Thursday, December 10, 2009

today is too good not to post.
started out bad. very busy, lots of things to do, get done. get the keys to our apartment for one. get cheque from KV another. i forgot and drop a few balls. did a few bad mistakes. and by the time i was supposed to lead small group, i felt like just crying. which i did. and it all worked out for so so good!

1) em reminded me that i had asked/wanted more challenge. it made me feel better cos then i realised God brought today in answer to that prayer.

2) in response to me saying i m so not ready to lead, em reminded me that i m a leader. i m always ready to lead. and jules told me that i m a leader so i m ready to lead in season and out of season and this may be out of season for me. they were calling forth and drawing out things in me. really thank God for that cos i was able to ride on that and rise up.

i had been looking forward to leading small group. and i had such vision and plans. i wanted God to show up. I desired that we had more indepth sharing and more vulnerability on the things God is doing in our lives. and more ministering to one another. and God really did answer all my desires! it was amazing.

i began by being more vulnerable that i ever been with them and they prayed for me. and then i prayed for the session and pulled heaven. they cried and then we laughed. shared and prayed and prophesied. it was amazing.

thank You Jesus! i m so in awe of what God is doing in our lives. He is amazing.

Kimb is v sensitive to my pulling on heaven. in the car she was getting high just cos i was praying silently beside her. she said she could feel the open heaven over me.

thank You HS!

and me being so "high" helped me. i really need to be filled by HS. i cant be the right evan without it.
thank God for ironing out things with Jo. and for breaking down the walls, restoring and healing.

and so Lord, we thank You for the work You are doing in each of our lives. thank You for the victories. we seal the victories in Your name and say more Lord. more of You!

Monday, December 07, 2009

I Do Not Love Thee
by Caroline Elizabeth Sarah Norton

I do not love thee!—no! I do not love thee!
And yet when thou art absent I am sad;
And envy even the bright blue sky above thee,
Whose quiet stars may see thee and be glad.

I do not love thee!—yet, I know not why,
Whate’er thou dost seems still well done, to me:
And often in my solitude I sigh
That those I do love are not more like thee!

I do not love thee!—yet, when thou art gone,
I hate the sound (though those who speak be dear)
Which breaks the lingering echo of the tone
Thy voice of music leaves upon my ear.

I do not love thee!—yet thy speaking eyes,
With their deep, bright, and most expressive blue,
Between me and the midnight heaven arise,
Oftener than any eyes I ever knew.

I know I do not love thee! yet, alas!
Others will scarcely trust my candid heart;
And oft I catch them smiling as they pass,
Because they see me gazing where thou art.
it's 7.28pm 6th dec now. ( i didnt change the settings. so the blog reflects GMT+8.00 time)
it's currently 3 degrees C. and snow is forecasted for tomorrow. i m not too thrilled abt that now tho. haha. funny huh? i think i wonder how messy and how difficult to do stuff, get to places. oh well. i'll update u again about that.
right now i m not too thrilled about how cold and windy it has been for the past few days. i was amused when coming back to our room, my specs fogged up. back in spore, specs fog up when we go outdoors, here, it's when we get indoors! LOL

Friday, December 04, 2009

m slogging away trying to do the 3 john inductive bible study homework. it's been 3 hours plus. i m beat. 
played debbie gibson's vids on youtube. and found this wonderful song i've never (or dont remember) hearing! DEBBIE GIBSON - FOR BETTER OR WORSE


hmmm... if i ever get married... which i dont have plans to... this will make it to the playlist!
along with... let's see...
- at the beginning by richard marx and donna lewis
- cant help falling in love 
hmm.. both fr disney movies...!
ok... that's all for now... i really need to get back to my homework!!!!!!
it's harder than i had thought! 
prayer Jack Taylor (who came to speak to our class yesterday) shared with us:
"Lord i want You to come upon my ming and change it on every issue where you and i don't see eye-to-eye. please renew my mind until you and i are thinking together."

if it is a FACT of Scripture, i must BELIEVE it.
if it is a REVELATION, i must RECEIVE it. 
if it is an EVENT, i must EXPERIENCE it.
if it is a RELATIONSHIP, it must be CONTINUED. 

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

adapted from Grasping God's Word (Duvall & Hays):

automatic transportation of the biblical text into our cultural world is called "interpretational reflex." Interpretational reflex "helps" us fill in all the gaps and ambiguities in the biblical texts with explanations and background from our culture. 
however, our cultural background has pre-formed parameters of limiting possibilities for a text even before we grapple with the intended meaning. we therefore subconsciously create a world of interpretive possibilities and IMpossibilities. however, by doing this, we are placing our culture above the Bible and are reading the Bible through culture-coloured lenses. the challenge is to critique our culture with the Bible and not vice versa. 


hence alot of times, when we read a command/promise from the Bible, we may superficially agree but in the back of our minds we write it off. we have allowed what the world, and/or our culture say is impossible to dictate our possibilities instead of really taking God at His word - "with man it is impossible, but with God, it is possible."

it's time to really believe what we say we believe. 

Monday, November 30, 2009

my one week thanksgiving break just flew by so fast!

mon was spent at emily's place. was somewhat a treat retreat for me. it was SO therapeutic to sit on a couch that is clean and the environment quiet. i miss a "house" place. staying at simpson's one side of a room just makes me feel "argh".

---

tues thanksgiving session with Bill. "dont believe anything they write about you. in fact, dont even read it." i think that is something i put a note for self to. if it is good, and you believe, you may get proud. i'd rather have God's report cos that'll never puff me up. if it is bad, then i really dont need critics to pull me down. then it's impartation.
chatted with Julia from 5-10! shared God-given vision n prophesied.

---

wed - apartment viewing and met joanne chun for dinner. went to jade garden. wonderful authentic vietnamese food! felt so blessed by the fellowship. she prayed and prophesied over us in the parking lot. puzzled the restaurant owners.

thurs was thanksgiving. my 1st ever thanksgiving. 
and who would've guessed buying a car could get me (us) a thanksgiving meal: turkey, all the yummy dishes and pies. and wonderful fellowship with a wonderful family - the Pearsons, Todds, Robinsons. we went one round the table saying what we were thankful to God for. their faith was evident in their sharing. they shared not just food with us, not just family time, but their lives - who they are, their journey, their struggles. these are saints. my older brothers and sisters in Christ who have such a heart for God and men. i love being in their company. took a walk to digest the sumptuous food before the dessert. last Christmas Wes had a heart attack just before dessert. diana was thankful he survived and is still around with her. i was thankful of that too. that i had the privilege to enjoy his unassuming disposition and humour. at 76, he amazes me. and there's joan too. tho almost blind, she does not let it hinder her nor get her spirits down. u wouldnt have guessed she couldnt see by her confident strides as she took us on the McConnell trails. and what a love she has for young people! and Pam... all 3 remarkable ladies with their spouses. Lord bless them with health for the rest of their lives. 

then it was off to Nicola's. was treated to another round of great food and fellowship with Emma n her. 

what i m thankful for? the privilege to come to Bethel. it's been nothing less than a miracle, and it's been really incredible (forgive my limited vocabulary!) to sit at the feet of such anointed fathers of faith and to receive impartation. i m thankful for a supportive family (biological), and a supportive spiritual family (ASE and Bethel). i m thankful for my co-journer, my covenantal friend whom God has used to love, challenge, mold me. 

i really have so much to thank You for Lord. all the little and big blessings that came my way. thank You for You, Father, Saviour, Friend. 

