Monday, November 28, 2005
1001 hits!
yay!! 1001 hits since jul 6. dunno dat's good or bad...but nice number... i'll celebrate!
Sunday, November 27, 2005
poems in "In Her Shoes"
it's too good not to blog it...! the poems speak to me on such a personal level!
One Art
The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster,
Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.
I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three beloved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.
-- Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) a disaster.
- Elizabeth Bishop (1911-1979)
apparently an infamous poem. some essays 2 gif u a handle on it:
http://www.english.uiuc.edu/maps/poets/a_f/bishop/oneart.htm
"lit lect" in the book:
Lit Prof: is the love lost already , or does the poet place that loss, out of all the others, in the realm of the theoretical? is she talking about this loss as a possibility? a probability?"
Maggie: a probability
Lit Prof: Why?
Maggie: well, at the beginning of the poem, she's talking about real things, stuff that every body loses... it shifts from the tangible to the intangible... and then the poet starts getting... Grandiose. Like, she lost a house... a whole ocntinent...
Lit Prof: Which we can assume, would not be hers to lose...
Maggie: right.. and the way she writes about it, like it doesn't even matter that much...
Lit Prof: you're talking about Bishop's tone. would you call it ironic? detached?
Maggie: i think she wans to sound detached. like it doesn't matter to her, right? like the words she's using. Fluster....
[in fact the tone reminded Maggie of the way her sister talked about herself.]
Lit Prof: let's consider the structure again... A B A. A B A. Stanzas of three lines, until we reach the end, the final quatrain, and what happens?
Maggie: well, it's 4 lines, not three... and there's that interruption - 'write it!' - it's like she wants to be distant, she wants to be apart from it, but she's thinking of what's going to happen when she loses..
Lit Prof: loses what? who is the 'you' in this poem?
Maggie: [bites her lip. her sister she thought.] a friend maybe
Lit Prof: very good. very good.
then she turned back to the board, back to the class, back to the rhyme scheme and the formal demands of a villanelle. Maggie barely heard a word of it. she was still blushing. she, who never blushed.. had turned the rich ripe red of a Jersey tomato.
that night... thinking abt her sister, wondering if Rose had taken that particular poetry class and had read that particular poem, and whether Rose would ever believe that it was Maggie... who'd understood the poem best. she wondered.. whtat she'd have to do to get Rose to forgive her.
dis gotta b in d movie... it's kinda pivotal in Maggie's tranformation n poignant re relationship with her sister. will be upset if they dun include it!
makes me miss my lit lects n tuts juz so v badly... even tho i really din enjoy my lit lessons in NUS.
who is the "you"? it's XG...
To Say Before Going to Sleep
I would like to sing someone to sleep,
have someone to sit by and be with.
I would like to cradle you and softly sing,
be your companion while you sleep or wake.
I would like to be the only person
in the house who knew: the night outside was cold.
And would like to listen to you
and outside to the world and to the woods.
The clocks are striking, calling to eachother,
and one can see right to the edge of time.
Outside the house a strange man is afoot
and a strange dog barks, wakened from his sleep.
Beyond that there is silence.
My eyes rest upon your face wide-open;
and they hold you gently, letting you go
when something in the dark begins to move.
by Rainer Maria Rilke, Translated by Albert Ernest Flemming
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
- E E Cummings, in 1958
One Art
The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster,
Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.
I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three beloved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.
-- Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) a disaster.
- Elizabeth Bishop (1911-1979)
apparently an infamous poem. some essays 2 gif u a handle on it:
http://www.english.uiuc.edu/maps/poets/a_f/bishop/oneart.htm
"lit lect" in the book:
Lit Prof: is the love lost already , or does the poet place that loss, out of all the others, in the realm of the theoretical? is she talking about this loss as a possibility? a probability?"
Maggie: a probability
Lit Prof: Why?
Maggie: well, at the beginning of the poem, she's talking about real things, stuff that every body loses... it shifts from the tangible to the intangible... and then the poet starts getting... Grandiose. Like, she lost a house... a whole ocntinent...
Lit Prof: Which we can assume, would not be hers to lose...
Maggie: right.. and the way she writes about it, like it doesn't even matter that much...
Lit Prof: you're talking about Bishop's tone. would you call it ironic? detached?
Maggie: i think she wans to sound detached. like it doesn't matter to her, right? like the words she's using. Fluster....
[in fact the tone reminded Maggie of the way her sister talked about herself.]
Lit Prof: let's consider the structure again... A B A. A B A. Stanzas of three lines, until we reach the end, the final quatrain, and what happens?
Maggie: well, it's 4 lines, not three... and there's that interruption - 'write it!' - it's like she wants to be distant, she wants to be apart from it, but she's thinking of what's going to happen when she loses..
Lit Prof: loses what? who is the 'you' in this poem?
Maggie: [bites her lip. her sister she thought.] a friend maybe
Lit Prof: very good. very good.
then she turned back to the board, back to the class, back to the rhyme scheme and the formal demands of a villanelle. Maggie barely heard a word of it. she was still blushing. she, who never blushed.. had turned the rich ripe red of a Jersey tomato.
that night... thinking abt her sister, wondering if Rose had taken that particular poetry class and had read that particular poem, and whether Rose would ever believe that it was Maggie... who'd understood the poem best. she wondered.. whtat she'd have to do to get Rose to forgive her.
dis gotta b in d movie... it's kinda pivotal in Maggie's tranformation n poignant re relationship with her sister. will be upset if they dun include it!
makes me miss my lit lects n tuts juz so v badly... even tho i really din enjoy my lit lessons in NUS.
who is the "you"? it's XG...
To Say Before Going to Sleep
I would like to sing someone to sleep,
have someone to sit by and be with.
I would like to cradle you and softly sing,
be your companion while you sleep or wake.
I would like to be the only person
in the house who knew: the night outside was cold.
And would like to listen to you
and outside to the world and to the woods.
