Evan essence is
1. essence of evan (?!) - take away the outer trappings and facade, what i am about.
2. evanescence
ev·a·nesce intr.v. ev·a·nesced, ev·a·nesc·ing, ev·a·nesc·es
To dissipate or disappear like vapor
"Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while & then vanishes away. " - James 4:14
"Man is like a mere breath;His days are like a passing shadow. " - Psalm 144:4
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Monday, December 08, 2008
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
the self-description i've always used on my blog and websites:
I’m an inanely intelligent girl who is introvertly extroverted and humbly proud; a pessimistic optimist, a talkative listener, a spontaneous planner,a myopic visionary, n a workaholic bummer all rolled into one. i'm also a nocturnal homosapien who's melancholically sanguine and painfully fun to be with! I love Jesus and am passionate about discipleship, evangelism and missions. i m a disciple of and a disciple-maker for Christ!
I’m finally ready to change that description! Why do I want to do that? I think it’s time to update; have a more accurate description, do away with the “try to be cool” mentality and state as plain as I can, as honestly as I know how, the who, what and why of me at this point of my life:
i am a beloved child of the one true, living God. I will give my all to grow in godliness and holiness, to be like Christ and live a life led and empowered by the Holy Spirit. I seek to be congruent and honest to who I am, to come into all I can be in Christ. I want to be known not as a successful ministry leader, charismatic preacher, faithful missionary, humble sage, but as one who knows and loves God. I want to live not for the world’s applause but solely for my Lord’s approval; not for popularity nor fame but for charity and His name; to please God and help others please Him; to know God and to make Him known. I’m a disciple of and a disciple-maker for Christ The world is my scope and Jesus my Saviour, Master and Friend. With His aid I shall fulfill my call, for love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all.
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more about me:
I think I m intelligent but I have been proven more foolish than wise. Sometimes humble, often proud. Preoccupied with self more than I like. Extroverted but enjoys being alone. I am more people than task-oriented, slightly more left than right-brained. More explosive than even tempered
I enjoy
starbucks (once in a while due to lack of disposable income!),
good books,
sunsets,
long walks and slow jogs,
the seaside as well as the crowded orchard road,
the stillness of the night, and a splash of rain
Monday, December 01, 2008
- Success represents the 1% of your work which results from the 99% that is called failure.
- The value of life can be measured by how many times your soul has been deeply stirred.
- If you hire only those people you understand, the company will never get people better than you are. Always remember that you often find outstanding people among those you don't particularly like.
- What we learn through failure becomes a precious part of us, strengthening us in everything we do. So let the tough things make you tougher.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
William Temple, Archbishop of Canterbury (1942-44)
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Monday, November 03, 2008
Friday, October 31, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Have you ever picked up a book and upon reading it realized that it speaks exactly to you, answers that every question you are asking at that time in your life? Well, last night I picked out a book for my bro’s friend and this morning, I started reading my pick… n the very 1st question was the question I asked God in tears the very night before. how uncanny….
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Blaise Pascal's Memorial was inscribed under a cross on a scrap of paper, which records Pascal's experience on one unforgettable night in 1654, was found in the lining of his coat after his death, for he carried this reminder about with him always.
L'an de grâce 1654,
Lundi, 23 novembre, jour de saint Clément, pape et martyr, et autres au martyrologe.
Veille de saint Chrysogone, martyr, et autres,
Depuis environ dix heures et demie du soir jusques environ minuit et demi,
FEU.
« DIEU d'Abraham, DIEU d'Isaac, DIEU de Jacob »
non des philosophes et des savants.
Certitude. Certitude. Sentiment. Joie. Paix.
DIEU de Jésus-Christ.
Deum meum et Deum vestrum.
« Ton DIEU sera mon Dieu. »
Oubli du monde et de tout, hormis DIEU.
Il ne se trouve que par les voies enseignées dans l'Évangile.
Grandeur de l'âme humaine.
« Père juste, le monde ne t'a point connu, mais je t'ai connu. »
Joie, joie, joie, pleurs de joie.
