i think i got it figured out: my strained relationship with Morning dat is. i hate Morning cos i love Night way too much. it reminds me of an idea in the bible where "hate" is "love-less". u cannot love something unless u love-less something else. u can love everything... but then that makes everything on the same level doesnt it? anyway, it's cos of this love-less-ness, that perpetuates this vicious circle of me not liking Morning, Morning treating me badly thus, and hence me hating Morning even more.

I love Night cos he gives me the space and silence i need, cos of the solace and serenity i find in his embrace. i don't like the demands n hustle-bustle of Morning. while the only noise of Night is the "snoring symphony", Morning's flurry of activities starts with the shrill of alarms, which is, well, alarming. looking at scurrying, flustered people, i wonder how many feel the same way as i do.

n one other important factor is this: Morning and Meeting are best buds! Morning always comes with Meeting! n i SO dun like meeting Meeting! Meeting always demand a high level of engagement and decision-making, and presentation of alot of facts and figures, which i m usually ready for only after Morning. and, in my opinion, Meeting is mostly a huge waste of time. alot of Meeting is NATO - no action, talk only. but, but, let's juz keep the discussion to Morning and Night shall we?

so... i shall try to spend less time with Night... rest n prepare for Morning and Meeting. i m sure Morning has his merits which i have failed thus far to appreciate. n since i m a peace-loving person... i shall call for a truce until we work something out between us.
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it's useless wiping the oil n grime off your specs these dayz. your vision would still be blurry anyway. it's like someone has clicked 'fill' and clicked 'white' n increased the opacity. coming out fr worship pract today, n walking down the hill, i got a wonderful view of how thick the haze was. these dayz, everything seem cloaked with dreaminess. n while i romanticized strolling with my Darling in such conditions, i was, of course, duly worried that my lungs n nose would start sputtering n choking up. yes... cough cough... *gasps* PSI 150!! praying dat my host of respiratory problems will not avalanche on me. this is when a gym membership will be needed!
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i opened my work email n found >30 mails! whoa shudder...~!

i m fuming! dun believe it... it's just the last few dayz left n still... why? why?? why?! argh!!
think i so need 2 quit being nice. MM said i cannot let pp walk all over me lydat. i noe n i will put my foot down on dis... but God, pls grant me wisdom in this.

i m surprised how my gaping wound seem to be healing so fast after the salt-rub. i recognized God's timing in this. n i realised now that perhaps the song "sorry seems to be the hardest word" is true for alot of pp. n while i m still bewildered at how long this took, i m grateful that it was even said now rather than 10 years later?!? so yeah... Thank You God, n thank you MM.