The clocks are striking, calling to eachother,
and one can see right to the edge of time.
Outside the house a strange man is afoot
and a strange dog barks, wakened from his sleep.
Beyond that there is silence.
My eyes rest upon your face wide-open;
and they hold you gently, letting you go
when something in the dark begins to move.
by Rainer Maria Rilke, Translated by Albert Ernest Flemming
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
- E E Cummings, in 1958
Friday, November 25, 2005
In Her shoes
In her shoes… (check out my "now reading" channel in the moving screen in the side bar below)the book into movie thingy… Cameron Diaz as Maggie feller… good casting on dat one I say…! It’s juz so fun reading n guessing about which parts will make it into the movie… thinking also how I would do it. I miss directing… not particularly writing but directing. Sigh…I used to be good at writing… note USED. Until my grammar left me… lost my command of the language… guess I was too bossy… sigh… din work out… miss acting too…! Rather badly tho… but rehearsal timings never fit my work schedules… so… re theatre, it’s solely playing the audience for me. hmm…. A thot… I’d make a good Rose Feller…! Haha…
Anywayz… back to In Her Shoes. Bu thinks Little Earthquakes is Weiner’s best book. Little Earthquakes was masterful but I really didn’t appreciate the O&G tutorials…
I guess wat endears In Her shoes to me is the conflict between sisters (something not alien to me!) and the finding of oneself… it’s a wee bit late for the 30-year-old n 28 year-old 2 figure out… but well.. one’s gotta do wat one’s gotta do no matter how old… better late than never… n so… here’s a toast to “discovering who u are”. Cheers! (side note: bought 2 copies of a teens novel titled becoming me. sounds cool huh? Btw, Michael, I’ve completed my Christmas shopping at Mass Media liao. So u need to wait k?)
and of course, my one great love- poetry!! there's poems and lit lects in the book!! loved the discourse! will blog abt the poems inside soon..
Another plus: the DOGS in the novel! Yeah yeah… schnauzers, pugs, greyhounds… blah… blah…
love dogs… D n I divided dogs into 2 categories… the smart-looking n the stupid-looking ones… she likes the latter… me?? hahaha…
my fav- The Siberian Husky!! Not in S’pore’s weather tho… but spoke to some experts n husky owners… they do fine here nevertheless…
nearly owned a dog… mom brought a dog into our flat on my 21st birthday… wasn’t exactly thrilled being awoken by the shrill yelpings of a terrified i-dunno-wat-breed. Thot it impractical to keep it… dun have time for it… (same excuse I used to give people who ask me re BFs! effectively “commodity-fying” the male species! i dun do dat now... trust me) Drove it back to my uncle… got into a car accident…! On my 21st birthday…! -( been dog-less hence.
Anywayz… back to In Her Shoes. Bu thinks Little Earthquakes is Weiner’s best book. Little Earthquakes was masterful but I really didn’t appreciate the O&G tutorials…
I guess wat endears In Her shoes to me is the conflict between sisters (something not alien to me!) and the finding of oneself… it’s a wee bit late for the 30-year-old n 28 year-old 2 figure out… but well.. one’s gotta do wat one’s gotta do no matter how old… better late than never… n so… here’s a toast to “discovering who u are”. Cheers! (side note: bought 2 copies of a teens novel titled becoming me. sounds cool huh? Btw, Michael, I’ve completed my Christmas shopping at Mass Media liao. So u need to wait k?)
and of course, my one great love- poetry!! there's poems and lit lects in the book!! loved the discourse! will blog abt the poems inside soon..
Another plus: the DOGS in the novel! Yeah yeah… schnauzers, pugs, greyhounds… blah… blah…
love dogs… D n I divided dogs into 2 categories… the smart-looking n the stupid-looking ones… she likes the latter… me?? hahaha…
my fav- The Siberian Husky!! Not in S’pore’s weather tho… but spoke to some experts n husky owners… they do fine here nevertheless…
nearly owned a dog… mom brought a dog into our flat on my 21st birthday… wasn’t exactly thrilled being awoken by the shrill yelpings of a terrified i-dunno-wat-breed. Thot it impractical to keep it… dun have time for it… (same excuse I used to give people who ask me re BFs! effectively “commodity-fying” the male species! i dun do dat now... trust me) Drove it back to my uncle… got into a car accident…! On my 21st birthday…! -( been dog-less hence.
It’s official… it’s here…! Christmas carols played everywhere, decos were long up. Somehow… I feel like the Grinch! Hope I don’t fully morph into one… yep… odds are whatever grinch-like characteristics I have will flake off like irksome dandruff. Hope it’ll b soon… I guess a healthy dose of “All I want for Christmas is you” will do the job…! I feel the corners of my mouth curling into a smile already! =) but no “yay Christmas!” juz yet.
flint
this is wat would have been yesterday's blog. was so tired, went str to bed when i got back at 9pm.
some things juz feel so much like a relationship turned sour... u wanna out... but juz cant juz walk away...! gives you so much heartahe, feels like u r wasting ur life, ur time, ur energy... i would've got out if it is a relationship! sigh... how much more of this can i really take?
from my journal which i scribbled yesterday afternoon: "Unbelievable!!! i must be superglued here... Lord, what is it You want me to learn?" meeting a x staff in e sci canteen juz so totally not help! said it was better after she left... more money, more control over her time... more fruitful ministry... man... really... hearing this after wat happened. haha... i muz b masochistic to actually go meet her.
FLINT. as flint. my spirit is as flint. immovable. resolved. unshakened. i m amazed. unbelievably confounded. not walking away. inexplicably horrified! haha... (sorry... shan't explain).
-----
viv, was gr8 bumping into you... finally... good short catch-up!
Thursday, November 24, 2005
lament over my ignorance
refer to my 19 nov entry where i asked wat's anal...
from dictionary.com:
a·nal (nl)adj.
Of, relating to, or near the anus.