Je m'en suis séparé:
Dereliquerunt me fontem aquae vivae.
« Mon Dieu, me quitterez-vous ? »
Que je n'en sois pas séparé éternellement.
« Cette est la vie éternelle, qu'ils te connaissent seul vrai Dieu, et celui que tu as envoyé, Jésus-Christ. »
Jésus-Christ.
Jésus-Christ.
Je m'en suis séparé; je l'ai fui, renoncé, crucifié.
Que je n'en sois jamais séparé.
Il ne se conserve que par les voies enseignées dans l'Évangile:
Renonciation totale et douce.
Soumission totale à Jésus-Christ et à mon directeur.
Éternellement en joie pour un jour d'exercice sur la terre.
Non obliviscar sermones tuos. Amen.
ENGLISH TRANSLATION
The year of grace 1654,
Monday, 23 November, feast of St. Clement, pope and martyr, and others in the martyrology.
Vigil of St. Chrysogonus, martyr, and others.
From about half past ten at night until about half past midnight,
FIRE.
GOD of Abraham, GOD of Isaac, GOD of Jacob
not of the philosophers and of the learned.
Certitude. Certitude. Feeling. Joy. Peace.
GOD of Jesus Christ.
My God and your God.
Your GOD will be my God.
Forgetfulness of the world and of everything, except GOD.
He is only found by the ways taught in the Gospel.
Grandeur of the human soul.
Righteous Father, the world has not known you, but I have known you.
Joy, joy, joy, tears of joy.
I have departed from him:
They have forsaken me, the fount of living water.
My God, will you leave me?
Let me not be separated from him forever.
This is eternal life, that they know you, the one true God, and the one that you sent, Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ.
I left him; I fled him, renounced, crucified.
Let me never be separated from him.
He is only kept securely by the ways taught in the Gospel:
Renunciation, total and sweet.
Complete submission to Jesus Christ and to my director.
Eternally in joy for a day's exercise on the earth.
May I not forget your words. Amen.
Monday, October 06, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
could i written and sung by Kim McMechan (Vineyard Songs 2001)
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Phra ye Su Rak Chan runn Nea,
Phra kam pii mii sarn wai tea
Mea tua chan nan on yon yang
Tea phra Christ son rit khem kheang
Phra Ye su en duu rak chan
Sin phra chon pur perd sa-wan
Doei yom tai bon mai kang ken
Chuie dek tang lai pon bap wen
Phra Ye Su rak Chan nak naa
Pen dang nan tuk wan wa la
Chan phuie long phra one lea hen
Sa det ma ra sa chau yen
Phra ye su rak chan yuu klai
Mi ting khwang ni tang dai dai
Chan ja rak jon tung wan nan
Phra ong ma pa pai sa wan
chorus:
Phra Ye su Rak Chan, Phra Ye Su rak chan
Phra Kam pii sung sorn,
Jung ruu dan nan nea non
God is so good
Phra jau sean dee
Phra jau sean dee
Phra jau sean dee
Song ean dee taw chan
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
i need 2 not let God slip from my mind. =)
well, i m busier than i had thought. now i m doing "2 jobs" at least. due to structural and organisation glitch if i can put it dat way. boss and team are very nice about it and have been asking how to lighten my work. may God grant us wisdom to know how to.
during today's prayer meeting. oh after typing dat sentence, i realised i have had few prayer meetings today! ok the med one. God is moving in certain areas pretty clearly. evangelism. He has burdened the MMReps for it. i need to know how to work alongside God on this. need 2 really seek Him for tactical plans.
i need to rest. =)
Friday, September 19, 2008
in our bid to follow Jesus, are we sure that our actions show that we are modeling after Him or the world's?
Did Jesus try to entertain people to keep his popularity ratings up? did He use humour to engage people?
did He try to be funny? throw in a joke to spice things up, to keep his audience hooked? did he strive to be known as a funny, cool person?
why do we find ourselves trying so hard to keep the congregation entertained? instead of giving them the truth of the WORD and rely on the conviction of the Holy Spirit to draw them and keep them coming?