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black friday. the best and craziest sale ever! we went Walmart, Target, KMart and Sears. got microwave @$18, vacuum cleaner @$9, crockpot @$3, 32pc dinnerware @$18, 16pc cookware @25.... but all these spoils were gotten at 4-7am! 
we prayed that we would get all the things we need. well, we got them! thank You, Jesus! 
watched "UP" cried buckets.

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sat was homework, gym. swam. watched "Hulk". Jo cooked lunch and dinner.


Sunday, November 22, 2009

read "Love has a face" by Michele Perry. it's about her doing ministry in war-torn Sudan. 
amazing book. praise God!

3 steps to ministry success in Iris Ministry (Sudan), p73:
step 1: every morning wake up.
step 2: Ask Jesus what He is doing that day - not what He wants you to do, but what He is already doing.
step 3: Go join Him. 

Holy desperation became the context for holy demonstration. Dignified has never changed the world. Desperate has. (p 65)

Jesus let me love with Your love and see with Your eyes. show me what it means to be the expression of Your heart to those around me.... love did have a face: mine. (p55)

this love does not start with a good program. it cannot. it starts with being in love, being intimately connected to Jesus. it starts with knowing first that i am loved. i cannot give what i do not have. it is supernatural. it cannot be apart from Him. All living fruit in my life has come only from a living relationship with Him. (p52)

pray with me this prayer adapted from what Perry wrote at the end of the book:
"i ask right now, Holy Spirit, that You wash over me and fill me with Your perfect love. give me child-eyes to see the invitation of the unpaved road draw me deeper into Your heart, that i may live all of life from the place of knowing how loved i m. Papa, wrap Your arms around me. let me hear the songs You sing over me in the night. Let them know the place i have in Your house. Let me now that You love me.
i ask You, Papa, to stir hunger in me and call forth the dreams You have placed in my heart that i have not even dared to embrace. Take me lower in humility, deeper in intimacy and higher in revelation. i ask that you submerge me in Your fiery presence until they are see-through in love and carry Your glory wherever i go. 
i ask You for a movement of love to begin one life at a time that will literally change nations from the inside out. teach me how to dance in the storm, and let me live a life of love without limit. Amen." 
my car came back fr the car spa (repair shop). looking shiny n new from the behind. haha. nice butt! 
it's thanksgiving break. school's out for a week. will take this time to do the needed reflection and impending homework deadlines. i'm learning so much that i feel i m gorging myself at the buffet table. Holy Spirit, help me digest what You have showed me. 
will b going over the Emily's for some sort of retreat. retreat for the space-starved me. 


Wednesday, November 18, 2009

vampires, twilight, new moon series and the christian response

http://www.cbn.com/entertainment/screen/goodwyn-vampires-twilight-obsession.aspx

Friday, November 13, 2009

it's 5 degrees now. 

yesterday God showed me i needed to get my priorities right: to BE not be distracted by the DO.

i love my outreach. this was my last pastor-on-call duty. totally enjoyed it. but i m also looking forward to going out next week for outreach. 

on our way home, our outreach group mate  rear-ended my car which was stationery. my neck kinda hurt from the whiplash and i was kinda in shock for sometime. thankfully joanne was totally fine and she directed me to park at the side of the road when i was still seh from the impact and she got down and liaised with the guy. 

our car was fine, when i (finally) got out to examine it, i hardly believed i was rammed into cos besides the scrunched up license plate, everything looked fine. but my friend's car looked bad. his bonnet cant even open. 

got my 1st job offer since i got into BSSM yesterday... hmm... so God gave me some reassurance... =)

pp r getting healed, saved, delivered daily. miracles abound. deaf hear... cancer patients, given 2 weeks to live get completely healed. pp with one leg shorter than the other saw that leg grow out to the same length right before their eyes...

our God is a powerful God and He shows it! 

Thursday, November 05, 2009

JUST came back from watching "THIS IS IT". man... i was enjoying it so much. Michael Jackson is really something. God really made him so so creative. at times he talks about the music arrangement as if he is cooking something - "let it simmer...", "take all the nourishment.." haha.
he is amazing. and it's nice to see him move into more jazz... i like the way he did "the way you make me feel." n i LOVE the vids and special effects for the opening, "they dont really care about us", "earth song", "thriller". but "Smooth criminal" takes the cake!
if you are gonna watch the movie, stay right till the end cos they have a short clip at the end. 
this is one movie i would want to get its dvd. 
--

thank you all of you for sending your birthday greetings! THANK YOU!!!
thank to those who 
made me something: pps (teenster!!!!!!), card...
gave me something: thru amazon (YT thanks!!!!), thru my bathroom door... haha (my dear suite-mates), heather for the apple pie.....
sang me happy birthday umpteen times...
will give me prophetic blessing and words of knowledge tonight (cya at 8 in the commons)

i have been looking forward to this birthday for a long time... cos it's the BIG 3-0. and i think it is very significant. a whole new chapter. a whole new ERA.... i love my twenties.. n each year was better than the next... so i really look forward to my thirties. something tells me it will be a blast. i cant wait to live out my days with the Lord. it's amazing to spend my life with Him (well, of course He gave me this life). 

what i did on 3rd november.... well, my birthday thingy kinda started when it's 3rd nov in spore.... the well wishes came pouring in. n it was only afternoon on 2nd over here. so i kinda started feeling it was my birthday since the 2nd. and i m still celebrating today. open some presents then went to the Prayer house to soak after midnight... went to Rivers restaurant for lunch cos it overlooks the river to the mountains... if dinner then cant see anything... sun sets at 5 now. spent the whole afternoon out on the patio eating and taking pictures, reading the bible, journalling. God gave me amazing weather - sunny ard 20 degrees. so it's not hot and not cold so i could comfortably wear a skirt and a thin nylon blouse like i do in spore. then despite a huge row i had, i ended 3rd nov back in the prayer house soaking. was so good i could go on all night but decided to come back to honour the dorm curfew. 

i hope no one sms-ed me on my spore number cos it's been suspended since i m over here. so FB or email me. u could call...but then.. watch the time hor... hee hee....

God bless you all. thank you for being sharing your life with me. it's a privilege to share mine with you. 

Sunday, November 01, 2009

today Daylight savings end. dont ask me what it means. all i know is that the clocks get turn back 1 hour. i forgot about that so i was puzzled when i saw the 1st service guys walking out to their car a 9.15am. i was like.... "arent they late?" no they're not. i'm early!

so... we are now 16 hours behind singapore time. hmmm... it means i get to sleep in later! haha. 


Thursday, October 29, 2009



friend bought this album. just got to hear it. i m blown away by this song. there is more than meets the eye in this.... hear it with spiritual hears... He who has a ear, let him hear...

you'll c MJ in heaven when you get there. 
will try catch his movie in the coming few days...

anyway i m stoked learning that sch has a break on 3rd and 4th nov!! so i have a long weekend break till thursday! man... God is so good to me...

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

time flies so fast! wish it'll slow down for me to take in all that i m learning here!

thank God for the grace poured into my life by people:
Holly last thurs, tonight, Claire. and of course the many many people in my everyday interactions. 

the Body of Christ will indeed rise up and be the victorious Bride that together with the Spirit say to Jesus, "come!" (see rev 22) 

brrr... it's 51 degrees F now. so it's about 9.5 degrees C. c-cold...

