas... cos since working, it has always been camp time... when i was alone in med, it's a one staff run camp for me. but now... big scale meta... not necessarily easier mind u.

i kinda dun wan to enter into tmr... or the day after, or the day after dat! it's gonna b crazy from now on till valentine's day! sigh... God help us all!

christmas has been v nice... juz receiving the cards n presents, n giving them myself.
thanks gals for your love!

pray for me...
that i will love God more than anything else... n that i ll put him first, above even ministry ok? (excert from msn chat wif charm)
n for min direction - where abt in my work, n which min to direct my energies in for church as well. God has been igniting so many things in my heart! i need more time n space to sort out wat He is showing me, n what i m to do abt them.

thanks... n sorry for the long absence...!

another sleepless night. not because i dun wan to sleep... very much the contrary! esp when ast night i slept at 6am (or rather this morning!) m so dead tired. but m glad i think i managed to settle as much work as i can. i had so nearly didnt want to board the plane d day before! can u believe it?

gonna blog this, then go right back to work... n then put in last min stuff into my luggage.. then go off to the airport. can evan tell me y on earth did i book myself on such an early flight? i m going on a hol without 2 days of sleep! i'm so gonna hibernate there la!

earlier half of today was totally terrible. 24 hours ago, i had my heart totally broken. i so nearly crumbled. couldnt hang on. needed to walk away. woke up to the horrible realisation that i was supposed to be in office 30 min ago... n my office is 90 min away from my house! rushed out of my house only to wait 30 min futiely for a cab. sigh...

went into office to find out that a very impt document dat was supposed to be in my mailbox isnt there. made frantic calls to hassle the culprit. only to be chided by my colleagues for being too nice. i m not kidding. i was all too calm n nice over the phone, they say. sigh...i got a new found respect for loan sharks these 2 weeks! btw, do u noe where i can buy cheap pigheads? anyway, the first half of the day had me shaking with anxiety. really. i had witnesses who saw me shaking n in tears! sigh... so, when i had pp asking me how's life? i had to muster every bit of self control in me to stop myself from breaking out in cynical eerie psychotic laughter.

anyway, b4 i get back to my work, i'd let u in on my plans for the next 7 days... i'll b in vietnam! whee~!
i cant believe there was a point in time not too long ago that i actually really thot i'd not get onto the plane, not go for my long overdue for trip back.

plan for vietnam:
meet up with God.
rest. reconnection. rejuvenation. revival.
i so desperately need this.

pray with me on this k

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
Its not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldnt have to say that you love me
Cos Id already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldnt make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words

Now Ive tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close dont ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldnt have to say that you love me
Cos Id already know


Proverbs 10:19 more words, more transgression.
i dun wan to talk any more.
. . . still

LIFEHOUSE-EVERYTHING
Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.

which is worse - new wounds that hurt really bad or old ones that never did really heal?
- grey's anatomy

i think i need to clear the air a little. i might have given someone the wrong impression in some earlier post.

i m not looking for a relationship. and right now, i do not have any feelings for any guy other than my real bro n disciples (the discipler kinda love).

i'm sorry if u have misread my actions, taking my friendliness as a come-on or a "sign" or anything that might encourage you to think that perhaps, juz perhaps...

hence, i'm gonna to share something i have taken as very private...
so read carefully... npls dun pass it on.

i m not looking for a life partner. i m very contented being single, as i m.
especially recently, i have concluded that i, unlike most women around me, love to be alone, to run alone, to sit alone. i dun need a guy to make me feel better about myself. only at weddings or "bring-your-significant-other" gatherings. otherwise, i LOVE being on my own. i think i value my freedom alot more than my need for companionship. my need for personal space outsweighs my need for conversation.

i work alone better too.

typing the above lines make me suspect i m an introvert! haha... well, i guess i m two extremes coming together. most people, esp my closest ones will say i LOVE people. i give alot to people. people energise me, inspire me, amaze me... cos i see the glory of God in them. anyway... i digress...

while i love kids... LOVE! i can see how over time i have changed. while i witness my friends grow to love kids more... even those adverse, or allergic (if u may) to the little ones, their ticking biological clock n maternal instincts take over. some of the pro no kids ones are onto their 2nd or 3rd! but me? me who want to have my own kids? now... i think i dun wan them! haha...i feel i m travelling the opposite direction!

so yeah... coming back to what got me started, i dun wan to get married. if you are lookin at me as a potential, i'm sorry... for most part, i' m writing this as an open letter to you cos i m cowardly. i dun dare to tell u to your face. n i m tired of dropping hints.

i juz want to be a friend.

sorry for not blogging. i m very very stressed now. really. too stressed for my good. pls pray for miracles. it seems impossible to get wat i need done. n i m not imagining. n God speciaiizes in those... i need a few really desperately.

there's alot exciting stuff going on. n trust me, everyday the bloglines run thru my head. but i really cannot afford to blog! trust me, i dun even have time to go out with my friends now. sigh. really feel like i m a slave. so much for declaring n trying to live it out!

tc of yourselves yah. love ya.

there's a lot of stuff going on..

a dream come true. my photos are being exhibited at esplanade lib. LB asked me whom i ve told abt it after the set up... it was then that i realised... no one! i was surprised... someone as exhibitionistic as i... telling no one? so yeah.. i began to tell my close friends... n got the, "how come u now then tell me?!" fr FL...n my dg... n u who're reading my blog. so yeah. ok. i've told. haha. i was surprised that i wasnt over the moon during or after the set up. maybe cos i m really stressed this period.

i think it is impossible for me to do all that i have to do during these 2 weeks.
2 min projects that cannot move cos i need info that people r not giving me cos they too r too overwhelmed themselves. (i m v stressed out abt these!!!)
2 church projects that brings the congre to christmas n beyond
sisterhood, meetings, training, prep, exhibition....
i cant do it!!!! arrrggghhh *pulls hair*

STAND CHART HALF MARATHON.
paced YW. jo n joo finished ard my last year's timing. this year i went soooooo slowly! next year...
as usual, a lot of stuff went on in my head.
1) i was surprised that i chose to pace someone. it did something huge for me. i realised this was something i would really love to have done to me. realising that brought me to another thought - if the 2 r mismatched in speed n stamina, someone had to forgo his timing, sacrifice potential, what could be. i was huge on running ur own race... n i wondered which is more important to me: to have someone 2 journey with, regardless of whose potential the duo is sacrificing, or to find someone who is at the same pace, growing tog properly, neither sacrificing their potential, their own journey, or not journey tog at all .

2) i believed a lot in my students. their potential, the heights they can reach, great exploits for the kingdom of God... if only i believed in myself half as much! it occurred to me, while i pounded on the tar, that i should begin 2 c myself in a much more different light, that i should begin considering myself from a heavenly perspective too.

3) i lacked the mental strength that i so need.

next year's stand chart...another dream to come true.

LB juz told me she realised i m not a linguistic as she tot i was. so yeah.
i realy do hav trouble expressing all that's in my head.

the spore version of this ad ends with "for friendship, for greatness"...