Entertainment is such a lousy substitute for joy and meaning. it's giving a bored generation what the world is actually better than us at giving. but what the world cannot give, are we going to give?
Peter Simon answered, "to whom shall we go? For You have the words of eternal life." John 6:6
Friday, September 12, 2008
evanescent
ev-uh-NES-unt, adjective,Liable to vanish or pass away like vapor; fleeting.
haha. wat a reminder. so many things in my life are fleeting. why am i so caught up with them?
there are those that are eternal, that are worth my while to take time for them. why am i so unwilling to do so?
God has, through the women's retreat, shown me His love and the love of His body. it was such a refreshing time. we so often know... but we dont really KNOW.
God is calling me back to WORSHIP. to reckless, self-abandoning worship of HIM who is the lover of my soul.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
you cant have the liver wanting to be and doing the work of the gall bladder.
in the body of Christ, if organisation loses sight of what's God's purpose for it, it begins to copy another. God has called each having its own distinctives. you cant have piracy in the kingdom of God. you'll miss fulfilling your call and you rob another of his. in God's kingdom, we are all complements, not competition. those who do not reap together scatters.
Friday, August 15, 2008
we ll have to wait till 17 aug for the finals. let s hope for a gold for spore. it s been a long wait. put spore on the medal tables darlings!
was a good off-n-lieu for me. rest, pack table. enjoyed my own company. still got lots. would ve been better if they werent burning the joss papers. had to close all the windows so it felt as if i was also playing a game cos i seemed to be perspiring more than li jai wei. haha.
still coughing. maybe i ll go buy more lozenges. the burning doesnt help. i m v v sensitive. sigh.
postponed my date with the dentist. maybe tmr?? still have phobia even tho i ve been working with them for so many years. it's the thing abt pain and the chair... scary stuff. haha.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
sitting in coffeebean
pondering about life
intermittently breaking into prayer,
half-dizzy half-brained
nearly desperate, nearly lost
almost recovering almost gone
*disclaimer* this is not a pathetic attempt at poetry. it's juz me typing what is my state right now.
i m disappointed at my proud arrogant thoughts, attitudes, actions.
how difficult it is to love and to be kind, to extend grace, to be patient.
O Lord, how hard it is to humble oneself. Help me Lord.
what's more difficult is how not to exalt oneself but to remain contrite. Help me Lord.
what a wretched person i m.
so many people are asking me whether You have spoken to me about a career change. like some cyclical thing, i get bugged by numerous job offers and people asking me have i heard from God, has He asked me to move on, what are my plans, how long will i stay in...etc. well, here's my public statement: i havent heard from God about any change in ministry/work. if you think you've heard on my behalf, please do let me know.
Monday, August 04, 2008
quick recap of days passed: (notes for self)
felt "they put burdens on people they themselves refuse to help lift". so wanted 2 quit (24 july)
next day felt uplifted by God. and renewed strength 2 do all the impossible tasks (25 july)
felt next time give a better answer to "how r u doing?" rather than "will be better" or "good" etc. eg"i am finding hard to find rest or keep my sabbath." put into words the struggle of my heart as much as possible. to help yourself and others. (KH asks)
if its ur project/idea, see thru it yourself. dun allow it 2 b sub out. (OIC vids)
lost voice for 4 days. couldnt do OIC presentation, couldnt lead worship today. now coughing like crazy.
the same day i lost my voice, i also fell down n sprained my ankle.
lesson learnt -
God ll vindicate. do your job. if it's not but heaped onto you, watch. God ll vindicate.
my immobility brought new insights into how i could ve caused my own needless energy loss n lack of rest.
i dun think much n juz do if i can do. but my sprained ankle caused me to consider the necessity of a particular action. n hence there's alot i decided not to do. if i was mobile, i wouldnt even have sat myself down to think. then perhaps there's much more on my plate that i dont need 2 do. hmmm...
now starting a brand new week. gave up BSF. or rather finally got kicked out. 3 consec weeks of absence.