Friday, October 23, 2009

bought my 1st car today 22nd october (it's 23rd in spore). 97 toyota corolla for USD1900. thank God for all the help to get this. 
1.felt God held the car for us. 
2. dormmate who knew alot about cars came by as we viewed the car and he helped us check engine, oil etc.  and made sure it is good. 
3. seller is Christian and very forthcoming. had all the maintenance records etc in good order.
4. the procedures went smoothly

the seller invited us to their relatives' place for thanksgiving. i had initially thought he was "just saying". but he repeated it in front of his wife and she heartedly agreed and asked if he (seller) has our number. 

but driving on the other side of the road has been stressful to me. it's v counter-intuitive. i would still check the wrong side 1st or drive on the wrong side (thankfully it is a residential place so no other cars were there). or turn on the wipers when i m trying to signal! LOL

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

i have been learning SO SO much over here that my mind is unable to keep up. but i believe that as my spirit soaks it up, and internalize the stuff, my mind will catch up in time to come.

God has been blessing me so much with people coming along to offer us rides, helping us to get our errands done when we are so immobile. bus service is v scarce and without a car it is v v inconvenient. so right now, i m basking in His gracious providence of friendship and hospitality of people. thank You Lord. 

May i encourage you to  take time to pause and take stock of His grace that is poured into your day today or the past week and give thanks? God is good. to me and to you. really good. 

Sunday, September 27, 2009

fall's here but one can hardly agree when it's 45 degrees celsius here!
but today was an Eph3:20 day for me. 
Erin invited us to come with her and some friends: Gordon, Eliana, Olga, n 2 boys - Benny n Benton. Erin kindly came and pick us up at the dorm. 
went hiking around Brandy Creek and up to the waterfalls. had a little trouble climbing there but soon i got more used to it. it was cool up in the mountains. the view and the forest got me really glad. took alot of pictures. one of those were of hundreds of ladybugs. whole logs were full of them. Oliver told us that ladybugs are called "defender of the harvest." and farmers love them cos they eat aphids and other pests that destroy their crops. 
at the waterfall i had a wonderful time worshipping God. i felt God's presence sitting there on the rock. 
after getting back into our cars, the boys went down to the another waterfall to swim. we didnt go cos the climb down was taxing. i thought we wouldnt have another chance to swim. Olga suggested we go to the lake to eat our very late lunches after 3pm). 
after understanding where we were heading to Whiskeytown lake i was elated. 

last sat my dorm friends went to whiskeytown lake n i chose to stay back to do my book reports and spend time reflecting. i told God i wanted to go to the lake and around the mountains but not that sat.

God answered the very next sat! and over and beyond! we had great company. and food. and i escaped the heat. 


Wednesday, September 23, 2009

today's ben's birthday. we had a birthday celebration for him.  40 odd of us were at the BBQ area (yes... juz outside my room....) after singing "Happy Birthday", we gathered around him and started prophesying and praying for him. went on and so long and then after, rick asked if he could have the honour to wash his feet. wow. i was really blown away by these mostly 18 year olds and few older ones. they are incredible! and the gifts they operate in... wow such move of God... my heart was so filled up just seeing the love displayed and the honour given to this dear brother. 

kris Vallotton's messages were powerful. everyday here is like... so overwhelming. i'm receiving so much in the spirit... my mind cannot make sense of what's happening inside yet. but i know God's working... 

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

everything's good here. i really feel overwhelming blessed.

d food's here's so good too! i was concerned that i wud miss rice since i m such a rice person. but... the dining center has been giving me rice at least 4 days out of the 8 that i've been here! n today... they actually had our kind of rice! u noe wat i mean? the past few days were mexican grains. today's tasted like Thai Fragrant rice! i was elated! God's so good to me! n on top of that, there's this Filipino who has brought a packet of rice n rice cooker! n we r sharing. well, i'm cooking. so we'll have dat rice whenever i finally get down to cook. =)

1 down thing is that my room's right in front of the BBQ compound. besides the lounge, people gather there to worship and have our Holy Ghost parties where they get drunk on..... well the Holy Ghost! so the noise of drums and guit, loud singing, and people praying n laughing hysterically is to be expected. what i didnt expect was the smoke.... they lit a fire for the past 3 nights. i had to close my window n door, stuff wet towel in the gaps where smoke can come in. n joanne claimed our things smelled.  oh well.

things have settled down well. work is getting due and so i've been hitting my book hard =) it's weird cos i have to take sometime to shake off my university studying mindset. it's very different here.  there's no pressure but the KS thing just auto on n i have to shut it down. i took time to shake off the thesis writing mode n tell myself, "hey, i'm doing my assignments not to score here. it's for me to learn. i can do it in whatever format, and ways i like."

main thing dat i have been doing is juz thanking God. 2 sit at the feet of spiritual giants and learn from them, staying with young people who are so on fire.... i'm really overwhelming blessed. it's heaven here on earth!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

...obedience to the Spirit is everything. few have ever been so willing to trust in the Lord to this degree, and few have ever seen true revival because of it. if the Lord does not show up at our meetings we always have a pretty good program anyway. if the Lord completely departed from many churches the would never realise it. but those who have tasted of His presence can never again be satisfied merely with program - they have the Lord. even though the hype, manipulation and programs have wearied the church to the degree that the hunger for the Lord Himself that is beginning to rise in her. the church at the end of this age will return to her first love. she will be so compelled to draw near to Him, that he will draw near to her - on a scale that will signify that even this great Welsh Revival was but a foretaste of the harvest that is the end of the age. - Rick Joyner, A World Aflame

Friday, September 18, 2009

in the natural realm, you get hungry when you dont eat.
in the supernatural realm, you get hungry for what you eat. 
if you dont feel hungry for God, for prayer, for revival, for the lost, 
feed on the Word, sermons, books on those. 

it is abnormal for a Christian not to have an appetite for the impossible. it has been written into our spiritual DNA to hunger for the impossibilities around us to bow at the name of Jesus.
the lack of miracles isnt because it is not in God's will for us. the problem exists between our ears. - Bill Johnson, When Heaven Invades Earth

Thursday, September 17, 2009

nocturnal no more?! culture shock n more...

i was a nocturnal person, a night owl so to say. but here... i'm finally in the right time zone! while in spore i sleep ard 3am, i hit the sack early here. n i get up at 5-7am here. i used to get plenty done b4 i go to bed, now i get plenty done b4 i go to sch! well, some say i'll slowly turn back to being a night person. i dont know. one step at a time is what i live by here. or... one plunge at a time.

i feel like i've moved from a place where the power of the Holy Spirit trickled, to a deep deep ocean where i've plunged right into. 

while i've settled in with the room, weather, food, schedule, i havent with the socialising.i had some sort of a culture shock. it's interesting. i've been to lots of countries, n places but coming n staying in one beyond the "mission trip" has gotten me into some kind of stress. and i found myself less sociable than normal. i didnt want to hang out and talk to people. there are SO poeple. and SO friendly too. (here the dining rooms have big round tables like the ones we get at wedding dinners). the 1st 2 days got me not wanting to talk to pp. but today's international students' briefing helped me identified what's going on with me. 

and also, the homework on readings was getting to me.realised i had huge weird expectations on myself. n after so many years out of sch n coming into it with all these young people got me anxious abt my homework!

thank God He showed me the stress building up that is spilling onto my roommate n keeping me from enjoying people - something i had mostly enjoyed. during worship i handed to God my stress. and i had such a wonderful sense of freedom n release. the worship, the teaching sessions etc are so anointed. 

what i really like about here is the expectation of God. for Him to move and He sure does! 1st day of sch has seen some incredible healing amongst the students already! and alot of specific direct, timely word from God. 