Of or relating to the second stage of psychosexual development in psychoanalytic theory from ages 2-3, during which gratification is derived from sensations associated with the anus.
Relating to or being personality traits(as parsimony, meticulousness, and ill humor) that originated during toilet training and are distinguished as anal-expulsive or anal-retentive.
man... this i studied in my very first module in NUS - "1101: human development over the lifespan"... 7 years ago! n i can actually not know how to define "anal"! sigh... makes me reflect and lament over the following:
- given back all my freud, jung, piaget, erikson n alot lot of them back to my profs! (some docs n med students marvel at my ease in conversing with med profs... well, dat's juz b'cos they r not my profs! u should c how i tiptoe or siam my profs!)
- i took vietnamese... lost most of my vocab n sentence structure! recently went to holland V... cant really make out wat "Cho Lon" mean. big place, big market? wat a huge shock!
- cant speak malay any more too! can barely make out conversations in bahasa Malayu let alone Bahasa Indonesia! need to berdoa for good memory!!!
- cant even explain "semiotics"!! sorry Loonie! u were a gr8 teacher... juz cannot remember theatre... i mean really... i cant even throw out any names (like who came up with "de-construction", "environmental", "deadly" theatre, "poor theatre" - some G----ski guy, "no" theatre) aiyah...!
- not really competent in my SW n counselling skills! looking thru e CPE stuff... i headache... there are modules offered to BSWs (Beginning Social workers)... i m less than on par with them...! they have a fresher idea of theories n policies... need to re-read my TBs n notes... forgot alot of my theories and case recording n etc etc...?? recently caught a glimpse of med students' Family Med notes... really cannot draw a genogram liao!! n that's supposed 2 b THE basics of basics! man!
- if i were to write a "paper" on something (which SWers like to do all the time...) i really dunno how to...!!
it's scary how my whole education comes down really to almost nothing... except 2 perfect my smoking skills! sigh...
hence this lament over my ignorance. there's so much i dunno... but i dun even noe the things i should noe?!?! man... makes me really wonder... wat do i really noe? haha...
n yes... another night has gone by without sleep...
from dictionary.com:
a·nal (nl)adj.
Of, relating to, or near the anus.
Of or relating to the second stage of psychosexual development in psychoanalytic theory from ages 2-3, during which gratification is derived from sensations associated with the anus.
Relating to or being personality traits(as parsimony, meticulousness, and ill humor) that originated during toilet training and are distinguished as anal-expulsive or anal-retentive.
man... this i studied in my very first module in NUS - "1101: human development over the lifespan"... 7 years ago! n i can actually not know how to define "anal"! sigh... makes me reflect and lament over the following:
- given back all my freud, jung, piaget, erikson n alot lot of them back to my profs! (some docs n med students marvel at my ease in conversing with med profs... well, dat's juz b'cos they r not my profs! u should c how i tiptoe or siam my profs!)
- i took vietnamese... lost most of my vocab n sentence structure! recently went to holland V... cant really make out wat "Cho Lon" mean. big place, big market? wat a huge shock!
- cant speak malay any more too! can barely make out conversations in bahasa Malayu let alone Bahasa Indonesia! need to berdoa for good memory!!!
- cant even explain "semiotics"!! sorry Loonie! u were a gr8 teacher... juz cannot remember theatre... i mean really... i cant even throw out any names (like who came up with "de-construction", "environmental", "deadly" theatre, "poor theatre" - some G----ski guy, "no" theatre) aiyah...!
- not really competent in my SW n counselling skills! looking thru e CPE stuff... i headache... there are modules offered to BSWs (Beginning Social workers)... i m less than on par with them...! they have a fresher idea of theories n policies... need to re-read my TBs n notes... forgot alot of my theories and case recording n etc etc...?? recently caught a glimpse of med students' Family Med notes... really cannot draw a genogram liao!! n that's supposed 2 b THE basics of basics! man!
- if i were to write a "paper" on something (which SWers like to do all the time...) i really dunno how to...!!
it's scary how my whole education comes down really to almost nothing... except 2 perfect my smoking skills! sigh...
hence this lament over my ignorance. there's so much i dunno... but i dun even noe the things i should noe?!?! man... makes me really wonder... wat do i really noe? haha...
n yes... another night has gone by without sleep...
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Happy Birthday, Da!
especially DEdicatEd 2 my sweet, COOL, Sensible, GODLY, toTally Awesome BROTHER!!!!!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to U...!!!
i thank God for a bro like u...! i'm so proud of you! of you juz being you!
I LOVE U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to U...!!!
i thank God for a bro like u...! i'm so proud of you! of you juz being you!
I LOVE U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Has it ever occurred to you that one hundred pianos all tuned to the same fork are automatically tuned to each other? They are of one accord by being tuned, not to each other, but to another standard to which each one must individually bow. So one hundred worshipers [meeting] together, each one looking away to Christ, are in heart nearer to each other than they could possibly be, were they to become 'unity' conscious and turn their eyes away from God to strive for closer fellowship.~ A.W. Tozer ~
Sunday, November 20, 2005
foiled by rain
so irritating!! wat i dislike abt dis time of d year is RAIN!!!! argghhh!!! foil my running plans!
let's c... 4 d past 2 weeks... if i come home n d sun's still up (which is gr8 2 do some running rite?)... it has to rain... then i try to run b4 i go work... n i wake 2 run at 7... i see cats n dogs falling outside my window! man! n today???!?!?! put on all the works (sports watch, MP3, pedometer all checked), stretched, got out... to meet droplets of rain...!!!! n.. dat's not all... i had to turn back cos running 1 hour in the rain is not fun... came home... n in 5 mins... the rain stopped... bet i go out it'll pour...!! argghhh!!!!
man...! n so many pp have been asking me... have i been training for stand chart?? well... wat do ya think?!?!? well, race aside... it sucks when it rains...
rain, rain go away
come again another day
little evan wants to play...
let's c... 4 d past 2 weeks... if i come home n d sun's still up (which is gr8 2 do some running rite?)... it has to rain... then i try to run b4 i go work... n i wake 2 run at 7... i see cats n dogs falling outside my window! man! n today???!?!?! put on all the works (sports watch, MP3, pedometer all checked), stretched, got out... to meet droplets of rain...!!!! n.. dat's not all... i had to turn back cos running 1 hour in the rain is not fun... came home... n in 5 mins... the rain stopped... bet i go out it'll pour...!! argghhh!!!!
man...! n so many pp have been asking me... have i been training for stand chart?? well... wat do ya think?!?!? well, race aside... it sucks when it rains...
rain, rain go away
come again another day
little evan wants to play...