focus.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
i realised i ve carried around a huge load of guilt and disappointments generated from high standards for self, for ministry for everything. further meditation and reflection got me back to Heb 12:1-2, my freshmen camp's theme. "lay aside every weight..." so that can run properly ah...
need 2 better draw margins... say "NO" so that i can better say my "YES"
working 12 hour days again... need to pace. too crazy b4 sch start. cant imagine how when matric happens!
now, inbetween meetings. went 2 NTUC n did my grocery shopping cos these weeks i end after shop closes. so now i'm a cross between aunty and cosmopolitan white collar wage-earner in BK with bags of groceries beside me, typing furiously away on my macbook n shoving lunch into my mouth...
fix your eyes on Christ, the author and perfector of your faith..........
Monday, July 21, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
we've added years to life, not life to years.
we've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
we've split the atom, but not our prejudice.
we pane more, but accomplish less.
we've learned to rush, but not to wait.
these are days of quick trips, disposable diapers,
throw-away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies.
and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.
it is a time when there is much in the show window
and nothing in the stockroom.
- unknown
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Monday, June 30, 2008
i want people, on hearing a message that i deliver, say, "what a great God!" and not "what a good speaker!"
not technics, not theatrics, not training...
but power, but abiding, but presence of God. so it's about walking close to God.
not work on your tone, your eye contact, your powerpoint presentations etc. you work on knowing the word of God.
if u are running a spiritual race, you dont train in human methods.
i must watch what i put my focus on.
i must relearn to consider rubbish as rubbish.
philippians 3
Saturday, June 28, 2008
i cant believe how much work i gotta do with more n more "mini" projects coming my way. but wat is amazing is dat i m feeling better abt it.... like a runner warming up to his race in the 5th, 6th km where he ups the tempo. ok steady now, evan...
run the race with perseverance, fixing your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of your faith.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
God will U come and be enthroned in the praises of Your saints? come Lord, come.
Testify to Love - Avalon
Testify to Love - Wynona Judd in Touched by an angel (psalm 151)
oh i have to keep blogging vids! a Wynona judd's version of one of my fav songs! except the music is 1.something secs faster than the visual. sigh... this contains her testimony too.
blogged the mercy me i can only imagine MV b4 so i shant put it here again.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Monday, June 02, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
LONDON (AFP) - - Aid workers and peacekeepers are sexually abusing young children in war zones and disaster zones but their actions are largely going unpunished, a British charity said Tuesday.
"Children as young as six are trading sex with aid workers and peacekeepers in exchange for food, money, soap and, in very few cases, luxury items such as mobile phones," Save the Children said in a report.
It also highlighted instances of rape, verbal sexual abuse, child pornography and prostitution and trafficking of youngsters, many of whom are poor, displaced or orphaned by conflict.
The group said the scale of abuse was "significant". Its findings were based on work with hundreds of youngsters from Ivory Coast, southern Sudan and Haiti, said the charity's chief executive Jasmine Whitbread.
"This research exposes the despicable actions of a small number of perpetrators who are sexually abusing some of the most vulnerable children in the world, the very children they are meant to protect," she added.
"It is hard to imagine a more grotesque abuse of authority or flagrant violation of children's rights."
The charity said "endemic failures" in responding to the abuse that was officially reported were letting down the abused, and better reporting mechanisms should be introduced.
Fear of aid and assistance being withdrawn, being stigmatised by the local community, fear of reprisals, lack of faith in the response or simply ignorance about how to report abuse were also major factors, it added.
Whitbread said the United Nations, the wider world as well as humanitarian and aid agencies have made important commitments to tackle the problem in recent years.
But most had failed to turn their promises into action, she added, calling for all agencies working in emergencies, including her own, to "own up to the fact that they are vulnerable to this problem and tackle it head on".
The UN Department for Peacekeeping Operations was said to be the group most likely to be responsible for abuse. Save the Children said there had been 15 claims against its staff and partners last year, of which three were upheld.
UNPKO spokesman Nick Birnback said it was "entirely unacceptable" that those sent to help the most vulnerable are instead causing grievous harm.
"Clearly a lot more has to be done," he told BBC radio but he rejected allegations that the problem was widespread and those responsible were getting away with it.