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

a new blog look

hi all, 

as promised... a new look to evan-essence's blog! many requested bigger fonts etc so yeah... here it is, simple, blogspot's template. so i said good-bye to my tatter teddy template for this nice pink one.  (i used to have a hot pink with anime..rememeber? LOL) 

today is the 1st day of school. it is.... 6.53am now... i did my quiet time, bathed and ready to go for breakfast. 

i have lots to tell ya... soon lah... i'm trying to settle down... n spend more time with God. it's really amazing here. people really love God. they love talking abt God. He pops up in every conversation. my classmates n hallmtes' idea of a wild time (or how they spend their time, being quiet or rowdy) is... worship. i mean real serious, gr8 worship. we had one at the common room last night after the hall mandatory meeting. it was really awesome. one could really sense God 's presence so strong in the room as we sang, "delight in me... delight in me...."
i cant tell u how glad i m to be in the company of so many pp (n young ones too! like 18 years old) who are so sensitive to the Spirit. in spore i find a handful... here, it's a huge roomful. we can sense the change in atmosphere and we looked up in a slight "wow" look at one another. 

i go around in church (on sun) n sch, n cafeteria having not even a muted sense of excitement. it just feels like "everyday norm" to me. i mean... like any other day. i wondered at it. i think my "revival group" leader hit the nail on the head when he said to me, "welcome home." 

it's like finally, radical is norm. and God showing up is always hungered, expected, sought for, celebrated, honoured. 

i cant wait to see what God has in store for me. 

Saturday, September 05, 2009

a quick one b4 i go wash up.

today was an answered prayer. i have found meeting up with people for closures extremely tiring. i didnt expect that but i really was pretty beat for the past weeks. n i prayed for good rest etc. today i woke up refreshed and ready. i realised i shall restrict my sleep instead of giving over to sleep until i 'shuang' cos then i'd oversleep and get a headache. had time to relax, read bible, read book, tick off some tasks on my to-do, then went for a haircut b4 going down to church for worship pract.

abi n vince surprised me with a pink NANO!!!! with engraved personalised message. so nice. was a relief vince remembered that pink is my fav colour! cos abi had nearly gotten me green!

then i had dinner with joanna or so i tot. turned out she successfully organised a surprise farewell gathering for me! James, Terence, Edlyn n Edwin, HQ, Queen, joanna n Jon.
m juz so touched.

thank You God for showing me such love through people!

Sunday, August 30, 2009

i am thinking of learning spanish...

"It is estimated that the combined total of native and non-native Spanish speakers is approximately 417 million, making it the fourth most spoken language by total number of speakers (after Chinese, English and Hindi)." source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spanish_language

it'll juz cost me USD $350 for a year...

next Farsi??

Friday, August 28, 2009

from Glo: bye, you will remain one of best friend forever (bff) (FB chat tonight)

"restlessness and impatience change nothing except our peace and joy. Peace does not dwell in outward things, but in the heart prepared to wait trustfully and quietly on Him who has all things safely in His hands." - Elisabeth Elliot

i m mostly a simple person- a nice meal makes me happy, being able to eat and sleep n poop makes me happy. had a v happy evening on tues. a nice simple ramen meal got me beaming. i m love ramen! i finally ate good authentic ramen! and yes i m a fan. goodbye to lousy "instant noodles-like ramen"!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

full top 10 in the list on www.forbes.com/women:

1: Angela Merkel, chancellor. Germany

2: Sheila Bair, chairman, Federal Deposit Insurance Corp. US.

3: Indra Nooyi, chief executive, PepsiCo. US.

4: Cynthia Carroll, chief executive, Anglo American. UK.

5: Ho Ching, chief executive, Temasek Holdings. Singapore

6: Irene Rosenfeld, chief executive, Kraft Foods. US.

7: Ellen Kullman, chief executive, DuPont. US.

8: Angela Braly, chief executive, WellPoint. US.

9: Anne Lauvergeon, chief executive, Areva. France

10: Lynn Elsenhans, chief executive, Sunoco. US.

Monday, August 17, 2009

if you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it - Anthony J. D'Angelo

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today i finallly took my counseling file and emptied it. really... at the end of the day, anything that does not begin and point others to God is not worth investing time n energy in.

Monday, August 03, 2009

i m sitting in swensens' trying to prep my thursday's message.

was kind stressed out over the weekend cos there's so many pp 2 meet, so much to do... but mostly cos leading worship, and speaking. i cant believe that despite having done these things like SO MANY times.
i had to be reminded by God on how He has come thru for me every single time. even the last time in L where i juz came back from:

it was an amazing trip! the Christians there have what i would call a "fierce faith." imagine classmates who are extremists whose life purpose is to manufacture bombs and be a martyr. imagine being infused by God's passion to want to reach out to them.

i went there as S's answered prayer and helped her know that God is able to do exceedingly abundantly far more than she can ask or imagine. n i was amazed at how God answered my prayer to be a blessing to them.

God had to remind me that He has been faithful and has used me and will continue to use me.
--

sat andrew n grace's wedding.
andrew actually thanked CCC on stage. i was amazed. and touched that he acknowledged us in his Christian growth.
was so happy for him. and meeting up wif v and JW and seeing them happy again especially at a wedding was good for me. i couldnt bring myself to contact and even minister to V after D's passing. had a gr time catching up wif CA. and even caught up with a messianic Christian. raise eyebrow. but i could appreciate him better this time. PTL.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

leaving tonight for Lebanon. feeling v sleepy. my flight's at 3am! sigh... i dun want to sleep now n then later cant sleep on the plane. 
 
"He has great tranquility of heart who cares neither for the praises nor the fault-finding of men. He will easily be content and pacified, whose conscience is pure. You are not holier if you are praised, nor the more worthless if you are found fault with. What you are, that you are; neither by word can you be made greater than what you are in the sight of God." - Thomas a Kempis

met ZL today. v interesting. i'm beginning 2 c how Hilter and NK's regime can con't so brilliantly. some men die to lead, others die to follow. *in Jerry's tone* to each his own.

i noe my posts have been rather disappointing these months. sorry. will do better once i leave my job. LOL. 

Saturday, July 18, 2009

thanks YW for smsing n calling to ask abt my "worthlessness" bout. 
i think it is merely growing pains coupled with lots of stressors. no worries abt depression. cos if anything it's too exciting for me right now. 