4 years ago when i was still in NUS, when i was struggling with coming on full time, my DGL who really didn't know the exact details of my tassle wif God, said, "Evan, God's will is good, pleasing and perfect." i got mad... haha... first time i got mad wif her, dat precious lady!
and really... after coming on staff n all... it really is... finding out n experiencing God's will in my life, i attest dat it is indeed good, pleasing n perfect. God's word - in Romans 12:2 proves true.
not dat it's all smooth sailing... quite the contrary in fact. but there's this queer (haha...!) sense of purpose n peace n sense dat this is where i m meant 2 b.
[i recounted dis like in so many times in so many places b4.. but really need to get it down here now AGAIN!]
now... new input:
it's amazing... staying where God wants me to b... not dat i love every sec n enjoy riding the wave all the time... but looking n questioning why i m still hanging on n doing wat i m doing is amazing enuf...!
u c... i m amazed at how i haf not thrown in the towel, n walked away... i could have, i would've. it's not as if i have gr8 staying power... not dat i die die love the job... n nope, i'm not d kinda dat stays put cos of fear of change or unknown. somehow... there's a force sustaining me... a purpose dat drives me, a glue dat sticks me to it no matter wat. something props me up n keeps me standing even tho i really can swear i would've stumbled, crumbled, crashed n burned. n ya noe... this really isn't fr me. i wake up n m amazed, i stay up at night n wonder... n i c... i c Him working in me... making His likeness in me... n it amazes me.
[i think the best thing about this is i get the front seat... the best seat in the house in this production He is staging in my life. i get firsthand experience of working with God. not so much to change others or grow ministries... or do those gr8 things pp expect or sometimes i even expect me to b doing... nope... i get the firsthand experience of knowing how it feels like and to witness wat happens when one's life is surrendered to Him... ya know like how it is to get the best view watching a concert or a magic show or something really cool? (haha... i sound like a kid!!) yep... ]
n so... re here... my job is not done... i'll go when it is. but since it is not yet done, i stay. no matter if circumstance n pp n logic n bank acc n wat-nots say otherwise. cos really, if God din say "GO", then He will provide the means, the strength... everything i need to do wat He has set for me to do. then alot of stuff is His pa kay not mine... He deals wif the impossible, not me... He specializes in miracles not me... no sir i cant! so i'll leave Him to do His job, n i do mine.
and really... after coming on staff n all... it really is... finding out n experiencing God's will in my life, i attest dat it is indeed good, pleasing n perfect. God's word - in Romans 12:2 proves true.
not dat it's all smooth sailing... quite the contrary in fact. but there's this queer (haha...!) sense of purpose n peace n sense dat this is where i m meant 2 b.
[i recounted dis like in so many times in so many places b4.. but really need to get it down here now AGAIN!]
now... new input:
it's amazing... staying where God wants me to b... not dat i love every sec n enjoy riding the wave all the time... but looking n questioning why i m still hanging on n doing wat i m doing is amazing enuf...!
u c... i m amazed at how i haf not thrown in the towel, n walked away... i could have, i would've. it's not as if i have gr8 staying power... not dat i die die love the job... n nope, i'm not d kinda dat stays put cos of fear of change or unknown. somehow... there's a force sustaining me... a purpose dat drives me, a glue dat sticks me to it no matter wat. something props me up n keeps me standing even tho i really can swear i would've stumbled, crumbled, crashed n burned. n ya noe... this really isn't fr me. i wake up n m amazed, i stay up at night n wonder... n i c... i c Him working in me... making His likeness in me... n it amazes me.
[i think the best thing about this is i get the front seat... the best seat in the house in this production He is staging in my life. i get firsthand experience of working with God. not so much to change others or grow ministries... or do those gr8 things pp expect or sometimes i even expect me to b doing... nope... i get the firsthand experience of knowing how it feels like and to witness wat happens when one's life is surrendered to Him... ya know like how it is to get the best view watching a concert or a magic show or something really cool? (haha... i sound like a kid!!) yep... ]
n so... re here... my job is not done... i'll go when it is. but since it is not yet done, i stay. no matter if circumstance n pp n logic n bank acc n wat-nots say otherwise. cos really, if God din say "GO", then He will provide the means, the strength... everything i need to do wat He has set for me to do. then alot of stuff is His pa kay not mine... He deals wif the impossible, not me... He specializes in miracles not me... no sir i cant! so i'll leave Him to do His job, n i do mine.
hunger
God, You put in us physical hunger so we know we need to food. put in us a hunger for You... 4 we dunno how to hunger for You. put in us an appetite 4 the Divine, for holiness, for goodness - for You. give us a hunger for You, Lord. give me, med min, give ASE.
Saturday, November 19, 2005
fr LOST to LUST to "Am i good enough?"
not even a hint by Joshua Harris is a pretty good n easy read... (check out pic on the sidebar screen under the "now reading" channel)
a little bit from what i have read from"Not even a hint":
Lust: craving sexually what God has forbidden
To lust is to want what you don’t have and weren’t meant to have. Lust goes beyond attraction, an appreciation of beauty, or even a healthy desire for sex – it makes these desires more important than God. Lust wants to go outside God’s guidelines to find satisfaction.