"The vast majority of UN peacekeepers all over the world, of which we have over 100,000 now, serve with honour and courage in very difficult situations and don't engage in this unacceptable behaviour," he added.
The reputation of UN peacekeepers has been tarnished in the past by cases of sexual abuse against women, notably in Democratic Republic of Congo, Ivory Coast and Haiti.
In November last year, the UN said that more than 100 Sri Lankan soldiers were to be sent home over charges that they paid for sex while stationed in Haiti.
After turning a blind eye for decades to cases of abuse by its peacekeepers -- the world body recommended in 2005 that erring soldiers be punished, their salaries frozen and a fund set up to help any women or girls made pregnant.
The "zero tolerance" policy towards sexual misconduct includes a "non-fraternisation" rule barring them from sex with locals.
It was brought in after revelations in December 2004 that peacekeepers in DRC were involved in the sexual abuse of 13-year-old girls in exchange for eggs, milk or cash sums as low as one dollar.
YOU GIVE PEACE A BAD NAME
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Friday, May 02, 2008
We must not give to other what we have received for ourselves; nor must we keep for ourselves that which we have received to spend on others… You dissipate and lse what is your own, if without right intention and form some wrong motive, you hasten to outpour yourself on others when your own soul is only half-filled.
If you are wise therefore you will show yourself reservoir and not a canal. For a canal pours out as fast as it takes in; but a reservoir waits till it is full before it overflows, and so communicates its surplus… we have all too few such reservoirs in the Church at present, though we have canals in plenty… they [canals] desire to pour out when they themselves are not yet impoured; they are readier to speak than to listen, eager to teach that which they do not know, and most anxious to exercise authority on others, although they have not learnt to rule themselves… let the reservoir of which we spoke just now take pattern from the spring; for the spring does not form a stream or spread into a lake unti it is brimful… be filed thyself; then, but discreetly, mind, pour thy fullness out of thy fullness help me if thou canst; and if not, spare thyself.
Ole Hallesby(1879- 1961), Prayer:
Prayer and helplessness are inseparable. Only he who is helpless can truly pray.
Listen to this, you who are often so helpless that you do not know what to do. At times you do not even know how to pray. Your mind seems full of sin and impurity. Your mind is preoccupied with what the Bible calls the world. God and eternal and holy things seems so distant and foreign to you that you feel that you add sin to sin be desiring to approach God in such a state of mind. Now and then you must ask yourself the question, “Do I really desire to be set free from the lukewarmness of my heart and worldly life? Is not my Christian life always lukewarm and half-hearted for the simple reason that deep down in my heart I desire it that way?
Thus an honest soul struggles against the dishonesty of his own being. He feels himself so helplessly lost that his prayers freeze on his very lips.
Listen, my friend! Your helplessness is your best prayer. It calls from your heart to the heart of God with greater effect than all your uttered pleas. He hears it from the very moment that you are seized with helplessness, and He becomes actively engaged at once in hearing and answering the prayer of your helplessness.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
AMSTETTEN, Austria (CNN) -- Police in Austria have confirmed that three children freed from a cellar in which their mother had been imprisoned and raped by her own father for 24 years had never seen daylight.
Austrian police spokesman Franz Polzer told CNN that the 73-year-old man, known as Mr. F., admitted holding his daughter, Elisabeth F., 42, hostage in the windowless cell and fathering seven children by her.
"The mother had memories [of the outside world] and got used to the situation," Polzer told a press conference Monday afternoon. "The others knew nothing else."
Elisabeth F. told police that she and her three children Kerstin, 19; Stefan, 18; and Felix, 5, did not see the light of day during their entire time in captivity underneath the building in Amstetten, a rural town about 150 km (93 miles) west of Vienna.
Elisabeth F. is described as "very disturbed" and having trouble talking to police about her ordeal, reports CNN correspondent Fred Pleitgen. She went missing in 1984, when she was 18 years old, police have said. Watch police describe House of Horror investigation. »
More details also emerged at the news conference about the basement dungeon in which the daughter and her children were kept -- and how her father managed to keep them captive for more than two decades.