"Restlessness and impatience change nothing except our peace and joy. peace does not dwell in outwards things, but in the heart prepared to wait trustfully and quietly on HIm who has all things safely in His hands." - Elisabeth Elliot.

now i m alone in my office. trying 2 prepare for my talks etc for my work trip this coming week, n awaiting tonight's nursing grads min meeting. a good 3 hours to myself 2 get some work done. praying for effectivenes n peace. =)

Friday, July 17, 2009

i have been very stressed out lately. it's becoming apparent there's quite a bit to be done b4 i fly off to the US.
o yes, i'm leaving on a jet plane... to study. 
i'm trading my work for a christian brand of "hogswart sch of magic". sigh... u noe i dunno harry potter wen i dunno how to spell his sch! hee hee.

anyway, pray for me as i go to the Middle east for a work trip. it's the main cause of this stress. up until now i have yet to be able to prepare for it! ARGH! N I'll leaving on sun night! 

also been hit by a huge spell of worthlessness. yes, i, too get those terrible spells. and it's during such stressed out  and worthless state makes focusing on the things at hand- not just the physical to-do lists but the spiritual battle that is going on - difficult. makes me focus on self( what's going on inside) way too much. 

hmmm... blogging this reminds me once again why i got into blogging in the 1st place: catharsis. n there's more clarity in doing so. i have not been blogging n in such states, journaling is so much harder.. typing is faster n hence it's easier to keep up with my messy thoughts. "easier". not totally able to. 

so, this time, this typing out helped show me the very blaring n vital thing i need 2 do tmr. inbetween my appts, instead of focusing on the many things to do.... i shall do that ONE thing that is needed. n to aid me doing this one thing, i shall not bring out my laptop. 

makes it all the more convenient cos i m doing camp rece tmr evening. lugging my laptop sure isnt a good idea. 

n u must be thinking isnt it simple? yeah... but it wasnt so clear until just now! i had thot i needed my laptop for the many things to get done. but i m convinced i shant. sigh.... i really need to blog more.... blabber on more so that there's less clutter in my head. 

there u go... thank u.
u have been such a great psychotherapist. =)
i'm going to sleep now. 
cheers! 

Saturday, July 11, 2009

from a friend who forwards LOTS of stuff to me... i was actually blown away by this. praise the Lord! 

check out the youtube interview:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PmTiqcIbXrw

website link:
http://www.venusmagazine.org/cover_story.html

A Lesbian's Deliverance
By Charlene Israel


CBN News June 23, 2007

After 29 years as a gay activist, former lesbian magazine publisher Charlene Cothran stunned the
homosexual community when she announced she had become a Christian. She has renounced her
homosexuality, and changed the format of her magazine to spread the Gospel to the gay community.
As a gay rights activist, Cothran was never afraid to fight for what she believed in. For 30 years, she
was as vocal and in your face as they come. She organized and marched with other lesbians in gay
rights parades. And as editor-in-chief of "Venus" magazine, a national gay and lesbian publication,
she wasn't about to change -- until something happened at a gay pride celebration that she never
expected.

"In 2003, I was in Chicago at a gay pride event, in the middle of this beautiful park," Cothran recalled.
"I took a panoramic view, and as far as I could see there were men with men and women with women,
all just partying and having a good time. But a shame fell on me, I felt so out of place. I knew
something in my spirit spoke that, 'this is that road that leads to destruction, and you're on it.'"

It took several years to come to terms with this vision, and during that time Cothran continued to
publish her gay and lesbian magazine. But she couldn't escape the message she'd heard that day in
2003. She said, "I kept myself busy with marches and activism and public appearances. But in the still
of the night when everything is over, there was still that little voice, "You're not right with God."

Cothran says she longed for peace, but even in the midst of a long-term relationship, she felt intense
loneliness. She'd grown up in a Christian home, and had come into the lesbian lifestyle at 19, after
several bad relationships with boys. "I didn't want anything to do with men anymore," she said. "I was
away at college and that was a whole new world, and in that world there were many, many women
who were attracted to me, and, of course, I was attracted to them. And these women were nurturing,
wanted to get to know me intellectually -- they were organizers whom I found a lot of comfort in. It felt
good, it felt right."

But it didn't feel right anymore. Then in June 2006, local Pastor Vanessia Livingston of Miracle
Deliverance Church called Cothran, regarding an article in one her publications. She didn't know
anything about Cothran's life and proceeded to talk to her about God. Livingston asked Cothran,
"What are you going to do about your life?" Then she told her, "'You need to get your life together.'
Cothran said, 'I'm in the life.' I said, 'Yes, I know, that's why I'm talking to you, but you don't have to
stay in the life. You can be delivered today, right now, right where you are.'"

They talked for awhile and Cothran remembers her words: "I can tell that you want to come back to
God, but you feel unworthy, you feel that God can't use you because you've been marching and
publishing and you've been such a proud lesbian all these years, but that's not true. He's waiting."

That day changed everything for Charlene Cothran, as she finally asked Jesus Christ to come into
her heart and forgive her. It was a personal transformation that she immediately wanted to share
with her gay and lesbian followers. She wrote a front page article in her magazine called, "Redeemed!
Ten Ways to Get Out of the Gay Life, if You Want Out.

http://www.venusmagazine.org/cover_story.html
*Redeemed! 10 Ways to Get Out of the Gay Life, If You Want Out by Charlene E. Cothran, Venus Magazine Publisher *

"When the Lord saved me, I knew everything would change," she said. "All of the ads, the editorials,
the mission of the magazine had changed. We're going to be calling people out of homosexuality."
Most of the response from the gay and lesbian community has been fierce and negative. But she
says she knows that many of them are just as conflicted as she was.

Cothran said, "In order to fill up this empty space, they pretend to put on this wonderful face,
'how gay and happy I am,' when in fact -- there's a lot of loneliness in the gay community that's not
talked about, and it's real." But there has been positive feedback as well. Cothran says she gets lots
of e-mails from people who say they struggle with homosexuality and want out.

CBN News asked Cothran, "I know people probably ask you, do you still have feelings for women,
and are you dating a man?" Cothran replied, "I'm living a celibate life. I'm so focused on the
spirit right now, that I have no urges for anyone -- man or woman."

With a new outlook about herself and life, Cothran is still on the frontlines of the gay rights battle,
only now she sees it as a spiritual fight to lead others to the freedom she's found. "Our mission now,"
she said, "is to educate and to turn people away from the homosexual lifestyle simply by presenting
the truth. We simply want people to question what they've learned through the pages of Venus
magazine over the past 13 years."

Prior to Cothran's conversion, Venus circulated about 35,000 copies per issue which ran four times
a year. But after the issue featuring her testimony, the gay political machine pressured advertisers
to drop the magazine. And gay pride events and college campuses no longer subscribe. But in her
own words, Cothran has no regrets about her change.

She said, "There is a joy and a peace that you can't find in a club, I don't care how good the music is.
You can't find it in the middle of a gay pride parade, I don't care if you have the biggest, prettiest float.
I have a joy and a peace that I wouldn't trade for anything."

Over the past 29 years of my life I have been an aggressive, creative and strategic supporter of gay
and lesbian issues. I've organized and participated in countless marches and various lobbying efforts
in the fight for equal treatment of gay men and lesbians. I have kept current on the issues and made
financial contributions to those organizations doing work about which I was most passionate. As the
publisher of a 13 year old periodical which targets Black gays and lesbians, I have had the opportunity
to publicly address thousands, influencing closeted people to 'come out' and stand up for themselves,
which is particularly difficult in the African-American community.

But now, I must come out of the closet again. I have recently experienced the power of change that
came over me once I completely surrendered to the teachings of Jesus Christ. As a believer of the
word of God, I fully accept and have always known that same-sex relationships are not what God
intended for us. I don't expect that this message will be widely received, quite the contrary. But, I do
know that there is someone, possibly reading this very article, who is tired and unhappy living this way.
Someone, in your heart of hearts, is searching for a way out, but you just can't seem to break free on
your own. I am speaking to my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters who want real peace; the kind
you've heard about, sung about, read about. It is simpler than you think to acquire it and there is no
condemnation once you've entered it.