John Piper, Future Grace
Lust is a sexual desire minus honour and holiness...
We must fight fire with fire. The fire of lust’s pleasures must be fought with the fire of God’s pleasures. If we try to fight the fire of lust with prohibitions and threats alone – even the terrible warnings of Jesus – we will fail. We must fight it with the massive promise of superior happiness. We must swallow up the little flicker of lust’s pleasure in the conflagration of holy satisfaction.
y i blog this?? cos reading the book now lor... n of course... saddened by my guys... hiaz... how to disciple them?!
juz finished a good evangelistic book called "am i good enough?" by Andy Stanley (c pic on book in side bar) good short, small handy size book. 4 busy christians who want to get some tips on sharing Christ (good info n line of thot to use) or for ur busy pre-believing frens... juz 2 hours... the author say so himself... u can do it in less. wat caught my attention was not juz the title n contents but dat this book has 2 covers...! one for the younger gen y peeps (cover pic is a cool blue elevator "up" button with tag phrase - 'preparing for life's final exam' n inside cool layout n print n inferences to younger stuff, e.g "The O.C"), the other for the more mature reader (black, cover pic of a stack of poker cards, n title - "since nobody's perfect... How good is good enough?" n inferences to golf, work etc...) cool huh? bought 1 each!! to give away!! can borrow if u want... God, pls help me give it to someone who is asking the same question n really needs 2 noe e right answer...! checked Amazon.. turns out Andy Stanley has written quite a number of books... quite good ones too... hmm... interesting.
a little bit from what i have read from"Not even a hint":
Lust: craving sexually what God has forbidden
To lust is to want what you don’t have and weren’t meant to have. Lust goes beyond attraction, an appreciation of beauty, or even a healthy desire for sex – it makes these desires more important than God. Lust wants to go outside God’s guidelines to find satisfaction.
John Piper, Future Grace
Lust is a sexual desire minus honour and holiness...
We must fight fire with fire. The fire of lust’s pleasures must be fought with the fire of God’s pleasures. If we try to fight the fire of lust with prohibitions and threats alone – even the terrible warnings of Jesus – we will fail. We must fight it with the massive promise of superior happiness. We must swallow up the little flicker of lust’s pleasure in the conflagration of holy satisfaction.
y i blog this?? cos reading the book now lor... n of course... saddened by my guys... hiaz... how to disciple them?!
juz finished a good evangelistic book called "am i good enough?" by Andy Stanley (c pic on book in side bar) good short, small handy size book. 4 busy christians who want to get some tips on sharing Christ (good info n line of thot to use) or for ur busy pre-believing frens... juz 2 hours... the author say so himself... u can do it in less. wat caught my attention was not juz the title n contents but dat this book has 2 covers...! one for the younger gen y peeps (cover pic is a cool blue elevator "up" button with tag phrase - 'preparing for life's final exam' n inside cool layout n print n inferences to younger stuff, e.g "The O.C"), the other for the more mature reader (black, cover pic of a stack of poker cards, n title - "since nobody's perfect... How good is good enough?" n inferences to golf, work etc...) cool huh? bought 1 each!! to give away!! can borrow if u want... God, pls help me give it to someone who is asking the same question n really needs 2 noe e right answer...! checked Amazon.. turns out Andy Stanley has written quite a number of books... quite good ones too... hmm... interesting.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
stairway to heaven n LOST
ah... finally over! now i get the TV back! finally can watch my CSI again! (this week's was disappointing tho... dun like CSI Miami!)woe was me when i turned to this show (Stairway to Heaven) when it was advert-time on channel 5 n got my mom hooked. so since 5 weeks back, mon n tues... it's this Korean series... i dun watch but hear it (wat can i do? the TV's on n my table is in the hall!)... n the ending hit me... think the guy was saying something like "with you here is heaven..." (direct translation) reminded me of the ending of a poem...n i must blog it to get it out of my system...!
"Even if it is just for a moment
To me, with you, anywhere is heaven."
---
never really got to watch this.. but wadever snippets i caught... i thot this a good show. every9one has issues, has a past... u get pulled out of your "life" to be haunted by your past, 2 deal wif your ghosts, 2 work things out within your soul n find resolution... kinda cool. we all need that dun we? to get LOST to FIND ourselves.
wat i really cannot stomach is the fact that the actors DUN get any thinner....!!! especially the ones who desperately need to shed some pounds! i like Tom Hanks who really lost weight acting some castaway in dunno wat movie... we all can see a few weeks on Survivor n the contestants become leaner... more desperate... these pp on LOST?? nope...! sigh...
anyway, Y this has found its way onto my blog entry was last week's quib
Kid: why are you folding clothes?Girl: cos i'm anal?
juz got me laughing...! (i called them kid n girl cos i dunno their reel names!)
how would u define "anal"? thot abt it, asked ard.. dun seem to get a good answer...
Monday, November 14, 2005
Fragile
as i interact with people, i m reminded time n again of how fragile we all are... how easily the ego and esteem crumbles... we carry around a broken image of self; a nagging sense of falling short; a haunting shadow of our past, the still raw n gaping wounds inflicted by 'human friction' (that causes us to still jump in pain at the slightest touch); tons of ammunition and defence tactics to guard ourselves from hurt; a gnawing fear of failure and rejection; a desperate need to be liked, accepted and loved... each to different measure... yet each just as needy.EVERYONE... as i look into their eyes, listen to them... there's more to the smile n cordiality; the cheerfulness masking insecurity.