The authorities have revealed that the prison, constructed in the basement of the 1960s building, ran underneath both the building itself and the garden outside.
The entrance was via a small door, hidden behind cupboards in the basement, controlled by an electronic keyless-entry system. Polzer said that the prison was hard to find, even if someone was looking for it, and had been soundproofed.
"Even though they shouted and called they were not in a position to let anyone hear them," Polzer told the press conference.
Polzer said that the father made clear to his wife and other children that the area was out of bounds and they were not to go into the basement. He bought food and took it to his captives in the evening.
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8-year kidnap: Accomplices hunted
Kidnap girl: Family never gave up
Detectives made the grim discovery about the cellar earlier this month after Kerstin was hospitalized in Amstetten after falling unconscious and taken to a hospital in Amstetten by her grandfather with a SOS note from her mother hidden on her.
A DNA test was later carried out which revealed her grandfather, Mr. F., was also her father, according to ORF, Austria's state-run news agency.
That sparked a police investigation, which revealed that Mr. F. fathered at least six children with his daughter, forcing her and three of the surviving children to live in the cellar of his house, according to ORF's Peter Schmitzberger.
On Sunday, police searched the hidden rooms where Mr. F. admitted he kept his daughter and their children, including sleeping quarters, a kitchen and a bathroom, which Mr. F. told police he built, Polzer said.
Amstetten police say they were put on Mr. F.'s trail following an anonymous tip off. They apprehended the pair on Saturday near the hospital and once police assured the daughter that she would never have contact with her father again, "she was able to tell the whole story," Schmitzberger said.
Elisabeth F. said her father began sexually abusing her at age 11. On August 8, 1984 -- weeks before she was reported missing -- her father enticed her into the basement, where he drugged her, put her in handcuffs and locked her in a room, she told police.
For the next 24 years, she was constantly raped by her father, resulting in the six surviving children, she said, according to the police statement.
She also told police she gave birth to twins in 1996, but one of the babies died a few days later as a result of neglect, and Mr. F. removed the infant's body and burned it in an oven.
She told police that only her father supplied her and her children with food and clothing, and that she did not think his wife knew anything about their situation
Mr. F. lived upstairs with his wife, Rosemarie F., who police said had no idea about her husband's other family living in the cellar. The couple adopted three of the children that Mr. F. had with his daughter, according to police. He told his wife that his missing daughter had dropped the unwanted children off at the house because she could not take care of them, police said.
When Kerstin fell ill, Mr. F. apparently told his wife and the hospital that his "missing" daughter had dropped off the sick girl on his doorstep.
In an effort to find out about Kerstin's condition, the hospital asked the media to put out a bulletin requesting any information about the girl or her missing mother, attorney general Gerhard Sedlacek told NTV.
Sometime later, Mr. F. brought Elisabeth F. out of the cellar, telling his wife that she had returned home with her two children after a 24-year absence, police said.
He took Elisabeth F. to the hospital to talk with doctors about Kerstin's condition, and at that point, authorities became aware of her situation, Sedlacek said.
more on it:
click on this for news coverage of the same shocking crime on asia one
pray for them. pray for the team of psychologists helping the victims. pray for salvation, healing. for everyone including the dad. pray for many others who are in such abuse!
Saturday, April 26, 2008
my med students see death during their studies in the hospital n i quote one of them here "the tragedy is not in the death but in the life." sometimes we think it is sad when some1 dies. dun get me wrong, it is indeed sad. but sometimes, the life that was lived was a sadder tale than how death came upon the person. how do you live?
Jesus said, "i came that they may have life and have it to the full. " John 10:10 how do you live life and live it to the full? do you know Him who claimed "I m the Way, the Truth and the Life (John 14:6)"?