Although I have lived as a lesbian for my entire adult life, it is without a doubt my soul's purpose to
use my gifts to LOVINGLY share the truth about how we got here: how we came to be gay or lesbian,
how we came to enjoy our 'lifestyle' and how we came to believe that this was OK with God.
[Romans 1:21-28]

Many argue that each individual should determine for themselves what God intends for him or her.
This would indicate that we each have a separate set of biblical rules to live by. This is untrue. If you
are ready for change and willing to open yourself to the truth, God's love can bring your current
belief system in line with His Word. Jesus will cleanse and forgive all confessed sin from a willing heart.
Homosexuality is only one of them. It is no greater sin than any of the others, but it is sin.

By now you're asking, 'Has she lost her mind? My answer is NO. I didn't lose it, I gave it away!
In fact, I traded it in for a new one! [Romans 12:1-2]


*ONE TUESDAY MORNING*

I was minding my own business one fine New Jersey morning when I received a call from a local
pastor, the Rev. Vanessia M. Livingston. I had never spoken to her previously. She was calling to
add a statement to an article about her gospel group in another paper we own called the "Kitchen
Table News".

I don't remember how we got on the subject of salvation but she could not have known how much
I had been struggling with trying to reckon my spiritual upbringing with my lesbian lifestyle. My
stiff-necked resistance to the truth arose in me as she ministered. I honestly figured that if I simply
mentioned the 'L' word that she'd drop the phone, anoint it with oil and that would be the last I'd hear
from her. But that's not what happened. The pastor prophetically confirmed what I've known for years,
'one day you will come out of the world and bring many gay and lesbian souls out with you.' She
asked if today was the day that I would choose but I said no. I felt the power of conviction upon me
as she spoke but I resisted and hardened my heart against the truth as I had done many times before.
I was not willing to hear her or give up my all to God, especially knowing that I had a confirmed
speaking engagement scheduled the following week at the Schomberg Center during New York City
Gay Pride.


*HAVE MERCY*

As I blurted out that I was a proud card-carrying lesbian, the pastor reminded me that God's mercy
allowed me to survive my experiences as He developed my gifts, all as a part of His plan to lead
others to Him, others who will not perhaps hear her or other ministers who have not LIVED this
experience.

She could not have had a clue about my encounters with the mercies of God. Mercy had indeed
covered me during those dark 1993 days when my good friend Venus Landin, for whom this
magazine is named, was shot and killed. I recalled how I went with her to her ex-lover's home to
recover her things, how the woman had built a fire using Venus' precious journals as fuel, how she
burned her clothes and how the flames and debris had fallen out of the fireplace's box and were
ablaze along the carpet.

I remembered the look on the woman's face and in her eyes. I know in my heart that she had
intended to murder Venus that night but she did not expect me to arrive with her. There, I stood at
the very gates of hell. Given her state of mind, there was no reason for the woman not to have killed
us both, then turn the gun on herself as she did Venus a week later. When I received the call that
they were both found dead, I knew instantly that mercy had covered me, but why?


*I YIELD*

The spirit of God spoke directly into my soul and said you will choose this day who you will serve and
if you make the wrong choice, I will allow you to drift so far away from me that you will never hear my
voice again.

I gave God my heart and soul in the parking lot of the mall, right there in my car. A river of tears
flowed as Jesus washed me and forgave me and redeemed me for His work. I intend be just as 'out'
about my transformation as I was about my lesbian life. I have given every gift I have back to God,
including VENUS Magazine. The target audience will remain the same but the mission has been
renewed. Our new mission is to encourage, educate and assist those in the life who want change
but can't find a way out. My brother, my sister, please follow me out of this.

1. Establish and accept for yourself that God's Word is true AS-IS.
Do not allow gay theology to divorce the Old testament from the New or the written words of the
Apostles from the spoken words of Jesus Christ. This is a good trick, but its no longer working
because God is preparing to bring millions of gays and lesbians back to His feet. He has already
chosen many of us for this specific purpose and He is waiting for YOU to accept His call.


2. Seek the truth within the Scriptures about homosexuality and it will be revealed to you
as you read and pray.
Know that we were NOT born this way. This myth was fashioned by the gay establishment as a
basis for changing laws in favor of gay rights. Again it works for their purposes, but it is biblically
UNTRUE. There is no way that anyone, without an agenda, can come away from the bible with an
endorsement by God of the gay lifestyle. Gay theology starts with an agenda ['Let's make the bible
say gay is O.K.'] in order to arrive at its conclusions, but it is a lie.


3. Do not resist God's call on your life.
Get alone with God and let Him minister the truth directly to you. That conviction you feel is a gift
to keep you near the cross. If you keep resisting Him and hardening your heart, He will eventually
stop calling you. You can then have a great time fulfilling all the fantasies of the flesh without
feeling a thing, but what awaits you at the end of such a life? [Romans 2:28]


4. Know with certainty that you are loved by God exactly where you are and that your
experiences are of great value for kingdom work.
I had BEEN tired, but the enemy kept my mind trapped for years by convincing me that I could not
be of any real use to God having lived as an openly gay publisher, but that was a lie.


5. Say Yes.
That's really all it takes to accept the truth which is accepting Jesus Christ. Pray this prayer of
repentance with me now.

"Lord, I'm coming to you because I believe your Word and I need your help. I can't change myself,
I've tried. Please forgive me for every thing I've done that did not glorify you. I believe that you ARE
the Word, I believe that Jesus IS your son, I believe that He DIED for my sins, and BECAUSE I believe
this, I AM NOW SAVED BY YOUR GRACE. Thank you for saving me! Amen."


6. Make your salvation real.
Keeping the good news of your personal salvation a secret is another trick the enemy uses to buy
time as he tries to pull you back to your former life. We must believe with our hearts AND confess with
our mouths. You don't need to 'out' yourself but clobber the enemy by immediately sharing your
testimony with SOMEONE about how the Lord has revealed the truth directly to you; about the level
of joy and peace you now have which you could not reach without full repentance; about the
welcomed change this brings in your life, and all the wonderful things He has done for you.
[Romans 10:9]


7. Experience paradise NOW!
Consult God first, then go ahead and live your life! Welcome new friendships, start that new venture,
expand your experiences, obtain nice things, just don't put them before God. Enjoy your life to a new
degree, without the burden of sin AND with the confidence of ALL of God's promises on your side!
It is totally possible to live for God in this present age and enjoy yourself immensely. When I say live
for God I mean totally 'sold out' for God. But you cannot be 'sold out' for God and live a gay/lesbian
lifestyle at the same time. [Titus 2:11-12]

It's possible to have a BETTER time than you did in the clubs, in the parks, BETTER than all those
secret encounters with folks whose names you've long forgotten, BETTER than your long-term
relationship, BETTER than all your priceless possessions, BETTER than money! Most of us have
experienced some of this AND WE WERE STILL MISERABLE. But thanks to God's mercy and saving
grace we don't have to wait years and years to get to heaven to experience paradise. The earth is
the Lord's, the fullness thereof, the world, and they that dwell therein. Enjoy God's earth, now.
[Psalm 24:1]


8. Walk Carefully or 'circumspectly' as the Scriptures describe.
This is about being careful to keep your spirit clean and fresh. Prayer, along with reading and hearing
the Word AND seeking ways to apply it to your daily life is the way to STAY saved and delivered from
any sinful habit.