FRAGILE! handle each one with love and TLC!
how can we not, if we have the love of Christ shed abroad in our hearts? how can not if we no longer regard any one in the worldly perspective? His love compels me.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
26
i tot i'd not like being 26... it's kinda like slightly over the hill?? yah... like 25 is it... n 26.. over....
but really...actually hiting 26, i kinda like being 26! i surprised myself abt dat too! i feel good being 26!! in fact, i feel so good about life and being alive! there's so much to be thankful for!
n... being 26 means i've walked and lived n learnt this much n this long... (long enuf dat being called "jie Jie" is a stretch n being called "aunty" seems right!) ...know quite a bit, experienced quite a bit, got jaded, burnt, understood life better, dropped my childish dreams to exchange for adult ones yet renewed my vision n 're-believed' in miracles n fairy tales, hurt n got healed, hated n learnt forgiveness n love, gave up being 'tiao er lang dang' n learnt discipline...
yet, 26 is still young! there's so much more to look forward to, to grow, to love, to enjoy!
it's juz so cool to haf God in my life, to haf such purpose n hope n love n joy! i mean really.. without Him, i would have killed myself years ago... n even if i havent, would have ended up in so much of a mess i'd b a ghost of a human. no kidding.
at this point, standing on this "road of life" n looking down d road and looking back up, i can say... it's all good! thank You Jesus!
from my QT today:
Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely i have a delightful inheritance.
i will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me.
I have set the Lord always before me.
because he is at my right hand,
i will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your HOly One see decay.
You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
-PSALM 16:5-11
Friday, November 04, 2005
blanche's sms
A really cool sms prayer from Blanche at 1154pm… have to perserve it 4 blog posterity.
Father Lord, thank You for blessing me with such a great fren and dgl in evan. Father I pray on this special day that You bless her and her family throughout her days. Father, continuing to be faithful… Draw her close to You, and may Your grace and mercy flow through her like living waters. Father I pray tt You never cease to reveal Yourself to her - tt Your love is deeper than any ocean, wider than any sky, brighter than the sunshine and yet softer than a sigh…
Father may You fill her cup as You renew her every second and as she runs by faith, to be a child after Your heart so that all who see may know and hear Your Name… Watch over her, so that Your ministry may bear fruit, Father. In Jesus’ Name I pray, Amen.
Happy birthday midarling! (: may His presence continually dwell in your life, always! *hugs*
I called her while she was sms-ing me and she rejected my call… her response? nature’s call n she needed to send this b4 it is over…! Haha… dat’s Blanche 4 u!
Darling, u r such a delight; a wonderful encouragement to me! u never fail to cheer me up!
Father Lord, thank You for blessing me with such a great fren and dgl in evan. Father I pray on this special day that You bless her and her family throughout her days. Father, continuing to be faithful… Draw her close to You, and may Your grace and mercy flow through her like living waters. Father I pray tt You never cease to reveal Yourself to her - tt Your love is deeper than any ocean, wider than any sky, brighter than the sunshine and yet softer than a sigh…
Father may You fill her cup as You renew her every second and as she runs by faith, to be a child after Your heart so that all who see may know and hear Your Name… Watch over her, so that Your ministry may bear fruit, Father. In Jesus’ Name I pray, Amen.
Happy birthday midarling! (: may His presence continually dwell in your life, always! *hugs*
I called her while she was sms-ing me and she rejected my call… her response? nature’s call n she needed to send this b4 it is over…! Haha… dat’s Blanche 4 u!
Darling, u r such a delight; a wonderful encouragement to me! u never fail to cheer me up!
Thursday, November 03, 2005
more celebration~
i m temporarily deaf...! haha... after the Ou De Yang's concert, i turned on my MP3... and was wondering how come it wasn't playing despite the green light s on... turned out that it was! i had to turn up the volume like 5 notches higher to even hear something!!! man..! here's 4 standing so near the stage n the speakers lor... now ears spolit!Ocean was good... oso got to see n hear Joi (Cai Chunjia), superstar Weilian, other finalists: derek(weijian), xinhui. all under same label - Music Street, Play Music. was good!!! man... thot i can put Ocean away after the concert... but i guess i like him more now. He was a bit too nervous, had limited vocab (poor skills in answering questions)but he was real n vulnerable.
(look at the crowd! 8000 pp)
had a gr8 time today... was like a kid, grinning ear to ear...! i enjoyed myself doing all these silly and juvenile things- queuing like real "fen si"(fans!), lying on the poncho reading the book under the umbrella, standing right in front at the railings and trying to dodge photographers n the news cameras... (the primary sch kids i let stand in front of me were useless as body shields!) was so so fun!!! haha...
Thanks, Shirley 4 ur company n the heart-shaped necklace! thanks for coming wif me early to queue(thank goodness we came at 3 plus instead of my intended 130!!! i dunno wat i was thinking!!!) noe it was hot and tiring... sit in hot sun, then stand so long... n my screams! haha... n being pushed by pp...
i'm sure u had regretted at some point in time... but thanks 4 going thru all this wif me!my cake... n tea - a special concoction 4 me (in the background. think my aunty made it. i think.).
simple celebration at home... mom's cooking...!
yes yes... go ahead n count the candles...! 26! yeah!
Happy Birthday to me!
Selamat Hari Lahir (fr dad)
Maligayang Kaarawan (dun ask me wat language/dialect this is... LJ fr Philippines sms-ed me this!)
Chuc Mung Sinh Nhat Vui Ve
Happy Birthday to me!!!!
Psalm 90
Lord, You have been our dwelling place for generations...
from everlasting to everlasting You are God.
You have set our iniquities before You, our secret sins in the light of Your presence.
The length of our days is seventy years -
or eighty, if we have the strength; yet their span is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away.
Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain a heart of widsom.
Satisfy us in the morning with YOur unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
May Your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendour to their children.
may the favour of the Lord our God rest upon us;
establish the work of our hands for us -
yes, establish the work of our hands.
....
Prayer
Lord, i need You more than i know... show me
i love You less than i should... draw me
i revere You less than You deserve... bend me
Maligayang Kaarawan (dun ask me wat language/dialect this is... LJ fr Philippines sms-ed me this!)
Chuc Mung Sinh Nhat Vui Ve
Happy Birthday to me!!!!
Psalm 90
Lord, You have been our dwelling place for generations...
from everlasting to everlasting You are God.
