today was p steven's farewell. 

ate "orh ni" n my stomach was unwell the whole day. sigh.

m tired. this lack of drive, purpose n direction is killing me. and some other stuff that are total irritants r the straws that break the camel's back.

it's times like these that i fall into my stupid-less-than-mediocre mode where i'd rather not have something good juz cos i dun want the pain n trouble that comes with it. this is a mode that allows me to wallow in my mud  juz cos i dun wan 2 bother. i want that change without wanting to change. and all it does is to prolong my agonised state of being. why m i so stupid, i dont know.

2 worship pract, countdown, retreat, plans, proposals, devotion, consultation... 

i m trying now to prep for work n ministry in a befuddled manner. 

hush. be still. 

God is near.