Isn't it interesting that we sometimes give our garments of clothing more care than we give our very
souls. When we put on an outfit, we're so careful not to lean against anything that might soil it.
We protect it while we're eating so as not to get a spot on it. We sit in such a way to prevent it from
wrinkling. Treat your soul's salvation with at least this much care. [Ephesians 5:15-16]


9. Have fellowship with believers.
We know that the church has largely failed gays and lesbians by not being a welcoming place for
those who have sought spiritual change. The invitation to 'come as you are' seems to be extended to
everyone but us. However God has people everywhere who are open, real and willing to walk out with
you. Ask the Lord to lead you to a loving, caring, bible-believing fellowship where you can be nurtured,
be blessed, grow AND be a blessing. [Hebrews 10:25]


10. Stay in touch.
We'd love to hear from you! If this article has helped you, please let us know. Also, if you'd like to
share YOUR testimony with VENUS readers, email us at editor@venusmagazine.org

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

a very significant day in my life. i ve been waiting for today for the whole month! but when today rolled by, i was anxious and excited, ruffled and restless.
was tempted to think i was making a mistake.

this is the turn of the chapter. no turning back.
deep calls out to the deep.
i know deep inside it is right.

Saturday, June 27, 2009


i am saddened by Michael Jackson's death. what a life. so many people "love" him, have him "with them as they grow up", "day and night" but he has.....??

here's "heal the world"


little girl talking

((i think about the gererations
and thay say thay want to make it 
a better place for our children & our children's children
so that thay thay thay know it's a better world for them 
and i think thay can make it a better place))


There's A Place In
Your Heart
And I Know That It Is Love
And This Place Could
Be Much
Brighter Than Tomorrow
And If You Really Try
You'll Find There's No Need 
To Cry
In This Place You'll Feel
There's No Hurt Or Sorrow

There Are 
Ways To Get There
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Little Space
Make A Better Place...

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

If You Want To Know Why
There's A Love That
Cannot Lie
Love Is Strong
It Only Cares For
Joyful Giving
If We Try
We Shall See
In This Bliss
We Cannot Feel
Fear Or Dread
We Stop Existing And
Start Living

Then It Feels That Always
Love's Enough For
Us Growing
So Make A Better World
Make A Better World...

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

And The Dream We Were
Conceived In
Will Reveal A Joyful Face
And The World We
Once Believed In
Will Shine Again In Grace
Then Why Do We Keep
Strangling Life
Wound This Earth
Crucify Its Soul
Though It's Plain To See
This World Is Heavenly
Be God's Glow

We Could Fly So High
Let Our Spirits Never Die
In My Heart
I Feel You Are All
My Brothers
Create A World With
No Fear
Together We'll Cry
Happy Tears
See The Nations Turn
Their Swords
Into Plowshares

We Could Really Get There
If You Cared Enough
For The Living
Make A Little Space
To Make A Better Place...

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

You And For Me
heal the world we live in
You And For Me
save it for our children

Saturday, June 20, 2009

WASHINGTON – Barack Obama got a basketball, his first name and ambition from his father. Little else.

The son gave back more than he received: a lifetime of ruminations about the man who abandoned the family, a memoir named "Dreams from My Father," and endless reflections on his own successes and shortcomings as a parent of Sasha, 8, and Malia, 10.

As a candidate and now president, he's been telling men what sort of father they should be. It's become his Father's Day ritual and he's not shy about it.

He's asking American men to be better fathers than his own.

The president showcased fatherhood in a series of events and a magazine article in advance of Father's Day. He said he came to understand the importance of fatherhood from its absence in his childhood homes — just as an estimated 24 million Americans today are growing up without a dad.

Fathers run deep in the political culture as they do everywhere else, for better and worse. Michelle Obama has said many times how her late dad, Fraser, is her reference point and rock — she checks in with him, in her mind, routinely, and at important moments.

Obama's presidential rival, John McCain, called his own memoirs "Faith of My Fathers," tracing generations of high-achieving scamps. The father-son presidencies of the George Bushes were bookends onBill Clinton, whose father drowned in a ditch before he was born and whose stepfather was an abusive alcoholic nicknamed Dude.

A Kenyan goatherder-turned-intellectual who clawed his way to scholarships and HarvardBarack Hussein Obama Sr. left a family behind to get his schooling in the United States. He started another family here, then left his second wife and 2-year-old Barack Jr. to return to Africa with another woman.

His promise flamed out in Africa after stints working for an oil company and the government; he fell into drink and died in a car crash when his son was 21, a student at Columbia University.

"I don't want to be the kind of father I had," the president is quoted as telling a friend in a new book about him.

His half-sister, Maya, called his memoirs "part of the process of excavating his father."

Obama now cajoles men to be better fathers — not the kind who must be unearthed in the soul.

His finger-wagging is most pointed when addressing other black men, reflecting years of worry about the fabric of black families and single mothers, but it applies to everyone.

Father's Day 2007: "Let's admit to ourselves that there are a lot of men out there that need to stop acting like boys; who need to realize that responsibility does not end at conception; who need to know that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child but the courage to raise a child."

Father's Day 2008: "Any fool can have a child. That doesn't make you a father. It's the courage to raise a child that makes you a father."

Father's Day 2009: "We need to step out of our own heads and tune in. We need to turn off the television and start talking with our kids, and listening to them, and understanding what's going on in their lives."

He doesn't hold himself out as the ideal dad. No driven politician can.

"I know I have been an imperfect father," he writes in Sunday's Parade magazine. "I know I have made mistakes. I have lost count of all the times, over the years, when the demands of work have taken me from the duties of fatherhood."

He volunteered for those demands, as all people do when they want power. His years as a community organizer, Illinois lawmaker, U.S. senator and presidential candidate often kept him apart from family.

At the same time, he went to great lengths in the 2008 campaign to find time with his girls and wife, and now considers the routine family time one of the joys of living and working in the White House.

The new book "Renegade" by Richard Wolffe recounts strains in the marriage early this decade, arising from his absences and from what Michelle Obama apparently considered his selfish careerism at the time. The author interviewed the Obamas, friends and associates.

Obama himself attributed his "fierce ambitions" to his dad while crediting his mother — a loving but frequently absent figure — with giving him the means to pursue them.

"Someone once said that every man is trying to either live up to his father's expectations or make up for his father's mistakes," he once wrote, "and I suppose that may explain my particular malady as well as anything else." By malady, he meant the will to achieve.

Obama was a schoolboy in Hawaii when his father came back to visit. He gave his dad a tie. His father gave him a basketball and African figurines and came to his class to speak about Kenya. He was an impressive, mysterious figure whom Obama found compelling, volatile and vaguely threatening.

The visit took a sour turn when Obama went to watch "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and his father made him shut off the TV, saying he watched too much. Obama slammed the bedroom door; a loud argument ensued among grown-ups.

Not the quality time Obama has in mind in asking dads to turn off the TV now.

___

n oh, Happy fathers' day.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

"Humble pie is something that from this day on I'll be eating for breakfast for the rest of my life." - British celeb chef Gordon Ramsay on his attack on Tracy Grimshaw. 

i think it is a good practice for me too. do it b4 something i do makes me regret. 
Channel NewsAsia - Thursday, June 11

SINGAPORE : A couple, found guilty last month of distributing seditious or objectionable publications, has been sentenced to 8 weeks jail each.

50—year—old SingTel technical officer Ong Kian Cheong and his 46—year—old wife, UBS associate director Dorothy Chan Hien Leng, had been found guilty on four charges each of sedition.

For two decades, the couple spread their faith by handing out religious pamphlets, and then by dropping tracts into random HDB letterboxes.

From around 1998, however, the couple, both Protestant Christians, mailed them to addresses picked out from the telephone directory — those of Muslims included.