You have set our iniquities before You, our secret sins in the light of Your presence.
The length of our days is seventy years -
or eighty, if we have the strength; yet their span is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away.
Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain a heart of widsom.
Satisfy us in the morning with YOur unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
May Your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendour to their children.
may the favour of the Lord our God rest upon us;
establish the work of our hands for us -
yes, establish the work of our hands.
....
Prayer
Lord, i need You more than i know... show me
i love You less than i should... draw me
i revere You less than You deserve... bend me
party week: since monday...
thanks, Lily, despite me saying "dun tell them, dun do anything ah...!!!"
Mumei, was touched u remembered wat my fav cake was!
man... i had gone down 3 kgs for the past 3 months... now i m getting it all back in juz 3 days!!
Eileen, u were really sweet. enjoyed d time wif u! rem ur promise...
it's calories galore! n i'm not even uploading the food pics!
yeah... all d food! chicken n lots of chicken, seafood, tom yam, pasta, cheese, mee sua...
wat i realised: i got really buay pai seh frens who can really sing!!! thanks 4 singing "Happy Birthday" loudly n clapping in public hence subjecting me to embarrassment! it's sadistic to enjoy seeing me squirm n blush, ya noe! i applaud ur courage, be it singing tog in a group or alone... thanks 4 making this so special 4 me n showering me wif ur love!
Plum blossoms sweetie, ur act topped the embarrass-factor charts! man...! the lead singer juz totally put me in the spot lor... got me on stage! i would've died if he made me sing! haha... but thanks 4 being wif me. u noe i love u n dis is v v impt 2 me - i'll leave u to settle wif HIM... but pls... do talk ok?
YT n the "yap" sensitive gal... thank you for loving me...! yap! i had wanted more time... din manage to tell u some stuff...!! like abt u gals... haha...! shudder..! yap, next time dun give me so many lists of 3 things 2 share...! next time let's take more pics!! u gals bring out the poser in me! haha...! in months' time... yap! onz! (we need 2 put u thru systematic desensitization!)
sorry xueli, 4 d whole load of miscomms n "mis-guesses"... u haf been nothing but sweet. thanks! shd ve met u gals 4 lunch today... next time let's not depend on sms-es huh...
now some of d presents:
thanks hui! dat's realli sweet... u effectively made me look so juvenile... which... i m but have been trying my utmost best 2 hide!!!
shirong n ah li, i used ur prez liao... ran yesterday... timed my pick-ups and splits... good watch! thanks for meeting up... n hearing wat i haf to say! hope we'll commit 2 our growth...
yeah yeah...! got my easel!!! Cyn want ed 2 gif me last year... said 2 wait n c if this 'fad' lasts till next b'day... we both were shocked it's been a year! wow! time flies! thanks Cyn...!! next monday night ah...round 2!! ur turn, gal!
thanks Blanche, Charlene, Christelle, Jietong, Ivy, Joanne, Weizhen...! u r so precious...! love the moments we have had... n this is (using the same words i said when i opened ur present) so terrible!! haha...! yeah yeah!!! LOVE Y'ALL
everyone, thanks 4 all ur sms wishes... thanks for remembering!!! especially LJ n Glo in Philippines!!! so touched u guys remembered!! thanks!
ah... late!!! got to run! shirley n ocean's waiting...! haha... con't later....
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
back blogging...
man...! i think i m a blog addict!!! couldn't blog over the weekend n i got the withdrawal syndromes! feel weird, kept thinking abt blogging, fridgety....
so... now i m back blogging at least 3 entries!!! muahaha...
29 oct
despite having a good sleep, i woke up "today" (this is a back blog rem?) feeling i need more sleep...! this is cos
1. of my insomnia for the past month, this 8 hours felt like a drop in the bucket and my body was groaning for more... (i can go for more... my record was straight 18 hrs after i came back fr US!)
2. old liao...! cant do chalet over 2 consecutive weekends...! (man...! i must say despite the 'fun', i really am too old for 'chalet-ing')
this 2 days at sea view chalet... mum's birhday celebration. the SAF chalet is not as clean as the changi aloha one... now got a few pimples to deal wif... (they'd better go b4 e 3rd!)
watched Animae... not really a fan... but cousin was going thru the "Prince of Tennis" series like the umpteenth time, i sat n watch anyway. wat i learnt:
1. it really is a waste of time (sorry to Animae fans!). i can use my time more productively. dat's y i dun really watch TV serials... not willing 2 gif much commitment.(thankfully my cousin hadn't had enuf time to go thru SEED)
2. usually story revolves ard something that the characters are totally passionate about; totally sold out for. and in this case was tennis... . n that's kinda lacking in real life. kinda invigorating 2 c how given the characters r
3. unusually reminded of what mentoring is all about. the captain saw e need 2 train protagonist n he did it at a high cost - aggravating his injury dat might cost him his own career in tennis. when asked why he did dat, he replied "there is no point in following a famous player of the old generation. it is better to shape e player of the new generation." he saw the time ripe to train Ryoma and help shape his playing style. and in grabbing this opportune time, he ignited a passion in Ryoma. what a precious lesson in investing in a life! he knew the cost, he knew what it took and he paid it. Lord, help me to ignite a fire of passion in someone's life so dat he will b ablaze 4 You. Help me know how, when and what it takes to do it and give me the courage to pay the price.