(blogged the above on 21 april but didnt published it)
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my fren's mum passed away suddenly. severe stroke in the day then passed on in the night. she was younger than my mum. i was a little shakened. fren was having her 2nd baby due in 2 weeks' time n she is in a terrible state now. wanted to go n be there for her. but finding myself too tired n dry right now to offer her anything.
came back from a team retreat on fri. most of us went into it kicking n screaming. well, not literally. but nearly. but all of us agreed it was a good time of fellowship. did work a little. not too much to cause us to feel repulsed. for me, i havent laughed so much in a long time. i missed laughing. some of u might be surprised cos i do laugh v easily n heartily. well, yeah. where did all the mirth go?
the working part of the retreat made me question so much. n i asked more questions than we manage to find answers for. there were so much uncertainty n hesitation from me n SW. we r still v raw from a v draining acad year. the late night talks with her were so good. i didnt realise how fearful n tired we ve gotten. still reeling from last year.
the workshops n team birkman were good. still trying to find my footing in the new team n coming new year. new role, new team. so much apprehension, so much past baggage. so much fear n hurt. gotta trust God to help us heal n move on in His strength.
came back v tired. planned to get back to office to get some accounts n IT things done. but was SO beat. slept from 11-3pm. then struggled to go out. came home n immediately slept from 11pm last night-12.30pm today! so darn tired! can u believe it?
hoping right now that today or whatever's left of it can be productive. need to prep the 2nd session of a message which i blew last week. i so desperately need clarity, not juz for the message but for my life.
so many questions, so little time.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
went down to NUS at 830. bumped in XL n Grace on the train. saved a trip to go n view her wedding day photos. she is the only fren whose wedding i helped out dat didnt get 2 c wat went on! well well...
met the M1s b4 their physio paper. had McGriddles meal for breakfast in eng. was wonderfully surprised by the the maple syrup in the pancake thingys... went down to mass media spent $217.26 on books! i got myself a whole lot of reading 2 do! haha. well, not all for myself. also as gifts 4 others.
somehow i seemed 2 b so famished 4 books after the seemingly slow rate of reading since the beginning of this year due 2 busyness n fatigue. all this l change. i ve finished 4 books since last sat! they're rather easy reads tho. yet, i ve gleaned alot fr them - a sense of gratitude n appreciation for my mum, for those i hold dear, for the everyday small blessings in my life yet BIG in the way they hold me thru the grind of living, a new awe at Creation (Genesis), a tribute to friendship and love. i felt, after my first novel on sat, as if my brain went on a holiday. sometimes when u bring yourself on a hol, your brain doesnt really go on a hol... u know wat i mean? reading is to my brain like a ice-cold drink to my body on a hot day. so darn refreshing!
went for facial after my few hours combing thru bookshelves. was so very tired. came home 2 sleep till american idol. slept thru 5 missed calls n not a few sms-es even tho my hp was right by my ear. tho now it seems my day has turned into night once again. hope i can go back 2 sleep in a few hours' time instead of when the sun is next up.
had a rather fruitful day nonwithstanding. felt it a gr8 timing 2 begin fasting lunch with LB today n finally a renewed sense of purpose n passion came flooding back as i prayed. this i so desperately need cos it's the biggest reason for my tiredness n fatigue. i know of pp who can drift thru life without much thought on purpose, much less on passion. yet for me n some others i know, it's a slow but sure death for us when the 2 "P" words dissipate.
O Lord, come, direct us, renew us. help us 2 pray once again even tho words may fail. we push past our disappointments, our weariness, our questions n press on in to seek You. refresh us dat we may want 2 ask once again, dat we may know again. wipe away the tears, the grime, the cuts n bruises. make us lie down in green pastures, lead us to quiet waters. restore our soul.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
AMERICAN IDOL gives back FINAL 8 actually sang "shout to the Lord"! but instead of starting of with the actual lyrics "My Jesus, My SAviour" they sang "My Shepherd, my Saviour"... but it s "wow!" still! singing a worship song on TV to the world! way 2 go! the show was so clearly christian... mariah carey sang some v christian song too... actually i didnt watch the show. heard fr it fr my gals...checked out youtube... n praised God. ahaha.
