i blogged sometime back dat i dun wan to give in to the voice dat keeps telling me all dis is juz too unfair... but... i guess sub-consciously heeded it... like the unwitting sailor enticed n drawn to the sirens' song...

rules of economics n psy tell us dat we function fundamentally on dis question - "wat is it for me?" more nicely put "is it worth it?"
n hence we try our utmost/bestest/chi nai de li(chinese) to gain leverage/adv/an edge. FREAKONOMICS showed again n again we are incentive-driven... dat given the right (or rather wrong incentives) even teachers cheat!

then again... i think... n so does FREAKONOMICS... dat we too r very much FEAR-driven!

wen we say "unfair" or try to get ahead... it is cos we r afraid of losing... (so s'porean huh)
watever it is, it all boils down to self-reliance n a failure to acknowledge n c dat God is sovereign n in control.

haiz... *shake head* i'm tired of dis... fed up at dealing wif incentive n fear-driven pp... pp who constantly ask "wat s in this for me?" fed up of me too.
oops. hmmm... i dunno how i got to blogging this... anywayz...

i have to stop wanting to run-away... i'm not an escapist but i m tired of battling. so tired of being the nice person.. always there... for u to walk all over... for u to impose all those demands... for u to dump dis on me. i'm so not-gotten-together. dun think i m lah pls. i feel like screaming... but somehow i lost my voice.

i need to get back to God... to recognise He is in control.however unpleasant, it s worth it cos He has put it in my life for a purpose. it is Rom 8:28...

Lord, i hand dis S thing to u... i repent fr de thinking dat dis is all too unfair... n the coaching thingy... n the guys recruitment. i'm sorry to have let these bog me down so so much. i cast them back to You. in You i trust. i lost my eloquence. i dunno how to pray anymore. but You do. Rom 8:26. You do. n i thank You.