30 oct
... Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training, they do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. therefore i do not run like a man running aimlessly: i do not fight like a man beating the air. No, i beat my body and make it my slave so that after i have preached to others, i myself will not be disqualified for the prize. 1 Corinthians 9:24-27
31 Oct monday
the view from the chalet is gr8. can c the sea fr the bedroom, from the hall... all day long can see the boats pass by, airplanes landing... so nice to juz sit n look out, with a book in hand. reminds me of 2 years ago when i spent my birthday at penang w Shin doing the same thing ...
man... i thot it was boring to stay over but now i changed my mind... in fact, i would ve loved 2 b able to spend the day like dat... but... need to go down to NUS. somehow someone'll arrange something on your off day...! no complaints. =)
i bemuse myself reading Jennifer Weiner's book, "Little Earthquakes". haha... wat on earth m i doin wif a book on 3 v pregnant women, n their journey into motherhood anyway?! make myself wan 1 all d more? but it's recommended (by Bu) n a good read anyway. oh...!! CONGRATS KIM!!!!! WELCOME to the world, ASHLEY!!! my only complaint is dat u should ve waited 4 more days... then i'll really dote on u 4eva!! i was hoping n hoping u would!
had a wonderful P comm mit! no regrets rushing down by cab juz 4 an hour b4 rushing to a dinner gathering. wonderful comm. fruitful meet. alot of things i wanted 2 c in the first (oct) P mit which didn't happen was suggested for this nov one. man so glad 2 hear dat fr e freshies! this is exciting 2 c pp excited abt prayer, abt taking our land.
lots of regrets 4 e dinner tho... an ungrateful bunch of gals complaining abt me being late. man... after all the (as one of them put it) "sai kang" of arranging a meet-up i almost kicked myself 4 doing it! P comm 515 mit was arranged late sun nite lor... way after i arranged 630 mit at paragon. work wat. i of course go lah. hearing their complaints abt everyone else being late blah blah, an all-so-familiar sense of regret came over me. it's not the first time. y do i keep putting myself thru all this trouble?! then i recalled d purpose. nearly got thrown off my track. yes. keep ur goal in mind, gal.
still wif goal in mind... rather unfruitful. missed the goal.but... will by faith leave it in God's hands. God, pls help.
start my celebrations liao... woo-hoo! man... 2 pub hols! so blessed!
so... now i m back blogging at least 3 entries!!! muahaha...
29 oct
despite having a good sleep, i woke up "today" (this is a back blog rem?) feeling i need more sleep...! this is cos
1. of my insomnia for the past month, this 8 hours felt like a drop in the bucket and my body was groaning for more... (i can go for more... my record was straight 18 hrs after i came back fr US!)
2. old liao...! cant do chalet over 2 consecutive weekends...! (man...! i must say despite the 'fun', i really am too old for 'chalet-ing')
this 2 days at sea view chalet... mum's birhday celebration. the SAF chalet is not as clean as the changi aloha one... now got a few pimples to deal wif... (they'd better go b4 e 3rd!)
watched Animae... not really a fan... but cousin was going thru the "Prince of Tennis" series like the umpteenth time, i sat n watch anyway. wat i learnt:
1. it really is a waste of time (sorry to Animae fans!). i can use my time more productively. dat's y i dun really watch TV serials... not willing 2 gif much commitment.(thankfully my cousin hadn't had enuf time to go thru SEED)
2. usually story revolves ard something that the characters are totally passionate about; totally sold out for. and in this case was tennis... . n that's kinda lacking in real life. kinda invigorating 2 c how given the characters r
3. unusually reminded of what mentoring is all about. the captain saw e need 2 train protagonist n he did it at a high cost - aggravating his injury dat might cost him his own career in tennis. when asked why he did dat, he replied "there is no point in following a famous player of the old generation. it is better to shape e player of the new generation." he saw the time ripe to train Ryoma and help shape his playing style. and in grabbing this opportune time, he ignited a passion in Ryoma. what a precious lesson in investing in a life! he knew the cost, he knew what it took and he paid it. Lord, help me to ignite a fire of passion in someone's life so dat he will b ablaze 4 You. Help me know how, when and what it takes to do it and give me the courage to pay the price.
30 oct
... Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training, they do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. therefore i do not run like a man running aimlessly: i do not fight like a man beating the air. No, i beat my body and make it my slave so that after i have preached to others, i myself will not be disqualified for the prize. 1 Corinthians 9:24-27
31 Oct monday
the view from the chalet is gr8. can c the sea fr the bedroom, from the hall... all day long can see the boats pass by, airplanes landing... so nice to juz sit n look out, with a book in hand. reminds me of 2 years ago when i spent my birthday at penang w Shin doing the same thing ...
man... i thot it was boring to stay over but now i changed my mind... in fact, i would ve loved 2 b able to spend the day like dat... but... need to go down to NUS. somehow someone'll arrange something on your off day...! no complaints. =)
i bemuse myself reading Jennifer Weiner's book, "Little Earthquakes". haha... wat on earth m i doin wif a book on 3 v pregnant women, n their journey into motherhood anyway?! make myself wan 1 all d more? but it's recommended (by Bu) n a good read anyway. oh...!! CONGRATS KIM!!!!! WELCOME to the world, ASHLEY!!! my only complaint is dat u should ve waited 4 more days... then i'll really dote on u 4eva!! i was hoping n hoping u would!
had a wonderful P comm mit! no regrets rushing down by cab juz 4 an hour b4 rushing to a dinner gathering. wonderful comm. fruitful meet. alot of things i wanted 2 c in the first (oct) P mit which didn't happen was suggested for this nov one. man so glad 2 hear dat fr e freshies! this is exciting 2 c pp excited abt prayer, abt taking our land.
lots of regrets 4 e dinner tho... an ungrateful bunch of gals complaining abt me being late. man... after all the (as one of them put it) "sai kang" of arranging a meet-up i almost kicked myself 4 doing it! P comm 515 mit was arranged late sun nite lor... way after i arranged 630 mit at paragon. work wat. i of course go lah. hearing their complaints abt everyone else being late blah blah, an all-so-familiar sense of regret came over me. it's not the first time. y do i keep putting myself thru all this trouble?! then i recalled d purpose. nearly got thrown off my track. yes. keep ur goal in mind, gal.
still wif goal in mind... rather unfruitful. missed the goal.but... will by faith leave it in God's hands. God, pls help.
start my celebrations liao... woo-hoo! man... 2 pub hols! so blessed!
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