They "clearly did so with the intent of convincing the Muslim reader to convert to Christianity", a district court found.

For distributing and possessing seditious and objectionable publications, husband and wife were sentenced to eight weeks’ jail each on Wednesday.

Such "intolerance, insensitivity and ignorance of delicate issues concerning race and religion" in Singapore "clearly warranted" a custodial sentence, said District Judge Roy Neighbour.

In the first full trial heard under the Sedition Act, the married couple of 24 years was found guilty on May 28 of the charges.

In 2007, Mr Irwan Ariffin, 32, and Madam Farhati Ahmad, 36, received an evangelistic comic—style booklet titled The Little Bride through the mail while Mr Isa Raffee, 35, was sent Who Is Allah?.

After a complaint to the police, an ambush was laid and the pair was arrested on Jan 30 last year.

Found in their condominium in Bukit Timah were 439 copies of 11 seditious tracts.

During the 11—day trial, it emerged that the SingTel technical officer and his wife, sent out about 20,000 publications in seven years.

Produced by an American firm called Chick Publications, the fundamentalist Protestant materials were "not only offensive for religious content but also have a tendency to promote feelings of ill—will or hostility between Muslims and Christians in Singapore", said Judge Neighbour.

By distributing tracts with "callous, denigratory, offensive and insensitive statements on religion with aspersions on race", the pair had committed "serious" offences that "have the capacity to undermine and erode the delicate fabric of racial and religious harmony in Singapore".

Common sense, he said, dictated that religious fervor to spread the faith, "in our society, must be constrained by sensitivity, tolerance and mutual respect for another’s faith and religious beliefs".

Ong and Chan were expressionless when sentenced.

Their lawyer Selva K Naidu told the court that they had filed a notice of appeal against the conviction last Friday. He was awaiting instructions to proceed.

The pair faced two charges of distributing seditious publications each, and one each of distributing an objectionable publication and possession of seditious tracts.

They got four weeks’ jail for each charge — two of them running consecutively and the remaining to run concurrently.

They could have been fined up to $5,000 and/or jailed for up to three years for each of the two charges.

The possession charge carries a maximum fine of $2,000 and/or jail for up to 18 months. Distributing objectionable publications is punishable with a fine not exceeding $5,000 and/or up to one year behind bars. — CNA /ls

Monday, June 01, 2009

ran sundown yesterday. was a v hot n windless night despite the route taking us thru open spaces, beaches, lagoons and reservoir. but this year's tee is nicer. and thank God it didnt rain (last year i was drenched thru n thru near my house! ) the volunteers were nicer than last year's as well as stand chart's. i think they did a gr8 job encouraging the runners. and the runners themselves were way nicer too - encouraging pp as they overtook them, cheering others on: a number of ultra-marathoners n cyclists running past us, seeing me struggle said, "good job gals! 3k more!" etc. these pp have better athlete's ethics and they understand pain n perseverence. (i like sundown more cos i cant stand standchart marathon cos of the sun n the pp who dun have running ethics!) i got applauded alot of times. the atmosphere was incredible. one of the things the world needs - more cheerleaders. 

sis waited to "send us off" at the starting point. but was a little too distracted then to appreciate her better than a "thanks thanks." 

this was the 1st time some1 walked wif me and had to support me alot. i ve had done so for others so it was a nice "turning of table" situation for me. was humbling but like i said above, it was nice receiving. thank u jo!

she ran ahead of me 3x n twice i overtook her as she took a toilet break, the other time was wen she missed a turn at the bridge (d volunteer sitting at the railings of the bridge failed to direct her) n run on to downtown east. good thing she realised soon enough that there were no "red shirts!" and called me. so by the time she came back, i reached the bridge and we went on together. she laughingly said she has to run more distance in both marathons she took part in. 

there was this gal who wore a "perth marathon" singlet. she kept overtaking us 5,6 times. got us scratching our heads cos we never knew we had even overtaken her at all! (we were only walking) incredulous when she ran past us about the 6th time, we burst out laughing. 

anyway, this is my last marathon for a long while to come. maybe i shall re-attempt marathon-ing in my late thirties or fourties.. =) giving my knee a good long break. my mum was so happy 2 hear dat this is my last. she jus couldnt understand y i put myself thru such misery.

there's gonna b a big change in my life soon. i m stepping out of the boat. gonna try some "walking on water". tell u more later this week. 

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

i'm sorry i ve abandoned my blog again. somehow.

was glad dat kris allen won american idol last week. had thought adam would win. but am glad kris did. one allures, the other touches. happened wen i was in silent retreat. 

point to ponder: what does "in the power of the Holy Spirit" mean? we glibly use it... yet do we know?

Virtue is not the sign of a Christian. Joy is. - Madeleine L'Engle, The Rock That is Higher

Thursday, May 07, 2009


Asiaone online news 6th may

The Ministry of Education (MOE) has suspended the Association of Women for Action and Research's (AWARE) sexuality programme after a thorough investigation.

In a press statement released this afternoon, the ministry said that the "Comprehensive Sexuality Education: Basic Instructor Guide" had been pulled off because it did not conform to MOE's guidelines in some aspects.

In particular, "some suggested responses in the instructor guide are explicit and inappropriate and convey messages which could promote homosexuality or suggest approval of pre-marital sex"....

iving a reason for its decision, MOE said that the Singapore education system did not promote alternative lifestyles to students.

It said: "MOE's framework for sexuality education reflects the mainstream views and values of Singapore society, where the social norm consists of the married heterosexual family unit."

Apart from looking at AWARE's sexuality programme, the ministry also investigated the course materials used during General Paper (GP) lessons in junior colleges. The material had allegedly carried information on alternative lifestyles.

MOE's decision to investigate AWARE's sexuality programme was a swift turn from its earlier stance late last month.

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from the forum pages:

In light of this comment, MOE needs to also look into the Advanced CSE programme to ensure that the same content is not perpetuated. - speakingof

Now the old exco is back I think MOE schools wld have to be extremely watchful abt programs from AWARE - if it took a full investigation and a petition of over 6000 to lead MOE to conclude what was already obvious about the CSE, it's going to be hard to tell in future when there are really breaches of their guidelines. I hope for AWARE's sake that the old exco makes the step to renounce their liberal agenda and be explicitly pro-family. - veritasi

At least, one of main concern of Josie Lau and Dr Thio had been addressed. I also happy with decision of MOE on suspending CSE programme from school which might promote alternative lifestyle for the impressionable youth. - desmond.SG

Dear JackOng1,
We should not impose our beliefs on the gays? How about this: the gays should not impose THEIR beliefs on US, and on our children. That's what AWARE's CSE was trying to do. - ahnyaahnya


from yahoo news 6th May

SINGAPORE: AWARE’S extraordinary general meeting (EGM) last Saturday, which was attended by a 3,000—strong crowd of mainly women, was more than just a show of “girl power”.

It was a demonstration of how civil society, without the Government’s overt hand, can handle controversial debates on sensitive issues — and they do not come more explosive than the cocktail of religion and sexuality that dominated the saga.

Yes, the month—long public debate got ugly at times — there is absolutely no space for death threats — and the booing and heckling of speakers at the EGM were regrettable.

But as several observers pointed out, there were more positives than negatives — not least a coming of age for civil society.

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note: civil: meaning - giving of death threats, "booing and heckling of speakers"? these "regrettable" acts as said is a mark of coming of age of a "civil society"? well done. *dripping with sarcasm*