Monday, April 14, 2008
4 the 1st time (dat i can rem), i didnt have the "urge" to blog. i was on this chill pill. juz wanted not to do anything much.
so yeah... finally the said urge came back! dun u juz heave a sigh of relief? hha.yeah... i was in tis weird state right... n i didnt wan to do much n also feeling tired physically (oh m still recovering fr bronchitis. puffing my puffs still. n yes i mean puffs. plural.) so after a long day in a prayer min session n a seminar on sat, started reading A THOUSAND SPLENDID SUNS. maybe cos i was so tired, i didnt wan 2 pack my table, embark on my to-do list, or hack thru my work... so i decided 2 juz read... n read n read. finished it in a night. a very woeful night i must say. i cried so hard n loud, my bro said it felt as if some1 REALLY passed away. it's such a sad tale! so sad dat i cried the first few minutes i woke up this morning recalling the story. so darn sad la! but i think it s better than kiterunner. i felt kiterunner was a little OTT (over the top)! rescuing sohrab. well, it's like Hosseini is fixated on the number "1000". in kiterunner- "for you a thousand times over!" Hassan to Amir, then at the end of the book, Amir to Sohrab. thousand splendid suns -the title taken from a poem.
This poem was written in the 17th Century by Saib-e-Tabrizi
KABUL
(Translated by Dr. Josephine Davis)
Ah! How beautiful is Kabul encircled by her arid mountains
And Rose, of the trails of thorns she envies
Her gusts of powdered soil, slightly sting my eyes
But I love her, for knowing and loving are born of this same dust
My song exhalts her dazzling tulips
And at the beauty of her trees, I blush
How sparkling the water flows from Pul-I-Bastaan!
May Allah protect such beauty from the evil eye of man!
Khizr chose the path to Kabul in order to reach Paradise
For her mountains brought him close to the delights of heaven
From the fort with sprawling walls, A Dragon of protection
Each stone is there more precious than the treasure of Shayagan
Every street of Kabul is enthralling to the eye
Through the bazaars, caravans of Egypt pass
One could not count the moons that shimmer on her roofs
And the thousand splendid suns that hide behind her walls
Her laughter of mornings has the gaiety of flowers
Her nights of darkness, the reflections of lustrous hair
Her melodious nightingales, with passion sing their songs
Ardent tunes, as leaves enflamed, cascading from their throats
And I, I sing in the gardens of Jahanara, of Sharbara
And even the trumpets of heaven envy their green pastures
then, it's as if one wasnt enough, i spent sometime today at borders reading FOR ONE MORE DAY by mitch albom. man... i nearly finished it too. so yeah... its on my mind now... n tho i was so cheapskate enuf 2 sit at borders to read, i wanna buy DAT book! i think it is a must read! for all of us mummy-ingrates!
Monday, March 31, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
"God's work done in God's way will never lack God's supply" -- Hudson Taylor
"God isn't looking for people of great faith, but for individuals ready to follow Him" -- Hudson Taylor
"God uses men who are weak and feeble enough to lean on him." -- Hudson Taylor
"The Great Commission1 is not an option to be considered; it is a command to be obeyed" -- Hudson Taylor
"He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose" -- Jim Elliot, missionary martyr who lost his life in the late 1950's trying to reach the Auca Indians of Ecuador
"If Jesus Christ be God and died for me, then no sacrifice can be too great for me to make for Him." -- C.T. Studd
Sunday, March 23, 2008
SACRIFICE - Bob Fitts
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unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains a grain, but if it dies, it produces much grain... Jn 12:24
it s v easy to ask a right question with the wrong slant. a theo-centred question can turn to a ego-centric one all too easily.
what happens if ______ no longer exists?
asking the right question is pertinent.
wat kind of leader do we want to have? vs who has God raised up and given the mantle of leadership to?
be careful who you deem to be proud. it tells more of the pride in your heart than that of the other person's.
check your heart.
Guard ur heart above all else for it is the wellspring of life. prov 4:23
Lord grant us Your eyes that we may no longer consider anyone from an earthly perspective. 2 cor 5:16
grant us discernment, that Your shepherds will know their flock and how to care for them well. grant your sheep obedience and humility to follow the path You have set before them.